This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Nicky is a great one and today she started to eat her normal food (canned food) and I gave her chicken just to convince her to take her antibiotic. She is very happy and runs everywhere with her Elizabethan collar and today she kissed Rexy who is her favorite fellow dog. She is a very tough little dog and this helped her a lot.
Linda I wrote about you on the other thread. If you know Linda you love Linda.
ASG, I can just tell you that my mother hates to see things open. She might be dying but she says "Close the drawer" "Close the door" "close the window", "close the closet". Everything must be closed. I don't like to see open drawers and closet's doors; but for me it's not a problem "yet". For my mother is a real pain! I guess the intolerance is part of the disease.
Stormy are there news?
Emjo, oh my! We have to beware of the medicines! I am happy to know you feel better.
Big kiss to everyone
Inservice, welcome to the thread, as Seeme said, stick around and join us.
Jo, glad to hear that you are feeling better, tapering off is the best thing..I know you know that..lol..
Seeme, it's great to hear that Mom is getting her meds, that has to take a load of worry off you.
Hey Vic, good to see you posting and glad to hear about dad's ears..and him doing better today, how are you doing?
Jam, it could be a combination of the weather and disc's, but then again it could be the "used" husband.. if you figure out how to get yours to vacuum the floors let me know how you did it..I've been doing my best to train mine for 11 years now.. Mine doesn't have a clue, uses the excuse that he doesn't like cooking in our kitchen, so that is why he doesn't help with the meals, he actually can cook pretty well. Have to threaten him every now and then to get him off his butt and doing something that the average person would have done without instructions or demands that he does it and does it now. Thank you for your offer with help for the kitty, I'm still not sure what to do, but we're leaning more and more towards taking her with us. She gets along with dogs pretty good, but they have to get along with her as well. Did hubby have the nerve to tell you the floor needed vacuuming? if he did, I hope you hit him with the vacuum, or at least told him what he could do with it..
I'm with Jam, ASG, you use it if she won't..lol, I'd love to have one of those, especially on the trip, it's hard to get around.. our property is hilly, so just getting to the mail box is a challenge. If Auntie can figure out how to use it, and can safely get outside on her own, it might help her moods, being trapped in the house all the time isn't good for anyone, mom refused to go out, we offered her to come to our place, she said she could not walk, told her I could almost pick her up literally at her door, and drive her almost literally up on my deck, ramp no stairs.. we'd offer to take her out for a nice dinner, nah could not do that either, to sick or to something.. I'd offer to take her shopping, just putzing around in Walmart, grocery shopping, whatever..but no could not do that either.. I finally gave up on trying to get her out of the house. Hopefully you can convince Auntie about the joys of mobility.
Ros, I had not thought about the Vets, that would be a good place to check, we might end up in Jam's side of the country, don't really know where we are headed besides north and then turn west.. This trip is going to take us along Highway 50, then we will drop down in Utah and head for CA.. Thanks for the tip, try not to spoil nicky too much, you'll never be able to live with her..lol..
Linda, your dad sounded a lot like me with the electric carts they have at the stores now, one day I about took out the entire t-shirt rack there at Walmart..
Ladee, check in please when you can
theyre awesome , dad tried one in fla and he didnt know when to let go of the knobb and ran right into the carport and almost rip the post off the roof . geeze they are like a bulldozer . lol .
i know i am not welcome here but i wanted to talk to ASG so hope u guys dont mind ..
what had happen while back i have nothing to do with it and i am sorry that we all got seperated and got left out by who ever .
i wont be bothering you guys anymore . have a good day
Not 100% but better so the weaning/tapering off/stepping down process must be working
Jam -sorry about the headaches – no fun – I could rent u some empty space in mine lol - Kansas City here I come!!! – on a broom – u know the Wiz and all – wicked witch of the north Thanks for the mother Teresa quote always loved it – shedding animals –oh yes! – do you do exercises to build up muscles in the neck area – mother has deteriorated discs (at 99 duh) but they say her muscle “corset” is so good she has no back problems - also look at your diet and inflammatory and anti-inflammatory foods
Asg - so good to see u girl – hope aunt does use it, if not as jam said - use it urself – good for some fun – oh lordy I am glad someone else leaves the stove on – glad you had a sit down and hash it out with aunt but it does sound like she is going above and beyond the norm and a visit to the doc is in order – that on off thing is weird – u must have felt like u were in yo yo land. It must be very hard and if dementia or alz is setting in you need to know and what ur options are - like u said u would never have made this arrangement if u had known. Sweetie it is not carved in stone and other arrangements can be made which may well be better for everyone. The effect these diseases have on people is so sad and if aunt was always so good to people then her personality is changing which is a sign that should cause concern
Ros I have been out in space but coming in for a landing – stoned on withdrawal from antihistamines – Zyrtec - think a letter to Pfizer is in order as no warning on the label – other than that OK I think – lots of chicken etc. for nickie - it will help her heal. I am not surprised she is a bit testy –she must be having PTSD!!!
Starri – hugs about the cat – such a hard decision – would she tolerate a harness and leash? Toonie is an outdoor cat too – HAS to go out – even in our winters – hope u can find a good family to keep her till u settle again or some other solution. She looks like such a sweetie. Know all about nearly making those calls – occasionally I still catch myself thinking “I must ask Gordie about that…” :’(
Seeme – how did I figure it out – I am pretty good at self-diagnosis – I do have a master’s degree in human physiology – “huh?” jam will know what that is – and I always look for patterns – in physical things and psychological – I know my body pretty well and haven’t been in hospital for me since I had Gordie over 30 yrs. ago. In fact, other than having kids and a miscarriage, the only time I was in hospital was when I was 3 for a tonsillectomy. I have every intention of keeping out of hospital too – though I will go to visit sick people. My mother, sister and daughter have been in and had surgeries. I don’t want them and have given my body strict instructions about that, Anyway I digress – the nausea and vomiting was not typical for me so I looked at what had changed in my life and I could relate this stuff starting after I quit the antihistamines – so I researched on line and found others with similar problems and the same time lines, so I took 1/2 of one and the symptoms improved Voila!!! Did more research and drew up a protocol for weaning myself off and it is working. Praise God! Glad u r getting the neb meds!
Vic - doesn’t a road trip party sound good!!! Glad ur dad’s ears have improved
Stormy – how ya doing???? Number one – look after u!! and let us know what is going on,
Everyone have a good day - no emails for a while, things are settling, Mum is recovering from her hip op just fine! Too stubborn to do anything else. ;)
Love hugs and prayer♥♥♥
jo
Free to Anyone: One used husband. Is excellent cook.......but needs lessons in how to get the vacuum cleaner out and run it across the floor.
We have a Jack Russell/chihuahua that reminds me of Pigpen from Charlie Brown. When she walks she leaves this little cloud of hair. I have a third arm called a "Swiffer" for my hardwood floors. There is only carpet in 2 of the upstairs rooms thank goodness. But "the cleaning fairy needs to come vacuum". Wait a darn minute, when did your arm break?
starri......I think my headache this time is either from the weather change or my neck. I have herniated discs at C-4 through 7 and the pain has been increasing for the last month or so. If you are coming through the Midwest, bring your baby with you and I will find her a good home. We have lots of friends who would take her.
stormy.....Hope you are feeling better and know by now that your chest pains are not cardiac related. Probably due to stress, could be pleurisy, nothing to worry about. Also, if you have your back adjusted by a chiropractor, most people don't realize that your ribs can also move out of place. I agree with Rosella about telling Dad the results of tests. But don't say anything until everything is back.....including the doctor....:) The surgeons you gave me I found nothing on, the primary has one non-disciplinary action against him for lack of correct medical recording. They are public records.
ASG......if Aunt doesn't use the Hoveround you use it! I would love to have one to go back and forth to the mailbox! Is that lazy or what? Can't you just imagine me running that thing around the top of the pond?
Guess I'd better get up and strap my wings on and teach you know who how to grab the handle and push and pull.
I sure hope everyone has a wonderful day. For those that have my email, I'm hoping the Spam will stop since I changed the password. If not I will have to get a new address, but I will make sure you all have it.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
We finally got dads ears cleaned out! So great for him to be able to hear! He had a pretty good night and so far this am he seems pretty alert! Course I gave him b12 shot yesterday too...am sure that helps.
Inservice, Stick around and read some more posts and get to know us. We love to make new friends and welcome new perspectives on the same old problems and the new ones we encounter. We are in various stages of this journey, and like ASG, we try to do it with a sense of humor.
Emjo, please take care of yourself!!! How did you ever figure out you were having withdrawals? What a scary thought !! I thought it was just an allergy pill, ya know, no biggie. Scary......
I am also trying to get a computer for Ladee. We have an older tower, but I don't know if it can be fixed. I usually stay out of the mechanics of things.
Oh, got 2 calls yesterday from the medical supply place and mom will be getting her neb medicines TODAY via UPS. I am so excited. I am almost out of the expensive one, so the timing is perfect. Also found out I can put the two together. Guess I will check back later and get my day started.............
ASG, I hope that she doesn't leave it sitting, that would be such a waste, maybe by getting out her moods might settle down, Mom was like that, would want something, we'd get it for her and she'd end up leaving it set.. she wanted a cell phone after she found out I'd gotten my brother one, got him his after I found out his car had broke down on a trip to Columbia and he had to hike a mile in 20 degree weather to get to a payphone. So got her a phone she used it one time, actually a stranger used it for her to call me to let me know she got lost. After that, instead of doing the smart thing, she left it lay till the battery died.. Thought ok, maybe it's too confusing for her, bought her a jitterbug, I don't think she ever turned that one on..and those things are not cheap... service is reasonable, but the phones are not. Can you talk to her doctor about the depression/something else maybe going on? I would be like that sometimes, over react to something and I am talking insane rage wanting to kill something.. go from that to crying uncontrollably and back again.
Ros, it is a tough decision to take her or place her, I would not want to keep her cooped up in the camper all the time, she would not go for it anyway, she thinks she's a lion or something, about the only time you get her in the house is meal time, and the only time she'll stay in the house is winter.. she doesn't like getting her paws cold..lol, I would consider leaving her here if Mom was still here, Squeek would go over to her house, raise up on the screen making a noise, and Mom would get up, let her in, feed her, let her take a nap over there and then Squeek would come up, announce it was time to leave and Mom would let her out. But Mom isn't with us anymore, Squeek and Claire along with Maggie keep going over there looking for her. I have a hard time believing she's gone as well, I would always call her when we hit the road going somewhere, call her and let her know we got there and when we got started back and got home.. I can't tell you how many times, I've opened my cell phone to make that call.
I guess because of my bipolar and panic attacks and stuff, I really don't associate with people.. my one brother I do, probably only because he lives here on the property as well, our friend for the same reason, hubby is my best bud, and then the girls, (dogs and cat) so I don't really have friends I can place her with. I do have people here on the computer I call friends..but the cat isn't virtual so I can't send her to one of you.. She'll either have to go to a good home (I'd have to advertise for one, or come with me, or last be placed in a Animal Shelter that doesn't kill the animals.) She's over 2 y.o now, and most people want to adopt a kitten, so if she was in a animal shelter that puts the animals down after a while, she'd be put to sleep, I don't want that.
Well, time for me to dress and go get the other brother for his trip to Anderson, you ladies and gent's have a good day.. will check in when I get back.
Emjo darling how are you???
Ladee, hope you find a new computer and you plug it in your new home asap!
Seeme: I am very happy you are going to have a substantial help from your sister for a few days!
Heidigreen: I love the film "ground hog day", it is one of my favorite of all times. It's funny but in the same time it is very deep, and I absolutely agree with the theory that life puts all the time the same situations in front of you, again and again and again, until you "learn"... And the best way of learning is stop focusing on yourself and open yourself to the world...
Starri: Oh, about the cat it must be a very hard decision. As far as I know, cats want stability, so if you took him (her? Sorry, forgot her gender) for a long trip, you should keep him/her closed in the motor home all the time, otherwise she/he would get lost, trying to go back home If I were in the same situation, I would probably place the cat with a person you really trust, and when you are going to settle in a new place (I don't think you are going to travel all your life long) you can try to take him/her back! Do you have a real cat lover among your friends?
Jam I am happy if you can find Stormy another doctor or a bunch of doctors who take care of her father and tell her exactly what's going on and what she has to expect.
Stormy I am so sorry for the stress you are having. Your chest pain must be due to stress... Don't neglect yourself and go to a doctor, you too, who can give you some good advice on how to deal with this difficult period. I agree that your father doesn't need to know all the details of his illness, but if his mind is clear, I think he has the right to know at least a softer version of what is going on. But, let's try to be optimistic until we know exactly what's going on!
I took Nicky home yesterday (well it was 2 in the afternoon, it is 7 in the morning of thursday, here... For you it must be wednesday, still). She is very happy (obviously) but very traumatized and she snarled at all the dogs and cats who went to welcome her. She stays by herself and I am giving her time to digest her experience... Anyway, she didn't lost her appetite. I gave her a lot of chicken and slices of ham. I am going to spoil her for a few days.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I want you to know how much I appreciate your honesty, your willingness to share. You care deeply.
Well, when it rains, it pours...............someone hacked my email, but I have changed my password so things should be alright now....keeping fingers crossed.
It's been a very long day and I have another one of those lovely stabbing pains in my right temple.
Heidi....I understand Groundhog Day very well.....:)
Welcome Kwazy......just with that name you're going to fit in here very well.
Still looking for a computer for ladee......don't give up on me yet!
I had a brilliant idea tonight........when we all get the opportunity everyone needs to fly one-way to Kansas City, then we all pile in our RV and we drive everyone home, partying along the way. Sounds like a good time to me.....:)
Going to bed now and see if the HA will go away.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Did you read the recent article about feeling guilt. Eventhough it may seem after the fact it may give you some perspective and comfort. It's not easy to let go of loved ones and all the mixed bag of feelings. That will take time. Are their some things you can do in memory of Lady Ruth? What will you do now? Just something to think about and my heart goes out to yours.
My mom shredded napkins for a little while. I would also find some chewed up at the table. Guess she spit them out when they couldn't break up enough. Frankly, hubby and I sit behind her at the island instead of at the table now, cause we just got too grossed out by her lack of manners. Keep checking back with us.
Help is do to arrrive any minute, so I will say goodnight......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
doing a weaning (step down) program according to what I can find on line
it is OTC here in canada - not sure in the states - anyway my head is spacy so may not be writing as usual - need a nap right now and have to see how it goes
hi to all - seeme i thought the same about asg - are you out of your mind girl???
heidi -I got the groundhog day thing
stormy - praying that things go as well as they can - has dad had a trip back to the store?
starri - good luck with the pets and all
jam good to see you\\ros kisses to nickie
kwazy -welcome and Oh my that sounds like too much - can you hide the TP - is mil ready for a home -
love to all
jo
vic i will get back to you
Starri, while it does sound good to get out of there early, please don't forget the babies !!! Can't advise you on the cat, but does it travel well? Do you have to worry about it getting upset about moving to different places? I thought they didn't adapt very well to changes in enviornment.
I had a pretty peaceful and prodiuctive day. Got laundry done and washed the kitchen floor. Monm went to bed earyly, but Kathy comes tonight. Tomorrow I will get some ironing done. May even go out. The heat has gone and humidity is way down and hubby will be gone. Maybe mom and I will go out to eat.
Got to say I thought ASG lost it when I read she was teaching auntie to drive. lol Thought the kids, cat, and auntie had finally driven her over the edge, until I saw hoveround. Lordy, I laughed and laughed and guffawed....even snorted once. That girl just tickles me........Hope everyone has a good evening ..........later.
I'm glad to hear that your daughter and granddaughter are coming.. that will be wonderful for you.
I'm going to make our friend promise to call me if anything and I mean anything happens, I know that shit head brother of mine, he won't.. We've got some work to do on the camper, shopping to do either the night of the 23rd or morning of the 24th, 23rd I want everything packed and in the camper short of the groceries, those I can just throw in the back and deal with when we get settled up at the campground. I think before I even crawl out of my pj's the morning of the 24th, the cpap goes in the camper, ended up having to send hubby back for it the last time we were up at this campground..lol.. can do that again I guess if I need too.
here it's almost two weeks before the leave date, I still haven't decided if I am taking the cat, or giving her up to a good home.. kinda makes me feel like I am leaving a child on the steps of a orphanage. Think that hubby might have gotten a little ahead of himself, the girls (cat and dogs) all need updates on their shots, their vet records, etc.. can't do that till after payday, payday being the evening of the 23rd. He wants to be on the road to Helen, GA at 8AM, the Vet doesn't open till then..lol.. oh, well, we'll figure it out, a lot of campgrounds if you show up after the office has closed, you pick your space and pay them in the morning. This place is one of those..and they know we're coming and where we're going to park.
I don't know if I am excited or upset..lol, told him at least with him doing the spur of the moment, maybe it won't blow up in my face like it always does when I do it..lol...
Seeme, that is great news, help and some rest..lol.. 3pm and pj's? you've been watching me haven't you? lol, I do that sometimes.
Heidi, what's up with Ground hog day?
I got some good news today !! One of my sisters is coming the week of the 21st and will help take care of mom........and that is the week of Kathy's son's wedding, so I will be able to help her more. Plus this sister (debbie) is he one we call Debbie Martha, she is so talented at most domesticated things, so she will be some help, too. BUT, She is coming alone (no grandkids), so I will let her do as much as possible with mom. Hubby has jury duty that week, so it's not like we two could go off for the week, but it will be nice to help Kathy after all she has done for me.
And, mom SLEPT last night. Only got up 2 times !!!! That is a record, I believe. Today she is making up for it by running to the bathroom all the time, but the French Onion soup she had at Panera's did it. Ah, well..........it was good.....
Will check in later.....maybe I could get a shower now.......3 pm and still in PJ's............later.............
Soon as I get a lock on the door, I'll be moving in.... yeha...... will be so glad to not have to drive 40 miles everyday and save money for curtains and stuff...
Sonny has settled down, Marie is gripy, and I have my head three different places, out there, in here, and work.....
Just wanted everyone to know how much i miss them and talking to you everyday.... If there is a computer GOD maybe he will bless me with communication with my friends.... gotta go.. a million things to do.... love and hugs across the miles......
I would not associate heart pain with gas..lol.. heartburn maybe.. Last time hubby made the mistake of complaining about having heartburn for three days, he ended up with a full cardiac workup..lol.. teach him to drink hot Dr. Pepper.. He was buying it by the 2 liter, leaving those in his truck and drinking them hot, Dr. Pepper will give me heartburn even ice cold, never mind hot.
Do the smart thing, get checked out, put sis's mind at ease, your mind at ease, and be there for your dad.