This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I agree with everyone else...run and don't come back for awhile
Starri..soon, iprya you all get to get on the way...just get in and go..tell hubby no plans just head in the right direction.
Shawna..geez sounds terrible! take care you!
Emjo..would be in a room somewhere ..ughhh no water maybe today.
Ladee prayers for Marie, can't imagine how Sonny must feel. I would be sooo mad too! Tell her daughter.
Jam, make hubby fix that RV! So glad to hear col is calming down.
Love to all...
Jo I hope you get water today also. Its not a good thing not having water .....
Had a little rain shower move through, now it's supposed to be 98 degrees and very humid for the next couple of days. I know where I will be! The house is clean, need to do one load of laundry. I will kick around here until about 5 then start making dinner for the col. My stylist is coming here Monday evening to give her a new 'do......I'm getting mine Friday.
starri......hope you can get hubby to see that getting away means away from crowds and people and noise and the hustle and bustle of daily living. The summer before we moved the col here, I got Target talked into going to the Black Hills in the RV for some peace and quiet, instead of back to Vegas, and damn if the fridge and air conditioner didn't decide to quit. Took over a month waiting on parts and figuring out what we were going to do....seems a rodent ate through some wiring, so we had to install ceiling air conditioners and by that time it was too late to go anywhere. So back to Vegas we went in the Fall. So this year the license expired in April and it has become a lovely (NOT) yard ornament. Told him if he doesn't get up and relicense it, we need to sell it. And I'm not sure what happened yesterday at WM.....it was almost spooky, I mean the parking lot was full of cars, but once I walked around an aisle and saw only 1 person walking by the meat counters.....usually there are people everywhere. Maybe with the start of school people were staying at home where it's quiet. Kind of like ASG and her house cleaning...:)
Sleep well John..........I imagine you are exhausted after all that driving, not to mention the stress of the last "child" leaving home.
Shawna let us know if you made it to your doctor appt okay. Hope you start feeling better and this tummy pain is nothing.
seeme...what's on the "me" list of things to do today? I sincerely hope sis goes away with a better and renewed sense of what you actually do on a daily basis. As I have said before, I greatly respect you for what you have been doing and I think I would have raised the white flag a long time ago. You're a wonderful daughter....love ya.
ladee......I sure hope Marie continues to improve her moods around you. Maybe you could save the hangers for her to untangle when she gets in your way. Keep her busy for awhile. How about playing a little Black Sabbath out your window.....that might spook the neighbors into turning their music down a decibel or two.
emjo......hope you get water today. There is nothing worse than having no water. The year our hot water tank caught fire I thought I would have to go to a hotel! Luckily I got the fire out before it did too much damage and we could still use it temporarily, but since ours is propane, places don't normally just have those sitting around. It was a couple of days before we could get replaced.
Where is everyone else? Working I hope or just out having some free time. Check in when you can......
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
Hopefully G. can get it up and running for you today, nothing like a bath in your own home, you can sit there and soak for as long as you want too.
shawna - I hope you can get to the doc if you have something that needs to be loked at - could the side pain be ovaries? - t got that a lot - still do once in a while -my aunt in her 70's was told her ovaries were still working
starri - u r right - my mum is very proper - Hmm that gets me thinking - got to ne something that "could" be true - u have nothing to hide - good for u and good message to ur kids - am afraid I still have a few skeletons in the closet, but nothing I can't reveal at the partay we are going to have
not so much pain these days - though occasionally - mostly fatigue and achiness - and then my mood goes down too - the chronic fatigue and fibro are all part of the same thing I believe and it can hit you anywhere from one to the other
no water still this morning so I guess Gary needs some more parts - he couldn't move the tanks last night till sil came home from work about 7 and came over to help - they are pretty heavy - he showed me why the fittings leaked - not properly sealed - what a travesty - paid $200 for that one emergency visit and it started leaking again in just over a year - he said the tank was good so if it had been hooked up properly it would have been OK but the pipes into and out of it were too corroded - we have hard water here - so I am sure it will be another trip to the hardware store this morning for more fittings before he can start working on it again - I may go over to dd's for a bath - helps the fibro - I don't know what the ladies downstairs will do - think they have friends nearby
hopefully the new tank - properly installed will see us though the rest of our time here and deal with a couple of the leaks - and I think he can deal with the downstairs sink - otherwise it is new taps - my money is flowing like water these days...lol
past time for coffee
love to all
jo
Seeme, sounds like Sis is getting a taste of what you go through, lol, as for catering to much for mom, maybe you do, but what's the problem, for her going to the bathroom to much? if she feels she has to go, she has to go..the one time you don't take her, you'll end up with a mess to clean up. If I drink iced tea, or coffee, goes straight through me. Hope that the x-ray turns out to be nothing, let us know. I'm with ladee, plan your escape route and when Sis isn't looking, run for it. Maybe pack a bag, stash it in the car, and disappear for a couple of days.
Ladee, Glad to hear that Marie is doing better, but be very careful in offering to help out, it can become "expected" and not appreciated. I've got to feel for Sonny, poor guy, being threatened with the NH, that isn't right. Hope you are getting things put away, takes me forever to get things where they belong.. shhhh, don't tell anyone but I still have boxes out in the shed from two years ago..lol..
Jo, can't say that I have any special one, just love them all, can't understand a word that their saying..lol.. but love the music. I think you said at one time, your Mom was very proper, what is the most improper thing you can think of? like joining a nudist colony, walking down main street in a thong.. picking your nose in front of the local priest ? lol... any of those could really get them going, basically, I told my kids, never doing anything you don't want to see on the front page of the newspaper.. No matter what you do, sooner or later it's going to come out. No one can blackmail me, as I have absolutely no problem in admitting what I have done..lol.. Hope the fibro calms down, I can't begin to imagine the pain you suffer from that.
I'm glad G. is able to do that work for you, saves a bunch of money and time.. I've been encouraging hubby to 'support" the local economy, seems here recently (last 5+ yr's?) everything he touches never works again. The truck that we sold my brother, the master cylinder went out, hubby had to run out and buy the part, and it set there till the other day when we had it hauled off to the shop and fixed..lol, we won't talk about what he did to the golf cart we bought.
Stormy, hows the vacation going? 54, Cmag? where are you.. Where is everyone else?
starri - good to see u posting again –actually the kids settled down well after they got home – they were tired from all the running around - so am I – hope hubby is better and hope ur plans stabilize – u love opera –which is ur fav? men can be very single focused – on themselves
asg – so glad to see u here – (((((((hugs)))))) tough watching things go downhill and not a darn thing u can do about it – any thoughts of an ALF or such? Even with the kids in school I have a feeling u will not get much of a break – agree with starri – crying can be a good thing
vic - hope u r getting the VA stuff sorted out – and agreed – u r a sweetie!
jam – a storm – what fun!!! NOT and a non-existent insurance policy – and bras – good to be able to get thro WM without a hassle – col compliant - I am in shock
ladee – yes the distance is necessary for me to survive – y’all know what I posted on f b about my birthday –well it went from my niece (who is a f b friend) to my sister, to my mother who then emailed me and said she was glad I was well and had had a good time - what does she know except what was posted on f b. I hate this mode of communication – always someone, telling someone, telling someone. It happened last year when G and I took a short holiday - 4 days – from my niece to my sister to my mother who then got upset with me that I took the time and energy to have a 4 day holiday but not go to her place and do stuff for her. Ah what’s new – always been this way – all my life and so sick of it. They have holidays when they feel like it and don’t consult me! I should post something dreadful or something wonderful on f b and see what happens lol any ideas???? U guys have fertile imaginations - like I have an incurable disease or I won the lottery. After last year I did ask my niece not to pass things on to her mother but…
glad things r working better for you and Marie though she should be smacked for upsetting Sonny like that – red wasps – I have slaughtered about 30 blue bottle flies the past couple of days – spray them with windex - don’t know why the invasion – Gary says cause it is getting colder outside but red wasps – not nice – got stung earlier this year
seeme – U need a break – glad u have worked out something with ur sister – HURRICANE – that is all anyone needs –hope sis understands better by the time she leaves and u have had a few breaks
Shawna, doreal, ib4 and everyone else – thinking of you and would love to hear how u r doing
I crashed for a 2+ hr nap this afternoon and ready for bed now – yesterday when everyone was here I barely sat down – was in and out of the house all the time and going back and forth up and down for 3 hrs and I am feeling it today – the fibro kicks in – oh well, this too shall pass – oh and I am allowed to spoil them - dd lets them eat chocolate etc. when they are here as much as they want – like they say - what are grandmas for
The new hot water tank is in the basement and the old one out and Gary is figuring out how to hook it up to the pipes. Hopefully that will take care of a couple of leaks. I want a bath so badly!!! The water has been off for a while. Thankful that my man can and is willing to do this stuff - nite all
The manic phase is over here and the col is being the sweetest little peach......joking and talking and being ever so pleasant. Compliant.....it's actually scary. I talked with her tonight about hiring more help for the weekends and she thinks that's a good idea. She does well with being kept entertained during the day....it's like she is having a party...so if she's happy with weekend help, then that's what we will do. If it keeps her out of a NH, that just makes it better and worth every dime.
seeme...are you expecting the hurricane to hit where you are? Guess I ought to look at a map......I've seen your house on Bing satellite....:)
ladee......I guess I will just ask if you have gotten the birthday card I sent? Either the mail is slow or it's lost because you haven't said anything. Maybe it's the hanger trolls.....they do side jobs I think.
Time for a certain little lady to go to bed. Will check back later and see who is still up and awake.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I am sleeping in my bed again tonight.....and am so tired now, I can hardly see for yawning. Sis said she would do all the nights while she is here, if I do after supper things. Okeydokey.........
Welcome to all the newbies.....I offered us for a girl named cwgrl.....poor thing just wanted someone to talk to........let's see if we can convince her she is not alone.
Love to you all, have a peaceful night with plenty of sleep......no bad dreams or bedbugs......zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Welcome to all the new people
Starri, come on down.... it will be more fun here... and I promise you won't have to cook or clean... There is all sorts of eating places withing walking distance, and we won't burn any gas.... just get some from eating fast food Jam, I have heard of people being stuck in the '60's, so what era is the col stuck in with strapless bra's???? My lord, when they can get caught in the zipper of her pants, it's waaaaaay too late for strapless.. yeah, just sneak em in the drawer... wish I had a dil that cared where my boobs were....
Ok, the Marie saga, I guess I should have done the unprofessional "WHATEVER" acting out weeks ago... some one has kidnapped the grumpy Marie, and replaced her with someone who actuall has been saying Thank You... the thank you really doesn't matter to me, but the nice tone of her voice does... today went very well, and she actually let me take care of Sonny without telling me how to do my job... Guess he was restless this weekend, according to her , he goes to the bathroom all the time, I think of Seeme's mom, and Sonny requires no help!!!!!! I asked her about me coming a few hours in the evenings when he is like that to give her a break.. oh, I don't think I can afford that, (I knew that was coming) told her I would just charge a flat rate regardless of how long... oh her little face lit up, oh could you, I would really appreciate that...... it won't be everyday, and a little extra for me, so it's all good..... I would rather be over there than hearing the things she says to him while I am not there.... she threatened him with the NH if he didn't "straighten up".... He was a wreck all day asking me if he was going to have to go to the "bad place", those were his words...... I was so angry, and I even went and told her not ot say that to him again.... grrrrrrrrr.......she slept in her chair while I was peeling him off the walls...... what I wanted to say is why didn't SHE go to the NH and Sonny and I would be fine.......no one ever listens to me, damn it....
Ok, things to do, finish putting some stuff up and then I can walk in here without having a claustophobic panic attack....... love you all, and hugs across the miles...
So, let's see. Sis gets here Sat. am. I stayed up till 3 am when she got here, did night duty with mom. Got up at 7am and showed her the morning ritual. Took mom to ER after the party, got back at 1 am, did the night thing, got up at 8am. That was Sunday and it stormed off and on all day and I said I am going to BED and sis can do the night thing. No problem. I woke up at 7:45 and left at 8:30 to go with Kathy and do wedding things. Got back about 1 pm, mom is whiney. Kathy and I made another list while sis did mom, and by 4:30, sis has had enough and went to Michael's. She doesn't need anything there, she just had to get out of the house. I know she thinks I cater to mom too much, and I know mom goes to the bathroom too much and wears herself out, but she won't rest or let up on the fact she has the urge. And I don't always pee by the clock....sometimes I have to go pretty often depending on what I drink maybe, or how much, or if my hands are in warm water...........
The ER called yesterday, yes SUNDAY, to tell me the radiologist saw something on the chest x-ray and wants mom to go to her doctor. I didn't know they were going to do one, so no one mentioned she'd had double pneumonia bad about 50 yrs ago. Probably scar tissue.
Jam, I think you can relate to this. Sis has told Kathy that mom could go live with her, but she would have 7 day help. Other sister would put her in a NH. I think you made the comment that if you had help on the weekends too, it's like...why not put her in a nursing home...... but she would be in her own place with 7 day help. I still have a budget to work with, and the more I can save now, the more I can have if things get worse and she HAS to go somewhere, so I shall continue on...........
Sis has been gone 1hr 30 min. It is almost 6 pm....supper time....and where is her ass? ***screaming***
Got to tell you Kathy's luck......she walked over here after she heard the weather. Looks like she's holding a wedding during a HURRICANE!!!!! Think of us often, and pray it moves further East.
OK, supper time........later.......I've read all the posts and just had to tell you all about ME time............
starri.......I'm beginning to think ladee might be right. It seems like every time you are ready to take off, something happens. I wonder what hubby would do if he woke up one morning and you were on your way to Texas? Just unhook the bike, unless you and ladee would be riding around on it! Send pictures!
Think I will try and catch a short nap before time to fix dinner for the col.
Will check back in later.........................
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I am absolutely exhausted..mentally and physically.. So we have to go to the laundry now? that sucks, especially in this heat.. I got lucky the last time I had to go there, they had a/c... I was truly shocked.
Where's everyone else this evening?
IB, welcome, hope you come back to visit and post.... a great group of loving people here....
Emjo, those healing tears are the best kind...... and yes that distance from your mom is helping, I had to do that with my dad..... gotta do what we gotta do..
Starri, if the old man get sick, it means you are supposed to stay put.. everytime ya'll have headed out something has happened... and if he keeps being a butt, just come to Texas with the girls, it is hot here , but you would have alone time, and I promise not to make plans and then change them again and again....And as far as music for my neihbors, well I think some hard core AC/DC would do the trick.... loud, really loud.....
Jam, sorry to hear that wanting to get her new bras brought about a "hate fest', tell her she can get ME new bras and I'll send her my old ones... I wear 48D, would that help her any.......
Ah Seeme, she is just having fun, could care less what we are doing or missing her.... see how she is when she gets some ME time...... it's all about her......love ya girl
I know I missed someone here, but will be back later....I have to go to the WASHATERIA, OMG..... haven't had to do that in forever..... but am going to rest first, then come back and tell ya"ll that someone has kidnapped the old Marie, and left a nice lady in her place....... later, love and hugs....
As for him realizing that this trip is for peace and quiet? No he doesn't, he only see's the world as he wants to see it, and it involves no one else.. lol, was telling him the other day about us needing to get to idaho before the snow starts, and he was "oh, I have gloves, thermies, this that and the other thing" I told him "well, goodie for you !!!" there are 4 other people (3 with 4 legs) on this trip as well.
Love ya'll
Have a storm moving through so hope we don't lose the internet. Waiting for it to pass so I can go grocery shopping.....:(
Welcome ib4......your mom sounds like my mil. One of her diagnoses is manic attacks and she was mad at hubby and I both all weekend. I made the mistake of suggesting we buys bras that fit and he told her she couldn't drive her car. And everyone are idiots. Alrighty then, I guess we all know where we stand. You might want to consider checking your mom's medications, if she is taking any, as they may need to be tweaked or changed altogether. Has she had a check-up lately? Things to look for are UTI, dehydration, even a possible stroke. Or just a developing or worsening dementia.
emjo.....how nice to get flowers from your sweetie! Sounds like a good time was had by all.....I'm so happy it was a good day for you.
seeme.......must be busy installing internet somewhere....:)
ASG.....want directions to my house when you're through cleaning yours? Good to see you here. How's the Hover Round training going?
Vic.....if one benefit makes up on another it seems like it would be okay. Plus it sounds like there are other benefits that can then be utilized. It's always scary when you start working with possible financial changes. The col popped up the other day and said she wanted us to get her life insurance........uh, didn't know there was a policy. I never found paperwork pertaining to that when we moved her and hubby just says "I don't know".....so someone will save a lot money on down the road, because she doesn't remember anything about it either.
starri......glad to see you back and sorry you aren't feeling well. And wished hubby felt better so you can get on the road. Doesn't he realize this trip is for the peace and quiet and if you wanted to be bombarded with constant people and noise you could just stay home? Maybe he can go to a motorcycle show and leave you to some "me time".
stormy is probably playing in the sand and surf right about now.....lucky girl!
doreal........how are YOU doing today? Check in with us please!
Hello to everyone else and please check in and let us know how you are today......
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
It should not affect your Mom's survivor benefits when the time comes, as you will no longer be receiving the other part.
That's one of the reasons behind this trip, acquire everything we need (divorce certificates) for having me declared legally as Glenn's wife. So that when the time comes I will be able to collect a small pension. Won't have medical as far as I know, as he did not retire, 14 years and drank his way out of the service..lol, but at least he's sober now, and did get a honorable discharge. Should be fun trying to find them, I am wife # 4 for him, and he is hubby # 4 for me, I'm allergic to abuse, hence them being ex's.. He's been stupid all three, the 1st one was a decent woman, he drank and cheated himself out of that marriage, the second one was a sympathy marriage, and the 3rd was a marriage for a good connection for drugs..lol.. that one was his longest marriage, 16 years, he's my longest, 10 years now..good thing we're both sober, as someone would be serving a life sentence..
Good luck, let me know how things turn out for you.
I need to get out of here as well, hubby is going to fine himself being drug behind the trailer if he keeps doing this oh, we can go to this motorcycle event, go to that one, etc.. I can't have my breakdown if I have to keep plastering on a happy face for 300 frigging people I don't know.
I've given up trying to do "spring" cleaning, it's become cleaning where ever I have time, energy and desire to do it...lol... Spring is coming again next year, if your not up to it this year, oh, well, do it next year.
As for the music? you can get even, opera, loud and clear.. otherwise speak with your landlady about it.. I love the opera anyway, so since it works quite well for getting the point across, just makes it better..
Vic? talk with a veterans Representative, there are local county offices and there are regional offices, they can help you with any questions that you might have. When in doubt, ask someone..lol, there is also their website you could dig around on while you are waiting for a answer out of the office..
Jo, I am glad to hear that your birthday went well, it does sound like the kids were on a "sugar high" but what are grandparents for if not to spoil the kids? their your revenge for what your kids did as little ones..lol.. at least that is what I've always heard, had to call mom one day and apologize for being such a rotten kid, as my daughter was about to drive me nuts.
We've got the camper pretty much done, just some things that can't go in there till the last moment, as there is no place to put them, except right dead in front of the door. Don't know what is up with hubby, he's having chills. Please Lord I do not want to end up in the hospital with him again. We're not going anywhere though if he is not feeling better.
Me? still kinda teetering on the edge..even with having been back on my meds for a few days now. Of course hubby's changing his mind about where we are going on this trip isn't helping matters any. Just about ready to tell him exactly what he can do with that motorcycle and this trip.
Shawna, I am PROUD of you girl.. let the "a**hole" have it.. If you check out my face book page, you'll find there's more to me than what the Doctors like..lol... oh, well, I am happy, reasonably healthy and clean and sober, started adding to me after getting sober, turned to chocolate shakes rather than the bottle of rum. I have a favorite saying, and have used it several times, "if you don't like what you are looking at, turn your fu***** head as I did not ask you to look in the first place."
Tell the hubby all the time, I have a hour glass figure, mine just has 72 hours...
Anyway, time to go take hubby's temp again, I hate these new digital thermometers, I don't trust them... give me a good old fashion one, mercury included. Most hospitals now a days will not bother to check and actually test for what is wrong with you in the ER, had hubby's blood pressure not dropped last time I had him in there, they would have been sending him home with a script for antibiotics to cure a UTI when he really had sepsis . A week's worth of poop cleaning that time.. Thank you Lord that was all..
Anyone that hasn't checked in please do so.
am better already - feeling the love and sending it back -and smiling - love the porcupines :-D