This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
smart kitty too - guess you do need a better fitting harness - aren't u glad u brought her with u?
not worried about the wisdom tooth - never had a problem - one dentist said I have shallow roots and seems to me they come out pretty easily
just had a walk - nice out - 63 degrees and some in shorts and tank tops -some like me with more on
hope u have a good night's sleep
stormyyyyyy where r u?????
I forgot to tell you ladies what Squeek did our first night here.. We've been keeping her in the cab of the truck over night, with her little sandbox and water, the next morning I get up, go to get her out and put her in the crate we had, she's locked the door to the truck, lol, Glenn's keys are in the front with her, thankfully something had told me to get my purse out of there so I had our extra set, could just see us having to call roadside to come and open the door so we could get the cat out.. here it is 7 in the morning, I'm standing in the site looking in the window at the cat, and the cat is standing up on the seat looking out the window at me..it was funny...
Hope all are doing well this evening, we've pretty much got everything as packed as we can get it short of hooking up the trailer and loading the bike, that will be for in the morning..
I am sure u are right that u have to be there 3 days to make it worthwhile -we had a tent trailer once - prefer a camper on the back of a 1/2 ton better but not a pop up - a stay up lol - gary is a tent man - his concession will be cots in the tent - my need is a tent toilet or a hotel with a swimming pool and toilets lol - and beds!!!
shawna - u and ur good sis are doing the right thing - get the cr*p out of ur life - nobody needs that - glad the tree is getting dealt with and your landlord is going to try to get you another grill - sounds like a decent guy even if he does not do much
jam - had my b'day lunch with dd - grilled chicken, spinach salad with berries, almonds, avocado, and champagne vinagrette (no feta as I can't take dairy). the dressing was great though I never use much - just a few tastes and brought 1/2 the salad home for supper
going to make a list for dd - I will pay her for her work - they can use the money and I can use the help -she took my sewing machine back to her place today. what little use I have of it I can do over there or she can do for me - one more item gone from the house which suits me just fine - really need to get rid of stuff that has been sitting around - dd is good at that and she will help me clear things from the laundry room now that the hot water tank is fixed.
we will probably only be here another few years and it will likely take me that long to get rid of things I don't want to take when we move -think Gary still has stuff he wants to bring here - his art supplies for example
still weaning off the antihistamine and doing OK with that - not going to change it till I have this other stuff (diflucan) figured out - took it with food this morning and am fine so guess that is the answer - with a wisdom tooth extraction coming up Thursday want to have the pills figured out - mind you, never took a painkiller after an extraction before - didn't need it
beautiful cool sunny day here - 61 degrees and a little wind -good day for a walk. need to get movng again before winter arrives!!! - first it was the forest fires and the smoke, then one ailment or another, then the bear - best to stay the path so at least you can see them coming - gotta build up a little muscle lol -get the blood moving -
stormy -waiting to hear wbout dad and u and sis
ladee - hope Sonny and Marie had a good day - always think of sonny and cher lol
seeme -where r u???
Vic and YR - hope the dads r good and everyone else - hope it was a decent day for y'all
love
J
Jo, what is up with you? detoxing off a med again or what? your suppose to be celebrating still..lol.. the girls are doing fine, Squeek is out running around somewhere, Claire and Maggie have figured out if they stick around camp, they get their freedom, take off and make me go chasing you, you end up in the pen for a while.
Heard out of baby brother this morning, his eye surgery went well, and he can see again..good enough to drive, so I know he has to be tickled pink about that, fussing that he has to go back down to Columbia (3 hrs. one way) to get it checked, but reminded him, it's better to make that drive than not be able to see, plus the fact that when we were working on getting his VA disability, he said that if they paid him travel pay for his trips, he'd do it everyday..lol.. He's finally realized pay or not, that isn't a fun trip.. never have gotten a thank you out of that kid... but have reminded him he owes me double lobster when I get back.
Waiting for Glenn to get back and we'll start breaking down the canopy he had to have..told him that we have to be staying more than 3 days for this thing to get set up..lol... to much work. Hope you all have peaceful nights and sweet dreams.
stormy u r n my prayers this morning - more than usual -waiting to hear
jam - how is the eviction going? good luck with finding weekend help
asg!!! great to see u here - having the kids back in school must take off the pressure
shawna - u have native blood - I think it shows in ur art - my "babes" (Gordie) was 1/4 cree - he loves to "stomp" when he was little - glad u found the wampum belt - keep them all safe - r u on facebook? I want to see pictures
ladee - hoping 4 a good day 4 u - and a cool evening - that would keep the phone bills down
starri - glad u r working out the personal stuff - not sure a tent would be easier and harder on the bones - gather the babies are all alright
seeme - I know u r not lost so maybe u r in the spa...or picking up shingles - hope mum is OK
vic - time to garden - that is great!!! Gary helps with his mum's flowers and his dad's vegs - and brings me rhubarb
YR - trhinking of u - prayers for dad
54 - have you found some help yet - I know u r at the end of your tether and u need a break
worried - seeing the lawyer tomorrow I think
john - picking up branches - hope no more storms
mismiley, 1b, cwgrl, and anyone I have missed - have a good day and let us know how u r doing
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
Joan
Tomorrow is the day to hit the road again, we're starting to pack things up for moving, not sure how far we are going to get before going, "we've gone far enough for today" lol... The next couple of days are going to be go, find some place to camp for the night and go again.. then we'll find a place to hole up for a couple of days.. and try and rest, had hubby post some pictures, but instead of putting them on my face book, he put the majority on his..lol.. glenn johnson. will get some more posted today sometime. Love to all, Carmen
ASG.....woohoo, glad to hear from you and thanks for the words of comfort. So what do you do with yourself now since the kids are in school? Long, hot bubblebaths? :) :) :) : ) love ya!
stormy....will be waiting to hear......don't nod off while you're sitting on the floor not letting the doctor out of the room.....on second thought...............................
Prayers and angels sent to you seeme........
emjo......where ya been? Feeling under the weather?
starri.......out there in the freedom of the wide open spaces.....
John, Vic, Shawna, ib4, mis, cwgrl, holler at me please.....my brain is on short-circuit this morning. Going to start sending out messages for weekend help.
Will check back later..........have a wonderful day everyone!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
emjo, hope you are feeling better today... hope you have a good time with your daughter today....let us know what you had for lunch..
Stormy... sorry you didn't sleep well, we'll be waiting to hear about your dad,
Jam, can't make a silk purse out of a Qtip, I'd get a perm so tight she couldn't get a comb thru it..... her and Marie are carbon copies of each other, bitch bitch bitch....
Ok going to my high priced maid's job.... talk to ya'' later. love and hugs across the miles to all of you...
Seeme, angels sent for your heart.... love ya
Love and hugs Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Didn't realize how much the col hates her hair until we put her to bed. Target told her how nice she looks and she hollers "It looks like shit"!!!!!! She is mad because she didn't get a perm and isn't getting to wear it hanging in her face and down past her shoulders. You know that electrified Q-tip look. It really does look cute on her.
Hope y'all have a good night. Rest well........pleasant dreams to all of you!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
ladee - duct tape and foil - love it - here they use it on windows to keep out the light so the guys on night shift can sleep - whatever works lol - I'm not tellng u my little household secrets lol
nite all
Ok ladee...toys R us! Woohoo!! I thought alum foil was just plain redneck!! What works right! Love ya girl
Shawna... Your moms right, try not to let the drama get you down! Too sad your sis didn't respect you dads outfit, if for nothing else the pride of it being your fathers. Keep the faith girl?
Stormy...we will all be waiting to hear about your dad, you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
Where is Starri?? Hooe she is finally getting some r and r!!
Semme....hope that all is ok and that you aren't running more ragged than usual. And that mom is as ok as possible.
I pray for all of you to have a good night and day. You all make my days easier, I thank you and appreciate you so much! So grateful to you Jam!
darn diflucan had me really nauseated earlier today but it has passed now
tomorrow I will take it with food - I will stick this dose as long as I can to deal with the imbalance
dd taking me out to lunch (aren't I there already?lol) tomorrow or wed for b'day treat - as long as I am Ok, then we will tackle the basement or something around the house - bless that girl!
last night Gary, who is away roofing a barn, called and asked me to find the 2 pictures of the white stallion - O- Kay - on the one external hard drive he only has 1117 (not kidding) pictures all mixed up of horses, family and safety stuff - yeah right - guess what? I found them in about 10 min,, thankfully he only has one white horse - the next request was for a palomino stallion -well he has a palomino mare too and from the pics unless there is a foal nearby you can't tell - at least I can't -sent them all and haven't heard - good enough
shopping done, laundry to do and fruit to freeze or preserve - strawberries don't last long even in the frig but they are a good price these days
ladee - think u done well in figuring out ur way through sonny and marie -I did that in the last years at work - it was worth putting up with the increasing bs cause I liked teaching and it paid well - saw-off's, always saw-off's -and it helped my pension and I never wanted to have to rely on any one else ever again
shawna - I am native by marriage and by heart still to some extent - I learned much - woodlands Cree (Mikisew Band) in northern alberta and have my treaty card and proud of it!
time to settle for the night I think - may have a busy day tomorrow
Stormy, we will all be waiting to hear the report on your dad..... and Jam is right, stand there until he answers you.... He is just a human after all, make him answer you.....
Where is emjo tonite, missing you lady...
Ro, hope work has slowed down a little and hope you get your money soon..
Starri, out enjoying the great outdoors, breathe deep for me....
Seeme, love ya and angels are on thier way to help you...... love ya...
Jam, good for you.... and am glad the col was a 'good girl' this weekend.... post a pic of her new do on FB.....
vic, I don't have pity parties, mine lean more toward spinning and twirlling and lots of drama, THEN I settle down and do what I am supposed to...... I'm just a Toy's R Us kid and I don't want to grow up...
OH and one final note,, I am officially a Texas redneck now,,, with all the al. foil I have plastered on the windows,,, it is now stuck on there good, with DUCT TAPE... now, it's officially home.... don't ya love it....
Ok all my friends, time to go sleep in my cool room..... don't worry, after the summer, I will just find something else to bitch about..... hugs across the miles....
John.....another hurricane? Let's hope not. Maybe you should start considering a vacation.....:) I found a good website that tracks hurricanes....going to go check it.
ladee......I'm so sorry Marie makes your days rough. I was hoping she would settle down some after your talk but the memory probably isn't that long. Or maybe it is the heat......
It cooled off enough here that we took the col outside to get her new do. She looks so darn cute. Cut her hair and pulled it back behind her ears, took 10 yrs off her. I sure hope she has left it alone.
Shawna....glad Mom's legs are working better and she's eating well. Don't we all have one of those "idiot sisters"? Just forget her and go on.......she won't change and it will make you nuts hoping she will. I have one and if she wants to change, she knows where to find me. Otherwise, I have too much going on in my life to sit around and wonder why she does what she does.
Time to get a few things done.....will check back later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Shawna- let me just say I know what you mean about the family ordeal. My sis and i have been having to deal with my brother and his wife for months now and it has taken a toll on all of us. Although my brother is doing better i think he has quit drinking again. And he has been helping us out more with dad. Sil finally came around and saw dad for the first time in a couple of months. She was just coming in the kitchen and sitting not saying much and would not even go in the den to see dad and then just leave without him even knowing she was there. Me and sis didn't like that, we thought that was pretty disrespectful of her to come to his house and not even pop her head around to speak to him. And we still don't know why she is acting like that towards dad. Then all of a sudden yesterday at sunday dinner she goes to the den and sits down and says hello to dad and that was about it. But hell at least she went around there. Just don't know what her problem is. So i understand where you are coming from on that aspect. Hope your situation gets better.
Jam- I will let you know as soon as i find out something from dads dr tomorrow. And yes this is the dr that ordered the ct and pet scan. I think i will just sit my fat ass on the floor at the door so he can't leave tomorrow. I have a question for you- ok i'm going to try to explain this the best way i know how.Dads trach plate that sits in front of his neck right above that are two knots( side by side) but there is a small space between the two knots. They are swollen right now. Sometimes they get smaller and sometimees they get larger. For a year or longer me and sis couldn't figure out if they were lymph nodes or what they were. I thought they were lymph nodes. Finally we asked dr. doolittle at duke what was causing them to swell and he said it was coming from the radiation he had. He never said what they were. Then we went to another dr and i can't remember which one it was but he told us that it was a muscle that they had to cut to put the trach in and that's what the knots are; a muscle. Well today sis and i took dads trach out to clean his neck and the trach and them knots were swollen and mighty hard. I could be wrong but i just told sis I just don't believe that is no muscle swollen up like that. And it's red. She seems to think also that he might be getting cellulitis in his neck again. Because it's red and he has a sore place where the trach plate sits. So what do you think or know? Muscle or lymph nodes?????????????????
Love you bunches for being my go to girl!!!! Thanks for any info.
I love you my internet angels.! How did i survive this long without ya'll I'll never know. Ya'll are the bright spot in my day besides of course my lil red which i have to go play with and bathe or he is going to find a new mommy. ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Marie was just a straight up menace today.... I just finally went on about my business and ignored her..... I decided today to just be bored. why would I go out and find another job where I am stressed beyond words, probably get paid less, and have to drive further... we'll just blame it on the heat.. I am blaming everything on the heat...lol
Do not know what is going on with Sonny , but he was very out of it today..... I know his back hurt, after breakfast I gave him two tylenol, when I was getting the bottle down, Marie asked what I was doing, getting soony tylenol, why, because his back hurts, no, blah blah blah blah, I gave it to him anyway and went in there and told her I gave them to him, sorry if he lays down and it interferes with your nap, but he is in pain...... walked out...... that is how I am going to roll, cause I can...
Hope everyone is ok today, will check back in later..... need to get this place picked up some, tiny space, doesn't take much to screw with my visuals..... love ya'll, hugs to everyone...
emjo.........loved the video of the dog. Brrrrrrr.....so how much snow do you normally get in the winter? We had a horrible winter.....the last snow was around two feet, maybe a little more. We haven't had something that bad in years. We just bought a snow blower and I keep hoping we won't have to use it.
We're going to have to put out an APB on Starri......I'm worried about her.....going to try and send her a text message and see if I can raise her. That doesn't work, I'll just call her and bother her.
Prayers for Bonnie O and Vic let me know Ted and Mom are okay......thank you again!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam