This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
jam I hope # 3 is charmed - sounds so romantic - love that target uses coupons now - so like a man lol - I told Gary barefoot on a beach - he loves Mexico, Cuba etc
seeme -that is absolutely hilarious - can picture it LOL - 40 yrs - great -obviously the right man 4 u
shawna -glad u have protection - sometimes a girl needs it
love and hugs
Seeme – good advice for Stormy
Heidi sorry about ur mum - but she sure hung in there and sorry ur mil is a difficult one - for me it is the other way around - my ex mil is a sweetie and we r still friends -she is the one who sends me beautiful cards etc. and Gary's mum is a sweetie too - now MY mum - that is another story... sounds like u r doing a great job with mil and fil
John – I think what that church is doing is terrible – have had a few experiences like that. How’s the man cave and the diet coming? You sound excited about getting your sons off to college – then the empty nest…
Stormy (((((hugs))))) know u r on all our hearts – ur birthday today – try to enjoy it and let go of ur worries for a day (as someone else said) - trouble waits – sending prayers for some resolution of information next week from the drs. It is a very difficult time for all of u. – love the umbrella story – actually love umbrellas –I have a couple of those large ones with impressionist art on them – and have a metallic gold one too – next one will be an animal print lol - hope ur headache is better – Ros u need some sleep – hopefully u can relax a little now that nicky is recovering – love the water story – can’t win
Shawna – hope things go well and u sell lots and your bro doesn’t cause any trouble – praying for good weather for u 2
Starri – love ur story of u and Glenn – can’t see how u r going to really get on ur way with the vets visit that morning but hope u manage it and love the "I have a skinny girl inside just waiting to come out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate" LOL
Ladee what can I say – u r sorely missed here –we all are hoping u get moved –sending lots of prayers for everything to work out the way u want it to
Vic – hope you are well on the mend now – glad hubby was home to help and let u sleep –cool breezes – lovely – understandable that you are concerned about your mum and dad and who will pass first - glad dad is sleeping better
YR, asg, 54 and everyone else – check in when u can
T shirt story –my daughter (dd) is not a very social creature and she called me once laughing saying she had found the perfect t shirt for herself. It said “Now that you have asked how I am, that’s enough socializing for today” Suits her perfectly. Lol wouldn’t suit many of us
Love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
Jo
Oh about the horse name – considering we only had a few hours together when Gary returned from his trip with his son before going off to this job and during that time I was throwing up and dizzy we really didn’t get to it. However, I added another to the list – Onyx. He did give me a pair of onyx earrings :) I did go through the list with him and he already has a Black Beauty, but he didn’t really react to any of them. Think he wants a wild-west name, but I still refuse to call her Wyatt!!!
Stormy I hope you have a wonderful birthday you deserve it hone.... love to all ..
Starri, you are just a hoot. Loved reading your story. Let me tell you the beginning of mine. Hubby and I started dating in high school, our senior year. His dad was in the AF and had moved a lot and hubby was new that year. He dated all my firends before we started. In Jan of 1970, he was still riding his Honda motorcycle. I had gotten a new car for graduation, even though it was early cause I worked on Saturdays at a dry cleaners. The gift was the fact mom and dad signed the paperwork for the car I wanted, but I had to make the payments. I had a 1969 bright yellow Subaru. At that time it looked like a VW bug, only smaller, had 10" wheels, trunk in front, got 50 mi/gal, engine in back, and had suicide doors (they opened up in the front and you backed into the seat). Gas was only 25 cents per gal, so I could drive all week on 50 cents. We met at a school dance one Friday night, hubby was drunk, so I wanted to drive him around till he sobered up, but he brought a beer with him. As we were going down the country road at 45 mph (top speed was 50) he reached for the beer, popped the top, and tried to throw the tab out the window, but instead of rolling down the window, he opened the door!! The wind grabbed the door out of his had and flew back and hit the rear side of the car!! I was pissed and scared and told him he would be paying for the damage and he needed to see my folks and apologize the next morning. I had to work, so when I got home I parked my car damaged side away from the house hoping I would get to work before anyone saw it. Nope !! Mom saw it and started screaming. I told her and dad he was coming after I got home at noon. So Mike pulls up on his motorcycle in the driveway, slanted uphill and rocky right next to my car. Dad is outside watching him. He puts the kickstand down and starts walking around the froNt of my car when his bike falls over-----and hits the left front fender of my car!!! DENT !! And he's already wiped out the passenger's side !!! Instead of going around the car to pick up the bike, he puts his left hand on the front of the car and lifts the bike up with his right, and his left hand dents the front of my car because it is the trunk!!!! He has wiped out the car and he hasn't said a WORD !!! My dad just stood there looking at him and shaking his head !!! LOL I am laughing hysterically on the porch watching all this. Mom comes up behind me and says I didn't look very upset for someone whose car was wrecked, and I told her she hadn't seen ANYTHING YET !! Not so romantic, but we married 2 yrs later and come this Feb we will be celebrating 40 yrs.
Heidi, every time I see your name I think of one of my best friends in school named Heidi--her married name is Grier---very close !! I come from the St. Louis area originally - O'Fallon, IL, near Scott AFB.
Vic(((hugs))) sorry to hear you upchucked. I have to really be sick to do that. And the doctor's office is one of the worst places to be. If you weren't sick before you got there, you probably will be when you leave !!!
Asking money from elders in nursing homes.........don't get me started........
OK, I have been on here long enough, and got work to do. Will check back later....
Happy Birthday stormy! Get rid of that headache and get yourself outside and enjoy your birthday! I find that when I get the neck/headache, ibuprofen helps the best. I save the strong stuff for the scissors in the temple headache. Or the blind spot in the eye, then the pain in the side of the head. Again, put all your worries in your pocket today......nothing is going to change and you need to give yourself just a little mental rest. Let the rest of us do your worrying for you today.....deal?
starri.....what a romantic story! I love it, it's something special to remember for the rest of your life. When Target and I decided to marry after 10 years, we made arrangements to get hitched in Vegas. Third time is a charm they say. We were picked up at the MGM Grand by a limo, drove downtown to get the license, then our chauffeur Claude (he was French) drove to the chapel and we picked up a Reverend, and while driving through Vegas we were married in the back of the limo with the Moody Blues playing in the background. Then the driver bought us champagne and we toasted each other all the way back to the MGM and that night hubby treated me to slipper lobster to the tune of $121 for 6 of those babies! I still get lobster when we are in Vegas, but Target makes sure he has coupons first.....:) And it's been almost 8 yrs now.
Vic.....I sure hope you are feeling better today. Hate the pukies!
cmag......sometimes it never ceases to amaze me how brazen some churches can be just to get your dollar. Makes me wonder if they realize what their priority should be.
seeme.......hope you had a good night last night. Sometimes Target leaves the messes for me also. We all secretly wish they would learn the art of clean as you go......Target used to do that, but this retirement thing made him forget.
Rossella...........wish you could take a little mini vacation and regenerate some energy. This last week has been so stressful on you....I hope you're doing good today. I guess it's evening for you isn't it? Sounds like Nicky is going to make a full recovery. When our babies are injured it's so scary since they can't tell us where and what hurts. I was in a panic when my Jack/chihuahua was hit by the van. The vet said if she made it okay the first several days with all the debris floating around c-4 in her neck, then she would be fine. She did and she is. Doesn't jump as high as she could before her accident, but it didn't take any brain cells away, she's a very smart little girl.
emjo.........hope you're doing good today. You're not out trekking through the woods are you?
Shawna......getting ready for the fair? I wish you lots of sales so you don't have to carry anything back home except wads of cash.....:)
Must run some errands today so I think I will finish coffee and get moving.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Met hubby on a single and sober board ( known as a group now), when you get sober and your use to meeting your dates in a bar, what do you do now? lol, so this board was for single and sober people to get together and discuss dating strategies.. I joined, mainly because I was sick of just talking to my brothers on the computer..then Glenn joined up 3 days later. At the time he was new to computers, so he asked if he could email me, I thought sure why not, he's on the West Coast (Hayward, N. CA) and I was on the East (South Carolina) it was safe, what the heck could happen? so we emailed, then chatted (I have a program called ICQ, it's like yahoo chat), and we called each other for about 11 months, 9 months into it we realized we had fell in love. he had just gotten sober, and I would not date him till he had a year.. so his year sober hit in January and I flew out that March to meet him, of course the night before my flight, they had to have one of those internet dating horror stories on TV, got mom all twisted..lol, even baby brother, the next morning before I left for the airport, he was like "what if he's a pervert?" told him if he is, he's the most patient pervert I've ever met..besides, you know me, I'm a bitch, I don't care if he has a gun to my head, if I don't want to go with him, I'm not going to go, shoot me.. I took all basic precautions, I had money in the bank, around trip ticket, friends down in S. CA, and a picture of what he was suppose to look like, along with a valid phone number and address on him.. Needless to say, he turned out to look like what he was suppose too, and he won my heart with a chili cheese dog.. do you remember der wienershitsel? not sure that is how you spell it..lol, I loved their chili cheese dogs, and told him I missed those, after getting my suitcase from arrival, he took me straight to the nearest der wienershtizel, had me at first bite, he remembered.. Romantic huh? our wedding date was even more romantic, we decided we were going to get married, (I tried talking him out of it, been married three times before and it changed the relationship, the men turned into assholes) told him all that piece of paper did was give me the right to bury him, and if I wanted to bury him that bad, they'd never find the body.. but went through with it anyway.. we went to apply for the marriage license, well on that form they have a blank for when do you want to get married.? we both looked at each other with a blank on our faces, stood there and calculated when we both had a day off together and came up with the 22nd of November..and there was our wedding date, we went to Gatlinburg TN for the honeymoon, I swear they have a fudge shop on every corner.. he fed me chocolate all the way through town.. we saw a t-shirt in the window of a shop that said "I have a skinny girl inside just waiting to come out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate"
Stormy, sorry about the neck ache, tell hubby to give you a massage.. you deserve one.. I figured it was safer for your ears if I sang you a song on here...lol..
Well, hubby is out of bed without me having to drag him out, so will be nice and give him the computer.. pc is easier to deal with first thing in the morning..
Big hugs and much love..xoxoxxo
--
And hospice well most of the time when you hear hospice has come in to help you think they are getting ready to die. I know and sis know that, that is not what it is all about that people do get better and they are used for other reasons other than end of life. But try telling dad that. He thinks you bring in hospice you are on your way outta here. And I'm sure it's going to come to that, that we are going to have to call them. But we wanted to wait to get the test results first. And that will be tues sometime. 3 more days............ Me and sis will be in the looney bin after tuesday. She just says we'll never have another day like today. After we hear the news. Everything will be changed. (For us and for him). Well let me go get rid of this head ache. Thanks for the bday wishes ya'll. Love ya Stormyyyyyyyyyyyy
Ladeeeee- good luck with finding a computer!!!!! Come back and post when you can. We miss you too!!!!!
Well I got to go take something for this headache. I will be checking on ya'll through out the day. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Totally missed yesterday..started throwing up after last post...so far am feeling better. Body is wiped out but will take it easy today. The sitter comes from 9-7. Hubby took care of mom and dad yesterday so I slept on and off most of the day. Guess I caught a 24 hour something when I went to dr. visit on Thurs.. At least that is what I hope. Poor hubby him and my mom are worryiers!! Both of the would come look at me ... Today will be better.
The morning feels fabulous here! Nice and cool with a breeze...am sue it is a little tease!! Will enjoy though!
Stormy..why do you guys not have home health or hospice?
Starri..where in CA are you from? I was born in Oxnard and pretty much grew up in southern CA ...dad was in service and then he retired and we went back to Pomona ..Upland area until we moved to MS coast. Hope you have a blast on the journey...Am so looking forward to our time.
Can't remember who said their dad passed after 50 years of marriage and mom is still pretty good. That is so awesome! I don't know what will happen if dad passes first. Or even the other way around. Try not to worry about but it does enter my mind from time to time.
I read all your posts and can't keep up with who said what..starri was is you who is sooo smart! And seeme...I would make hubby clean up!!!! Arghhh they can be soo nice sometimes! Lol
Need to try and move around some. Dad has been sleeping better these last few days. OT will be coming on Monday..maybe she can help dad to help himself a little better.
Try to take each moment as it comes...not worry about past or future as the present is all we have! God bless each and everyone of you! Prayers Vickie
Stormy, it's not going to be easy on you or on dad, sis either. Stay away from the internet..stop reading stuff right now, you do not need the visual you are getting. being careful not to allow sick people around him right now is the best thing you can do, we did that with mom, if any of us thought that there might be a chance we were getting sick, we did our best to stay away, HAPPY BIRTHDAY STORMY..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR STORMY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... Stormy and I wish you many more healthy, happy ones.. that is funny what you called your cake, my nephew Richard did that to me, I got up went to go to town and out at the edge of the road, was a sign reading "Lordy, Lordy, Aunt Carmen's 40" Would have smacked the kid with his own sign had he not already left to go back to OK...lol... next time I talked to him, told him he was lucky..
((((Ladee)))) I think I am missing you a whole lot more than your missing us..lol, and yes, we really are getting to go, Glenn has it set where we leave on the morning of the 24th, I've been working on the house, so that it isn't a wreck, when we leave, working on the yard, and helping Glenn with the camper, I made the mistake yesterday of taking the day off (actually I wasn't feeling well), thinking ok, Glenn knows there's working needing done on the camper, he'll come get me if he needs my help, well, he didn't bother to get his butt out of his recliner and nothing got done, nothing got done on the camper the day before, so warned him last night, that I was not taking a nap today, work was getting done, he knows if I am moving so is he..lol..
I'm crossing fingers, toes and anything else that will cross for you ladee that you get moved this weekend, I know that the first night in your "own" home is going to be a weird one, but you'll like it, even better the first day off you have there.
Seeme, that sounds like a wonderful suggestion to me, it's hard to know what to do in a case like that, guess I really didn't want to know myself, never asked or really looked, just concentrated on what was going on now.. It was bad enough knowing there wasn't anything anyone could do.
Heidi, I'm with the doctors, they are lucky to have you and hubby, people surprise us sometimes by hanging on longer than what anyone would have thought. Happy to hear about the cooler weather, looks like we have a cold snap passing through, suppose to get down in the low 80's..lol...
Cmag, I don't know what kinda Church would have pulled something like that but I certainly would not want to belong to it.. Happy Belated Birthday to your Mom. Sounds like you have a busy week coming up, be careful on the roads, too many moron's out there.
Stormy, I could just see you with that umbrella, could have been worse, could have been Barny the Dinosaur.. did you find your umbrella when you got back out to the car? Generally that is how it works with me,
Ros, you have been over stressed and over worked for a long time now, that is why you are so sleepy, it's amazing a lot of us do not fall asleep at the wheel.. do you have those single drink mixes? we have these little packets of stuff like kool-aid you add to bottled water.. it helps give it some taste.. I have a hard time drinking just plain water, it has to be ice cold.. I refuse to buy bottled water unless I don't have a choice about it, I just fill halfway up the bottles I do have and freeze them, add some more water and stir in one of those packets, makes it much easier to drink, I think though we are going to have to either get a water filter pitcher or buy bottled water for this trip, I can not drink city water.. the stuff is nasty.. more chemicals than water, when I flew out to CA to meet Glenn for the first time, he was in San Francisco , I took one sip of the water there and spit it out. Told him that wasn't water, it was chlorine, we ended up going to the store and buying me a case of bottled water.
Shawna, Seeme, I had no children either. But I love my nephews, sons of my brothers, as if they were my children. And I have several nieces too, daughters of my cousins, I try to be a good aunt for them. And for every child I meet. Kind of a Mary.Aunt-Poppins. Sometimes they tell me something that they don't tell their mothers (which is normal - I used to do the same thing with my uncles and aunts) and we try to solve their problems together! Of course with the animals is different. You don't have to educate/upbring them, so you can spoil them as much as you wish.
Thanks for asking about Nicky, everyone... She is slowly on the mend, she sleeps a lot, but she is so happy to be home. I have to take her to a control visit today and she won't be very happy to see the clinic again!
Stormy, happy birthday. I am very sorry for your father and at this point I don't know if it's better to tell him about his situation. You and your sister will certainly understand how much you can tell him, and how. And let's wait for the next information you are having on Tuesday!
'Night everybody. I am going to sleep with Nino for an hour. Before the next very tiring day begins.
Ah, here's a funny one. My mother doesn't like plain water so I add some sweet syrup to her water (she has no diabetes). And every time I add syrup she says "this tastes of nothing". I add more syrup. "this tastes of nothing". I add more syrup. "this tastes of nothing". I add more syrup and so on and so on. When we have arrived to the percentage 90 per cent syrup and 10 percent water, she starts to cough (of course!!!!) so I give her plain water to stop her cough. And she says, guess what! "this tastes of nothing".
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww
I know how hard it is. My mom died of lung (non smoker) in 2006, She struggled for two years before she died at age 67. She was stage 4 when they found it, non operable, they did chemo and alot of trials on her. They had alot of resources so she could travel to John Hopkins, Houston etc for all the different and new trials they were doing at the time. It did give her 2 years more than the 2 months they gave her. I miss her. I can honestly say that I used to think she was a less than a stellar mother but after living with my narcaccistic MIL I think my mom was just fabulous!
Sending prayers you and everyone here gets positive news!
Emjo-thank you also for the birthday wishes. You are so sweet!!!! Never got to know my grandmas they all pasted away before i got to know them. I think it would have been cool to have known them. My mom always said that i was alot like her mom. Her favorite color was red and so is mine. She was a petite woman and I used to be like that too before i had lil red.
Seemie- thank you too for the birthday wishes!!! We had alot of rain here this afternoon i mean alot. It was coming down so hard I could barely see to drive. I had to go about 40 on the bypass to pick up lil red. And after I picked him up we were leaving the daycare and I ran off the road just a little bit from all the rain i guess. Scared the shi$ out of me. I said let me get my a$$ home and out of this mess. We had thunder and some strong lightening. But that was about it. They are calling for more storms tomorrow and sunday here.
Let me leave ya'll on a funny note. Today I picked lil red a pizza up before i picked him up from daycare. Well as i said it was pooring down rain and i had to go inside to get the pizza. So here i am looking all over my car for a umberella and couldn't find one. But in the here hangs a lil yellow umberella with( Sponge bob Square pants) on it. I said oh what the hell. So here i go in the pizza place with my sponge bob umberella. And a girl is sitting there looking and smiling at me when i walk in the door. I just smiled back at her and said jokely "Don't laugh it's the only thing I had in my car". She just started laughing. We both did. So did the lady that was waiting on me. Maybe i got a laugh out of ya'll.
Seemie sounds like a good plan about how to handle the dr and dad on tues. Thanks!!!!! Love and ((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))) Thanks again everyone for my Birthday wishes..... Oh i made my cake and I wrote on it happy 40th birthday to me. Made hubby feel bad he didn't get me a cake. But he is cooking supper for me tomorrow! Later gators......
I hope everyone has a good weekend!
Next week, we are helping our oldest son move to college on Tuesday and then drive our youngest to college on Wed. which will take two days to cover 400 miles.
It seems everyone is on a even keel for today. I guess we are here too. It's all so monotonous.
On a good note both my MIL and FIL's doctors told them that they are in the best health (even with the terminal cancer and the parkinsons) than they have been in in two years and told them that they should thank hubby and I for all the help to get them healthy. It's such a thankless, hard job somedays that it's nice to know it's not for not.
My MIL will not outwardly admit that she still has the cancer and that it is growing each day. She thinks that they just stopped chemo because the cancer is all gone not that they stopped chemo because there is nothing more that they can do with out killing her with the chemo first. I think she knows deep down but does not want to beleive it. I think her denial attitude and refusal to face death has slowed the growth of the cancer though. The doctors are a bit baffled why she is still with us. God's plan I guess!
So nice to have cooler weather here in St. Louis. It's been so hot! I have all the windows open for two days now with just a fan and the fresh air is glorious! Coming from New England I am not used to air conditioning!
I pray everyone has a chaos free, healthy weekend! XO Heidi
Can I offer a suggestion for next week? If I was sitting in the office with my sister and dad, I would tell the doctor I would like to know the results of the scans. Then I would immediately ask dad if he wanted to know before the doctor said a word. Let dad answer yes or no. If yes, procede with the diagnosis. Dr may add the prognosis, and stop there with dad in the room. If the news is bad, ask the dr in the hall what is to be expected down the road. Does that sound like a plan? Maybe they even have a pamphlet or book about whatever it may be. And remember, the doctors don't know it all. With my dad's lymphoma, he died from complications of the disease. A flu virus could have killed him just as well as the cardiac infarction did. Hope this helps you decide how to handle dad..........(((((HUGS)))))
Hope you have a great one and heck - stretching it a little I could be your grandma
hope you take some time for you! ((((((hugs)))))
Just in case you get too busy or I do. What a young 'un !!!! Sometimes it amazes me to realize how old I am......I could be your mother.!!!!!!
Love ya sweetie,
Jam
Seeme, I am so excited you are finally getting some help, and thanks for updateing me on the thread....
Heide, I got the Ground hog thing right away.... pretty much says what my life is most of the time...
Starri, you aren't leaving, you and hubby are parked in the driveway, have everything you need close by..... you know that is some weird fanatasy you keep sharing with us...
Kwazy, hope you come back and see us again... great friends to be made here..
InServoce, thank you so much for your very kind and encouring words, and doing something in her memory is a great idea... thanks... come back and visit with us..
ASG, God I have missed you girl...... sorry to hear your Aunt is on that roller coaster, let us know how things are going,, and I want pics of you on the hoverround....
Ro, how is Nicky, and how are you, have you got to go swimming any lately... hugs
Vic, happy to hear papa is hearing better and doing better overall... and you get to have grown up conversation.... how cool... it 's been awhile for me,,,
Shawna, hey girl hope you are ok.....
YR, glad to see you here letting us know you are ok...
Stormy, I am so sorry you are not getting any answers, and you and sis are so stressed about what all to tell your dad... hugs prayers and love sent your way..
emjo, glad you are feeling better.... miss talking with you...
Jam, so happy to see you posting again.... and there needs to be consequences for Target not helping,,, extra time with the col maybe... love ya.
I may get to move this weekend... will try to let ya'll know somehow..... Miss everyone so much..... will let ya'll know if I can work out something for a comp soon....
Love and hugs across the miles.....
Take care of yourself in all this ok?