This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I feel you are more serene and I am very happy about it.
BTW I forgot to tell you something about babies feet. Yes I agree babies feet are wonderful and if you wash them, they have a good odour. But I remember that when my nephews were babies and they had not been washed yet, their feet smelled of cheese... This didn't prevent me from biting and pinching my nephews everywhere. They were so soft and tasty! I hope they have not developed problems since then!!!! It seems to me they have good relationship with women, though, (they are 24 and 18, now) so maybe I have not traumatized them too much!
Jam good to see you on here!!!!! We miss you!!! And let me ask you something this COW PATTIE!!!!!!! Does it mean a lucky charm? I think I saw that on somebody elses comment. Just been wondering?????
Ros- hope your baby is continuing to do better and getting some rest. You get some to Ros.
Emjo- hope you are having better days!!!!
Ladee- hope things are going better for you and your son... You both are in my prayers.
Well I know I have forgotten someone. But whoever you are I love ya and I'm praying that you will have a better day tomorrow!!! Better get to bed go to be at dads before 9 tomorrow morning. Love and hugs across the miles!!!! Stormy
I thank every single of you for your concern for my little drama (little because Nicky is little! She is very dear to me)
STARRI: I am a sex offender too. I am a country woman and I pee almost everywhere. When I walk the dogs and it's very cold and windy, I can't help it. I need to pee. I choose bushes and I try to hide myself, but there are not always bushes around, so sometimes I look around and I do it quickly in the fields!
LADEE: Sorry for your son (which must be a big worry....) and sorry for Sonny, too. The dementia is like this... Sometimes they are sweet, sometimes they become nasty... You know it as much as I do.
CARROL - thanks for telling me the story of your dog who recovered. It's a great comfort!
SEEME - thank you, too. I hope your mom doesn't give you too much trouble in the next days.
STORMY - I am happy that your brother behaved well. I am sorry your dad is so ill; I hope you are going to have soon good answers from the doctors about what it is better to do. Right now I think you are doing your best! If he has problems of circulation of course he must pee a lot.
VIC - Sorry for what you have to deal with with both your parents. I am so tired with just one of them.
EMJO: was that story true? Really? This is a story of a very good date!!!! I appreciate they didn't lose their head. They must be two people with a great sense of humour.
JAM Hi, I hope you are better!
More later... I am going to take the dogs for a walk in a while, then jump on the car with mom and go to see Nicky.
thanks again - wish a good sunday to all of you
Ros? how is Nicky? Ladee? are you ok after cleaning? Jam, Vic, Stormy, Seeme, everyone? how are you?
I'm glad to hear about your son calming down..if he is a unmedicated bipolar, don't be surprised when he goes back to 90 miles a hour.. Sucks about the water, but like you said, you've been there and done that before.. when I first moved to SC a long long time ago, we lost the restaurant I flew out here to help to save, and ended up back on the property, with no electric, no electric means no water..we're on a well, use to hike down to the creek, tote up 5 gallon buckets of water for washing, flushing and cooking..lol.. That was in my youth..could not do it now to save my life..
Rest my friend, and keep us posted as to how you are doing and how the BS is coming along.
starri, it is a little motor home... there were two seats up front, had them take one out t make room for a little table to put my Tv on, right behind the drivers seat is a built in table with padded benches for all my future FINE dining, then the bathroom, the bedroom covers the whole back part, opposite the table is the tiny kitchen area, so maybe you can picture it now... no room for a chair or much of anything else... but like you said, I't mine....
Jam, happy to see you here today, another version of what ED said is, " I won't let anyone live in my head rent free"..... all means the same, if I didn't practice this with my son, I would be even crazier than I am...
And Seeme is right about all the BS, I think I am going to paint everything BROWN, get BROWN curtains, put BROWN carpet down, dishes and pots and pans should be BROWN... so I should always remain humble and know that life is really a bunch of BS sometimes.... and yes I am also full of BS because my eyes are BROWN...
Shawna, I hope you sell all your stuff and have orders for much more... thinking of you this weekend.
Stormy, well YEHA for the drunk brother, I think we were all worried about this situation, so happy to hear that part went ok..... but am very sorry to hear Dad is not feeling well and having so much trouble breathing.... prayers for you and Dad...
And yes, I feel Sonny is going into another stage of Alz. His daughter is supposed to take him to Austin for a check up with the Alz, doc, so I will tell her what is going on with him... but so far, he can still be redirected... but I think some of it is the tone of voice Marie uses with him.... but like I said, I get paid to go in there and be patient, she is with him when I am gone, so it is wearing on her too,. As long as she doesn't use that tone with ME, we'll be fine....
And it is nice to not have to be there all the time.
Oh wanted to tell ya'll I have running water on the BS... yep running out on the ground from somewhere underneath.... turned the water off, came back inside and just got busy doing things I could do without water.. Will have to use those huge bottles of water for a while, it is not in my budget to get that fixed right now.... and it 's not like I am going to be cooking or washing clothes... I kept thinking today that who would have thought after Hurricane Rita, being stranded in the back woods of La, no water , no lights, that the "no water" thing would come in handy again... I have a place to sleep, the roof doesn't leak, so I am not complaining...
My son knows he has reached his limit with me, he came and helped today and was acting normal, not talking me into a coma, so now I have to wonder how much of his craziness is just drama... tired of thinking about it......
I know I didn't get to everyone, but I HAVE to go take a shower, my cat won't even come near me, PeeeU.... love to everyone, more later....
Rosella....I got sidetracked by the dark side and forgot to ask how Nicky is doing today. Let us know as soon as you can....
ASG, Where you be?
Emjo......loved the bumper story.....I've had my hand stick to the car latch way back when I was first married. My in-laws lived in Bangor, Me and we went to visit over Christmas one year. Then we arrived at 7:30 am, it had warmed up to -24 F. During the drive up there it was so cold in the car with the heater going full blast that my maxi-coat was not enough to keep me warm. I didn't know then that the temp was at least -36F and we were traveling at 70 mph.
Hope Shawna is having good luck and nice weather for her fest, and that she is selling everything and getting orders for more.
Stormy, did bro stay all night and everything was lovely when you got there? Guess tonight will be the real test. Have hubby standing by.....
Vic, sure wish someone could help you with dad's condition. And mom is scared? That is a load right there, trying to reassure and handle dad, too. If he could just walk, it is so much better on the caregiver. When mom is dead weight like she was last night, I just don't think I can do it any more. Here's hoping some therapy will get him going again.
Starri, I thought you were towing the bike, wasn't sure. Should have known, as I know we can't leave the house without ours. Had to get a special trailor modified to hold the wheels and it has been on many a trip with us. Just can't remember if it was a case of "if the dogs go, so does the bike" or the other way around. hee hee
Jam, Kidney stones suck, except for the pain meds. And when the pain really comes in, they don't touch the pain anyway. Here's hoping you have a quiet weekend, pain free. And I like the "no rentals in your head" thing. That must be why those people who try to rent space are called "head cases", "headaches", and pains in the ass.....those are the worst......they can't even get to your head !!!! And I'm sure we know some "mentals" but they usually wear signs, so we know they are coming and can take the rental signs down.....oops, I'm heading to the dark side....must be the lack of sleep........
Ladee is cleaning out the BS...... puts up with BS at work.....tolerates BS......has BS nearby from NoBS Busey......is full of BS.........yea, that was a good name for it...........oops, here I go again.......
Mom was up every 30-40 min last night. I gave up at 4 am and couldn't even smoke a cig before she wa at it again. Couldn't watch TV or read cause my eyes burned too bad, so I am in a feg.....see?....i mean fog. She is now passed out in her chair and I am still doing housework. AAAAAAAHHH just got a brief shower, so not it is not only hot, but steamy as well. Gonna go out in it, then get dressed. Will check in later...........
Vic, I am sorry to hear about your dad, I hope that the doctors can figure out something to make it easier on him and on you.. Tell your hubby there are websites that have blue prints on how to build your own RV, some of them are seriously interesting. A lot of different things you can convert into one, a bus, a ambulance, a moving truck, etc.. if it's got enough power, you just tow the motorcycle, that is what we are doing with ours. We never made it to the retirement thing, disability got to us first..so we just joke that we're retired now, I keep trying to get us a nest egg and hubby keeps spending it faster than what I can save... that is one good thing about doing this traveling, he's going to have a very hard time buying stuff.. he'll have to have me with him to shop, he can't order stuff online, cause he is going to have to pay double shipping or explain to me why we are having to stay camped somewhere if he isn't expecting medications...lol..
((Jam)) so good to see you, don't mess with the kidney stones, have had those myself and they are not fun, I'd rather have labor cramps, at least you get something cute to keep for your pain.. if it keeps hurting take yourself to the doctors. Have hubby send some of those funnel cakes this way, I'll eat some and help you watch your figure..lol..
Jo, have tried the bumper thing myself, thankfully didn't pee all over my shoes..lol.. I've never figured out how "outhouses" can be out of order, short of someone hasn't pumped them out in a while, and their about to over flow... Don't know if you have a walmart there in Canada, but you can order on line, they have these camping toilets that have little bags that go down in them for doing your stuff in and then their double sealed for disposal. I haven't quite figured out yet where you are suppose to properly dispose of them, I take them to the main dumpster and put them there. fortunately I haven't had to do much more than pee in the middle of the night.
Well, I've gotten the trash taken out from having emptied the freezer in the little fridge the other day, had asked hubby that night to get it out the next morning, didn't happen, then the next day he said that our friend was making a trash run and he would collect it and take it out, the friend ended up with chest pain and was unable to do it, I wasn't going to wait for hubby to crawl his butt out of bed to get it done today, so I double bagged it, tossed it in the trunk of my car and took it off myself. So that is out of the way, and hubby's butt is still in bed.. next on the agenda is laundry.. Hubby pays our friend 30.00 per month to do our laundry (his chore) and can't seem to figure out that "hey" we have a load of laundry, take it to the friend now, he waits till there are four loads or better and then takes it then, after having to listen to me bit** about it. I'm not going to take 4 loads to him to do all at once, I'll get it caught up, and what we mess up between now and the end of the month, he can take that too him. I bought us a laundry bag for the camper, you can't put much in it, so he's going to be doing laundry at least once a week..lol, and I have news for him if he thinks I am going to do it. I'll have enough to do with feeding and cleaning for us, for the dogs, making sure they get their walks, etc.. That sign above my head that says servant has been taken down.
Hope you all have a wonderful peaceful day
stormy hope the night went well - I am a bit surprised ur bro turned up sober - but great that he did - counting down now - looking forward to hearing how it is going
starri if I had to be registered as a sex offender i could do better than peeing by the side of the road - guys do it here all the time - there is miles and miles of bush, one hiway and a few side roads to utility installations etc. - sometimes all the "cans" are out of order - how that happens with no electricity or water I don't know and when it is in the winter and there is 4 feet deep snow in the ditch between u and the trees u have to get inventive. I have pulled up a side road and done the bumper thing - speaking of peeing by bumpers I have a story - and it is true.
First of all you have to appreciate that when it is really cold naked moist flesh freezes to metal. Well this gal was out on her first date with rhis guy and she had to go - badly. They found no facilities and she was getting desperate so finally they stopped the car and he kept his eyes straight ahead while she went behind the car, lowered her duds and, yes leaned her butt against the bumper to keep her balance and peed. It was a great relief until she realized that the "steam" had frozen her butt to the bumper. He waited and waited till she called out and with much embarrassment told him what had happened. Well, being Canadian they both knew that the only solution was - some warm fluid to thaw her butt off the bumper. Unfortunately they had drunk the thermos of coffee so, he applied the only warm liquid available - yes you guessed it - he peed on the bumper/butt combination while she looked discreetly away and her butt got unstuck, She feared she would never see him again, but they ended up laughing about it, went out again and, in fact, in time got married! Have to believe they are going to make it if they survived that!
ladee -sounds like there are some changes with Sonny - is he a tad more downhill? -sooo glad the BS a/c is hooked up - understand that it is small - BUT it is YOURS!!!! Hope ur weekend is productive - sounds like a break from Bonnie and Clyde - ooops Sonny and Marie is a very good thing for u right now
ros hugs for u and Nicky - let us know what u can when u can
Oh Vic - the retirement thing - I started when i was 50 in a small way and then worked over another 20 years to make the most of it, so many peeps struggling with that - good to see u posting and glad an order for home health has gone in
jam so good to hear from u but sorry u r having back pains - once in a stressful period i had such severe back pain when I was driiving I had to pull the car over by the side of the road and cry- I came to the conclusion later that it was kidney stones - the pain was pretty fierce and spread around my side but it never happened again - thankfully - saw that from Ed too - good one! - emjoy that cake!!!
seeme trust your nite was not too bad - hope u r sleeping in but know u dont get much chance for that
hoping some of the absentees will check in
love and hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Sounds like we have had some tragedy among our friends.......my heart goes out to each of you in whatever way you may need it.
Haven't felt well the last few days........hubby thought I might have a kidney stone, but I think it's just the normal back cramps only magnified a few times.
Y'all have been talking about trees and bushes and rv's and you're making me think about ours and what to do with it. Told Target if we aren't going to use it, the rv that is, we might as well sell the darn thing.
I read something a little earlier that has struck a chord with me and will stick......
"In a nutshell, don't be manipulated and don't let anyone rent space in your head.".....thanks Eddie....:) I like this because how true!
Hubby is fixing homemade funnel cakes........I can already feel my waistline expand..........
I am with you all today in thought and prayer and just plain ole' good wishes......
Love and Hugz to all of my friends,
Jam
Rossella, hope there is good news about Nicky this morning,,, let us know how she is doing,,, the Diva sends a hug and kiss to Nicky.. and I send a hug and kiss to you... gotta go get busy... love ya'll
As for dad..he was still hallucinating some and sleeping and talking off the wall stuff yesterday bathroom is getting harder and having to help him eat more often. I talked with his doc yesterday and they have faxed order to home health. Just hope he develops a skill if not we may end up with hospice again. Am too exhausted to continue this way and I know he really benefited from it when we had it the last time. Don't know if I ever mentioned that he has a benign meningioma in his right frontal lobe.. It affects all this stuff that is happening. He isn't a candidate for surgery but when things were bad before the neurosurgeons and neurologists could never agree that thE tumor was the cause of the situation so we were left with treating what came. He had been doing so well that back last September that we were release from hospice and we were going to an outpatient rehab and he was walking with help and a walker and carrying on decent conversations and such. But since January he he was bak in wheelchair and in the last several weeks he has just gone downhill. I may ask doc is he will give him some decadron or prednisone..as it may be some swelling exasperating the situation. Ah well enough about us...just rambling and putting thoughts into words. Mom is scared so I need to try to lift her as much as possible. Don't look forward to the end. But whos's to say he wont get better again!
God bless all of you! You are in my daily prayers. V
My son is of no use to me in the state of mind he is in, but will not go for any help.... I am so weary from all his stuff..... and still have to live my own life..... too many questions and no answers.....
And starri, it will have to be little things that make me go "ahhh", no room for a couch or chair, guess the drivers seat will have to be my new favorite chair...lol...
Oh life is such a grand adventure sometimes, gotta be twice as grateful for your friends, makes the stupid stuff seem less important...
Alrighty then, I am off to the BS, like what emjo said about the BS under a tree.... yeah , that the way we like it......
Seeme, so mama REALLY liked the soup , maybe next time you'll have to give her anti-diarrhea meds BEFORE she eats... I do not know how you do this everyday of your life , just so much love and respect for you.....
Well ya'll this isn't getting the BS cleaned, gotta head toward the future here and get some things done, get my mind off everything else I have no power over.... love you all, stay cool.....
(((Ros))) Keep us posted as to how Nicky is doing.. and how you are doing as well.
Jo, out here in SC if you get caught peeing by the side of the road or anywhere that might be considered "public" you could have to register as a sex offender.. Your right on the men having it easy, Baby brother tells me all the time he's going to go water a bush..lol, hubby no longer modest just does it where ever he feels like.. Jerry likes to tell a story of having a friend and his son out here, Dad decides he needs to go, so he finds himself a tree and uses it, while he is standing there the little one is holding his stuff, jumping up and down saying "daddy, I have to go" Dad turns to him and says "Dustin, there are 5,000 tree's out there, go pick your own" He wanted daddy's tree. I'll use a bush, rock or tree when needed, try to get out of view, but if you have to go you have to go.. We have one of those camping toilets, getting up off it is fun, but it works well in the middle of the night when you are not up to hiking to the nearest bathroom. Seems Glenn's favorite thing to do is park us down hill from the restroom, by the time I make it up the hill, I just about don't have energy to make it the rest of the way in. Arthritis and Neuropathy are NOT your friends.. Told him the next time he parked us down hill, he was having to get up in the middle of the night and walk with me there, he'd be in as much pain or more. I spent yesterday trying to figure out how to get our mail delivered with little to no hassle, stopped by the post office, (they offer premium mail forwarding) isn't any use for the traveling RV'er, if you travel from one kids to the next all the time and know where you are going to be on any given day, then it will work, but you have to know where you are going to be before you even leave town. So we've pretty much decided on the UPS Store, they'll get your mail for you, and forward to where ever you are. One a month is going to be the average we will need to be in one place for a good bit of time and that is to have Glenn's pain meds delivered. All bills are going paperless, we pay them online anyway except for two, and those can be done by mail. So junk mail, anything from the dmv or the va/ssi is the only thing we'll get besides the odd bill to show up. One challenge is going to be Glenn's lab work for the VA, he has to do that like every month or two because of the morphine he takes. But we should be able to go to any VA Clinic or hospital and get it done there. Unless I am sick, I don't really need to go to the doctors, and if I am sick enough for that, then a trip to the er is in order. scripts can be faxed over, the ones that can't can be gotten in enough numbers to keep me for a few months, so we try and be back here before those run out and I can get new scripts.
Stormy, I am glad to hear that your brother showed up, I kinda expected him not too..Don't let your Sister in Law give you any shit about it..
Ladee, what are your favorite things? the ones when you sit down at night make you go "ahh, home at last" ? those are the things you should bring in first...basic's like your bed and favorite chair/couch.. What's this about the a/c in the BS? is it out? that is something you can not do without in this heat. Marie and Sonny still ok? haven't really heard about them.
Oh, Seeme, what a mess, but I am glad that Mom liked the soup.. she decided not to do anything about the fistula didn't she? For your sake, I wish that she would.
Jam? pop your head in so that we know your ok. everyone else too...
Thanks everybody, I appreciated a lot your solidarity... Certainly we don't need more stresses than the ones we already have!
reminds me of the last time I went to the farm with gary (friends farm) - went one way to the house and saw farmer John peeing in the grass so turned around to go the other way around the shed and his nephew was peeing in the grass - the guys have it so easy
-another time when G and I didn't know each other that well and we took a back road in the moun tains and it turned into a nightmare of washed out road etc and I said we are NOT going back that way and he agreed so we kept going and finally found a gate and g had to cut the lock so we could get out -and I had to go and there was no where handy and not even a bush that was easy to get at but I climbed a slope with pebbles which gave way underneath me and I fell and whacked my shin bone good and proper (had a bone bruise for months) and could NOT hold it - would have been alright except for falling and the pain in my shin so I soaked myself - oh dear - told g who said laconically - next time forget modesty and pee by the back bumper - we were tenting and there was laundry on the line that night
starri - the worst part of the tenting for me was the getting down on my hands and knees to crawl in and out - I can do it but it takes a little more time than it did -other than that I loved it -and what is it about the smoke following certain people (me) no matter where you sit.
Emjo, I have stories about peeing on the side of the road, I always figured if someone saw me, they wouldn't recognize my ass if they saw it again...and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go... and thanks again for yesterday..
Starri, I think of you everytime I go into the BS, where am I going to put some of my stuff and what stuff should I put.....Ya'll are going to have a good time, if you ever get to leave.... hope you are feeling better, like me tears and more tears, but we'll be ok... eventually...
Stormy, thanks for your hug, it was appreciated... and please keep us updated about this weekend with crazy brother around.... Thank God you are married to a cop.....
Heidi, glad something I said finally made some sense to someone..... and we do "trudge" No skipping, not running, but trudging.... hope you are ok look forward to your posts....
YR, missing you and hoping you are ok.. let us hear from you...
Vic, how are things with you today, let us hear from you too...
Seeme, how is mama's "whosit" this afternoon??? Hope one of the suggestions worked...
Jam, keeping the light on for ya.
And I don't like feet either, but the coolest thing I ever saw was in a podiatrist office. He had pics of his kids feet in all kinds of situations, at the beach, ect... Like ya'll , babies and young kids feet are precious, but the other, YUK...
Ro, hope we get an update on Nicky.... my heart hurts for you...
love you guys, hugs across the miles...