This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I sure did miss all of you. Didn't write last nite cause i had too much stuff i had to get done. But i was in spirit in ac site. And there is no way i can read all of the posts from this past week so i will have to catch up on the current posts. Well I better get off of here and check on dad i will try to write again today and tonite!!! Love and hugs STORMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for hubby, well that is a different subject.. I am not going to be able to take six months of this shit..
Hope everyone had a good night although I see some have been visited by the computer trolls and one by an evil sister!!!!
starri....hope you have managed to put some distance between yourselves and the coming storm so that you don't even get rain. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I have written a book here only to have it disappear, then my fingers are too tired to do it again. But let us know how you are and what is happening in the camping world. Is hubby still among the living or buried in some brush somewhere?
worried........welcome and I'm so sorry your sister is being a butt.......plain and simple! I have never been able to figure out, although I'm sure there are valid reasons, why the person doing the care giving isn't the one controlling the finances. How does someone who is not there daily manage to be Lord and Master over the finances? And there is usually an ulterior motive.....I'm not saying that's the case here......but if you do the care, you should control the money. So, that being said, I would contact an elder care attorney and see what he has to say. Does your sister have legal, signed by a judge guardianship, POA or what? And why is she mad at you? Sounds to me like she is using this as way to jab at you, so in the meantime make sure that you keep a separate record of every dime coming in for mom, and every penny you spend on her, and make an appt with an attorney. Let us know how this all works out.
ib.......you got it...self-preservation.....isn't it a great feeling? You used that ugly word that I detest....GUILTY.... why oh why do people allow themselves to feel guilt just because you need to take some time for yourself? Whether you have given up your plans or put yourself and your own family on the back burner for a later day, your loved one is still going to be angry, hateful, forgetful, repetitive, happy, whatever their mental status is, so you have the option to either kill yourself over your loved one to keep GUILTY away, or preserve your own sanity so that you are able to deal with the above mentioned mental states. If the truth were known, I wonder how many lives and families have been torn to shreds over GUILTY and taking care of a family member? Congratulations girlfriend for having the stamina to stand up and save yourself and your family!!!!!!
ASG....surely you are not still cleaning.........where are you?
emjo......taking a hot bath probably......:)
ladee.....hope you slept last night. Any more storms blow up? 108 degrees is too hot, that's what it was here the other day, only around the middle 80's today.
seeme......when you take a break from putting everything away so it doesn't get blown away, give us a weather update. Is Kathy going to be able to hold the rehearsal outdoors tonight? That was nice of Debbie/Martha to do the flowers and decorations and to help get things ready.
John....I read your passionate post on the other thread and was thinking what you wrote....thanks. I hope you have gotten caught up on sleep and are feeling better. What's up for the weekend without kids at home? Dinner out maybe?
Vic, Shawna, YR, cwgrl, I'm not intentionally forgetting anyone......have only had one cup of coffee......let us know what's up with you please!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Take care of you, your a loving caring person who deserves it
IB
Worried what your sister is doing is looking for a tax break, she's making it so you have to pay tax's on that money even though they are going to meet Mom's needs, if she insists on treating this like a business, return the favor, based on just 10.00 per hour, I come up with a salary just for you of 360.00 dollars per day, x your basic 30 day month, 10,800.00. I going to venture a guess here, you do not getting anything near that, an we still haven't added on meals, medical supplies and the cost of her room. Sis might want to reconsider her course of action.
I would try again to post to each of you, but I am still feeling beat.. did manage to sleep some last night..
I am probably not the best one to answer..others on here will offer better advice.
Just breaks my heart that siblings can cause such heart break when it comes to money. Hugs and prayers
I became very passionate toward the end of the "Pick and choose" thread. What got me going was a post that sounded like an applaud for the idea of "throw away spouses".
I don't live where Ted lives but I do know what hurricanes can do when they land there. Where I live stands a 10% change of winds over 58mph, but not over 74 mph.
Hubby has to work this weekend, and I think the hurricane has been moved up to earlier on Sat., so I don't know if I will make it to the wedding or not. Made a plan of the tables so someone can place the food in what and where it need to be just in case. I planned to be there a long time and I thoughthubby would stay with mom until later, but that is out now. And this is mom's first hurricane, so today she said she was getting scared. Since it moved further west, we are in for 50 mph wind gusts and 6" of rain. Got the flag pole down and the umbrella, tomorrow I will get the patio furniture in the man cave, bird feeders, etc. We are now getting food done. Sis has done 2 meat platters and I have done all the sauces/dips. Getting ready to start salad.
Vic....I am so there with you. Everything you said is my life. So nice to have someone who understands and says everything so well. Glad we could be of some help. This has made a world of difference to me since March.
Smiley.....same thing I haer from mom.....I'll be gone soon.....you're going to miss me when I'm gone.....watever happens, happens, I'm done with doctors....and on and on. When she says she'll be gone soon, I always ask her where's she going? Is she driving? Always makes her laugh.
John, I want to know which thread you were so passionate about......did I miss something good?
Hope Shawna is resting.
Starri......Did you get on the other side of the mountains???
Emjo.....Has winter started up there? Will you be anywhere near Irene after it hits Maine?? Don't remember where in Canada you live.
I expect to hear from Stormy tomorrow. N. Myrtle Beach may have evacuation orders in place for vacationers. I would go inland anyway.........
Everyone stay safe all up the coast.....Ladee, just try to stay cool............
Jam, Love ya and GET THAT HELP..........
Gotta get back to the kitchen......love you all.......later...........
Not much of anything else happening here today. Prayers to Ted for safety....and any of our other friends along the East Coast.
Hope all of you check in for the day......tell us something fun!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
This caregiving isn't easy. It was a little easy before but since my surgery every little thing is getting on my nerves.
Grandma keeps saying that she doesn't have the much longer to live. That's hard to hear sometimes but what do you say to someone who says that nearly every single day?
I hope everyone that is in the path of Irene stays safe.
Tried to take Sonny outside today to watch the rain, but he wouldn't stay on the patio, so had to take him back in... we had some pretty high winds last night, so, little limbs all over the yard... his OCD was more powerful that Marie's warning, so I had to take him back inside..
He made a little mess in the bathroom this morning and you would have thought there was poop on the walls and ceiling by the way Marie came undone... and she went on and on and on, I intervened, helped him get his breakfast plate organized and he kept saying"Well, then I just won't use the bathroom any more!". He was getting angry, she wouldn't shut up and I finally said to her that we might as well join him in his world, he doesn't live in ours, and you getting upset over somthing that I clean up is just silly... you want him to change, and yet you won't listen to anyone when they tell you fussing at him DOES NO GOOD.... so if you want to be upset, ok, just don't say it to him.... now, I am going to go clean up the bathroom, and then I will come get him out of your hair!!!!!!
Went and cleaned up the mess, and when I got back she was so contrite and talking to him like she really cared... I am sick of her damned hard head, hell, fire me for doing my job..... I've already done the BG thing, not doing it again.... today I just did not give a shit.... excuse the pun.....so guess I will have to "slap" her everytime she gets started... so she doesn't feel good, so fu^king what, neither do I, neither does any one else I know....shut up already... lord.......And the slap means verbal, not physical in case anyone misunderstands....don't want the SW at thier house......or my house either....
Ok, I am going to go open the curtain in the bedroom, lay down and watch it rain.... It will be 108 tomorrow, so am going to enjoy this while it lasts... more later, just had to do my Marie dump for the day.... love ya'll
Ladee, hope you got some sleep last night, I believe I will get a willie cd with that song on it.. use to play it all the time back in the days it was popular on the juke box in the bar before I was going to hit the road.. I would tell you come to SC, but I don't know which is worse, the heat and humidity here or there.. if this trip works out well, I'll be heading for cooler shores come summer time next year..
Jo, I pray that as I type this, you are just now crawling out of a hot bath..lol..
Shawna, I am glad to hear that everything went well today, don't try and over do it, take some time, and rest, you'll find yourself overwhelmed if you don't.. a online store is a great idea..
Cmag, if you haven't found the insurance card yet, call your agent, they can print you one or you might be able to go online and get one from their website. Sorry to hear Mom is so confused today, but I am grateful your there to watch after her.
Ladee, you got rain...!!!!!! wonderful.. Jo, you got hot water...!!!! I'm not sure which is better hot water or rain, both are.. me? we have heat and humidity..lol.. of course my having hot flashes doesn't help..
.
The world has pretty much woken up here, well except for hubby, but that is normal for him..lol.. you can hear some auto traffic, very little though, tons of birds, bugs, etc.. Trip has been off to a good start, we're averaging so far 10 to 12 mpg.. a weeks stay, 3 bags of ice and 2 bundles of wood, 142.00, so not bad. Budgeted right this trip should be a breeze.
Maggie is sleeping down by my feet, Squeek is in the crate we got for Claire checking everything out.. and Claire? she lost her wandering privileges by not coming when I called her. So she now finds herself on the end of a 20 foot lead... they wander off and don't come when called, they lose their freedom and end up in the exercise pen we bought them, they managed to lose their freedom the last time for 2 days, they took off and it took me 2 hours to find their butts. Hubby was suppose to be watching them.. we all know how that goes..rofl.
Hope everyone is doing well this am...
Emjo, HOT WATER.... I know after having to use water standing in a ditch for water to wash off with after the hurricane and being stranded where no one knew we were, I have never taking running water for granted again....hot or cold...
Seeme, sounds like the wedding is going to be beautiful , now if there is not a tornado, things will go great... hope hear from you soon tho.. we are missing you..
Vic, sometimes we just end up where we are supposed to be... life is just so full of surprises, and we all have been blessed by you being here, so it's all a very good thing... love ya...
Shawna, you are a busy girl... can't wait to get started on my sculpting again.... it is better than Calgon for "taking me away".....
CM glad to hear you got some rest and some stuff off your chest....
I HEAR RAINDROPS ON THE ROOF, GOING TO GO STAND IN IT BEFORE I LEAVE FOR WORK... LATER , love ya'll , k;now I missed someone, but gotta get going.... hugs across the miles to you all...
My daughter was married back in April here in my parents' backyard. My brother came 'thank God' really couldn't have done it without him. He stayed here with parents and I was able to go to my house and do all the necessary preparations with my daughter. Can't imagine what it would have been like if I had to prepare food here with mom in the same house! Think she would have had a heart attack stressing about all the stuff being done!! It turned out wonderful as I am sure Kathy's daughters' will too!!! It was really nice doing something other than caretaking. Although I could have used a vacation after everyone was gone!! Haha have a very dear friend that sounds like your Kathy although we don't get to visit (work) like you guys do don't know what I would do without her!! God is good all the time!! We just don't always know he is carrying us when we are in the heat of whatever is going on!!!
Praying for Ted and all of you on the east coast. My son and his family are in cocoa..hear they will only be getting tropical winds and rains...sons place of work closes if school closes and dils place doesn't close...they are next to the barrier islands.
Thanks to all of you for your support and friendship!! Has made a tremendous difference since I found all of you!
shawna -glad u r safe and r being productive
seeme - we have had cold water most of today and my man is working so hard - still one leak to go - seems one gets fixed and another appears. he is patient and so am I - I could go to my daughter's house for a hot bath - could be worse -can always brush ur teeth in flavoured bottled water lol
wow ur helping Kathy and I am so glad it all is working out so far - lots of work.
so sis and mum had a shouting match - comes under the heading of education
ladee ((((hugs)))) to u and Diva though I know she will hiss at me - hope u stop rocking and get a good nite's sleep
ros thx for connecting
jam - things are percolating at ur house - like the image of the col floating away! - love gliders
wish us luck, my man is bringing out the big guns to solder these things together -either it will work or it will blow a few things apart - I am going for the "will work" option - I will report back when something happens
everyone sleep tight!
Nope haven't gotten anyone hired for the weekend yet, but I don't think we will have any problem finding someone. We are starting to notice some neuro changes, not constant, but the occasional facial twitches, mouth grimaces, jaw quivering. She's eating well, in fact she wants to eat all the time. I'm going to own stock in the sourdough bread market!
emjo....is it hot water yet? Here's hoping for a nice soak for you tonight.
Shawna....glad you got your paperwork delivered without mishap. A website store would be terrific....I hope you can get it up and running.
John.....sorry your day went into the gutter. Isn't it amazing when someone is in la-la land, that sometimes you just stand there with a blank look on your face and no comeback. I'm glad Mom is happy.... that helps to deal with all those "funny" moments. Natural brain failure through aging has always fascinated me. I would love to be able to physically see how thoughts work their way through the brain network, especially those times when our loved one is clearly lucid and the next minute can't retain a thought or follow a conversation.
Have the col tucked into bed for the night. She seems happy, but sleepy. Hope she stays there all night. Target is down now doing his nightly sleep tight. Time for me to put my feet up.
Looking at about 10 degrees cooler tomorrow....can't wait. Hope to get one of the new gliders fixed so the col can go out front and glide away! Got it all put together and one of the welds broke on the piece that makes it glide. The company sent replacement parts, so I will get out my handy dandy little allen wrench and get it changed out.
Hope everyone has a good night......sleep well!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Emjo....I don't know how you can have been so patient without water.....that is one thing I cannot do without....I have been without power and A/C for days after Hurricane Floyd, but I do NOT like to be without water....even cold.....MUST shower and brush teeth.........we would fill the tub so we had water to flush the toilet, give the dogs a drink, bought bottled water for drinking and cooking, but I would run all the water out of the tank to get a shower if I had to.
Ladee.......NO MONEY, HONEY......love that!!! Stick to it.....
Starri....did ya start on the adventure yet??? Hope you headed west.....
Stormy should be getting home tomorrow, I think. If not Thurs, then Friday. She should have plenty of time to make it home, and she lives farther inland than I do, so she shouldn't even be able to tell there is a hurricane out there.
Vic.......whatever you said to cowgirl, tell her again...LOL....UTI, right? Lovely.....
Jambo.....my Rambo with a J.....Get that help for the weekend......take advantage of it, or tell Target he's got the weekends cause you have places to go and people to see and things to do...........Mom likes me to pick out her clothes cause she doesn't remember half of them, and it's like Christmas almost every day. Tell the col she just doesn't remember them........
I haven't had any ME time at all. We (sis and I) have been laying out my dining room table with the dishes to be used at the reception.....placing the food and plates etc. in the proper position.......my coffee table is a German crank up table so bigger and wider than the norm. It has become the snack table, and my sofa table is now the buffet table at the hall. We worked on it all day and Kathy took pictures so we have an idea where things go on Sat. We even labeled the dishes with what goes in them. And sis is making food labels for the dips, plus doing the ribbons and flowers for table decorations. Kathy seems very pleased. Says she is, anyway, and I know she appreciates the help. She has said, and I have to agree, she doesn't know what she would have done without us. Tomorrow she gets all the food and it goes in my frig in the garage, and I will make all the dips. And probably go out and get what Kathy forgot. Friday sis and I start in on the veggies, fruit, and broc/cauli salad, and meat/cheese tray, and then go to the rehearsal dinner at Kathy's for supper. It is outside and it will probably rain that night. Saturday Sis leaves at the butt-crack of dawn shesays, and I will go to the hall with all the dishes, set the veggies on the platter, and get all the fruit on the 3-tiered centerpeice which I have not seen and hope I have enough fruit to fill it. And just make sure all the food is ready when the ceremony is over and pictures are done.
And I hope hubby and mom can get along all that time......
We are not doing any preparations for the Hurricane.......if we lived closer to the coast, I would, but hopefully we will get some rain out of it, and winds are expected to be about 25 mph sustained. We have had that before just cause a cold fromt came through. Yes, it is not set in stone, but we get the story from the meteorologists about fronts from the Midwest and high pressure off the coast steering it in the directions, etc., etc. It's all they have talked about for a week already. Now the outer banks and where Ted lives will get the worst of it......... wind damage and possible flooding and power outages. We are on a county water system, so we will have water if the power goes out, and we have a big Jenn-Aire grill fueled with a tank we also use for the gas firelogs, so no worry there about running out of gas, but with 2 fridges and one freezer, the thought of losing power scares me, and we may have to have a big Omaha Steak cookout. Had to do that once before.....
Sis and mom got into a shouting match this morning,,,,,not that I heard it, but sis wanted mom back in bed at some ungodly early hour and mom said she wasn't doing it. And it was ON..................... Sis is getting more used to the strange comments that will come out of her mouth, but at first she was quite taken aback. She has seen me "lie" to her or just agree, ot say "hhmmmm". But I will say that the doctors have given up on her. If she is having mini strokes, what can be done? If she has lung cancer? She wouldn't do anything about it anyway. She got another medicine for high BP. So unless she is in pain or has broken something, I don't see why I would need to take her to the doctor, except for flu shot. She doesn't want to correct the fistula......our biggest arguments lately have been about the sewlling of her feet cause she wants to sit up in that damn chair instead of her hospital bed that I can tilt cause she might miss something. They are so big she cannot lift them off the floor. Her shoes leave marks on the tops of her feet. I finally say I don't care if you don't and walk out and that is how I stop the conversation.
So, after Sat., I plan to get back to my regular schedule and have more time for you girls and guys. I have missed you all so much......and I see this computer sitting there so empty and I think I HAVE to get there and every time I sit down, something happens, the phone rings, gotta cook a meal.......so I joined this thread and met new people to relieve some stress, and if I don't get to talk to them every day, I get STRESSED.........what's with that??????
I hope everyone checks in. Please don't be offended if I didn't mention your name....I have to get some memory drugs for things like this, and I keep forgetting to get them !!!
Everyone have a peaceful, restful, restorative sleep.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Hope you are well.... All of you, of course
He is an artist - created a bend in the copper tubing from solderng together liittle sections - just one solder away from hot water, so need prayers from everyone that it gets finished soon. The horses need water too!
starri - what a hoot!!! just make sure that the pic of you and Glen has the name of a place far from here on it - sounds like you are just about on your way - waiting to hear that u r!!! have a great time!!!
jam - hope u r gettng that extra help organized -maybe u and target can get away for a weekend sometime - sounds awfully hot there!!! and look out for the owls
ladee - u need some sleep - I have had a few nights like that - stick with the "no money, honey"!!!
shawna -thinking of u - u have a lot on ur plate these days -
stormy is on the beach having a blast
everyone else - as has been said - check in and let us know how u r
woo hoo - a hot bath cannot be too far away - I am going to soak for a long time and turn into a prune - and love it!!!
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Emjo, water, whohoo... probably by the time you get this it will be hot water too...
Starri, "on the road again"... hope you have a good time...
Shawna, how are things with you today... no drive bys I hope, and I am not trying to be funny , I am worried....
Vic, don't "try harder", just relax, let people that love you be your mirror for awhile.. and you will see what we are talking about..... love and hugs...
Jam, have you hired anyone yet for the weekends??? I heard today that they are expecting three more YEARS of this heat and drought.... no way am I going to do another summer like this one..... Of course my friend in Colorado said I really need to come there..... I'll just put a map on the wall and throw a dart, and as long as it's not this hot, I'm going there....
cwgrl, was hoping to see you hear today.... hope everything is ok with you... let us hear from you...... just jump right in.... there is not getting "caught up", just run with the herd.....
Son is coming over, probably wants something.... too bad,,, what i have is saved and put up... sorry, no money honey.......
Am going to drink a cup of coffee and try to stay awake, then hitting the bed, did not take a nap today, so maybe I will sleep tonight....... Haven't done this in a long long time....
Love to everyone, and check in so we all know how each other is doing.... hugs across the miles...