This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
well cmag, did you get to tell the workers they would no longer be needed???? I feel bad for people who always want to be nice... it adds so much extra stress to your life... I really believe one of the reasons I have few health problems is because I usually speak my mind..... vic is teaching me to be more gentle, but a hundred years from now, who cares who doesn't like us..... really, it just makes room for real friends in our lives... so good luck with what you need to do..... I'll be happy to help if you need me...lol
Jam, where are you????
Seeme, you know I love ya, right?? With that being said, and knowing how much you have been thru these past few days, you left a two line post about a "boob"... Ok, I know mama had breast cancer, so i am assuming you meant a prosthetic, am I on the right track here or not.....?? Ok, you said you had "plans" for it.... now you know better than to post something like that, with no explanation..... my mind has run amok, and do not feel it is appropriate at this time in your life to GO THERE, but if you could enlighten me about what that post meant, I will rest easier..... AND I won't be tempted to come up with any "uses" for it... please be a good friend and help keep me out of trouble here, ok??
And for those of you who are new here, no offense was intended with that message to Seeme, she knows I love her and I KNOW she will laugh... that is the only gift I have for her right now.... besides love, prayers and angels..... love ya Seeme.....
Had a good day at work,,, I love it when a plan comes together... Marie is going to be Marie whether I am upset or not, and it just takes too much energy to play all that passive aggressive crap, so sonny and I have really been enjoying the cooler weather.........
The Bastrop fire is 50% contained last I heard, but now the reports of all the dead animals are coming in...... and propane tanks exploding, ect... had to just get away from it for awhile today ( Maire keeps the TV on all the time).......Just the Bastop fire alone has burned the size of Ct.... heartbreaking, just like the hurricane and floods, and all the other stuff, so it is important that we immerse ourselves in positive things also.... hard to do while all this is going on, if nothing else, I am very grateful.....
Love and hugs to everyone.... will check back in later....
Oh by the way, I'm actually starting to like Tejano (sp) music.... might as well, I hear it every evening.... deep sigh....
I finally got some good news today. I'm going back to work tomorrow and can't wait. Work gives me a break from Grandma and it puts more responsiblity on my husband to take care of his grandma. She asked me when I told her the news if it was a good thing or bad thing. I told her it was a good thing cause honestly didn't know how we were going to make it if I didn't go back to work this winter with the high heating oil prices.
I hope everyone is doing good. Good night all.
I hope something it done to get the TX fires under control. I only looked at this last page, and when I saw mooohaha I thought it was an evil laugh.... Today is a good day so far here, f-i-l was up on for breakfast, ate at a good speed, no coughing, swallowing problems. He asked if I could help alter his suspenders. My husband had commented to me the other day, if he goes out anywhere he will probably get a ticket for wearing his pants so low... Well, I fixed them and shortened the stretched out backs by a few inches, and his pants were much higher on his torso. I was so happy he asked for something, he I so sweet and doesn't want to be a burden. I keep telling him, I love to do stuff, for others. I got them pinned where he wanted and sewn in less than 5 minutes, he even said thanks Peggy. most of the time he says thanks, but doesn't use my name. So I feel really good about this little thing that happened today.
thanks for all the help and support, I got a list of to do's, I hope i get more crossed off today than yesterday.
(((((((lSeeme))))))) Great big hugs my friend, I am so sorry for your mom's passing but glad to know that she is finally with out pain and suffering. They do always want to know that their "babies" are taken care of, I am also glad that you had people around you to support you.
Vic, how I wish that each and everyone of you were here with me right now, it's beautiful, cold with a breeze blowing, making it even colder..lol.. Finally drug hubby's butt out of bed, 12 noon, don't know how he can sleep that long.. kinda wish I could, but the body doesn't allow it, the dogs and cat doesn't allow it.. they don't understand "no, you can't go pee cause mommy's sleeping..lol.." CA always had nasty fires and the Santa Ana's never helped any.
Jo, sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well, that sucks, go to the dentist and see what they can do about it. Getting away for a while with Gary sounds like a plan to me...lol..
PC, I grew up in CA, LA area,so got use to earthquakes that I would just wake up and recognize we were having one, and roll over and go right back to sleep..remember living with some friends one time, we had a earthquake and here they came, Sharon standing in the door way with her slip and camisole on, and Jeff running around in his boxers..lol, I think that the thing I think worse about a hurricane or tornado is the fact that you can see it coming.. and might not be able to get out of the way.
Sorry Stormy, I do think of each and everyone of you when I am looking out at the lake, wishing that you were all here.. You work so hard each and everyday, and need a break and something like this.
Lol, sounds good to me Jam, I think they might be second cousins or something to the boogie men that hide under the bed and in the closet at night. Hope that the coffee pot does not turn into a habit for her, will keep you awake worrying.
Big hugs to everyone, let us know how you are doing.
Or at least I thought it would start out that way.
seeme.....have sent email to you.....and love and angels and prayers and happiness and whatever else you may need.
stormy......moohaha's apparently are those creatures lurking outside that the col always threatened her children with to keep them inside after it gets dark. I'm sure her son told her where to put those things, and her daughter...I don't have a clue.
After falling asleep last night for an hour I am awakened to Target telling the col to go back to bed and turn the coffee pot off. Somewhere around midnight maybe. I hope this doesn't become a habit. But something tells me it will.
I hope everyone has a great day.....have some things to do then will check back in later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Emjo- How's them teeth doing? Better i hope. Has the swelling gone down? And are you still taking your tylenol and advil? I hope you are on your way to recovery!!!!!!
Starri- I love you girl, but you make me sick I wish i could be there with ya'll looking at a lake, any lake for that matter. I have always told hubby that i would love to live somewhere where i could walk out of my house and see a lake or some body of water. That will probably never happen, but it doesn't hurt to dream. So think of me girlfriend when you are relaxing and gazing into the lake waters. : (
Cmagnum- I know what you mean about being nice all the time i get so sick of it sometimes. I wish sometimes i could just say what i want to say and to hell with what people think of me. My dad is that way and has always been that way. My mom was a different story and person. She did not want to hurt a fly's feelings she was so sweet, naive, giving, and understanding of everybody. And i loved her for that. I am more like my mom in that aspect to where i just want to keep the peace and i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I guess that is why i get so stressed out sometimes because i just hold it all in. And i know that is not good for a person to do that but that is how i am. So i do understand where you are coming from. I do hope you and the wifee get some quality time with one another. Maybe that will help bring down the stress level a notch or two. Love and (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Well, not much went on at dads today just the same old stuff. His legs still look bad. Me and sis have noticed something though; yesterday dads legs looked a little better and today they look worse. And it has been going on like that for about 4 days or so. We can't figure it out. Then day before yesterday the leg that does not have cellulitis(or we think it doesn't) the left leg, the calf muscle was really hard and then the next day it felt like a normal leg. Then today the cellutlis leg on the top of dads foot is starting to turn a little red in one area. He is still suppose to go get that ultrasound done tomorrow or thursday. Well i will talk to ya'll tomorrow. Love and hugs to all of you stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
jane
Wow, you have a lot of repairs to be done and organizing that as well as getting your renos finished is very stressful - tell me about it - renovations/repairs are the pits but have to be done. Good if you can get someone reliable - makes a huge difference. Breathe deep and write a poem about it!;) and let go of the patience
jam - hope u sleep better tonight - sounds like the moohahas have come home to roost - how is that eviction stuff going?
ladee - breathing a sigh of relief that the fires are headed south and u r OK and it is cooling -arson Oh My! -hope u get a good rest tonight
starry- it sounds so beautifuil where u r - to sit and look over a lake - I want one lol! sounds like a great place to have to stay for a couple of weeks!!!
here not my best day with the pain but not my worst - see how I am through the night -may go back to the dentist tomorrow and see if he can do something
I look great - colour is back - no one would know i am suffering -dang - no way to get sympathy!!! ;p
Gary called last night and has no idea when he will be home - things have gone sideways there - maybe I will be over this by the time he gets here and will be able to go off with him - looking for the blessing here
Mother emailed that there is trouble between her and her financial advisor who has been the most patient, supportive man for the past 15 years she has been out here. I need to contact him and get his perspective. He is one of the people I have relied on to let me know how she is. My concern with mother is that her physique will hold up while her mind/emotions deteriorate and that is what seems to be happening. It is a difficult thing to deal with. I hope she doesn’t alienate the staff where she is too much. She is running out of options other than nursing homes which deal with people with mental disorders and she would probably run away from one of those.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
hi everyone else -let us know how u r
Shawna..so sorry you are having such a tough time. Rest when you can.
Starri...I am right there with you girl!
Jam...hope it is a better night tonight for you. Towel warmer...hahahaha...sorry!
Ladee..take care you! I remember living out in CA years ago and the fires there. Did not help sinus' one damn bit! Just stay ready. Can't imagine folks that have no sense to do these kind of things on purpose.
Peg and pv..glad you are here! These folks are just fantastic!
Dad did pretty good today...sliding out of his chair but not as antsy. Gout seems to be calming down. He finished his UTI meds today..hope infection stays away for awhile. Tomorrow is long day for mom...bloodwork and doctor visit...
I pray each of you has peace this night.
- interesting about the food - celebrate her life - you will have time to grieve later.
more (((((hugs))))) and much love
ladeeda, it is hard to hear them want to go home time after time after time. I have this gut feeling that I've been way too patient which I have a tendency to do. Plus, I'm being a little hard on myself for being so overly patient. When will I ever grow up and get over this being overly nice? I don't know, but it was good to meet with my therapist today and tell him how stressed out I am over this. Thanks for the hugs.
Mom always had to make sure everyone had something to eat, so we ordered wings and pizza and had it delivered to the hospice center. Kathy went to the front door to pay and bring back, and when mom smelled the meal, she knew we were going to eat and she started to breathe her last. Very sudden after that. If we were expecting one more person in the house, it would call for a second bucket of chicken.....just how she was.
We are missing her already, but tomorrow night we will put on her skirts and party. It was a peaceful death and a glorious blessing for her. Thanks for all the angels, hugs, and prayers.
I've read many posts here, but can't keep them straight in my head. Sounds like everyone has their hands full except starri33.
PC, glad that you have your power back, going through one of those hurricanes has to be frightening beyond belief.. I'd rather have a earthquake..
Jam, sorry that you didn't sleep well last night, was it the burn? aloe vera they say is good for burns as well, you can pick up the pure aloe at health food stores and maybe even Walmart.
Ladee, I am glad to hear that the heat and the winds are down today, it will make it a lot easier on the firefighters, it sounds like your governor needs voted out of office for failing to declare emergency.. Any idea why the BS isn't running?
We're still here in Nebraska, had planned on only staying a week here at the camp ground, has turned into two weeks, as we have to not only wait on our mail, but on Glenn's pain meds as well.. he takes morphine, so has to call 10 days before he's out, then the doctor has to write a script, it has to be sent through channels to be shipped and it's sent UPS signature required. We changed our spot from where we were camping across the drive if you will, I like this spot so much better, a lovely view of the lake, I can sit here typing and watching these birds skimming the water for a drink, looks more like they are dive bombing..lol..in this spot we are able to let Claire and Maggie run for a while, rather than having to keep them in their pens, there's a nice big area that is grass in front of us, neighbor on only one side.. as long as they stay in their "yard" it isn't a problem.. Poor Squeek though has to stay on her lead, but she has like 20 feet in any direction she wants.
How I wish that I had each and everyone of you here with me, to enjoy the peace and tranquility, I can't say peace and quiet, as it isn't all that quiet..lol, the campground is just off the highway.. but that is ok, it isn't a very busy one so the noise isn't that bad, after living in Los Angeles, I've learned to turn it into back ground noise.. The days have been wonderful, not over 75, low to no humidity, and the nights are chilly.. like 45 or so.. makes for good sleeping. When Glenn gets back from doing the laundry (yes, he's actually doing the laundry) I'll see if I can get him to post some pictures to face book. we've both been pretty much just chilling.. he's gotten to go for some short rides, I'll think of something I "must have and can't live without" from the store, like a candy bar or something, lol, and send him on a ride.. As you know with most men I am sure that ride a motorcycle it really breaks their heart to be told "go ride" lol.. Big hugs and much love Carmen
The fires are heading south of us , the wind has died down today so they were hoping for some containment by this evening.... Saw a news conference today where one of the fire officials stated, "don't push us", he was talking about being stretched to the limit with manpower , in other words, cooperate, Our idiot governor has yet to declare a state of emergency, so no help from other states....and read yesterday there were 56 wildfires in Texas going yesterday...
And PCVS, I agree with you.... there has to be some way to get flood waters to needed places..... just in this fire alone yesterday there were over 20'000 acres burned, and over 800 homes lost... not counting all the other fires....only two deaths, a young mom and her 18 mo. old baby couldn't get out of their mobile home fast enough....my heart is so heavy with all that is going on all over the US....... and PCVS, we went a month without electricity after Rita, so I absolutely understand how grateful you are to be able to switch on a light......hope you get back on your feet soon with all the loss around you....
Officials believe the Bastrop fire was started on purpose.... I don't even want to think about this anymore...
But I am fine, can still smell smoke, but not as bad today with no wind... we are safe, until the next disaster......thanks for prayers and thoughts..... The weather is so much cooler, thank God, at least the firefighters are not out in 110 degree heat trying to save lives and property....
And with all the tragedy going on all Marie could do today was bitch about not getting to her Dr..... it was for a check up for God's sake, nothing important...... I didn't even try to explain the road closures and why.... it's always about HER...... And Sonny was my "helper" today... laundry, setting the table, ect.... the more him and I laughed the madder she was getting..... She is the abject example of "misery loves company", so for a few hours a day I can get Sonny away from her Drucella claws and he can have some peace....... Really couldn't tell you what some of her comments were, when she is like this I just ignore her.... not ignore her needs, just ignore what comes out of her mouth....I'd have Sonny and I packed up and heading to Jam's lake house in a heart beat if I thought I could get away with it.....Sonny would be in heaven.... no yappin' from her and lots of sticks to pick up.....
So anyway, we are safe for the time being.... sorry I didn't post earlier, still trying to get the house leveled and I'm dealing with the son, so ya'll know I am just plain tired.....
All I can say it is a good thing the BS is not drivable, I'd so be out of here and headed to Seeme's , then just make the rounds.......
Love ya'll, and am going to take my negativity somewhere else for awhile... hugs across the miles to everyone...
I haven't done a thing today....didn't sleep well at all last night and haven't felt real whoopy today either. I found out the moohaha's that the col is afraid of are what she used to tell her children to keep them from being outside after dark. Probably worked with her daughter....her son, not so much. She had good day with her care giver today; will go see what she is in the mood for dinner tonight. I'm putting money on a bologna sandwich. She would eat one at every meal if she could.
Haven't heard a word from ladee today so I hope she is okay and is able to find her way around in the smoke.
More angels and prayers being sent to seeme..........
And I hope that okay goes for everyone.........let us know how you are doing.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
During the hurricane my mother kept commenting about the wind and rain, forgetting very quickly that Irene was passing by.
prayers going ur way for a peaceful ending and for strength for you and all
much love
jo