This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
((((Seeme))) thinking about you and sorry to hear about your mom.
I hope everyone else is doing good. Well I had my blow up today with the I can hear Daisey crying. I told grandma that it was in her head. I hear it all of the time and just sick of hearing for 5 months every single night. She didn't say anything to me for a couple of hours. I was almost ready to go find some hangers and just scream. I can't remember who had the hanger story.
My hubby and I are going away for the weekend tomorrow morning. I can only handle about 3 wks before I need a break its the stress that I can't handle not like I use to be my surgery. I find that my patience is alot thinner than what it use to be. I hope everyone has a good night. That's all for now.
So we've got the a/c cranked up here in the room, trying to chill down.. still hotter than hell here.. tomorrow we are off for Nebraska, will be hitting a camp ground there and staying for probably a week.. just to take it easy for a while, need to send for our mail.. will see if I can get hubby to put the pictures on the computer when we get settled at the campground and start posting them to facebook..
Time to eat, crawl in the shower, and hit the bed.. big hugs and much love.
Carmen
((((((((seeme)))))) hugs and prayers -try not to let the sibs get to you - not easy I know - hope mum is comfortable as possible
jam - I will send you the recipe - love strawberry tea - haven't tried raspberry - I have a kind of generic ice cream recipe that I tweak according to what is available - do you have an ice cream maker? the one thing I haven't figured out is how to make it so it doesn't freeze rock hard - if any one has some tips let me know - what I have seen on the internet is more sugar ( don't use sugar use stevia), more fat ( hasn't worked so far) and alcohol - want to try that one. I did make one maple walnut that stayed soft and for the life of me I have no idea why it did - I didn't write down what I put together but can't imagine it was any different than usual - one of the mysteries of my life lol
stormy - good to ask about the things that are bothering you and dad - I often bring a list - you could have a duplicate and hand one to the doctor - it does seem like a lot of trouble and many $$$ for the docs and few answers for you
ladee - hoping today goes well and cools down a little
starri - great hearing about your adventures -and so glad the pets are safe -and enjoying soft beds lol - that Squeek is a character!!!
here -slept well last night with no pills but may wimp out and take another painkiller this morning - tired of that aching and feeling beat up. I know that with the CFS/fibro pain is more exaggerated - gives me much more sympathy for the mums and dads who are in pain continually - ((((hugs)))) to them and those looking after them -hard to have a pain but not be a pain
48 degrees here and rising - good day for a stroll by the woods unless I nap the day away lol
got to freeze or cook up and freeze some strawberries -they do not keep well, and also make some chili for when himself turns up - sometimes unannounced - likes to keep me on my toes lol - I play a good straight man
thank goodness I had some beef soup - soft food today - made an almond milk banana shake - and will cook up some salmon for tonight - remember everyone -eat right and u will feel better - lots of fish (not battered and fried) and lots of greens!!! all except for ladee who is vegetarian and past my help lol but doing well anyway ;)
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
I have siblings like that as well...I use to work in a factory that made air cylinders, we would take them and hold them under water, called it the bubble test, if they didn't bubble, then that was a good one, guess if you have a lake around we could bubble test them, lol, when they quit bubbling, we know it's a good thing..
Jam, will watch for you waving if we go down I-70, lol, not sure which way we are heading on what road.. he doesn't seem to take the normal highways. We're currently on 57. I wake up early so it was a beautiful sunrise this morning, suppose to hit record highs for the next two days here and then cool off, according to the guy working the front desk, it's suppose to stay cool, if you consider 75 cool... after the heat we've had, I sure will.
Hubby's still sleeping, Claire is crashed out with him on the bed, Maggie has taken up her position on the pillow on the extra bed, and I believe Squeek has decided it's time to hit the road, as she voluntarily got in her carrier.. hate to tell her, but we're still blocked in.. with the trailer on the back, we need room to swing, and have cars on either side and car's across from us, so no room to get out safely. When we put her in there ourselves, she really fusses, but we've been letting her out when we get on the road, she'll start off just crawling across Glenn, looking out the window, over the top of me to look out, then she settles down between us on the front seat, curls up and goes to sleep, which is what she does while we're on the road.. Claire and Maggie curl up in the back seat, and just sleep, hard to keep them contained though when we stop..lol, have a heck of a time getting their leashes on to take them out.. Yesterday, we stopped for gas, went to get them out to take their pee break, the place had new asphalt, hot asphalt and little paws do not mix, they didn't understand mommie carrying them across to the grass was a good thing...squirmed for all they were worth..lol..
According to the clock on the computer if it is right, it's not even 8AM yet..and squeek is seriously ready to get out of here, I hope that each and everyone of you have a peaceful, easy day..
Big hugs
Carmen
Jam, I don't know what we are going to do about dads care. I have mentioned to my sis about finding another dr for dad in the past and she has just said that she is not carrying him to another dr. it's not because she doesn't want help for him. It's just that we seem to get the same run around with these drs. the one that read us the results the other day is the best dr so far that we have come across concerning dads issues. He does sit down and listens to us and answers our questions. I just think that we are so burned out from taking care of him that we both are brain dead all the time. I will find out tomorrow when his appt with the vascular dr is and let u know. I guess now we should be more concerned with his legs and then the fluid on the lungs. Congrats on the anniversary and the 24 hr get away from the col. How exciting? I know me and hubby have a anniversary coming up sept. 14th. Eight years for me and hubby.
Emjo- hoping that you don't have too much pain with your tooth. Take them painkillers...
Cmag- a poem for wifee how sweet is that. I bet she did love that. And how romantic that you write poems. I love poems.
Dianne- I am sorry you are having probs with your mom staying in the nursing home. Maybe she will realize that it is the best place right now for her therapy. And this is a great site for venting. Come back and talk to us.
Ladeee- Get some sleep girl. I saw on the news today about the drought problem there in tx. and saw pics of the ground cracking from the lack of rain. That must be wild and kinda scary to see it so dry there. I asked my dad how long had it been since tx had rain and he said he thought it had been a year. I said,"A YEAR".
Has it been that long. If it has i bet ya'll are doing rain dances everyday there. Praying that ya'll get alot of rain soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Starri- have fun on your trip with hubby and ya'll be safe!
Ros- girl you must work all the time. Get some rest. How's your mom doing and the babies?
Shawna- have fun on your outing with mom, glad that you will have some help with her that day so you can go and look around and have time to yourself too.
Well i guess i covered everyone if i didn't i'm sorry. I will get back with you later. I better go get back to bed. Love and Hugs Stormyyyyyyyyy
Give her a hug for me. You can just tell her it's from a friend across the miles....
And hug yourself. That one is from me too. Love you Stormyyy
My mom continues to be her confused self of living in two worlds at one time. Her securities advisor does not want to recognize my Durable POA for adjusting how the securities are invested in an even more diverse manner than before like mine are and surviving much better than hers. This is the second bank related person who does not seem to understand what a Durable POA can do. He has a copy of the POA and still does not get it. How frustrating.
Welcome dianne, will give you a proper welcome tomorrow, I had to hear about Sonny being a lineman for way too many hours today...
Seeme, I am shocked at this news.... I think you tried to call and I had my phone in the car.... I am so sorry and it is an hour later where you are, I wanted to call, but hopefully you are asleep, will talk to you tomorrow... sending angels and so many hugs you are pushing me away.... tomorrow my friend.... love to everyone else... hugs across the miles to you all...
starri........okay, now that I know where you are, you should be coming through on I-70.....I will wave at you when you go through. They are talking rain here maybe Saturday, so you might want to keep that in mind. Glad you're sleeping in a bed again tonight.
emjo.....can you send your ice cream recipe by email? Pretty please? I love raspberry tea, and the ice cream just sounds like heaven. I have to go to the dentist in a couple of weeks....don't much care for them but it's time to get this taken care of. Have a bridge on bottom and it rubbed against a tooth until now there is a hole. This dentist is an old friend of Target's. When you walk in you pick out the movie you want to watch and while you're watching the movie on the ceiling, you can also have your hands dipped in paraffin....all while the drilling goes on.....not sure if that makes me happy or not....:)
Love and angels being sent to seeme......
Hope to see something from everyone else..........................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
uir head must be spinning and add to that unhelpful siblings -
don't know what to say - in the midst of it all, take some time for u - even a few moments here and there - take deep breaths - glad ur mum will have excellent care - more hugs ((((((seeme))))))
jo
Thanks to Vic and Stormy for the prayers and hugs. I will be back when I can.....
Love you all..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ros - glad to hear you are still around - u sound very busy
stormy - you really are wanting answers about the pleural effusion aren't you? I think what jam said about another doctor could be a good idea. Also if dad is having more trouble breathing then go to a doc or ER for that in particular so they look at his lungs and what is happening there - tell them he is having more trouble breathing and that the Xrays (?) showed pleural effusion and ask about it
shawna - glad u are gettng a break and going to the fair - what a nice lady to help -
jam -respite -awesome - u need and deserve a break!!!
seeme - (((((((hugs)))))) and prayers
ladee - hope u had a good day
starri - good to hear about ur adventures today - the laundry is waiting till tomorrow or later -
asg, vic, YR, John, worried, burned and the others - how's it going?
here 2 teeth removed is double the trouble and he had to dig the wisdom tooth out -so now that the freezing is out, having a little pain and took some aleve and will again at bedtime and start with the saline rinses then
made some coconut raspberry ice cream and that goes down well - what seems to help as much as anything is a pack of frozen veg against my jaw off and on - really feels better after - had a nap - and hoping it will all be much better tomorrow
love, hugs, and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Shawna, some time to have fun? that is wonderful...glad that you have a friend like that..
((((burned)))), I am sorry to hear that things are going badly, is there anyone that you can think of that could possibly give you a break? have you called hospice? see if they could help out? maybe contact one of your local Churches, perhaps they know of someone that could offer you the respite.
Stormy, sorry to hear that Dad's legs are still not looking good, I am with Jam, find yourself another doctor, as soon as I have medicare/medicaid in place I will find myself a new one, but for now, this one will work, have him semi trained already..lol.. for the most part, all I need a doctor for at least in the primary care part, is for his signature on a prescription.. maybe a referral if I need one.
Jo glad to hear that everything went good at the dentist, that ice cream sounds yummy.. doing laundry doesn't fall under the heading of "taking it easy" that I am aware of...lol, but then of course I hate doing laundry.
Ros good to see you my friend, while work might be tiring it's always good to have, isn't your work the kind you sometimes do and sometimes don't have any? I believe you said you did translations.. How's Mom ? how's Nicky and the other Little ones..
Jam congratulations on the Anniversary and on the respite break.. 24 hours? how did you pull that one off? I'm with you this heat has to stop.. we need to have Jo ship some of her 65 degree weather our way.
We're currently sitting holed up in another Hotel for the night.. had some massive confusion last night about where we were actually going..lol.. so now we are in IL, a town called Marion.. we never could find the spot that hubby said we were going too.. We have a GPS, actually 4 or 5 of them with us..lol, but my DH tends to blaze his own path.. so after a hour of roaming the town, and not finding the spot, we decided back on the highway and down the road... spotted this place pulled in, I walked in, asked if they had a room available, and were they pet friendly.. They are, I believe the girls are just as happy as I am to be off the road for the night..even better? soft beds to sleep on. We drove 300 or 350 miles today, I know it doesn't sound like much, but when dealing with the dogs, the cat and a hubby who can't seem to quit playing with the buttons on the radio or the gps, while driving is enough to wear you out..rofl.. tomorrow we will be at the truck stop.. don't know that they have a campground there but will something, probably stay for a couple of days, we have to get in the camper and try to figure out where to put everything..lol, believe it or not, they still have actual cobble stone streets, we went down one and looking in the back of the camper, it looks like a tornado hit.. I've got some really cute pictures, but I don't think hubby is going to be up to posting anything till we get settled for a couple of days. Everyone is snoring, hubby and Claire..lol, haven't heard Maggie or Squeek snore yet, but as tired as everyone is, I would not be surprised..
big hugs to everyone, hoping and praying that everyone has a quiet, peaceful evening..
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Site is going slow but I am working on it. Hopefully I'll get it done soon ... its just taking forever with resizing and getting all the buttons done... oh well
Stormy I am so sorry to hear the appointment was wasted... prayers for you and your daddy.
The cause of the fluid in his lungs I or we have no idea why he is having that. And the drs have not said. They have not given us a explaination for it. Several months ago he had some test done(i don't remember what kind) but it said then that he had fluid on the lungs. Now with the ct and pet scan done(the most recent ones) it says that he has more fluid on the lungs than what he had before. So I guess he is just collecting more fluid from somewhere. I don't know if it is coming from his tea that he drinks or what it is coming from. And the drs have not said anything about extracting any from his lungs to see what the cause is. The other when we got home from the drs office I got online.( i know i probably shouldn't be looking up all of this stuff these drs tell us) but i have been doing for a year and a half and i can't seem to stop. They tell us something stormy goes and looks it up on the net.
Anyway i looked up pleural effusion and just about everything that come up said malignant pleural effusion.(lung cancer i guess) or thats what it was talking about. So i don't know anymore. I just feel like I am at the end of my rope with these drs. me and sis both are!!!!!!!! Just sick of the whole guessing game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think even dad is sick of all these drs. He told me today when i was getting him ready for his drs appt. He said "Another wasted trip". I said I know daddy. It probably is. Love and hugs to all of you Stormy
It's been very quiet here today....everyone is either working or at doctor appts or having teeth pulled or sitting with Moms or traveling up the highway. Hope tomorrow will be better for most of us......for some of us it will just take a little longer.
I am getting some respite coming up soon............I can't wait! Have 24 hr care for the col set up and going to go celebrate an anniversary.
Waiting to hear from you......................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Kisses!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
burned -praying for respite for you - looked for you on facebook under both poet2write and starrwolf and found you on flicker - saw your pic there but couldn't find u on face book -
home from the dentist - not bad - had a nice visit with the assistant - when the dentist was taking out the wisdom tooth the molar in front cracked -he recommended extraction of it too and he took it out too - it came out very easily. I have had a feeling it was not on good shape. May get an implant at some stage, Instructions are to take it easy and soft foods - no prob - have some great homemade beef soup which will do - when my tongue thaws out.
Oh boy I love an excuse to take it easy!!!
may do some more laundry anyway and make some raspberry coconut ice cream
will check back and see how y'all are and how the lobster lunch went
I been dealing alot and it seems hubby pleural effusion is getting worse i think and he has been more tired than anything but what gets me is that i can't find any respite care for the kids n me here..I haven't found anything in my research anything or anyone can give advice on. Lately my son has been saying dady I need to save you and the oddest thing is that I had a bird knocking on my back door is that good or bad? not sure but it was weird so u can find me on facebook under poet2write or starrwolf my pic is there:) wish ya all the best...
starri.....good to hear from you and know you got to sleep in a nice soft bed. If you are going to Kansas first, then the truck stop in Missouri, you're going to be back tracking a lot! That is, if you're heading west. The Midway Truck Stop is on I-70....I will wave that direction today. Target and I have been talking about driving up there to go to the big ammunition store they have.
Too hot to be outside today....was looking at my yard this morning wishing it would mow itself. The ground at the bottom of the deck stairs is sinking down, the paver stones are an inch below the concrete slab.....need to fix that. But it's only going to be 103 today and 101 tomorrow.....low humidity which increases fire risk.....hope people don't throw their cigarettes out when they drive past.
emjo.....yes, sometimes I just get so tired it's hard to put one foot in front of another. If it would just cool off some I would get outside and get some exercise and perk up a little I think. The other day I was going to start pulling up the garden....my goodness there are new blooms all over the zucchini, new tomatoes, green beans everywhere, and the sweet potatoes are taking off and growing everywhere. Decided to wait to grow once we got out of that constant over 100 temps I guess. I can't walk completely around the pond because the brush has grown up to high but I can get part way around it, but again it's just been too hot.
Once the sun goes down and it starts to cool down for the night, I've been walking around the "inside the fence" part of the yard to get the col out for fresh air, but she has such difficulty walking these days, that we don't get very far. As she puts it she "toddles" and doesn't pick her feet up and I'm afraid she will trip over something. Refuses to use the cane we bought her; she holds my arm on one side and the fence on the other. And then is mad because we won't take her to a mall when we know she can't walk 20 ft, let alone the length of a mall! So we just cybershop a lot!
stormy....sitting with Dad today or is it a day off?
ladee....this is your long day isn't it? At least you will have a break for a little while.
Shawna....have been checking your website and watching to see the progress.....looks good so far, your work is beautiful!
Everyone else please check in and let us know how you are......Vic we need your daily positive attitude!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam