This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Mom officially died of cancer, I don't know really whatelse was going on, she had lung cancer that spread into the liver.. her last days were extreme pain on moving, my brother and I decided that we could no longer control her pain at home, she wanted to die at home and I wanted her to be there, but when she screamed as I was trying to pick her up for the potty, I could not do it anymore, we placed her in hospice, the night before she died, when I made it to her bedside the next day, the nurses there told me that the night before she'd cussed them, told them she didn't like them and she wanted to go home.. It's haunting me, that I took away her last wishes, as she was taking her final breaths, she was spitting up this green shit.. totally out of it, I don't know that she realized I was there with her, I held her hand, talked to her, and wiped up that shit.. 2 of the three brothers made it there after she passed. It gave them a chance for final good-byes. We had her cremated and she's buried here.
Stormy, I am so sorry but I'm am finding that the days are not getting any easier right now, their getting harder and harder to manage.. relish everyday you have, and hold on to Sister, your going to need each other in the coming days. One brother has his own major health issues, the other has as well, but in one way his issues can be considered a blessing, his short term memory is pretty much shot, while he remembers Mom passing, it's not seeming to affect him that hard. The 3rd brother? The "eldest" if I never talk to him again, it will be to soon. I pulled off two years not talking to him till I had too (I was moving Mom out of state, and had to tell him about it and why) so two eon's this time should not be a problem. I'm sorry, but you don't tell me "you'll decide when it is time to come out" when I am calling you and telling you that your mother is dying and if you want a chance to have a reasonably good visit with her to get your ass here. I know that her passing is effecting him as much as the rest of us, but I just can't bring myself to forgive him, as this isn't the first time he's done stupid shit like this.
Give your daddy a hug for me, give yourself one as well.. I have to get off here and get out of here for a while, tears and keyboards don't work well together.. big hugs and much love
Stormy, we're not moving, just traveling, Glenn (hubby) has been out here for 11 years now, and pretty much just been here with me.. (we met online, he wasn't working, didn't have a place to live permanently was living with a friend so he came this way instead of me going to CA again) we haven't had money to do much of anything till the last 3 years. I was sole support for us for a very long time..lol.. He got his VA disability and his SSD, so has a good income now, He got a trip out west to see family about 2.5 years ago.. while I had to stay home and work, I came home in Aug of 09, it was time, trying to juggle everyone's doctors appointments, and then a trip needed up to CT along with my own health was just to much, I had doctors appointments every other day for someone, and then Glenn was scheduled to go into surgery on his knee, it wasn't fair to the boss or my co-workers to have to keep finding someone to cover me. Besides, I told Glenn it was time he "supported" me, those years I supported him were years he could have worked at something but didn't..I could time him almost to the day, that he'd either quit or get fired. Finally gave up trying to get him to find a job and he filed for his disability.
I filed for my disability prior to even quitting, and just got it I believe it was in June before mom passed. My back pay allowed us to buy the camper, do work needed on the truck, and get Sis to CT for BIL's funeral in July. This is a trip of a life time, he needs to spend time with his Family (Step-Mom is in her 80's with possible ALZ coming on, Sis is 60 in fairly good health, her hubby is about the same) After all the "stuff" I've been through, I desperately need this trip. Having to take a sleeping pill every night now or the brain won't let me sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. Keep having flashbacks of mom's final days and her final breath.
Enough of that, I want to start crying again, got good news on the friend, all the tests turned out great, while his health still sucks, the Doctor doesn't want to see him again for 6 months, so that's a good sign.
Ros, that is such good news about nicky.. everyone that hasn't checked in, please do so..
Ladee- girl get that computer fixed and come back to us! Where r u moving to?
Everybody is moving; are ya'll just traveling or relocating. Hey Ladee, you got a picture of yourself on fb I haven't seen it yet. U need to get one on there.
Shawna- I hope your sell will be a success. And that you will make hundreds of dollars!!!
Emjo- So glad that you are feeling better. We can't have you getting sick. You take care and get some rest...
Seemie- Thanks for letting us know about Ladee. Been wondering where she has been at. You doing ok Seemie? So what did the lung dr say about your mom??? You get some rest too!!!
Jam-My buddy I can't thank you enough for chatting with me today. For all of your advice, opinions and for just being there for me. It meant alot to me that you were trying to help us out with the drs for dad. And for just understanding it all and what we are going through. As I said before in this post. We are just going to wait until tues to see dr at Duke hospital. We probably would not be able to see anybody any sooner than that anyway. So that's our day!!! Well I guess I will get off of here. Ya'll have a good nite. (((((Hugs)))))) to all!!! Sweet Dreams Stormy
Must get up early so can't stick around....glad to see most everyone here tonight. I think keeping the group together is kind of like a terd of hurtles.....:)
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
Gary who grew up with cows says they are like cats - want their own way and don't care what you think, while horses are like dogs - they want to please
not sure where that leaves up as a group - rather be a horse than a cow lol
dog have owners and cats have staff - not sure that helps
feeling much better today though still sleeping quite a bit but eating pretty normally - usually doesn't take me long
seeme hope u get a good sleep and starri sounds like u r getting things organized -think all cats have a mind of their own and very effective ways of getting your attention and what they want - I swear one day I will take a header down the stairs as toonie runs across my ankles sometimes - if I get a chance I will land one in his ribs but I am never fast enough - but u gotta luv 'em - they are great cuddlers. he loves it when i am sick in bed as he can cuddle al he wants.
take care all ♥♥♥
jo
She drives me nuts, wrapped around my ankles when I am trying to walk, biting my toes if I am not paying attention to her, but then she does this thing where she reaches up with her paw and taps me, letting me know she's there, or she wants outside.. so what to do???? get a good nights sleep Seeme
Glad to hear that the doctor was able to set you up with a company for Mom's meds, saving every little bit sure helps..
We should not have much of a problem staying in touch, we have two laptops, a aircard, so if we have cell signal we have internet, and hubby's fancy phone is a computer as well. All else fails? there is always the library..
We made some more steps today, went to the insurance company, changed both policies to paperless billing and gave them the new mailing addy. I could have done it online, but I was not comfortable with using the third party site they had.
Changed the phone to paperless (it's getting temporarily disconnected anyway, they want to charge you half of what you normally pay just to put it on vacation mode for 6 months and at the end of that time, you go full price, the 30.00 to start it up again is a whole lot cheaper), the dish tv to paperless, and now all that is left is the cell phones, that will eliminate all our bills that come to the house.. Our electric is hooked up with my brothers, so I don't have to worry about that one, he just generally burns the bill anyway, as we pay it online. about the only time we see it, is when our bill is higher than his..lol.. still don't know how that kids electric is more than ours, I run both of our a/c's pretty much 24/7 due to hot flashes. He's about as tight with money as a gnats butt in January, so he uses very little electric.
So we're inching closer all the time, if it wasn't for the budget and wanting to make sure Jerry (brother) comes through this last eye surgery ok, I'd be out of here tonight.. Our friend is still having a lot of doctors appointments due to his heart, so hanging here for that as well. Crossing my fingers that everything continues to go smoothly.. and then the 1st is adios amigo's for SC..lol..
Hope you get some rest, and that everyone else has a peaceful night.
First I want you to know that I got a call from this whiny person complaining that her computer crashed and she is jonesing for it............Yes, it was Ladee !!! She is about to go crazy without it, and let's face it, that would be a short trip. LOL She said to tell everyone hello and she will get on as soon as she can. Also, she thinks she will move into the BS this weekend. YEA!!!!!
We didn't get to talk for long, but she sounded in good spirits. She didn't say anything about Sonny and Marie, but I know she will fill us in about it all. Just not sure when that will be.
I did get mom to the lung doctor today. She got up every 20 min ALL NIGHT. At around 2 am, I didn't see how I could drive the boring ride to Raleigh, at 4 am I knew it wouldn't even be safe to try, but when I told mom at 5 am we weren't going, she was too happy about it, so at 8 I said WE ARE GOING. Kathy went with us as it is Tues and her day to work, so she helped me stay awake, took mom to the bathroom once for me, got her in the building while I parked the car, so she is a big help. She even went into the room with us and talked to the doctor. And we ate again at Panera Bread Co. That doctor also got us set up with a lung care company that will get her neb drugs to us at no charge, so that right there saved mom $169 a month.
Now it is after 8 pm and I am dying here for some sleep. I hope ya'll don't mind....
Stormy, I am with Jam. If she can help you get a better doctor, take her up on it. What about Lumberton? Rockingham? Only been down that way once to go to the race at the Rock.
Shawna....hate to say it, but treat everyone the same about paying the money to you if at all possible. It IS a business to you............easy to say, I know......
Starri, hope you manage to stay connected while you are on the road......we don't want to be worried about you, too.
Emjo, get rid of that bug.....tell it to go south for the winter.........
Jam.....trying to keep this group together is like herding cattle, I swear.........
Burned, you sounded so MUCH better the last time you posted. What a strong woman you have become in the short time we have been posting here!!!!! So good to see that !!!! School will be starting pretty soon and things will get into a smoother routine......keep it up!!! (((((hugs)))))
YR, hope you are getting more sleep than I am. I want a sign that says I only look like this because I am tired......too tired to put make-up on.....let everyone else see the bags, too.
Now if only ASG would check in........maybe when school starts.....
Rosella...let us know that Nicky made it home safely.......
Now about 8:30 and I have a date.......with my bed........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Jam, you got to sleep in? how did you pull that one off? get Target to watch after MIL?
Jo, glad to hear that you are feeling better, girl I think you need a vacation somewhere that has room service, get breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed.. do nothing but sleep and rest. Maybe get a room close to where G is, and he can sneak over during the quiet period..lol.. not near any horses though.. or antelope.
Shawna I know that things will work out for you, Ladee? where the heck are you? your starting to get me worried.
Ros? Nicky home yet? is she ringing a little bell for you to come and wait on her? lol, I hope that she is going to be her old self quickly. Vic, 54? where are all of you? check in please.
Slept in this morning and now starting to come alive with a little coffee. Too much frustration going on here.........so let's start to see if we can unravel some of this!
stormy..............I don't know what town you live in or I would help you in your search for a new doctor. Let's face it.....Dad needs a new one. Plain and simple. You don't like his regular doc, you don't feel he is doing his job, you are having a tough time getting test results, it's time to find a specialist or a darn good Family Practitioner who will take care of Dad and refer him onto a specialist. Dad is ill, he needs to know what is going on, he needs to get started with treatments, if any are to be started. Putting him on an antibiotic is going to do nothing. That's like cutting your finger and bandaging your toe! If Dad has a blood clot in his leg, are you aware clots can move, or break off tiny pieces and move throughout the circulatory system? You are already mad and fired up..........girl I want to see some action here!!!!! Point some of that energy into finding a doctor who will treat Dad. Send me a message on FB with the town you're in and the doc's name....I have ways of finding information for you. It's time to stop messing around with this and get to business! I care about you and what happens to Dad or I wouldn't be standing here on this soapbox before I have finished my coffee!!!!!
emjo......glad to hear you are feeling better. I keep bottles of sanitizing gel all over my house, in my purse, I'm constantly using it. I've become germophobic in my old age!
Rossella.....hope you got some work done in between worrying over your baby. She will be so spoiled after this terrible episode. Poor baby!
ladee.....has Sonny kidnapped you? Oh Lord, I hope nothing else has happened. Post or email please!
seeme.......hope you got some sleep last night. How did the Benadryl work? Another thought is Dramamine. The appt with the pulmonologist is today, correct?
Hi Judy and welcome.....come and talk with us more if you feel like it. Sounds like you are having a rough time right now.
I don't have my list of everyone and I'm too darn lazy to get up and get it right now......just holler at me....it's okay.
Going to get my day started in a few minutes and will check back with everyone later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Emjo- you feeling better? I hope so. It is very frustrating for me and my sister. We feel like pulling our hair out. I on the other hand feel like getting a bull whip, go to one of these drs office and say when you are ready to tell us some results I'll stop tearing your ass up. But until then you can just suffer like he is!!!! Let us and dad know something so we can go from there. So we will know what to expect. So he will know what to expect. I know he has been wondering for the last 18 months WHY AM I NOT GETTING ANY BETTER???????????? WHY AM I FEELING WORSE??????? The man has a right to know. So if there is anything he wants to do or see he can do it before things get too bad. I just don't understand it. I'm just so mad. Them drs are nothing but a bunch of cowards. I don't know if they think me and sister are going to fall to pieces if they tell us bad news. And they want to avoid that or what it is. That's what my brother seems to think.
Starri- the dr. that ordered the pet scan is on vacation until the 3rd week in aug. and the dr that is taking his place while he is gone. Is the one that butchered dad for his feeding tube surgery. Cut him in the wrong place said he couldn't find daddy's STOMACH! What a moron!!!! Plus he has lawsuits against him for messing patients up. Don't want to deal with him. We can't stand him. Hell he probably doesn't even know how to read the report. I guess we are just going to have to wait until dad dies and then maybe they will tell us something then. UGH!!!! Sorry I am being such a bitch today. I just need to get all of this off my chest about these drs. I am so sick of having to deal with them. And them being so vague on their answers to us.
I talked to sis this morning and she is with dad today. She said that she was going to be with him because she needed to try to pay some bills for the store, do back taxes or pay for back taxes that she owes on the store, bookwork for the store. And from what I gathered from her I don't think she is going to try to call any drs. today. I don't know. I might try to talk her into calling his dr up at duke today. The one that was in surgery yesterday. The one that took out dads thyroid tumor. Well thanks for lending a ear and listening to me vent. I guess I better try to clean up this house of mine. I have not been motivated to do that. And it needs it. Maybe I can make a dent in it. Hard to keep things straight when you got a 4 yr old constantly pulling toys out everywhere. Oh well!!!! My house is a mess and so is my BRAIN! Love and (((((hugs)))))) to my little internet angels!!!! Stormy
(((((((stormy))))) how very frustrating for u all. prayers that u find out what's going on - this is such a tough tiime for u - think starri gave u some good pointers
starri - hope your migraine has settled down - my daughter gets them - no fun -glad u got ur mail stuff sorted out for the trip
jam -so good to see u posting sometimes - hope u get a pic of those fawns
YR 11.5 lbs. Absolutely awesome - thats an accomplishment - u must feel good about it!!!
vic - hope the eval is are going to be useful - will send u the sinus remedy - my head is clearing from this bug
ros ((((hugs)))) to u and nickie - u must be exhausted - I know u r so happy to have her home
shawna - u need some little elves to help u get ready for the next sale - do u get much online business?
ladee - we r all wondering how u r doing with the BS. What colours r u considering? Hope u r not too exhausted by now
seeme - hope the benadryl works for ur mum - and therefore for u - lack of sleep is so hard on us -a local pulmonologist would be good
linda22 - glad ur mum is settling in - no transition is easy
everyone else - take care and have a good day
love hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
Jo
Hey Jam can we get a appointment in to see your husband?????? I know he is a er dr. just kidding. And this is not a reflection on him. Just the ones that we are dealing with. I know there are good drs out there we just have not found one down here. Well I got to go get in the shower and start getting ready. So if we hear anything today I will try to report back to ya'll. Thanks for listening to me and all my ranting and raving. Don't know what I would do without ya'll and this thread. It keeps me somewhat sane.....
Ros what kind of dog is nicky? hope she is doing good still and is able to come home today. Give her a hug and a kiss from stormy. I love animals.
Emjo I hope you don't have a stomach virus. I hate those things.... I hope you feel better today.... Have a good day everyone!!!! Love and (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))) Stormy
Ladee, where are you? Everyone else? where the heck are you? I woke up with a migraine today, so nothing much on my agenda.
Dad is basically the same. Hope you all are doing OK. P & P
Glad to her Nicky is doing good and will be coming home.....That was quicker than I thought........
Got all the doctors' visits done. Mom will have to go back to the dentist and I just have to take my BP periodically. May have to increase the meds, but he understands the stress I am under.
We go to Raleigh tomorrow, so I will close for tonight. Oh, doc said to give mom 1/2 a Benadryl to make her sleepy. Since she sleeps off and on during the day, the melatonin won't be as effective and he is right about that. It worked for a little while, but not anymore. Now she still gets up but is like a wet noodle. Already got her to take it, so I will be in bed shortly myself. It will be another long day, but hopefully the last one. I will get things transferred to a local pulmonologist. Everyone have a good evening...........later....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Just wanted to say a quick hello to all and hope everyone has had a great day!
Rossella......so happy to hear Nicky is on the mend....give her lots of puppy kisses and hugs from me.
Stormy.....sorry you had the trach scare.....sometimes those little buggers just won't go back in. It's amazing how quickly the tissue will swell.
Seeme.......a friend asked me today if you had tried the sleepy-time tea with Mom at night? We were talking about people staying awake and she said that's what she uses occasionally and she sleeps like a baby. I told her I thought you had tried just about everything without success, but wasn't real sure about the tea.
Ladee......beginning to worry about you......hope things are okay today. Post when you feel up to it.
Went shopping today at my least favorite store. Bought a fire pit to put outdoors on the new front patio with the gliders. Will be nice to sit out there with a fire and Target has plans to roast a hotdog or two....:) Woke up to rain, but that's gone now and it's been sunny and hot this afternoon. Not as bad as it has been, but enough to make me stay inside. I have a lot of reading to catch up on, so maybe I'll force myself to go out on the back deck and sit on the glider and read. Or fall asleep. Maybe our little fawns will make an appearance. I'll make sure to take the camera emjo if I go. Hope you're doing okay today also. Missed seeing you here today.
Time to start making dinners.....hope y'all have a great evening!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ahhh, Ros, what good news.. I know you have to be excited to bring the baby home. Keep us posted on how she is doing and try not to wear yourself out checking on her every three seconds..lol..
Well, steps are being made towards getting out of here on the first, we went today to the local UPS office, we chose them as our mail forwarding service. There are other services that RV'ers use, and i am sure their perfectly fine, but I am not comfortable with giving just anyone access to our mail, especially Glenn's medications, he takes morphine for his back pain, it has to have a signature and ups delivers it anyway..lol, so it will work out fine, I bet that the guy who gets the honor of delivering it will be happy not to have to come out here, it kills a hour just getting here and back to town.. They have x-amount of stuff to deliver each day and the faster they get it done the quicker they get off work, so this will work out great for this guy, he's generally out here between 630 and 7:00 pm..
So we're one step closer to freedom..lol.. a couple of mailing address changes, some shopping (which has to wait till next payday 8/24/11 :( and we'll be able to take off.. I banking on the 1st, as there is so much to do on those last couple of days..
Hope that all have had a wonderful day, time for me to stretch out I believe..