This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Thanks for the advice on the diapers. I do get her the assurance brand from Walmart.
When she has accidents in the bed it's not that often or when she's sitting in her lift chair. She's got bad knees and she doesn't like getting up and moving them unless there is cookies in the cookie jar. lol The cookie monster has been good tonight which surprises me.
Jam- I've got a little chihuahua too. He's grandma's dog. His name is Peanut and is such a pleasure to have. My aunt gave him to us cause she thought that he would help with calm grandma. Grandma has become attached to him. Peanut likes to sit with grandma and he'll put his whole face into her rob pockets and take out her kleenexes not cute but it is funny when I catch him and he knows that he's been bad.
ladee - that's a great idea. I laughed so hard.
I hope everyone has a good week. Good night all 4 am comes way too soon.
Up early thanks to a chihuahua that wants to make sure the love of his little life is awake also and since blind doggies can't carry themselves up and down the stairs..........
ASG.......I am in agreement with emjo. This was a gift given to your daughter, not the cat. Auntie doesn't realize what she is doing and has probably already forgotten the whole episode, but I wonder what your daughter is feeling. At 6 y/o she shouldn't have to know and understand dementia and she certainly won't comprehend why her gifts must be given to a cat.....I would be unhappy as well. I know you have a lot to keep happy and as I said Auntie has already forgotten the whole episode, but I bet a certain little girl hasn't.
emjo......made ice cream yesterday....started with a simple batch of vanilla with almond flavor, will get fancy on the next one....:) I have some frozen strawberries and peaches, may use the peaches because I found a recipe in my ice cream maker book for strawberry daiquiris.........yum.
ladee.....love your idea, but remind me again where we're going after we get all the gomers behind the fence. I'm not staying here, someone has to feed and change them.
stormy.....Happy Anniversary on the 14th.....ours is on the 23rd, and also 8 yrs for us.
It's the start of the week so I hope everyone takes a moment to check in and let us know how you are before you get too busy with whatever is going on in your lives. Today, a niece and her husband are coming to learn how to shoot pistols.....going to be noisy around here for a while. I hope she brings that new baby....wouldn't it be just terrible to be closed up in the house that way? She is a beautiful little doll and that's the only way I can get my "baby fix" these days...:)
Hope everyone and their charges are feeling well............check in when you can.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
not fair for your daughter
(((((hugs)))))) I know it is hard
love ur imagination ladee
vic - I pray for her all the time
surfacing from the pain and pain killers - very thankful - needing to catch up on sleep now
actually had some raw veg this evening I have missed them so much
not good for much more -
love and hugs to all
jo
Got to sleep in a little bit this morning, so enjoying the sunshine and 60 degrees and a cup of coffee. The col is lying on her couch watching tv and hubby and the dogs are taking a nap before the Chiefs season opener today........football season here already.
The Christening yesterday for the great-nieces was very nice....was wonderful to see all the beautiful children and visit with friends and family. The col had a temper tantrum once and she had to be told to straighten up or we were going home. She remembered one great-grandchild's name, couldn't tell me the other 2....once she said isn't that baby cute and I said that's your great granddaughter Giselle....sadly it didn't penetrate the memory. Today, I can guarantee she won't remember a thing about any of it. Her son-in-law took some good pics of her and hoping he either sends them through email or posts to FB.
Diapers...........there are several varieties out there and you will just have to pick and choose until you find what works. We started with Depends here, but the col was sitting on her behind so much that the place in the back where the pad is attached was rubbing on her tailbone and she was cramming toilet paper down her pants all the time. Then we went to the Tena brand, expensive but good. Then I tried the Assurance brand, sold by Wal-Mart, pay for 36 what it costs for 18 of the Tena's. But the legs are square cut and every morning the col would have wet jammies. So now we are back to Tena's at night and Assurance during the day. But she has gained so much weight that the small/med are now almost too small, they were too big before the voracious eating started. I looked online at some of these places that are advertising for specifically adult underwear.....don't bother, the prices are horrendous! I buy the Tena's and most all other paper supplies, etc from a website called Soap.com................order before 7 pm eastern time and your order is delivered to your door the next day. I absolutely love them. It's invaluable in the winter when we have a lot of snow and can't get out of the driveway.
Something else to try when frying stormy's salmon patties.......coat them in Panko before frying. Love that stuff and use it a lot. When making plain old mac and cheese put Panko on top and put it in the oven, comes out with a crispy coating on top....really good. Told hubby I would make some blueberry muffins this morning so I suppose I should do that while it's still morning!
I have been reading posts from each and every one of you and keeping up with what's going on with you and your families. Like ladee said.....just being a mother hen....:) We have such a wonderful circle of new friends here that if I start trying to address each of you I know I will overlook someone and then I would feel terrible so just know that I think of you each and every day.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
But then me and red came home and he starts coughing and sneezing, runny nose and this morning he says his ear hurts. Probably cause he went swimming at the party. Probably going to have to take him to the dr. I hope he doesnt start running a temp. We will see what happens today and tonite.
Not much going on with dad, but his legs do look better thank the lord. His cellulitis leg, the calf is still swollen and hard. And he says that they hurt sometimes. But he can't have a biospy done on the groin lymph node until he gets rid of the cellulitis. That's what the dr says anyway. He goes to have the ultrasound on his legs tomorrow morning and i think bro is going to carry him to that. appt is at 9:00 in the morning. Well i got about a week before i will be getting sick with a cold it happens about a week before the good monthly fairy comes. I still don't know why this is happening every month but i am sick of it. And the cold lasts for about 2 weeks. So i am only well for 2 weeks out of the month. Any body know why this happens? Let me know if you do. Been taking multivitamins, enchinea, vitamin c and it has not helped in the past 2 months. Still get the cold. I did look up on line and it said it could have something to do with my thymic gland. That gland has something to do with the immune system. I wonder if i need to have it checked. Hell i might be getting sick before then since red looks like he might be catching a cold. How lovely!!!!!! Well me and hubby have a anniversary coming up in 3 days-sept 14th. 8 yrs for us. We are planning to go out to eat tues because i have drs appt with my seizure dr at 1:00. So that will be our date for our anniversary.
Well i guess i better get off of here for now will talk to ya'll later. Love and hugs!!! Stormyyyy
I think most of us are draggin butt right now, everyone had their share of bad weather this year, drought, flooding, tornadoes, hurricanes, sand storms,fires..We all are just plain tired... too bad we can't pile the folks up and just meet somewhere...... if nothing else we need the hugs..... I know I do....Can you imagine , we'll just call it the "Caregiver Swap Meet", all of us taking turns helping each other and the folks will just be dumbfounded that there are so many of us...... For people like Stormy, some of old ladies would get you some answers, for the ones that have cranky moody charges, I can get them sidetracked, Jam will be handing out medical advice, Shawna will have a personalized mug for us to drink out of, Vic will make sure we have a schedule to follow, Seeme will be getting the spa ready, emjo will be clacking antlers to let us know when it's time to eat, and Starri will just wave as she is passing thru.....mis will be at work, making us some money so we don't starve, cmag will be under a tree writing poetry, Rossella will just be resting and refusing to translate anything for us,peg will just be happy to have someone to talk to, and we'll have a special haz-mat area for "undies"....... come on ya'll , we can do this.... ok, as ya'll can see I got rest yesterday so will just be stupid for a few days until Marie sells my soul for the right to bitch at anyone she pleases..... I know I forgot someone, please just add what you would do, not matter, Vic will get it organized for us, of course Kathy, Seeme's helper, will be there making sure Vic does everything right.....we'll have kennels for all the pets, letting them loose at the same time to head straight to Jam's pond.... ohhh, I didn't tell you??? Yeah Jam, we are meeting at your place... you have a fence for when we get tired of wranglin folks, and the col will have REAL moohahas out side her window.... oh come on ya'll this could be fun....... we don't get to laugh near enough,,,,, We'll let emjo's mom pay for everything, she'll never miss that money.... or even the col's money... she refuses to buy new clothes, that money needs to go for a worthy cause, cause we need the break...
Ok, I'm done for the moment, need to get busy around here, the hair ball can wait... hugs across the miles to all of you...
Seemee- glad to hear you are doing ok. And i'm glad that the sisters are acting good. The mornings were always the worst for me and sister when mom died. It was like reliving her dying all over again when we woke up in the mornings. We could tell it was better the day after a year of her death. I guess because we had been through all of the holidays and we knew what to expect for the up coming year. The holidays were the worst, we hated all of them after mom died. We just wished all of them away. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Staying busy helps but leave time to rest. Love you!!!
Emjo- I hope the mouth is feeling better and that you are not having to take anymore meds. I know you don't like to take them. I hate having to take meds for anything.
Ros- hope you are doing ok and not working to hard. How's your mom doing? check in with us.
Vickie - how's it going? I hope you get to go home again and sleep in your own bed. Nothing like it, is it?
Shawna- How have the sells been going with your art work? And how is your mom doing? Better i hope and not having anymore fits.
Starri- glad that you and hubby have been having a good time on your road trip. Seen anymore bodies of water? I love the lakes, ocean, rivers, any of them. So relaxing. And i think all of us need some of that these days!
C-magnum- wrote anymore poems? Have you planned a date night for you and wifee yet? I hope you and the wife are dealing with the boys being away. I'm sure its hard. Just think of it as a new phase in ya'lls life.
Jam- how's the boob doing? I hope better. Have you and the col been getting along ok or is she driving crazy.
Ladee- has it cooled off any in tx yet? how has the fires been lately are they dying down some? I hope so. You take care.
Mis- Work at 4am i don't know if i could do that. Boy that's early. And good luck with the job. I can't give you any advice on the adult diapers and i hope it never comes to that with dad. I don't think I could do that. But there is alot I didn't think I could do and I have done it. Me and sis i think have become the mucus experts! Yuck! Not a good job to have.
54J- How are you doing? I haven't heard anything from you lately let me know how you have been doing? Check in with us. And how is hubby?
Burned- I can't tell u anything on the meds. Hopefully the drs will figure it out. We still do not know why dad has his pleural effusion. Sorry to hear that the drs think it could be coming from cancer. Dad has problems aspirating to with foods and liquids but not has bad as it once was before his surgery to fix it. And i know how you feel about them panic attacks they are scary. I had to get on meds for that and depression. And it has definitely helped me. Thank the lord!
Peggy- hope it is cooling off for you. Sounds like you and ladee are in the same hot boat. How is the fil doing? Are you making salmon patties or cooking a piece of salmon. All i know is about the salmon patties. Not pices of fresh salmon never tried that. But if you are cooking salmon patties- my recipe is this- put canned
salmon in a bowl, add 1 egg, onion chopped up, s&p, and self-rising flour. Now i don't measure the flour. Just make sure you don't make the mixture to dry you still want it to be wet and moist or it will take away from the salmon taste. Stir all of it together. Get your oil hot in frying pan. Med heat. And put in frying pan with a spoon. You will see when it starts getting a golden color on the bottom then flip them. It does not take long for them to cook so make sure you watch them. Put them on a paper towel to drain the grease from frying then ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!
Well I hope I got everyone if i didnt I'm sorry. Love and hugs to you!!! Stormyyyyyyyyy
Ok ladee...you heard me loud and clear with fur ball!! Hahahaha.
Cmag ... Glad you and wifey are happy. You will find out that you fill those quiet moments real quick!
Pegly..just use the whole can...don't even think of the little bones they crunch right up and are good for you too! Glad FIL is happy with chair. Use a pee pad if possible to keep if clean. We use one here with dad as there are accidents.
Mis..so sorry about gma. Dad does the same ..more so lately. We change sheets and pads at night as well. Haven't found (under ware) diapers that keep it all in. The depends (more expensive) have seemed to work best for us but still leaks. Mom uses the TENA brands but she is changing Throughout the day and still has accidents with her clothes. She uses a pad on her bed at night just in case..and then we have the potty chair next to the bed. Don't know any good answers...if you find something that works let me know! Right now it is just one more thing that we have to do. Next time she goes to doc..get a kidney test done just to see if there is anything wrong. Course it may just be age and what happens and we have to somehow deal.. I bathe daddy every morning... We do have a hospital bed and mattress is covered..is that a possibility for you?
Jam...hope you find good answers for col and that if she does have diabetes that there is something out there to help! If you have to stick needles in her..oh joy!!
Have to get dad up ...he has wanted to get out of bed since 5 this morning... Non way!! I love ya pop but it is too early!
Seeme so glad to hear from you...memories are wonderful joys. Take care you!! Know we are all here and sending angels, prayers and hugs.
Shawna..ughh..hope you feel better today!! Glad mom cooperated with a lazy day!
Stormy take care you..hope dad is doing a good as possible.
Emjo.. Hope tooth pain is getting better. So sorry to hear about mom but enjoy the northern lights and say a prayer for her! You are a good person!
Know I have missed someone ...
We all just do the best we can throughout each day and night. We have to remember that we are good people and as ladee has reminded me we need to look in the mirror and say...YES we love and care and are good we are doing the best that we can through all our perceived failings.
Love you all and so grateful for each and every one of you!
F-I-L is loving his new la-z-boy, and the hubby and son Ray took crappy chair to dump. We had rain last night in Tucson and again today. Don't laugh but 2/10 yesterday and 3/10 today. For us a 10th can be like an inch--- we have been so dry and hot this year.
Today was the first day not over 100 since the end of June. Change of seasons coming.
I thought I posted last night, but do not see it today. I was wondering today when picking all the tiny bone peices out of canned salmon, does everyone pick through the fish to get out the fragements. Or are they just considered calcium and mixed in with breadcrumbs and egg. It's is only my second time making them. My husband and son both were eating them an I had to say "hey those are for granpa".
Thanks for the replies. Fur balls are harmless and will dry to an easily picked up linty ball. Don't move the whole house to get to it. My dog loves when one of the cats eats too much food at once and regurgitates it, he get to help my clean it up. He has never complained because it was gross. It's just food to him.
love to all peggy
the northern lights are amazing - these were one of the best shows I have seen
mis - nice to see u posting - glad it feels good to get back to work but 4 a.m. ugh!!! good for u sticking up for a proper diet. I saw where someone cut slits in the sides of diapers that were too small. hearing voices is just the Alz - it doesn't make any sense -sometimes changing the subject is good
72 here and supposed to be cooler from now on. Yellow leaves appearing more and more.
hugs to all
j
Grandma has been a handful tonight. She ate very little of her supper and then wanted cookies. I told her when the cookies are gone that I'm not getting anymore. Lately all she's been wanting is cookies or cereal. I told her she needs more than that to eat. She's had to accidents today. She waits to go to bathroom and pees in her diaper in her chair cause she doesn't want to get up and then when she does goes to bathroom she don't make it in time and wets her pants as she's sitting down. She already went through 2 pair of pants today. She's been wetting the bed too. Her worker suggest getting a size smaller of diaper but it's too tight for her so there's no happy medium here at all. Tonight she said she heard my husband's voice ( he's out of town tonight and won't be back until tomorrow). Oh my word what to do cause I have no clue. I'm at my wits end.
Well time to get off of here the Nascar is on plus some college football. I hope everyone has a good night.
Haven't even gotten dressed today, feels good to not go anywhere, do anything, there is always tomorrow, and if not, it wouldn't have matter anyway if the clothes weren't put up.....
Seeme, hope you are reading, knowing we love you and hugging you tight.....
Hope everyone had a good day.... know some of you get on here later, so will check back...
How blessed are you emjo, to see the northern lights from your house.... the pics were good, and now I have Northern lights envy........Glad G got to come home at least for awhile.... that says he is missing you... he's a good guy.... maybe him and cmag are brothers...... at least in behaviors... maybe we can get these two to tutor the other hubbys on here to teach them to be more loving and caring,,, and Yes Target, I am talking about you.....He doesn't read this, but I ain't skeered anyway......pftttt...
love you all and will check back later, and ps cmag, the rest of us don't need to see the rest of the poem, that is solid love between you and your wife... it just feels good to know there are some great guys out there......
john -a few interesting situations there with your wife's twin
jam - good for target doing supper - i used to put lists up in the frig for chores for the kids and then cross them off - Gary told me to do it for him - maybe gold stars or some other reward for jobs well done - why do we have to keep being parents after the kids are gone :p -didn't ask for more meds but i hear u -I know some make the rounds -transformers blowing makes quite a noise - one blew downtown a few years ago and the ground shook blocks away - can't believe that the col is eating -something has to be going on
vic - enjoy ur porch! :)
ladee - u have the privilege of watching theatre every day at ur work- give her a drama prize -seeing people who have fled the fires must trigger some memories
asg - I will get to your wall about the thyroid -just crosseyed from being tired right now
seeme ((((((((hugs)))))))) on my mind and in my heart
mother fussing more -I think her paranoia is worse and need to coinnect with people about that - not that there is anything that can be done about it -she clains that the residence she was in over a year ago is causing her trouble :-(
very quiet here the past few days - hope all are OK - ros u have surfaced on f b so think u will be back here soon, 2 YR
stormy, carmen, shawna, peg and whoever I have forgotten - let us know who u r when u can
think the mouth is getting better or I am so saturated with advil and tylenol that I can't feel it
my stomach has been complaining about all that stuff so i am letting it go today till it hurts. G called and dropped by on his way back to camp from an errand. -about 12:30 last night. I was tired but worth spending a litte time together and catching up on things - we ( me prancing around in my nightie and dressing gown wielding my canera) were out on the front lawn and looking at a great display of northern lights. I took a few pics and put them on f b but they aren't good. need to find out how to do those. so so tired from lack of sleep and the pain. a few good nights sleep should help and hopefully I will start that tonight
I think I will do the zzzzzzzzzz thing too
Good night all.
I will say that of the two, I got the better of the twins and compared to my BIL, I and my wife both feel sorry for her sister.
My mind is not remembering many stories with a lot of specifics that were humorous.
One thing that is funny is how often their mother will call both of them by the wrong first name.
It is tough on twins to have separate lives. My wife kept or held onto how close the two were all down through college at an all girls college. This made things a bit tough early in our marriage, because it felt like being married to more than one person. For example, my wife would want her sister to regress into their childhood. However, Debra no longer lived with that sense of enmeshment and said no to her twin which I added my no as well. Praise God we are beyond that emotional battle.
Once, I was helping her move to a new house. Her supervisor came by to welcome her into the community and was surprised to see me there, but was more surprising is what Debra said "oh, my for real husband will be here this afternoon."
I'm sorry ladee.....but we had a terrific thunderstorm come through about 4pm and everything behind it is going around us. Rained just enough to get the sneakers I left outside soaking wet. Good thing they were my "outdoor" shoes.
The "boob" and not Target is fine....:) speaking of Target he fixed dinner for his mom and took it to her and didn't say a word to me. Proud of him!
I talked with Heather today and she said she has noticed a marked change in the col in the short time she has been with her. She will go with me when the col has her doctor appt next week. And she has also noted the voracious eating. The col is a little put out with me tonight because I won't drive 16 mi round trip to buy her some mascara. Nope, told her she looked beautiful without it and you can tell that didn't make her happy. Told her I haven't worn mascara since I quit work and it looks like I have makeup on because my eyeliner is tattooed on! Didn't believe that either until I told her to try and rub it off. I'll be one of those old ladies in the nursing home with the tattoos.....of course the rose on my left boob will be down on my knees by then............................
Cmag...........I bet you have lots of stories to tell about your wife and sister-in-law. I understand the headaches of dealing with workers hired to get your improvements done. A few years ago we needed to get a new roof put on after a storm that occurred in March and we couldn't get anyone to do it until November. I wish I could send you the guy that's been doing all of our work here.....he has done a fantastic job and whatever we asked him has turned out beautifully. His forte is woodwork and he is going to take a round antique coffee table and build legs under it and we are going to use it as a dining table. He rebuilt the back of our house, replaced windows, built a front deck, did our concrete front yard, laid hardwood floors, custom-made all the kitchen cabinets, new counter tops.......he's priceless.
Bout time to go get the col into jammies for the night. Must get up early to get off to the Christening.
Hope everyone has a wonderful evening.............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam