This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
bathroom smells of bleach this morning - that's good!
seeme - glad no sweats for mum and u got some rain and some sleep - isn't it refreshing - we had a hail storm here last night so the flowers are battered but the air is awesome this morning - moist and cool - resigned from being queen lol to scullery maid
shawna sweetie (((((((hugs))))) what a terrible shock for u - know my cyber arms are wrapped around u - u may find that u get pretty tired from the grief - give urself time and look after u the best u can -take care of that asthma
you too stormy - ((((((hugs)))))) make sure u take ur antid's regularly - they don't take away the pain but help u to cope with it - I know ur anxiety is high - maybe the doc can give u some thing for it or 1/2 a pill of sis's would be enough to help - don't want to be sleepy at the doc's- such a hard time - work it out with bro the best u can - think u can expect those unexpected tears around this time and u r on an emotional roller coaster and will be for a while - u 2 shawna -
john - sounding good - glad the diet is working - hope u get an apology from the pastor - u will be back in ur man cave soon!
ros (((((hugs)))) u gotta get some sleep woman!!!
starri - glad to see u back - sometimes retreat is all u can do - love the pics on fb and putting a face to the names . u guys who r 3rd time lucky r giving me hope - I told gary that marry is a 4 letter word in my vocab - the "m" word - couldn't even say it for a while - I like your ingenuity - I have central air now but used to have the window type - one up and one down - bought at garage sales cheap and frankly they kept the house cooler than the central -but it was such a hassle installing and removing them each year spring and fall - the central is good enough to cool the bedrooms so u can sleep - and yes we do get heat but y'all would probably not recognize it as that - anything over 73 and I start to gasp lol - took a few years but I have acclimatized to this place - however I will never get used to 40 below! and that's a promise - u sure have trained ur pets well - what's the secret???
cats!!!! - toonie cuddles up to the air outlet on the laptop - nice and warm - and drools on my keyboard -sometimes he wants to lie on it and from 4 pm onwards he bugs me till he gets his canned catfood. I leave dry food out all day too for him to nibble on
jam did u go shopping yet? want pics of the col dolled up in her new outfits!!!
vic - hi - thinking of u 2 - hope the sinus recipe is working - a literal life saver for me
YR - if u can make it here every weekend that is great!! - if more often -even better
down to 1/2 dose of cetirizine from 3/4 - forgot to take a dose yesterday pm in all the excitement and was ok till this am -so looking good!!! - or will be once I have a bath and do my hair lol
getting another thyroid blood test today -since Gordie died it has been bouncng around so I check it regularly - dd has to too. see doc on Thursday for any adjustments etc, pulled muscle seems to have benefitted from - YEAY!!!!
well that's all she wrote folks - for now
Ciao baby - I'll be back ♥♥♥
jo
Hubby pulled the plug on the computer after supper last night as it started lightning and we finally got hours of rain !!! So excited !!! We have not been as bad as Texas, but we were in 'extreme drought', and last night we got 2"-3". A couple of roads in town were closed for flooding. Where we live used to be a field, so it is very flat and I think we actually absorbed the rain. Hubby just finished mowing the grass, too.
Kathy was here last night and I feel like a new woman today. I'm curious to see how long that lasts. I did not take mom to the ER - yet. She didn't have the sweats last night, so am crossing my fingers. She sleeps with cotton pj's, capri length, just sheet and electric blanket that may or may not be on, depending. She can't get to the controls since she blistered herself with a heating pad.
Shawna....so sorry about your friend and how brave of her. Design an ovarian cancer water bottle in her honor using the color for that cancer.
Emjo.....no longer Queen of the Porcelain Throne, I hope.
Jam.....will col go shoppy shoppy with you?
YR....Wish you had more time for us, but I know your hands are full.....sending you some of my energy today.
Stormy, we will be trying to wait patiently for you tomorrow, but let us know as soon as you can what happened. Going to Duke in Durham or Raleigh?
Ladee !!!!!!! Hope you can be up and running by the weekend and that your move was accomplished in one day. Has the heat let up at all?
Starri.....you will have your days and nights mixed up before long, although I love to be up at that time, right by myself. So peaceful and quiet. Hope hubby got something done for you yesterday.....
Vic.....another motorcycle momma......bikes are such a part of lives, aren't they...
Heidi, hope you got to the botanical gardens. St. Louis, right? Love them. Went to the zoo last time I was there 2 yrs ago. Always loved Forest Park.....
Gonna watch the news.....get caught up on what is happening.....lost satellite during the storm last night....praying for those in Indianna.........later
And that brother of mine is going with us. Not really sure I want him to go. He has not been down to see dad since last week. Until yesterday he popped in and spoke to dad for a minute and then he was gone. Things are still very awkward with that SIL and some with brother. Me and sis just kinda wanted it to be us and dad going. But once bro found out we were going to the appt to find out the results. He wants to go. Hell, I feel like i am on a emotional roller coaster and there's no way to get off!!!!! Well, I guess I better go I got to start getting ready to carry red to daycare and then go to dads. I will chat back at ya'll some when i get over there to his house. Love and((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
Did get some things done yesterday, Baby Brother had to go into town and our friend was pretty much out of it, he's off his meds for bipolar and has been running manic for the past two weeks, you can't slow his butt down when he is like this, you just try and stay out of the way so you don't get ran over..
While with Brother at the grocery store, I picked up a bunch of stuff (food stuffs) for the camper, found good deals on a lot of stuff, most of the stuff we bring has to be shelf stable, basically no refrigeration in that thing, fresh meats and veggies will have to be picked up on the road as we go..(that is if we are not eating out, lol... ; )
Jo, hope you are doing better, Ros, hope you didn't work that hard today. Shawna, I am sorry to hear about your friend, she might not have wanted to tell you she was ill, Cmag? maybe I ought to call our bedroom my "woman" cave, sounds a lot better than the "Bat" cave that my hubby and brother call it..rofl.. they've been told if the curtain is up, it's safe to come in, if it is down, do yourself a favor and walk no closer than the bathroom....unless you have a really really good reason for it..
Our "house" (picture single wide trailer here) the only room in the house that has a door is the bathroom. Otherwise it is what is now called a open floor plan, lol, {my ain't we fancy} I had to put a curtain (sheet) up a couple of years ago while Hubby was in CA, it was summer, miserable to say the least and the damned a/c in the livingroom quit, so I'd come home from work, and have to go hide in the bedroom to hope to have a cool place, with no door, there was no way to keep the cool air in there, so I took a heavy duty winter sheet and tacked up over the opening.. I can hear Jeff Foxworthy adding "you might be a redneck if you have a sheet as a door." me I call it making do with what you got. It worked, hubby got home from CA, we replaced the a/c in the front with one that has a remote, yippee, and then replaced the one in the bedroom with one with a remote. The one in the bedroom had been leaking water in the house, to try and protect the floors and stuff I tacked foil up long the wall to act as a guide into a pail..lol, growing up more than dirt poor, I've had to learn to be inventive.. I'm amazed our electric bill isn't over 500.00 per month with the way I run the things.
Jam? COL still feeding the dog her food? my two think they are suppose to get human food, but they know the rules, no begging, go lay down and be good while we are eating you might get a treat, sit there and stare at me? you are not getting a snack.. We have rules as well about them getting into each others bowls in the morning, even the cat knows it.. you have to wait till the other person (animal) eats their fill and walks away, it's funny watching the cat, I put the dogs bowls on the opposite ends of the kitchen, and the cat will sit there between the two of them waiting patiently while they eat..so that she can get in there after their done.
She's a good one for coming and pestering me to feed the dogs so she can eat their food.. I keep dry food out at all times so they can snack all day.. along with the doggie treats, they get for doing their duty outside, even the cat expects her treats when she comes in the house, God forbid you forget to give her, her treats. She'll drive you nuts.
Stormy, keep us posted, everyone else keep us posted as to how you are doing..big hugs..
OK since - made myself some home made rasp ice cream with coconut milk - felt right somehow, - didn't feel like eating much but that was good
bathroom pretty well cleaned up-- usually give it one more going over to be sure
Heidi hope the mil and fil and YOU had fun
stormy, know we are thinking of you and what you may be facing
vic loved ur story of how u met hubby
motorcycles are great - my godson took me for a long ride through the city a couple of summers ago - he said I was a natural - couldn't even feel I was there - now can call myself biker nan lol - hadn't been on one in years
YR -glad u checked in and busy is not always bad - i guess. With 4 kids there were days when I spent 4 hours at a stretch chauffering kids to and from games, jobs etc. - hope the diet is still working - i hit plateaus which last what seems like forever
seeme wondering how mum is and if u decided to take her to the ER for dehydration
jam -between a new hairdo and a few lbs on col will be a new woman - just bury the hot rollers. - zucchini loaf coming, choc zucchini muffins ??? I still love that electrified Q tip LOL
ASG - sounds like aunt is getting some pleasure from the hover - great!!!
Shawna - hope you had a great selling day
ros - maybe u r getting some sleep????
starri - hope u r holding up (((((hugs)))))
john - did u hear back from the pastor? hope the man cave and diet are still on track
so wondering how 54 and hubby are doing
prob forgot someone - keeping up with everyone is a good brain exercise - use it or lose it!!! lol
take care all -
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
I hope everyone has had a great day!
Heidi how was the trip to the Botanical Garden? I so hope you all had a good time.
emjo.....I sure hope you feel better. Do you think it might have been something you ate? I'm sorry you feel bad, but I'm telling you I was rolling around on the floor with the potty story......:) We're going to have a blast traveling around the country taking everyone back home in the rv........you're going to keep us well entertained.
Must do some online shopping tonight for the col. Bless her heart, she is really putting on the weight. Her size medium doesn't quite fit anymore. She looks great with a few extra pounds on her. I tease her about her "spare tire" and she says "I'm going to look just like Pedee" that's her dog. We took a short walk around the garden and looks like we have more zucchini coming, tomatoes are about finished.
Hope everyone checks in and let us know how you are...................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Well, Dad complained that his back hurt when I got him up yesterday morn. I think he must have pulled something one of the times he got up to use the bedside commode. He is still in pain today. Am doing what I can for him. Will call his dr. tomorrow.
Hope you all are doing good. Have a blessed day. P & P
Try to say that it will turn out fine but noooo I can't keep my mouth shut!
They end up fine and then she says that it is soo much trouble for me! Damn!
Can't win for losing s...!!
where am I
well not far from the bathroom
got the runs this morning - my own poop story and I get to clean it up as well - the walls, the toilets seat hinges etc etc etc- may have to take it off to get in there, - when i am feeling better
mother once was indignant that she had to clean up after herself having had a barium enema -what am I supposed to do Ma? call the poop fairies - or maybe fly down to edmonton and do it myself
woke up feeling not great - stomach and so on - the withdrawal is worse in the am - and it has progressed - not sure what this is due to though but don't want to add immodium to the mixture
picture this - I am sitting in bed with the laptop and a heating pad on my pulled muscle and i get the urge - throw the laptop to the side, unwrap the heating pad step out of bed - into the bucket i had put there in case I upchucked - stumble to the bathroom - no wonder my aim wasn't so good
have a better one for you - they say laughter is good for the health - G and i were out in the winter checking fences and rounding up lost horses -I went prepared with tights and a pad - no outhouses near the pastures and this was when the gut candida was worse and I was less predictable
we found the horses and he said wait here and I will chase them towards you and when they come running at you wave your arms ( it was twilight) and be sure they see you and they will know to turn in the gate - O - kay
well i had to pee - it was twilight and he was a ways down the road so I went in the ditch and squatted - only - it wasn't just a pee - no TP no kleenex either. OK did the best I could - thought better to get that out of me now because with 10 horses running at me I might have cra*pped myself anyway - he put the horses in another gate and went to check fences leaving me in the truck. At this point I thought I had better clean myself up -so there was me in the front seat on a 3/4 ton wriggling out of my jeans, out of my tights, out of my panties and peeling off this pad which stuck to everything except what it was supposed OUCH!!!/ Got that done and no friendly farmers stopped by for a chat - they do that - then had to wriggle back into the tights - ladies that is harder than wriggling out - especially in the front seat of a truck - finally got myself together just as Gary appeared out of the bush. -"Everything OK?" " Yes dear, just had to go in the ditch." "Better stop at the garage for the restroom then to clean up " Me - "Yes dear" thinks -You have NO idea!!!
Now if anyone thinks I am a dignified senior you have just learned the truth!!! LOL
Love ya girl!
Jam
Stormy, ask your dad if he wants to know everything. What I have discovered with family/friends is that the diagnosis of cancer is usually so powerful that the patient's ears close up, they have to digest it, so it is always advisable that someone else be there to "hear" what is being said. Were you with him when he heard it? That may give you an idea of how to approach this visit.
Vic.....loved the story. When hubby and I first started dating, I remember telling a cousin of mine that he was the one I was going to marry. His parents weren't too fond of the idea at the time. We got married suddenly when he came to see me on leave, but we had been engaged for over a year. His folks figured I HAD to be pregnant. LOL So much for THAT ever happening.....lol
Jam...we have given up on our garden. Never did plant a second crop of anything. Even the marigolds have given it up. Everything comes out tomorrow when hubby is off. But the rabbits!!! They don't even move when they see us. One just got off the driveway when he saw hubby and laid down in the grass waiting for hubby to leave. Then he went back to eating the tomatoes that hubby threw on the ground because of rot. I mean BOLD !!
Going to get moving now. Mom is cleaned up and fed. Now have some picking up tp do. And the age old "what's for dinner" to be answered. Later..........
Woke up this morning to hubby making homemade doughnuts. How does one lose weight when presented with that? Will power you say? Mine is won't power I think.....:)
Vic...very romantic and funny story! I bet your parents about fainted to see hubby ride up on a Harley, but how wonderful for you that they kept open minds. We have a Honda Goldwing and I had a trike put on last year for hubby's birthday. So much nicer with both of us on it. We also have a Piaggio with the 2 front wheels, but it's not as comfortable for me to ride.
starri......I understand the rotten feelings. Maybe today can be a "starri day" and help you climb out of that hole. How about a pedicure? I always feel better after I pamper myself a little. There is a product from Bath and Body Works, True Blue Spa line, it's crystals that you put in water and they fizz and make your feet so soft and it smells heavenly. So do your feet when you're finished....:)
seeme............I sent that item directly that we talked about in email yesterday. Hope you're having a good weekend. And no more veggie soup for momma....:)
stormy......tell us all about your birthday! Hope Dad is feeling good today. Give him a hug.
ASG........how's Auntie and the Hover round? At least you're far enough away from the lake that she can't drive into it! How's the driving lessons?
emjo......hope you're feeling okay today. You have been quiet!
rossella......I bet you're working hard......any chance your brother is giving you a break this weekend? Kisses for our Nicky and her continued recovery. I love hearing about her. My heart belongs to the puppies!
YR, Shawna, just holler at me because I know I have missed someone very important........I have doughnuts on the brain....:)
Everyone is either still sleeping or perhaps getting ready to go to church, so I will check back in later. I am about to be served breakfast in bed.....wouldn't pass that up for anything.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Vic- thank you for the prayers we sure need them right now. I think for our sanity too. So what is your father and mothers health problems. Does your father have cancer too? Me and sis just can't believe that all of this is going on. We have no idea about what questions to ask dads dr on tues. If you or anybody else here have any suggestions on questions to ask please let me know and i will write them down. If it is bad news how do we ask questions while dad is in there. If one of us leaves out of the room after the dr i think it will be too obvious to dad what we are doing? So we feel like we can't do that really. I wish there was a way you could talk to a dr on the phone. No chance of that happening!!!!! They would have to charge you for the phone call. It would be better if dad asked the questions but his breath is so short. It's hard for him to carry on a long conversation. He speaks a few words at a time then has to catch his breath.
John- are you cmagnum?
Nana Emjo- that's cute (nana) thank you for the talk yesterday. It helped talking about mom. Boy what i would give to hold her again. To just feel her arms around me. OK got to quit that or I will start crying.
Seemie where u at?
Ladee-COME BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shawna-good luck with selling your merchandise.
Ros- get some rest, glad nicky is back to normal and eating good.
Well if i forgot anyone I'm sorry my prayers are with all of you and I'm sending love and hugs your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Yesterday afternoon, I was MIA because I slammed face first into depression, came on out of no where and is still hanging around... head hurts, still crying off and on... so will probably be out of action for today... hope everyone has a wonderful day.
Ros...hate your not getting rest it really sucks hope you are able to get back on track soon.
Shawna..hope all goes well at festival! Kudos to your nephew!
John..yay for rebuke and happy anniversary yesterday!
Heidi, Emjo et all whom I have misssed saying something...you guys all make it better, thanks!
My story isn't near a romantic! But here goes.....a little background..dad was in service (navy) retired back in CA but then because of job we ended up on the MS coast. I came to north Ms to go to college...didn't finish social work degree but that is another story...
Was working and living in this little town down on guys since all I dated just wanted a piece of_____.. So here comes this guy riding up on an old Harley to see my roommate. Didn't know him from Adam ... I was lookin out the window and this thought comes though my head ..this is the guy you are going to marry! Freaky!! Well roommate wasn't there and he was on his way to Daytona with some other buddies. Didnt see him for a few months and then we ran into each other via mutual friend. How weird! Anyway he asks me out ...we go to see "buck Rogers and the 25th century"! In a 69 windsor chystler looked like the old bat mobile but white! After that he would come to see me on weekends and stay on the couch in the mornings he would take me to breakfast and we would window shop. Months later my parents were visiting with my bro who had gone into navy and was in millington,tn ..not too far.. We rode motorcycle up to see them! Poor parents! Here was this guy their daughter was with..long hair hippie biker looong chain attached to his wallet ...boy they really didn't know what to think! My mom is originally from Costa Rica and my Aunt was visiting at the time...she say to mom...I wonder if he trips on that chain! It was funny at the time. Well needless to say we ended up moving in together. Oh boy did that blow my Catholic parents away! They came to visit me close to my birthday so I had to tell them....they wanted to talk to us. Dad says to Billy .. I taught my daughter to look beyond the face of things...whats inside the book.. But it is a little hard to get past the earring hanging out of your ear! He was serious and then went on to say that our Faith didn't believe that we should live together etc... We did end up having a decent time at weekend. That was in September and the following April we were married. I just knew I would be with him for the rest of my life. Anyway two kids grown married and one grandkid later...was 31 years this past April. He has always been my best friend etc..my parents love him dearly..oh..hair is short and so is wallet chain! Haha.. We both are 30 or so pounds happier??! Still ride when we can ridgid chopper gone...swing arm comfy bike. Someday to get or build RV to travel. Oh well, rout now all is on hold since we are with my parents. He lost both his parents a few years back.
Ok..not near as romantic or funny but had to share!
Pray all of you have the best day possible! Muggy here today but in the 80's....yay! Rain???? Wouldn't that be nice..
Calamity Jo! I like that, very good suggestion Rossella.....so glad Nicky is almost back to normal. And sorry you have to work tonight instead of getting some rest and sleep. Tomorrow maybe?
Spoke with ladee tonight.....moving day tomorrow! Yippee for her but hope she doesn't wear herself out too much.
stormy....hope you got rid of the headache and had a wonderful day. How was the cake? Did you get ice cream too?
emjo........hope you've had a good day. Isn't G gone? Well, I hope you're not staying out of trouble....:)
starri.....you must be tired from working outside all day. Too hot around here today to be outside. I looked fondly at the tall grass on the other side of the fence....yep, still there. Wasn't enough to make me get the mower out.
seeme......hope you're having a good evening. How's mom? Sleeping better I hope.
Better finish laundry now.....bedtime soon for mil, won't be far behind her.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I like Calamity Jo LOL
so glad that nicky is herself again - some little dogs have big spirits!
rest the best u can when u can ♥
Shawna I ADORE your nephew in law. Who is not a nephew in law, he is a nephew, period. He works better than a restraining order. Big guy with a great heart!
Seeme, Starri, Jam: what a nice stories about your future husbands. I must say that Seeme has been very brave in marrying him after all the mess he has made!!!!!
Stormi I hope you managed to have a decent birthday, after all Little Red was with you. And that's the most important thing.
Yes I am tired but I have to work tonight. Nicky is a little big dog and she refuses to be considered ill. She wants to go out for a walk, she barks at the neighbours' dogs, she eats and drink by herself with her elizabethan collar, she doesn't want to be helped. She is too proud!
I am sure ur mum was proud of u two
know the feeling of wanting life to go back to normal but "normal" changes sweetie and u r right - it never quite goes back to what it was
changing ur antid's around to another time of day is OK I think if it suits you better to take them in the daytime - not sure right now that will make much difference in how u feel today
better to take them regularly at a time that suits you - if i was changing I would take 1/2 now and 1/2 tonight and then one tomorrow at the time you want to be taking them and try to stick pretty close to that
more (((((hugs))))) ♥♥♥
nana emjo
saw a pic of your sis on your fb page -what a good looking pair of girls u r !!!
your mum must have been proud of u
((((((hugs))))) nana emjo ♥♥♥
I am glad you rebuked the pastor. I think it was needed.
Thanks for the well wishes for all our travels getting the boys to their colleges.
Today, my wife and I celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary.