This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
mj - do come and vent if u can - it helps retain the sanity
a little humour for tonite
my daughter's comment to me this afternoon when she heard I was in a pasture with a horde of horses milling around me. "Mum", she said, "if I heard about a 74 yr old grandmother in a pasture with amongst a bunch of horses I would think she was insane." So I laughed and she said - "But it's natural for you!!!"
lol gotta luv 'em
have a good one
♥♥♥
And I am so so sorry that you and sis are suspecting the worse... I pray ya'll get an answer soon, not knowing is worse I think.... you are in my prayers, and hope this mess with the brother doesn't get too weird.... love and hugs to you girl....
HOW DO WE DO THIS ???!!!
Shawna, I clicked on the site you posted, but I just saw one picture. Is there somewhere else to go?
Got to get the dishes done and mom to bed.....I almost wash mom and put the dishes to bed........nothing a little sleep won't fix........later........
Ladee, guess that was what the chicken reference was, I've been trying to keep up with everything but you know how that goes.. has your headache went away yet? I hope so, those are not fun.
Took my meds, my sleeping pill and debating on laying down and sleeping or just try and stay awake till 9 at least.
Finally got diagnosis for my FIL - Parkinsons. He's in advanced stage as dementia has already started. Doing research how to care for him best as possible. Between his Parkinsons and MIL Cancer we have our hands full.
I know how you all feel about the voice - for me its the shuffling of the feet. All hours of the night. Have to make sure not getting into anything he's not supposed to. They finally settle down around 2 a.m. They sleep to 11:30 or so so nothing can get done (I have not gotten to the point that I am that rude to wake them with the vacuum - yet lol) All appointments in afternoon so days are screwed up and unproductive. I still get up around 6:30 - take the time to meditate and go work out at the gym. Helps to be a bit active as our lives have slowed down here too much. I am used to working 18-20 hours a day. Not enough physical drain and too much mental and emotional drain makes for one unheathy, spiritually challenged caregiver!
I would love it if my inlaws watched NCIS etc. mine watch fox news almost 24/7 with an occasional break for the Cardinal game. Talk about feeding the fear of the already fearful. I have not watched the news in about 4 years and I am so much more peaceful for it!
Thank you all for your honesty and support here. Even if I do not participate all the time it's still a comfort to read all of your shares! I hope we all have a peaceful night!
And guess what, this is the blessing.... the lady saved a spot for me under a tree!!!!!! How cool and thoughtful is that........I almost cried when she showed me where I would be parked.... so paid her, paid for the wrecker, gave my son money to go get hoses and other stuff, now I'm broke, but finally happy... It's a Banana Split ya'll, finally!!!!
Starri, laughed out loud at my insanity plea, and if one more man had said one more stupid complicated thing to me, I was going to go postal.... told the wrecker driver he was my new best friend..... he did the job in less than an hour, and it had to be moved from another town..... anyway.. need to get cooled off, try to get rid of this headache, and do some gratitude.. I have my own tree ya'll, do you know what that means in texas heat..... YEHA.... more later after a shower, some food, and a little relaxing.... love ya'll hugs..
Seeme, I can understand the cringing every time you hear your name, after a while you want to change it.. Bummer about hubby, is there anything the doctors might be able to give him to help with this? or is moving the final option? AZ and NV is where a lot of people have to move for the asthma.
Went out to the camper, don't have as much space as I was hoping for, but I can clear out hubbys tools to his "new" toolbox he had to have, so that will open up some space, some rearranging and getting two weeks worth of stuff in there isn't going to be a problem.. now to just find some of the stuff I bought for the camper and get it in there, like the first aid kit..lol..
Maybe get a rotating target holder for the cat and some darts.. she's about to drive me nuts.. I am not sure about traveling with a cat, two dogs and a husband..
I'm glad that you are all there, it's helping to be able to talk, even if it is through the computer.. I tend to hide when I get like this, not a good thing I know. Well, time to consider what to make for dinner, besides calling out for pizza, even I, the woman who loves pizza the most can get sick of it after a while.
Ladee? where are you?
Right now I break out in blisters every time I hear mom call my name. Yesterday wasn't enough time away. I think she is up to 40 min in between going to the bathroom. I tried to take a nap while she was laying down. What a joke. My name sounded like fingernails on a blackboard about then. I know I am whining, but the smell gets to me and everytime she calls me, I automatically smell it.
I take lexapro for my anger.....usually because someone is being an ass. It started when I did a job I hated at work. I tried Paxil first and after 4 days of the 10 mg dose (the lowest?) I was afraid I was going to forget to breathe........but I was relaxed !!!! Got exhausted just taking a shower.
Well, hubby has a sinus infection and was running a low-grade fever. He's alerady decided not to go to work tomorrow. It is harvest time and he has an infection instead of asthma, so far. Never fails, but it usually happens in Sept. When they start spraying the defoliant on cotton and even picking tobacco and cultivating it can cause him to go into some funk. Now mom is scared from the news. Geez, TS Emily is driving her nuts. Course they have to make a big deal of it, good or bad.
Ladee, good to hear you took charge and are getting it done. Damn men, got to fix everything before it moves and too hot to do that......BS, takes a woman to get it done. We got a swamp about a mile away and Jam has a pond..........
Shawna, good luck at the fest.......I did that a couple of times with my painting, but it IS a lot of work. Stupid me started out painting old thick bricks as stocking holders for Christmas........why something as heavy as a brick? DUH!!! Then I did lighthouses on blue satin ornaments.....much better !!! And NC loves their lighthouses !!!
Gotta get supper going. 6 PM and 101 degrees.......but Kathy comes tonight........ later
So I'll just hang on, and if it gets too bad, will get my butt into see her. Well, computer still says 102, but the sun is getting lower in the sky, so I am going to see if I can get out there and get something done... Ladee? check in and let us know if we need to pass the hat for bail money.. we already know you can plead insanity.