This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Been rather busy around here so just now getting around to checking email. Hope everyone has had a great day so far..............we know starri is a "happy camper"....:) I'm envious of her being able to just go.....what a wonderful adventure!
The heat is unbearable today......98 degrees with 50% humidity and heat index between 110 and 115. I'm staying in where it's cool. Was standing on the deck last night waiting on the dogs to finish and a huge owl flew straight across my line of vision and kept going thank goodness!!!! Either it didn't see my little chihuahua or he thought better with me standing there.....he was so fast though I don't think I could have managed to shoot it. Back to standing over my little guy at night.
seeme.......do you have to make any prep for the hurricane? The satellite pic of your house was done before there was even grass on the ground. The one of our house was pre-pond and that was put in 6 yrs ago. You would think some of these sites would update themselves. We had an aerial photo taken of our property last Aug and the company that did it put it in a nice frame for us and it's on the wall. There was still actually water in the pond! It's down real low now since we haven't had that much rain and I still say we have a leak in it.
hopefully we will hear from ladee after a nap......only 2 hours sleep....not enough to keep you going. I sure hope Marie is good today.
Hope everyone can check in and let us know how you are............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
((Shawna)), those are wonderful memories about your dad, something that you, mom and sis can share.
Seeme, how is the ME time going? have you plotted your escape yet?
Ladee? how did your day go? Jam, how was yours? Vic hope you are getting some rest, Cmag, you as well. Now who'd I miss? to easy to do on here, Ros is missing haven't seen her today. Big hugs to those here and who aren't..
We're in the final hours count down, I want Glenn to get his butt up at 6, have his coffee and us get out of here by 7-730 at the latest, maybe go get breakfast, then take the girls to the vets.. after that it's my Dr.'s office, pick up scripts, get them filled, then Kmart, UPS Store (have to have new keys made for the mailbox, hubby somehow managed to lose the one we had) and Walmart, after that should be home, Friends house, and then on the road.. First stop Murphy NC
Will keep ya'll posted..check out the face book page for updates..
that is an awesome story and ur dad and shannon and also about rick - some one is looking after u ((((hugs))))
seeme we will never forget about u u u u u u LOL
Jam, If I had know you were going to look me up, I would have waved.
I will have more time tomorrow to get caught up with everyone.....please don't forget about me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Ladee – we didn’t have any water – hot or cold! U r like ur mum? -she must have been a wonderful woman!!!
Shawna (((((((hugs|))))) ur best friend has died and now your house has come down OUCH! Big ones and so sorry to hear about the crime in your town – that is awful and knowing some of them too – I bet you have had nightmares and tears –what a story about your dad and you when he passed –sounds like such a sweet man - glad u and ur mum and ur sis can support one another – U R the PHOTOSHOP QUEEN!!! I want lessons!!! I have used paint.net a little for blending things - Photoshop is not an easy program – I have played around with it a little
Jam – sounds like u should shoot the thing and put it out of its misery – hope u have better luck with a sale than we are having with this 21’ thing in the driveway – Gary lived in it when he first came up here and since, he has used it for storage parked on some rented land on the edge of town – and then the rules changed and it lives here now … more stories about the two ladies will com - but not tonight – I am stuffed with dry roasted ribs – they were so good – Gary asked me how long I cooked them – said till they were done – I don’t know
Vic – glad u know about the UTI now and have antibiotics - Let us know about the internist visit and the blood work – maybe when u were "too rough" he just wasn’t feeling well
John - I am a little appalled at the response u got – both how long it took and the content - yes u could counter the theological and biblical backing but not much point –trust you will be back to par in another day or two
Starri – glad u have the camper top dropped -sounds like u may take off on time re pics - there is no rush – we will figure out something – hope things go smoothly for u now
Bridget – welcome - glad you at least know u need to believe in urself and look after urself. Grief is hard work and more so when the death is sudden and unnatural – by someone else’s hand in some way. Anniversaries are tough - especially in the first years –what can I say – take care of you and feel the feelings
Hi everyone else - hope u had a good day. I am still hoping for HOT water today almost ready to take a cold shower lol brrrr
jo
Can't answer your question about does it get easier, in many ways yes, for me about my mom, it has been 27 years, and in some ways the older I get the more I miss her.... and the older I get the more I am like her... I know she is in heaven having a good laugh about that one.... hope things ease up for you, just means you miss her and love her..... it has not been that long,, so be easy with yourself... hugs across the miles to you...
Glad to hear you will get a ride, now I won't have these horrible pictures in my head... sorry for that stress on top of everything else......hope your allergies get better.. I am blessed that I do not have any, other than to stupid people, then I break out in bad behaviour....but other than that, things are good... take care and let us know how you are feeling.....hugs across the miles...
It sounds for the most part that all are doing fairly well this evening, hubby and I have dropped the top on the camper (it's a pop top), put the chairs and the cooler's in there, so now there is no way to get in the back of the camper..lol..
Ladee, we are taking off, are any of you good at photoshop? you could splice in Jo to the pictures and then she can post them on her FB.. Jo, we'll figure out something to get them going..lol, thinking time for me to go get in the shower, move the laundry basket off the bed, can crawl in.. night all.
The pastor of the church I wrote about on July 30 who sent my mother a birthday letter which asked for a contribution sent me a letter today. His letter started out saying he understood that I felt insulted, but hoped to reduce that by explaining his letter which he attempted to do. Then, he stated that he understood it might be a financial burden that she is in an assisted living place. What? I wrote him that she is in a nursing home right there in town. From a writing perspective, he combined two sentences with a comma which really should have been two separate sentences. The whole tone of his letter struck me as defensive and that he felt insulted by my e-mail. He claimed that his approach to stewardship via a birthday letter was practiced by other churches with solid theological and biblical backing. I'm not going to have anything more to do with him, although I could counter argue his theological and biblical backing which would accomplish nothing. He could have just written a more compassionate e-mail as a quickly reply instead of waiting 21 days to mail me a lengthy epistle. :(
Laundry done, so going to kick back for a while, then take all the new clothes that came today for the col and play fashion show.......she's just going to be stylin'......
Love and Hugz,
Jam
looks like seeme and starri have a Jerry Lewis thing going on now......prayers for Ted and his momma that they avoid the hurricane.
emjo.....the rv is 38' and sits on the pad down in front of our barn. Just enough clearance it won't stick out in the driveway. And makes a terrific fence so we can't see the neighbors and they can't see us. Stupid thing has a little transmission leak.....put a stop-leak in it BUT IT HAS TO BE DRIVEN AROUND IN ORDER TO STOP THE LEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And last year a certain person said "if we are going to take it anywhere better fill up the water tank".....okay, dragged the hose out, filled it up, started to unscrew the hose and I felt it go "crack"......well, goodbye vacation in the RV. Then I found the kitchen faucet had cracked and broken up inside and it was a brand new faucet, used only once last summer, when my son and his wife used the RV. I don't think we are supposed to have it. It was one of those things hubby found on Ebay and decided he just had to have it! There are a lot of cheaper and smaller yard ornaments. We used it twice two summers ago.....I think it's time a For Sale sign goes in it.
Water, water, water for emjo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet the first thing you do is take a long, hot bubble bath. I love the story of the 2 little old ladies.....wonderful! Tell us more!!!!!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Jam, thanks for the bday card and the "surprise"... oh lord was I surprised.... will frame the card to put where everyone can see it... thanks again... and glad to hear you are getting more help with the col.... whatever it takes....
Seeme, what next???? Bet sis is foaming at the mouth wanting to go home.... not yet, honey, not yet..... let us know if any of nature's calamities are heading your way.... love ya...
Vic.... Yes, those TIA's are confusing when there are other issues going on... I tried to tell Marie today I felt that may have been part of Sonny's problem last week, i could just see her putting her fingers in her ears, closing her eyes, and saying LALALALALALA real loud, she might as well have , she wasn't listening... and yes a call to her daughter is on my list of things to do.....
Starri, you know, we'll never know if you leave or not... you and emjo planning your thing for FB, hmmm, ya'll, Starri will be at her house telling us she is at such and such, and sending pics she got off the internet.... you can't fool us Starri..... lol
Emjo.... hot water... what is that??? Right now I am not worried about it, with temps being over 100 for almost 70 days now, the city water is hot enough to shower or bathe, do not have to use the hot water at all, just turn on the cold and it is hot enough.... God I am so sick of Summer...but ya'll haven't heard me say anything about that, and don't act like you did.....
Shawna, my lord girl, I was worried for you before, now I am really worried, realized how much I take small town living for granted..... you stay safe, and don't go anywhere by yourself.... lord this is a crazy world we live in, I am so grateful I have all of you ....
I know I forgot someone, I'll check back in later... my back is killing me..
Oh I know, Jam, thanks for putting things into perspective for me... guess when I say it all written down like that, I have had a rough year... good thing I don't see the whole picture or it would be a lot more serious than clothes hangers..........
Thank all of you for loving me, inspite of myself at times... love ya all so much... later...
apparently he worked on the plumbing till 6 this morning and finally ran out of solder - too much moisture - he looked pretty tired when he woke up - I fed him a good steak and eggs breakfast and after a few stories (he loves telling stories) he was himself again - though still looking tired - and is back at it having found more solder and a good pipe cutter in the garage. That man has stamina and patience! Just the one pipe to go, the rest is done. so we should have water today :-D. I hadn't emptied the tub of water in the back yard from Sunday so can always use that for some purposes.
jam - new do - always feels good! did i read u were hetting more help with the col - fantastic - house clean - freakin' marvellous - RV as lawn deco NOT - we have the huge motorhome taking up half the driveway and have been trying to sell it but - guess what - the keys are lost so no one can get in to see it arrrrgh - I want it GONE even if we have to pay someone to take it
starri - I don't know what to say - hope hubby is well because he is going to need all his resources if you get much more peed off about all the changes - stick to ur guns about peace and quiet or make an executive decision and stay home - invite to a nudist colony - think my niece wouldn't believe that one lol - how about you and I going on a trip somewhere - something exciting - maybe hawaii and then we could make up stories to tell about the trip - all on f b - I could even post pictures of hawaii from the internet - that would get to them - they hate it when I take a holiday - remember u r dealing with Cinderella and the wicked step mother and step sisters except they aren't "step" and thankfully there is only one sister
asg - hope u get some time for u - and maybe a meltdown or two is needed - so much pressure...
seedme - r u getting a break, girl? - it is time!!! - just read ur post -instead of a break u get an EARTHQUAKE????? - we had small ones when I was a kid in Ontario - well u don't have to worry - u have the coast guard to save all - sitting on the toilet with a ciggy!!!! - ur sister will never be the same again! - just can't get rid of that image of your mum - not Popeye but Mumeye lol arrr arrr!
Shawna - sorry things r so bad down ur way and ur allergies r acting up - does fatigue make them worse? sounds like u need a rest too, yet u have much to do
ladee - hope u r getting firefox amd Marie sorted and ur neighbours music - think opera is a good idea ;) Wagner - The Ride of the Valkyries - full blast!!! - love u 2
vic - hope the rest of the day goes better - in terms of words and the other end -saw that on the other thread, vic and wondered - lol - glad others have "senior's moments" - sorry to hear about the cholesterol and of course the imaginings that go with it - I will get on my soap box here and say that low carb eating lowers cholesterol pretty drastically - I will email you a link - what you eat will do far more for u than exercise - I was put on statins for very slightly high cholesterol a few years ago and they triggered the fibro big time, so watch out for that - took me months to recover after I came off them. Then i went on omega 3's and niacin (one of the vitamin B's) and that does it just fine - glad u have an idea that the tia's are what is affecting dad
cwgrl - welcome! read ur profile((((hugs)))) going through caregiving with your hubby and now ur mum - that is a lot. We do tend to loose our personhood in the intensity of looking after a person who is ill - we get burned out. Venting is one of the things that helps, a lot, and there are very supportive people here. Say what u need to and usually more than one of us will have been there or are there. Gary (sig other) is a cowboy - won trophies and prizes in his youth bull riding and broncho busting - grew up with cattle but has horses now as a "hobby" - at over 200 head it is a BIG hobby - I am learnng to read them and finding it interesting and can honestly now call myself a wrangler. We are looking for a name of a beautiful gaited (2 and 2) black mare - part thoroughbred - any suggestions??? She has a sweet temperament and is a lady. I really connected with her and have never done that with a horse before.
YR how r u??? john is still sleeping, wondering about 54 and how things are there, also about doreal, 1b4, smiles and I am sure I have forgotten someone - but not intentionally
Himself just surfaced and is one more step towards completion - another battle won in conquering the war of hot water tank - yeay!!! He says there will be cold water first as he is still working on the gas piping but water is water - brings a story to mind
When I was in Scotland at university I was rooming in a house that belonged to 2 little old ladies - you know the kind that wear those white caps to bed - and they did. If you came in after 9 pm the door was locked; bolted and chained - in a town with a very low crime rate - and you knocked and one of the ladies would come in their nightie and mop cap, with a lit candle and after much clanging and scraping the door would open and you got looked at very disapprovingly but you were allowed in. One of our bunch used to shimmy up the drain pipe and in my bedroom window when she came home very late. More than once I woke up in the middle of the night to see Jane climbing in my window, said Hi and went back to sleep. Anyway - back to the water. We were allowed one bath a week (eeek!!! I know - there were other places you could get one). The old bathtubs there are HUGE and the houses were not centrally heated and here am I come from Canada and used to modern plumbing, hot baths and all that, So the first bathnight we arranged, I was shown, by one of the ladies, into this large cold bathroom and there was one jug of hot water sitting in the tub. That is all you were allowed, and it barely took the edge off the cold from the bottom of the tub. The crowning glory was when she assured me that her nephew - who as visitng at the time - had his own washcloth. Aaaaah - did not have many baths there!!! Good memories! and more stories for later.
love to all, hugs and prayers
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
take care all and have a good day - think i am coming to life finally -the steak must have done me good too - next post I hope to have water - then there will be clean up in the basement which is long overdue.
Got to take mom to the doctor in a few min. Her blood pressure still won't go down, so it needs to be looked at, will see if he wants to do anything about the chest x-ray and EKG....see if there was a stroke........whtever. At least sis is here to help with the pushing up ramp and such. Will check ack in later
CWGRL------YEAH....glad you came to visit.......please stick around and jump in when you can....we don't bite....but we do like a laugh now and then......love to tell off some siblings....we are mostly pet lovers....and we all live vicariously through your vacations......hope to see you soon.
Vic is our "positive outlook" princess......I can feel that smile and try to let her attitude rub off on me as much as possible.
Will be back and check in shortly.......must do lunch and have a load of laundry to dry.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ok...now I have to tell off on mysel! I was lurking ,on that discussion on guilt..I read it the other day and my stomach was in knots for that poor girl was so sad she was reading all that crap.. Anyway, forgot what I was doing and typed the above paragraph about hurricane on there!! I know I am not in my right mind!!
Pray for all of you.
Oh don't know if I have mentioned that the home health nurse mentioned that dad may have been having TIA's. It never occurred to me since his symptoms weren't noticeable like the ones mom had. Yesterday when the speech therapist was leaving she mentioned the same thing! Well guess we will just have to take it as it comes and it really does make lots of sense with dads symptoms..behavior.
Oh..and now for me..went to doc week ago and had blood work...well they called today and said my cholesterol is way high! They are going to put me on meds....s...this is all I need!! Went to the house and walked on treadmill fir 30 minutes. Funny..dad used to walk 4 miles a day and still had cholestoal issues..then plaque in arteries and triple by pass....is this what I have to look forward to!!?? Just really want to go back to sleep and wake up from this bad dream
Gotta get lunch on the table....later and prayers