This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jo, not going tent camping, we'd thought about that, but it's hard enough getting out of the chair never mind trying to get up off the ground, it's embarrassing to have to crawl across the ground or the floor to find something to push up on...lol, when I worked the boss wanted me to dust the bottom shelves, told him I would be more than happy too, but he would have to call the EMS to come and get me up. He decided he'd get one of the younger people to do it.
The majority of the places we will be staying will have electric/water/sewer plus separate toilets and showers. One rule to camping is always carry your own toilet paper..lol, pull off some on your way out the door to the toilet and if you don't have to use it, it's there in your pocket for the next time. Our little camper doesn't come with a shower or a toilet. It has a full sized bed above the cab of the truck, then a small heater, small sink with cold water only, a two burner stove, and a fridge that is smaller than a dorm fridge..(aka hotel fridge) that is built in. There is dining area that is big enough for maybe 4 adults who are friends..lol, this area is also a bed, close to twin size, but you have to be shorter than 5' to be comfortable completely.
I think for the moment, my depression has snapped, don't know that it's the far side of depression (mania) as I am not going 90 miles a hour or not sleeping. The mind is racing a bit, so I'll take a sleeping pill.
There has been only one set of adult feet that I would say were pretty, she wore like a size 5..tiny little things.. my feet tend to swell, so I look like I am walking around with potato's on my ankles. Mom's feet were bad, I think it was stormy who was talking about it, belonged on a corpse.. it was rough trying to do something about them..she was embarrassed and I was grossed. Anyway, Ros, keep us posted as to how Nicky is doing..
Anyone who hasn't checked in, please do so..
Can't blame the dog for the owner not teaching them manners. those dogs should have been trained not to attack other dogs, chase them maybe but not attack, I am sure it wasn't like Nicky was chasing the sheep or anything.
starri sounds like you are getting yourself organized - r u going tenting??? or what is different about this camping trip???did I miss something - sounds like u r doing OK - so glad ur keeping some funny money for urself - u deserve it and then some
re camping fracilities - in northern ab we used to have a decent toilet with water and electricity about 1/2 between here and edmonton (the capital and nearest large city - 5 hrs drive away) and they tore it down and replaced it with what are now called the million dollar shitters - one pair of the several pairs of outhouses along the road - not sure what the story behind the name is - the outhouses have no water, often no light, certainly no cleanliness and sometimes no toilet paper - but a little more sheltered than peeing etc in the bush/snow(winter)/mosquitos (summer)
stormy - prayers for the weekend to go well -I know it won't be easy for you and dad will prob need a trip to the store - not going to be easy for you all -keep in touch and let us know how it is going
seeme I will send you the sinus recipe - i am amazed that it is so simple and yet keeps the bugs at bay -saved my life -maybe literally - hope your mums sweats are better
Heidi - aren't you something!!! and not on happy pills - awesome - hope fil accepts the dx soon - camping is great -we talked about a big get together with everyone sitting around the fire and telling their stories -ahhh it would be so great!!!
ladee hope you had a decent day and will get that a/c in soon so you can move to the BS - hows that for home BS under a treee - sounds good to me!!!:) more changes for u r not easy I know, but to get into ur own place will be good- Lordy this PTSD/grief stuff is hard
Yr, vic 54 and everyone else - thinking of you and of course jam!!! -
what is this about feet? I like feet. I have thought of doing a photoessay on feet. I think they are very interesting and tell about people. part of the photoessay would be footprints. I think i could tell a whole story with footprints and not a word. - now I do understand that the feet of old sick people that you have to groom may be difficult.and unpleasant. and I am with your stormy - babie's feet are delicious!!! When Joel (g'son)was fussy I used to strip off his sleeper and kiss his toers and he would cool off and relax and giggle. did it with all my kids - ah they grow up so fast!!!
stay cool everyone - love and hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
Jo
Thanks for the support, I'll keep you posted....
I haven't been tent camping in I can't tell you how long, beyond the two tests runs we've made with this camper it's been even longer than tent camping. This trip we're planning, is a first in a life time for me, have never been in a place to be able to do something like this.. Not all that sure how long it's going to last, how good it's going to be, etc.. I have a hubby that is 63, and falling apart, his back is going, the knee's have gone, and sometimes I wonder about his mind, along with him I have a 48 y.o Brother with MS and Epilepsy, The MS has taken his short term memory and basically turned the sweetest kid you would like to meet into a serious prick. So I don't know when the time will come that I am required back here in SC to look after him. Had been looking after Mom, but we lost her in June, this year. We won't even go into what is going on with me..lol..
Hope you are having a wonderful day, I hear thunder, so better get outside and see if there is something out there that should not be.. Take care.
I don't mind the feet of healthy peeps but when you age and your body is failing the feet are not a pleasant thing to see at all. My poor MIL's feet are a mess. She will not even take her shoes off in the Dr. office. I was so starttled the first time I saw them as they look like they belong on a corpse. Off color, long nails, peeling skin. Not good. She has no feeling in them at least so the condition of them does not seem to bother her. Dr.s do not seem concerned.
Small victory with MIL -for the last three weeks she has been screwing around with the time she wants to take her meds. She has made endless calls to all of the local pharmacies and her doctors pestering them until she gets the answer she thinks she wants. Jon & I refused to get involved. We just kept saying to let us know what she decides and we will fill her pill boxes accordingly. Because she could not engage us in her attempt for chaos she finally admitted she's made a big mess of it all and should probably leave the routine as it's always been. Wow! By not responding the way she expected us or wanted us to she had to see her behavior and the negative concequences of it all. Small to some - God miracle to us!
FIL depressed more than usual I think from the Parkinson's diagnosis. He's still refusing to accept it saying "well, I hope it turns out to not be Parkinsons". Just not getting it.
I love camping. Would give just about anything to get in a tent by the water with a bit of a camp fire and relax. Some day once again.
I send prayers and hugs for all of you. May you & your loved ones have even a moment of serenity today.
Trude the road of happy destiny - I love this! Trudge = to walk with purpose.....the road of happy destiny. Gives a whole new meaning to the word trudge! - Heidi
Anyway, been out working in the camper some more, rearranging, found by putting things in right rather than just thrown in, I have a lot more room, took all of the stuff that hubby had put in there that resembles tools, and took them to his "tool" ;box. I think that ya'll would be proud of me, I did something yesterday for me for a change, Hubby and I both agreed on a 200.00 per month mad money allowance, I see to it that he gets his, generally more, but since I don't have a personal bank account, mine if I don;t take cash out of the bank, ends up getting mixed in with the house money and I end up with no personal cash, I don't buy stuff like he does.. If I am buying something it's for the house. So, I've made myself a promise, no more of this crap, if I need to leave some in a bank account, I'll leave it in our savings and then just transfer what I need for online purchases, and take the rest out in cash. I was rotten, he had bought a part for a friends lawnmower out of the house account, well the friend paid him back for it in cash, plus labor, I made him split the cash with me.. it was 40.00 for the part, I got 20.00. he kept 20.00 along with the money he got for labor, it's only fair..I don't believe he was all that happy about that, we stopped for lunch after this and he looks at me and says well you have cash, I looked at him and said you do too and you have the house card..lol.. so the house paid for lunch.
Anyway, now that I have cooled off, going to go back out to the camper, dig everything off the top of the bed, and see what room I have under there for clothes. and linen's. be good and have fun
Seemie, I know exactly what you mean about the feet thing. I don't like them either. You would freak out on dads toenails. They are so thick you can't even cut them with the toenail clippers. Yuck!!! He has got to have some kind of toenail fungus going on for them to look the way they do. The only feet I like are lil' reds. I can touch, rub, and kiss them. Hubby will say rub my feet and I will say no. You got old stinky feet, lil' red has brand new feet and they don't stink!!!!!! LOL (((((hugs))))))) stormy
Ladee, hope you get a thrill before going to work today in a "3 underwear" day.....
Starri...I had big dogs and never bought less than 50 lbs of food at a time. And it only lased 3 weeks. Put it in tins or plastic containers to keep bugs out. No problems. Mixed the last of the bag with the next new bag to keep them from having issues with the change. Tended to get a little poopy with every new bag of food. Would you believe I bought dental picks at the store to clean their teeth, but I want to gag when I have to clean mom's? I could pull out wads of hair out of the dogs' ears, and I get disgusted when I have to clean mom's out. Being long-haired dogs, I had to clip their nails and the hair between the pads of their feet, and I HATE to clip mom's toenails. I hate the look of feet !! Don't want to touch them and don't want them touching me, except for babies'. I must be nuts.........
Stormy, Wishing you good luck and a peaceful weekend. No, I don't know the Brown Company. Guess you were too big a store for us to service. Keep us posted and don't forget to call 911 or hubby if bro comes drunk..........worried about that.......hate a mean drunk.
Later.....my day is beginning......
Seeme, I'd start a process of elimination, how long ago did she start the antibiotics? did this start about the same time? have you changed other medications in this time period? how about the diapers? are those a new brand? have you changed anything else? wipes, etc..? is it only her bottom that is getting wet? does it smell more intensely of urine?
Sometimes the body just decides it doesn't like a med we've been on forever, and other times it's just a change of things. My son was allergic to those diaper's you get from a service, I was given a year membership as a shower gift, lasted two weeks..lol.. had to use cloth diapers that I washed.
You might want to try the next size up, or talk to her doctor about maybe interaction with the med if she started this about the same time.
How is everyone else doing today? I went shopping some yesterday, picked up a few things for the camper, can now see just what I can get in there as far as canned goods and stuff.. I think working more and more towards getting this thing ready for the escape is helping my mood some, I've picked up just about a months worth of canned dog food, get weird looks out of my brother when I do that. He picks up three or four days worth at a time, keep telling him that 1: I get paid twice a month (he does now as well) 2: if I run out of money during those
times (4th Weds and 1st), this way I do not have to worry about being out of dog food. and 3: I save a bunch of money on gas by not having to run back and forth to town. I tend to stock, has saved our butt's many a time when somethings happened that sucked up what little money we had like car repairs. I was digging on line last night for shelf stable things, and there are groups out there that teach about food storage. Some of the producer's have stuff that lasts 30 years..lol..
I need shelf stable right now because of lack of space and refrigeration , later if we settle back down in one place, I can start the stocking over, Meats are the one thing that make me nervous now over stocking them, between hubby just recently shutting off power to the freezer, and that time we were out of power for days, killed off several hundred dollars in meats and left me a very stinky mess to clean up.
Baby brother just dropped Mom's sewing machine off, she had left it to him, I told him if he didn't want it, I'd take it, with his memory, it would either get donated or thrown in a burn pile, I didn't want to see that happen.
Anyway, guess i ought to get off here and get out side, start putting away what I picked up, and making some kinda blue print in my head (or on paper) what the lay out can be for the camper.
Hope that everyone is having better days today. Big Hugs.
After a "fair" night, I need some advice......Mom wakes up almost every morning very wet from sweating. I know she is on antibiotics and may be having a little war going on in her body, but I make sure I don't have the heating blanket on anything but the lowest setting. She started this little more than a week ago. It is worse around her bottom, so I think I may need a different brand of pull ups. I am using the Maker;s Mark brand from Sam's Club. When you look at them on her, there seems to be enough room that air would get in and keep things cool, but they are stuck to her in the morning. Any other suggestions?
Emjo-thanks for the encouragement about the job skills. Glad you had a good time at the bday party. (((((Hugs)))))
Seemie-Still not sure if I know the dist. co. I'm sure I have probably seen it drive by. But we have a man that has a co. like that he sells toys, diet pills, candy, cards, caps, perfume, other meds all kinds of stuff. His co. name is Brown's Wholesale Co. do you know of it. Boy I sure am going to miss seeing our customers and our salesmen. Going to be a sad day in the neighborhood. I know dad is sad about it too. Has not said anything to me about it. But I know it is own his mind. He loves that store. He was still working most 12 hr. days at that store up until the end of Feb. last year. And he was 76 then. I don't know how he did it. I know he is sad about the store closing. He never wanted it to come to this. I think sometimes he loved that store more than us kids. It was his baby too!!!! Well, I will talk to ya'll tomorrow. The start of what I'm sure is going to be a wonderful weekend....NOT! ((((Hugs))))) to all Stormy
Stormy, Southco delivered anything you would need for a store from candy, cigs, coffee cups, deli food, frozen lunch meats, even some produce, drinks, playing cards, to firewood, suntan oils, and kerosene cans. Even had some seasonal toys and other novelty items, ball caps, drug items, grocery items, school suplies. That's why I knew about Campbell's being there in your town.
Jam......loving you
Starri........take your time {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Vic......sinus infection now in this house....hope it doesn't get too deep in family...
Everyone else have a peaceful night with uninterrupted sleep....peace out..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
stormy ur secret is safe and I think u have lots of skills - much more than u realize
had a great day with my g'son - his 6th b'day treat - Mickie D's, Wallies, home to my house, through the touchless car wash and back to his house - it was the 1 and 2 buck toys that entertained him all afternoon
have a good nite all
jo
Seeme, I love you!!!
Jam, we're keepin the light on for ya!!!!
Emjo, I appreciate the time you spent with me today, I feel like a load has been lifted, amazing what letting go of the tears will do for the soul...... I can finally breathe again....
For everyone else, this has been a long day, had to ask sil to help me with the ac on the BS, as I can not count on my son... prayers for him please, I'll share some other time about him,,, my fear is he will commit suicide..... that hangs over my head everyday.... and I am powerless.... over so many things and situations, but am so grateful to all of you, the good times, the bad, the fun and the tears, and we are still together trudging this road to happy destiny.... hugs across the miles..
Thanks Starri for stopping by the mom and pops stores. It is customers like you that have kept us in business for as long as we have. We will certainly miss being up there at our store. It will be a sad day the last day we are open. : ( I hope you are doing and feeling better!!! U R in my thoughts and prayers!!! Love and Hugs Stormy