This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
emjo, sorry your heart is hurting but you know he is there holding your hand and telling you how much he loves and misses you too.... and families, they just make me tired....
Ro, no doubt you are a rock, but I get to worry about you anyway, that's what friends do, love ya..
Vic, thanks for the bday wish and you were missed too. happy to hear you got some rest on your day off,and sure hope popa is feeling better...
mismiley, great to hear you had a good vacation, what is that again, a vacation, I keep hearing about this and know I should be happy for those that get one, and I am, but I think I want one for myself...
cmagnum, last son out... empty nest now???? Hope everything went ok for all of you and the telling him bye part... don't like that part.... good to hear from you...
Seeme, are you having so much fun you can not stop and speak???? Am happy you are getting time off, but that does not mean time off from the computer....
Jam, and where are you today????? All suited up for the poop war? And I hear the elders win everytime.... let us hear from you and how your day has been... I am back now, let's get the party started..... hugs across the miles,,,
YR - so good to see u posting – hope dad gest some relief from the pain and u from being overwhelmed and that cooler weather comes ur way – we have mist in the morning now which signals the beginning of fall and will likely have a frost at night before the end of the month. Love the weather as it is now but do not look forward to the winter cold
Ladee – love the internet service and hanger stories – yes whatever it takes – hope Marie remembers to me nicer to u and… vent away – those metal hangers deserve it anyway – good u could laugh at urself
Seeme – hope your IBS is better – that 4:30 am thing was not fun - nasty stuff –have had it off and on and that is when I learned to be a country girl and go when and where I had to – now when u r in the grocery story it is a little more difficult -which reminds me of a story – later - think I may end up like ur OES, Dark side – we all have one!!!
Smiley – Hi and so glad u and hubby had a break – soooo important to get away. Hoping u get good news from the dr and can return to work
Stormy – enjoy the beach!!!! U lucky thing - it will be great – play in the sand with ur lil red – here it will be a tub of water in the backyard for the grandkids and some plastic boats
John – glad you made the trip successfully - good idea to stay out of the drama – unfortunately some seem to be enjoying it
Ros – hi – look after ur back - they aren’t replaceable
Still having a few withdrawal effects – down to 1/8 of a dose and will stay on that I guess for a few days
Going shopping today for a tub for my grandkids to have water play in when they come over tomorrow, a hot water heater for Gary to install, see if I can find a grill/grid for the firepit, some fresh corn and also some coconut milk for making homemade blueberry ice cream oh yes and those long forks to roast marshmallows – mustn’t forget them
Missing my Gordie – happens around special days
Love hugs and prayers to all ♥♥♥
jo
Ladee...happy late birthday! Glad you took frustration out on hangers!! Good for you! You have been missed.
Ros...know what you mean about dead weight! Use your legs as much as possible. Dad pees in diaper during day..not so bad but at night he wakes up and calls...as he is peeing and it doesn't stay in! Arghh..... Lol
Day off was good...caught up on laundry and sleep!
Today is peaceful so far. Love and prayers to all.
Stormy I am so happy to know that you are going to the beach for a few days. Don't switch on the computer. Just bathe and relax. Don't worry, when you come back you'll have only 400 posts to read!!!!
Seeme, my mother sleeps during the night. And she "does" everything in her diaper, so we don't go to the bathroom every two seconds. I guess it is a good thing. She is past the point of being humiliated by that!
Hi Jo, Vic, Texas, Jam, everyone else I didn't mention. I am going to do some shopping with my mother if I can draw her to the car once more. It's getting a very difficult task. She is more and more dead weight. My poor back.
Love you all and have missed each and every one of you.... catch me up on what is going on... no way could I read all 200 plus posts.... hugs across the miles to ya'll.......
So, mom has pooped on herself, gotten some on her hands and on the floor I just washed yesterday, so I remin her about the dog. Suddenly, I quit talking about the dog cause I was at the point of the story where Holly got to where she couldn't get up any more at all, so we had to put her down..................but I went to the dark side in my mind for just a second............ANY SW ON HERE TONIGHT?????
Needless to say, that's why I took a nap.
Sis just called and she is in W. VA.and GPS says she is due to arrive here about 2:27 am.
TX......welcome.........so, ya need to know how many times someone can go to the bathroom in a day, huh? I am definitely the expert. That is my main job here at home. Seems like I always have a poo story, and I don't mean Whinnie. Between dehydration and UTIs, that is a steady issue here, and mom has gone as much as every 20 min during and entire day and night, so you might need to look into that.
Stormy......You sound so good today........and a trip to the beach!!..........you have been a VERY good girl............
smiley.......I wish I deserved a name like that........glad you had a vacation....I am looking forward to my sister coming here just so I can think about driving by myself somewhere, anywhere, and use the A/C !!!!!! I hope it lasts you a long time.
I will write more after the show...................
I've been observing some threads and selecting not to get in the middle of some 72 hour plus drama on one of them.
I wish everyone a good rest of the weekend!
YR-Yes we are very relieved to know that at least we have a diagnosis. I hope you get some rest and i hope your dad gets some relief from his pain.
Ladeeeeeeeeeee- glad u r back hon! Hope u had a happy day!!!!!!!!
Seemeeeeeeeee- I'm sorry u are having a time with your mom. Sounds like she really keeps u busy. You try to take some time for you and get some rest! Love all of you! HUGS!!!!!!!!!!! Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I was suppose to go back to work at the end of July. I did for 2 days and now I'm off until I see the dr again the day after Labor Day. I will be so glad when I return to work that would help me keep my sanity. I just pour all of the stress from taking care of grandma into my work.
I tried keeping up with all the post here but it would take me more than a month to catch up with everybody. I hope everybody is doing good. Time for me to get off of here and get some things down since grandma is going to bed. Good night everyone.
Happy Birthday, again, Ladee. Seeing you here on the thread tonight is like getting a birthday present FROM you.....I tried calling......so I hope you have gone out to dinner or something else special, just for you. And then, get back on here and start posting and venting and letting us know what has been happening to you and the BS!!
I ended up taking a 2-3 hr nap this afternoon. I know I was being indulgent, but I am staying up till sis gets here and that will be afer midnight for sure. Wokw up to mom in her room, sitting in her chair, saying "It is supper time. I am hungry." over and over again. So all that is done and she is in bed.
This was one of those days where I was on the poopy end of everything. I was up at 4:30 because mom got me up, but I was suddenly hit with an IBS attack before I could even get mom back into bed. She is in her room on the commode, can't get up, don't even think the paper was where she could get it, with her bedroom door open, hollering my name...........over.....and over......and over. I am in her bathroom next door, in pain, can't get up yet, door open, whisper/hollering "Shut up"...."just wait"......"give me a minute"....rocking back and forth, trying not to cry, waiting for hubby to come charging down the hall. TA DAH !! Actually funny when I look back on it, but NOT at 4:30 AM.
Mom gets up at 7 and the day begins. I get her clothes together and she gets in the shower for a waist down bath. Set her at the table and get breakfast made...fried egg and toast.....smelled good, so me, too. Mom doesn't finish her breakfast, much less me finish, when she has to go to the bathroom.....NOT unusual. I've noticed she tries to lift herself out of the chair with her arms instead of her quads, so I let her do it as much as she can by herself. She gets up, turns around for me to pull her pull ups down, and shit goes on the floor, down the stool, in the pull ups, and she doesn't know she did anything!! Poor mom, she is upset, so I tried to make it NOT unusual, so I remind mom about the last OES I had. As Holly got older, (and she was 14 when we had to put her down) she would strain to get up and there was always some poop on the floor, easy to pick up, and there was no scolding. She couldn't help it. Mom remembered when I told her how embarrassed she was one time when the Meth. Pastor was leaving. Holly got up with the rest of us, and POOP! He didn't give it a second thought as he had dogs, too. I'll finish in a minute..............
But a computer is my best gift plus all the wishes from my friends, who could ask for anything more than that....
tell ya'll what I am going to have to do.... just start from today.. If I can't make a phone call for internet service and end up talking to Seeme at 8am, then maybe I shouldn't try to go back for days to figure what all I missed.... I will get it soon, so be patient with me... hugs across the miles....
Happy Birthday Laade. Hope everyone is doing the best they can.
Stormy........I can see you are much relieved. I don't know if you remember or not but earlier on this thread when we were all trying to diagnose your dad I mentioned cellulitis. That could also explain the swollen lymph nodes. It is a very uncomfortable thing to have but he will be better when he finishes his antib's.
Dad is still in a lot of pain in his back. But the prednisone has increased his appitite. TGIF I am overwhelmed at work and sure do need a break form that.
The weather is terrible hot here and only looking to get hotter. "sigh"
Well, have a blessed evening.
u sound so much better and I am so glad!!! and so glad u got antibotics for ur dad's cellulitis -
biopsy at the end of the month right?
hang in therer!!!!
love ya
jo
so glad so see u back
by being in the right place i thot u meant TX lol
i am sure u will go crazy trying to catch up but GO FOR IT!!!
we r just glad u are here again
love ya ♥♥♥
jo
Ok, now to start reading, but wanted ya'll to know I am here and one happy computer user.... YEHA... love you all, and hugs across the miles
Dad keeps coughing so i have to walk back in there every so often to check on him. I thought i would be able to address everyone today but i might have to do that later after i get home. Or do this in shifts I just got back on here typing and he is already coughing again. He's quit now. I wanted to let ya'll know that me, hubby and lil red are going to the beach for a few days "YIPEEEEEEEEE" we are leaving sunday sometime the sooner the better i say before something happens!!!!!!!!! Will we be back thursday afternoon. And i don't know how i am going to survive without talking to ya'll for that long. I'll be in ac dt's!!!!!!!!!! But i will try to make it I can't wait to go I am soooooooo excited to get the hell out of this town i could do cartwheels. I wanted to thank all of you for your concern for me,sis and dad. Through this hellish ordeal we have been going through.
Jam-thank you for all of your advice and support!
Emjo- I love your stories u are soooo funny. Hope you are doing ok.
Ladeeee and Seemeeee I loved the phone story that was hilarious you girls are crazy!
Tx- welcome to our crazy world please come back and join us while we go INSANE!
Ros-hope u r doing ok too and not working too hard.
Well if i forgot anyone I'm sorry i will address the ones i missed later. Got to go feed dad and then leave for my drs appt. Love and hugs Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
You will have to ask seeme how many times in one day a person can go to the bathroom..she can tell you exactly!
stormy.....how are you today and how's Dad? Check in when you can.
ASG.....where are you? Being held hostage in a corner with a Hover round? Kids in school? Heck you've probably gone back to bed.
Shawna, Vic, YR, John, Rossella, check in when you can.
The birthday girl hopefully has internet today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope work is good to you today....miss hearing from you!
Day is half gone and I don't have much done. I see one tree limb down from the storm last night, need to go drag it off somewhere. Or maybe just lay it down so it can be cut up and used in the new fire pit.......good idea I had there!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Read through some of the posts and you will see what many are facing... and come back and vent some more. It helps!
enjoy all the newness of ur most recent adventure - getting the BS in shape! :)
I started keeping a list of birthdays but it is quite incomplete so need some input from you ladies - will get back to u
starri u slept in!!!! woot woot
seeme - for upset tummies - ginger tea as in: grate some ginger into a cup and pour in boiling water (I keep my ginger in the freezer and just grate as needed for tea, stir frys etc)
jam - pay bills - now that is a grate - uh great idea!!! - just got slammed through taxes and pension so have to do some serious digging into the options - all part of the transition from working to retirement
vic - let me know how dilution works for u - if there are any raw spots u will feel it - but it does heal it
got rhymes on the brain this morning
One day as I let down my hair, I met a guy who wasn't there
he wasn't there again today - I love 'em when they get that way
applies to some of the online guys
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yorkshire Men!
I just knew there was something different about men from Yorkshire.
Up in Yorkshire arugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when
he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning
from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for
everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given
birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25
pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's
about average in Yorkshire... like I said, my boy's a
typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.'
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid
many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually
fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender
says, 'Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in
two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'
The proud father answers, 'Twenty pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little
suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25
pounds the day he was born!'
The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's,
wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender
and proudly says,
'Had him circumcised...'
LOL
that's it for this morning folks
♥
jo
stories - I have reviewed and censored a few - some of those guys were just yucky but - there was a very cute italian guy who was a real person - other than Gary he was the only one who was appropriate when it was Gordie time of year -
maybe a Gordie story - he and middle son were visiting mother some years ago. She liked to feed them a meal. At that time she was on some medication that caused her pass serious gas. Now you have to realize that I have never heard mother say a swear word or even refer to such bodily functions as passing gas in her whole life! Mother had set a beautiful table as usual - the family silver, cloth napkins - she used them all the time, and so on and the two grandsons sat down to a nice meal in these somewhat elegant surroundings. (Mother's living room was like a museum with art pieces, nice furniture etc and she is very good at decorating,) On her way to the kitchen to get another dish she ripped a good one. Well, mother being mother totally ignored it, however that was too much to ask from two teen age boys. Gordie got the giggles. He looked up and finally caught Dave's eye and the two of them just about exploded. They had to leave the table and go out on the balcony and burst into helpless laughter.
This was, by the way the same balcony that his sister and he were on one visit when she "innocently" remarked that it would be a great place to spit from (9 floors up) and see what happened. Of course, Gordie could not resist and obliged her. It is one of her good memories of bro Gord.
Oh BTW the story about the gal who froze her bum the the car bumper and her date had to pee her off gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "pissed off". lol
my main man called last night and may have a few minutes to drop by this am as he is running an errand - ahhh that would be nice
Just doing a drive-by....will be back later!
seeme..........gotta go to FB for birthdays! And someone else we know and love is having a celebration on the 21st! Right emjo? hehehehe
Must pay bills now and finish email, then I will be back.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam