The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Yes she's being treated for it... she is on the generic form of paxil its been a god send. It used to be she would snap at the grand kids and the great grandkids .. now she has very few out bursts is happy most of the time and its even suprising helping with her dementia as she's not depressed works with me on things yes she will get grouchy somedays but its never for very long. She gets to spend time with her grandkids and great grandkids without being annoyed or yelling at them so yep... its a good drug .. mom calls it her happy pill lol

Shawna, that is tough finding your father, I was the one that found mine, has your mother been treated for her bipolar? it goes un-diagnosed for a long time, till something happens that brings it to the fore-front. I was the same way, fine one moment and ready to kill the next, hubby and I met online and he was warned right off the bat that I could be a bitch, lol, there were days I didn't want to be around me, never mind expecting anyone else to want to be..

ladee, I am sorry to hear that you had to explode to get things done.. your "french" doesn't bother me personally, I tend to have a mouth on me that could make a sailor blush.. Believe it or not, this ought to take a ton of stress off you.. it will be where you can make your home, make your area a area that you would enjoy coming home too, pots with flowers in it, maybe some fake grass (that carpet they sell, astro turf?) a couple of lawn chairs.. maybe a little table where you can set your coffee cup..

If you need a place to hide the body, I have the perfect place, right behind Mom's old place, kinda swampy, throw a bag of lime over it to hide the smell and let the animals move the bones for you..lol.. Big Hugs my friends

Ok ladies, this is not about caregiving But I have finally lost my patience and my temper, have a wrecker on the way to pick up the BS, have called the lady I will rent the space from, and she will meet him there and it is a fucking done deal, excuse my french.... I am so angry right now and both my son and nephew know it, so they will at least be quite while around me the next few days...... This is what I should have done to begin with, but nooooooo, I let them talk me into them doing it, gonna save me some money, YEAH RIGHT... so will update ya'll later. So, now I have a headache, am going to fix a cup of coffee and act like everything is just fine, going to be just fine, has always been just fine....
Will let ya'll know who I had to kill to get it all done, but I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR.... love and hugs to everyone...

Thank you ladies for all your support, it's going to take time, I know, just hurts like hell right now...tried to go grocery shopping, ended up circling one aisle and had to head back out the door, sat in the car and cried for a while, hubby bless his heart, doing his best to lean over the console and hold me while I did.. I do my best to keep from sliding down the side of the black hole from hell, as I know that is too slippery a slope for me..

Are we still looking for a name for the horse? Jo, I believe you said it, cybersister.. it is a girl isn't it? lol..if it is a stallion we could give him emotional problems if we named him sister..

Seeme? Mom was like that in her past year or so before she passed, nothing was ever good enough, negative everything..I can't begin to count the number of times I was told about her being a phone operator, lol, I just listened and commented accordingly. I have a picture of her in her hospital bed that we set up for her in the livingroom right before she passed, it's the happiest look I'd seen on her face in years, I was holding the star we had bought her above her head.. When it comes to dinner cheat,if at all possible, Bertello's (?) I think, makes a all in one bag meal..lol.. perfect for two, throw in a salad and you have servings for three and even better? you can nuke it..

Was fixing to head to the camper, till I took a look at the thermometer on the computer.. 102 degree's, how do you ladies do the heat ??? it's actually not all that bad out there today, heat I can pretty much do as long as I stay out of the sun, it's the humidity that kills me, sucks the life energy right out of you.

Have enough pain meds in me that I ought to be able to move some..guess i can plug in the camper and turn on the a/c to get it cooled down and see what I can come up with.. brought some more towels and stuff yesterday and put in there, still trying to unload the thing so I can get at the storage spaces and see what I have, these past couple of trips have been ok, we have new things to test and see if we need something else, so food stuff's and other misc have been basically thrown in there. I know that I don't have enough space for more than two weeks, so have to plan accordingly.

What's this about a chicken? is Ladee making chicken and dumplings? I missed something some where. I don't know how good they are for eating, but I have a couple of guinea's running around I can add to the pot.. Their my brothers actually, but I was trying to be nice one day and not run the things over and backed into a tree, busted out a tail light, 180.00 later, those birds became fair game, stupid enough not to get out of the way? road kill...lol.. Seeme? you could take Ladee's chicken and make chicken noodle soup out of it for hubby..

Maybe I took a little too much pain meds, lol, kinda babbling.. Big hugs..

Starri I understand the image sometimes does stick with you when my dad took a turn for the worse he was a very energetic guy worked right up till the end would have been 79 that year. He went downhill fast but my dad god rest his soul did not take care of himself very well he had trouble with his teeth and refused point blank to ever go see a doctor. We lost him in 04 mom kind of went backwards about that time but rallied till she fell down the stairs 14 of them in 05 after that its been off and on that I had to help her but she lived with my sister for like a year till she moved in with my big sister and I. Big sister had enough after awhile mom can be a tad verbally abusive the one time she told her she wished she was dead (come to find out it was bi polar issues) cause she would be nice one minute mean as heck the next. so sis moved out and it was just me and mom. But the image yeah it does haunt you ... as I was the one that found my daddy. I slept in the same room as he did he was a heavy smoker for a lot of years ever since he was in the navy in ww2. One minute he was coughing and sleeping telling me to go to sleep he was fine I dosed off woke up to check on him and he was gone. Sometimes it really hurts ... as yes I was a daddy's girl. I went and did everything with him. Camping I was a boyscout (cept I wasn't a boy lol) did the jamboree the only girl there ... black berry picking, Fishing .... I am the youngest so ... dad was in his 50s when he was doing all this with me but I didn't care. All i kept thinking when I saw him was petrified wood .. he was so white and so stiff... but I try to hold onto the good memories I had of him and the family its what my family talks about and with mom cause she can come up with some memories still of things she used to do. She loves to tell how she was proposed to. My dad didn't ask he just sent a telegram that said to be ready to married on the 18th ... lol no lets get married or will you marry me. Just get ready to be married on the 18th ...

Mom is doing good, have a doctors appointment on the 8th for her. Her sugars have been running regular ... and Doc says she's been doing good with the edema as they haven't been swelling thats cause i have cut pretyt much any sodium out of her diet as instead of giving her canned soup and preprocessed sauce I make my own. I know it takes time but I rather cook it myself that way I know what's in it ya know. Still trying to get ready for this weekend I have to dismantle my heat press to transport it then put it back together there .. oh joy lol NOT!! Anyway .... thats it for me today ....

mindy is nice and moonbeam -romantic - but what would we call her - moonie or beamie, seeme???
PTSD is no fun - but u can live with it and get better -
family here - yup a good thing - I have many cybersisters - mmm maybe the name for another book -
hope hubby feels better
U 2
love and hugs
J

Starri and Stormy, I am in the middle of the 2 of you....I know all the diagnoses and am trying to prepare myself for the day when I can no longer take care of mom or she dies.......I like to think that when mom dies, I will see a smile on her face because she is warm and no longer in pain. Don't have any idea what I will do after it is over. PTSD? My sister still has it over my dad. She just knows she can't do it again. Will I go out and get 2 dogs? yes, for the company. Mom and I don't talk much. Right now she isn't making much sense when she does talk, and most of the time she sleeps. If she is in a talkative mood, I hear all the same old stories, and she is so negative. I wish I could help you both through this time, but I can only give you hugs and wish you peace.....know that I think of you both daily.

Emjo......we are your family now.......huummm, I hope that is a good thing.

Ladee, hoping the chicken is gone and Marie is happy and Sonny knows you today. And that you can stay cool.

Vic, YR, and anyone else I have forgotten because of my brain fart, please cyber-slap me when you check in.

Jam, stay cool today with all this heat. Tell the girls to change their hair styles. Remember, familiarity breeds contempt.

Gotta get something done. Hubby is on day shift and I will be expected to make some kind of supper. He is not feeling well. Later..............

Good Morning Posse!

Another sunny, not quite so hot day, a balmy 95 degrees!

starri.....no you never get over the hurt of losing a loved one, but you will learn to put that away in a corner of your heart and bring out the good memories of your life and momma. Each person is different in how they deal with loss and how quickly they bounce back. My mother passed away last Dec 29 and there are still days when I just sit and think about her. I knew from that very day that nothing was going to bring her back and she would probably thump me on the head to find out I was sitting around grieving myself sick over her....:) She was like that. You are the only one who knows when you will be ready to get on with your life. Just beware of letting yourself get too far into that black hole of grief, that you will find hard to crawl out of. What would momma want you to be doing right now? I bet if she could, she would tell you to get that camper stocked, and get the heck out of there! I know you have a lot on your plate right now.....when is it time to start thinking about starri? And yes, sometimes you have to be a wee bit selfish.

I'm thinking of all of you today and hoping you all have a peaceful day.

Love and Hugz,
Jam

(((((((starri)))))) - grieving takes time and energy - it is very physical as well as emotional - and u need to give urself time to feel ur feelings - even then they can sneak up on u and catch u unawares - what I and others have found is that grief waits - u can shove it down for a while or get really busy to push it aside but it is there waiting for u when u have a quiet moment. Please give urself time - and I don't mean days - to process ur grief. Having your mum go so fast after diagnosis is harder in some ways as u don't have time to prepare urself - not that anyone can ever really be prepared to lose a loved one

look after u - drink enough water, eat properly and get the sleep you need - pamper urself a bit - hot scented bath and candles, music sort of thing - and incidentally, that goes for all of u - pamper yourself as u can fit it in - even small things will make a difference - i saw that jam gave herself pedicures - get a hair do, and so on - it will help u feel better

starri take as long as u need - functioning will return - u r getting on with ur life - the grieving part right now is ur your life - not that we would choose it nor is it much fun but it is part of life and for a while after a loss we have to organize our lives around the grieving - the time will come when u can organize ur grieving around your life - it took about 2 years after Gordie died for this transition for me - it should be much shorter for u as parent loss is "natural" - though that doesn't mean it is easy or not painful and difficult to work through - u will feel when u r ready to do more

secret of youth - well good genes for one which apparently counts for about 1/3 of it - on top of that good lifestyle - the basics - eat healthy, don't smoke, exercise - the latest wisdom about eating says that means the less processed food the better and I believe it - for me and many others - especially if u are diabetic or overweight it means restricting carbs - get rid if the white stuff - sugar, flour, baked goods, and substitute sweet potatoes for white, lots of veggies raw or steamed, as much fish as you can manage, good protein, nuts, seeds and fruit, - for exercise the best i ever read was do more than u r doing - I have never believed in the 45 mins in one session or the bouncing, high intensity stuff -- they have found out that 10 mins at a time several times a day is as benefical so just keep moving - walking is the best, but doing your grocery shopping etc all counts. Those of you who are looking after others at home are active! The final thing is looking after ur mind and emotions and spirit - need to keep your mind active , be social - here and in real life, and feel your feelings - stuffed feelings do a number on us - develop your spiritual life and be thankful for what you do have (gratitude and forgiveness are good for us) and finally deal with stress which prob involves all of the above -

start now - don't wait til u r older - take baby steps = and do right by yourself -as a group caregivers are special however they (we) tend to put themselves behind others - use your compassion and skills for urself too.

well better get off my soap box - can tell I am missing my students - used to give them the same and they would be uncomfortable walking past me in the cafeteria with a plate of fries and gravy lol - loved seeing their faces when I told them my age - but it showed them that what I was telling them worked

love 2 you all ♥♥♥ and rememebr it is never too late
Joan

Hey Stormy, she had what the doctors referred to as small cell cancer (small as vs, what? large?, never did understand that one) basically boiled down to lung cancer that had gone into the liver, she lived maybe 8 weeks after being diagnosed. I'm still haunted by seeing that last breath leaving her lungs... I don't believe that sight will ever leave me.

I know that you never get over the hurt of losing a loved one, but how long before you can function again? I need to move on and get on with my life, and I can't frigging function..

Joan, when I hit 74, if I make it until then, you have to give me your secret of youth, I am wore out just listening to what you have been up too, never mind trying to do it...lol..

((((((starri))))) I knew you were headed for some good crying - you need it and it is all part of the grieving.and a necessary part. You have carried such a heavy load for some time and still do with your brother and whatever else you have to do. Hope you are starting to feel a bit better. I had that gut wrenching crying for quite a while after Gordie died - was glad when it was over. Can't say I have had it for a while. You are a gutsy lady and will come through this and out the other side.

everyone - prayng for some refreshment in your days
stormy you sound like you are tackling this well

Had a good chat with a friend of 45 years last night. Was with them when her hubby died from cancer. Her father, mother, and oldest son all died in the next 4 years. She had a bit of grief overload and we understand one another. I told her that if I never saw mother or my sister again it would be OK with me. After the initial "Oh dear!", she understood. She has seen my family dynamics.

Was tired the past few days - slept 2 hours heavy in midday yesterday. Feeling a bit more energetic today. Did the exercycle for a little while last night but the muscle I pulled hiking is still sore so have to be gentle on me. . Boiling up some soup bones - need to boil them for three days to get all the "goodness" out of them. The broth is supposed to be good for the gut - need to get this candida over and done with - tired of it. At nearly 74, I still have goals to be fitter and stronger. I want to ride that black horse! Right now I would need a hoist to get up on her! lol I want that feeling of freedom - being in the zone, with the flow - got a bit of that chasing horses and swimming while we were away - it brings life to your bones. Don't forget to do a bit of that for yourselves - find it somewhere - even for a few moments - you need it.

I will tell you of my near death experiences and also of some of the experiences I had with my Gordie when he was in a coma. Need to be in the space - brings back feelings. I wrote hm a little poem after he died "No more sorrow, no more pain , Safe in heaven till I see you again" and I know he is.

More (((((((((hugs)))))) and love ♥♥♥
Joan

Hey Ladies, Starri what kind of cancer did your mom have? I know we don't want no sugar coating going on. Just give us a straight answer so we know where to go from here. Sis told me yesterday that when we were in the drs office that she was thinking to herself. Talking about the dr. You don't want to tell us.... So I think me and sis have decided to try to get someone that does not know us(me,sis or dad)to read the results because it seems like all the drs that have dealt with us do not want to deliver dad news to us. Maybe a dr in Moore county. That's where he is having the pet done tomorrow. Well I guess I better go I got to start doing stuff to him and check on his leg. Love and hugs to all!!! Stormy

I think my dear ladee, it sucks much worse for you, what's up with the split? helpers or the split needing help? if it's the helpers, I have a large cast iron skillet that I will be happy to over night to you, or hell come down and hit them myself, would help both of us that way, let me get some aggression out. If it's the split needing help to run, have you contemplated a tow truck? get it hauled over there on a flat bed, backed into your spot and work on it there.. As long as the roof doesn't leak, the a/c works, and there are not bugs crawling, you could live in it while you are fixing it up.

I'm sorry Starri, hope you have a better day, and stay cool... hugs..
Yuo can't get away and I can't get the BS moved so we are both stuck... sucks doesn't it...

Morning Seeme, what has me crying? lol, heck if I know, guess that it is just part of the grieving process, when dad passed I cried some, not as much as I am now, but then again, I never really got a chance to know dad till the final years of his life. Mom, I have looked after for a good part of hers.. Guess that is what is making this harder.

Hey Ladee, guess that it is part of the grieving process, I'll be ok and joking and the next thing I know I am wanting to curl up in a ball crying.. I'm slowly getting things ready in the camper, getting them figured out. It's been to bloody hot to be outside doing much, as I am sure you know.. nothing worse than your shoes melting into the asphalt. We hit triple digits yesterday, and they are predicting the same for today.

This months budget went out on auto repairs.. finished paying off the 900.00 on hubbys truck, turned around and put 200.00 on my car, just a battery mind you..but this one is down at the bottom of the engine, hidden behind a tire. Give me a good ole car before computers became involved, I could work on that puppy myself.

I'm seriously thinking about going down and getting in the camper before it gets too hot, get some more stuff out of there, and do some rearranging, I am seriously wanting to be out of here end of this month.. if we keep getting delayed we might as well wait till spring time.

How are you doing?

Starri, I had to rereadd your post to see where I missed the part abut what made you a baskeet case......what is going on? Are you still not is the camper? Has something else happened? Let us know !!!

Starri, what is going on?? I hate to hear you are crying all the time.. I hate to cry.. I usually have to be insane mad to cry now days, let us know what is happening.. just know that I have been missing hearing from you.... Are you not getting to go on your camping trip or have ya'll left already... keep in touch... hugs across the miles to you..

Morning all, I've been a basket case off and on over the past day or so..haven't really stopped crying long enough to check in.. Stormy, I understand about the not wanting to say anything in front of dad, I had the same thing with my mom, we found out she had cancer, the doctor basically told her there was nothing they could do for her, and the first words out of my brothers mouths were "how long did they say she had?" Hello, she just got told she was dying, there wasn't a damned thing they could do for her, and you expected me to ask how long? I don't think so.. One of the ladies talked about them passing the ball to each other, that is what my mom's doctors kept doing, till finally one asked if I wanted all the tests done there at the hospital while she was in, I said yes, we still kept getting the run around for a while, but then finally they gave all the info..

While I am sure the Doctors understand our concerns, they just try to keep their distance, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news.. The doctor that confirmed for us she had cancer was kinda blunt and tacky, but I'll take blunt and tacky any day over sugar coated B.S.

Jam, glad to see you popped your head in and let us know that at least your still there.. Ladee, glad you are feeling better, Emjo, if your not writing a book now, you need to get started.. you can use all of our "assumed" names..lol..to add to the list of stories. Seeme, Vic, 54, all of you, wishing you best health and peace.

Thank You all for your posts of concern about me, sis and Dad. Another thing I meant to mention to ya'll is when we got out of the doctors office and after we got dad in the truck. I asked sis,"What in the hell does mechanical mean in medical terms?" And she said what I think he is saying is that there is a tumor down in dad's groin where that lymph node is.
Seemie- They found daddy with gall bladder stones. Don't know if that has anything to do with anything.
I chatted with my neice today on the computer. And I was asking her how was her daddy doing (my brother) and she said still drinking. I have not talked to him since sunday. And even then he did not ask how dad was doing. He does not even know we went to the dr today. My sis is about ready to get him. Just for him not coming down here to see daddy especially with all of this stuff that might be going on. I think she said it's been 2 weeks since he has been down to see dad. And I bet anything there is going to be some sh$#! going on this weekend while my sis is gone to that wedding!!!! I'm just ready for this weekend to get here and get gone. I know my sis is not saying that. But I'm going to have to be the one dealing with brother when and if he shows up to stay with dad at nite. And I'll be the only one that can do stuff for daddy(suction, canula). Plus just worried about that leg. Well I guess I better go for now. I will talk to ya'll tomorrow. Love and Hugs Stormy

(((((hugs))))) stormy - praying for answers and clarity and for strength for you and sis.. This is really hard to take.

shawna - look after that foot - get back into the pool as fast as you can with mum

seeme -you will be eating off the floors soon

ros i agree with what ladee is saying - it must be so hard - even for me realizing my mum is not who i thought she was is hard and what you are going through is harder ((((((hugs)))))

ladee - hope ur days r going well

jam -how r u? -think of u lots

vic, Yr, asg, 54, john, starri and everyone else have a good night - tomorrow is a new day!

love and (((((hugs))))) ♥♥♥ Joan

Rossella, are you getting to swim at all while you are working so hard.... I hope so, it seems to bring you so much peace and relaxation... The job you are doing is so hard, and the part about not knowing who she is anymore must be the hardest on you...It must be hard to separate loving your mom and having to take care of a stranger who is never happy, messy, and all the rest that goes with it...I just get the sense of you reaching another level of seeing her decline... and accepting that is hard, seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel... I pray for you and mama everyday..... just for you to have the strength to do what you have to do, to find some time for yourself,, and to not go to sleep on your computer when you are working.... I have a lot of respect for you my overseas friend..... and every time I think aobut running away from home I think about coming to your kitty palace and giving you a break... of course there would be drinking coffee and talking to go with that.. maybe talking about our lives, and not caregiving, wouldn't that be awesome..... love ya and appreciate how hard you work....hugs across the many miles to you... Oh and I don't eat meat either... haven't for years....

Stormy, it seems crazy to me you don't have answers for your dad! Do you have a friend doctor who can go talk to the other doctors? Sure they speak more clearly between each other. Good news, bad news, whatever, they have to tell you. My impression is that they don't know what to tell you because they don't understand very well what's going on. Maybe they are afraid to make a decision which could worsen the situation, so they keep tossing the ball to each other. Kiss on the nose of the red one!

Hey everyone I am sorry you didn't get the answers you wanted Stormy i hate doctors when they do that. Some doctors aren't worth sheat... today mom had a very good day she wanted to go swimming but I had to tell her no *UGH* I hate mother nature I really do. I am going to be getting her swimsuit and water shoes and life jacket tomorrow while getting other stuff done. We went out for breaki just her and I. It was a long walk but hey I need the excercise though my sis had a fit and yelled at me cause I was walking when my right foot is as swollen as it is. Saw sis's new ride very nice dark blue trail blazer ... which her husbands coming down early Saturday morning to help us set up at the fest. Still working on images if you guys get any ideas let me know I'd welcome them. The more ideas I get the better my inspiration hits... anyway .. hope you hear more Stormy.

I am fasting for an early dr appt to draw blood, and I have stayed up past my bedtime waiting for Stormy's post, so I am headed to bed. Hubby starts day shift tomorrow morning after he gets home at midnight, so I won't see him till tomorrow afternoon. Got Kathy to sit with mom. While I was gone today, she dusted, vaccuumed, and washed all the linoleum floors. I KNEW I should have stayed out longer. lol Tomorrow will be another 100 degree day. Everyone have a good and peaceful night...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I know whaat you mean about asking things in front of your dad. My fave sister was with dad when we thought he just had a kidney stone and all of a sudden an oncologist walks in the room. And this sister was the one who had breast cancer, so she knew what that meant. The first and only lymph node dad had swell was in his neck/shoulder area and they just removed it - no biggie. But my dad had non Hodgkins lymphoma, and you still don't know what your dad has wrong. Wish I could be more helpful, but I'm afraid all I can do is be here for you. (((hugs))) Try to get some good rest tonight......love ya

Stormy, I am so sorry you are still not getting any answers,, how frustrating and fearful, and I completely understand why you didn't say anything in front of your dad.... Jam will be able to answer your question about the mechanical vs. vascular... Bless your heart, just know we all love you and are here for you, just follow your heart, and keep us updated... love and hugs to you.

OK I'm back well to tell ya'll the truth me and sis don't know much more now than what we did before we went to the dr. today. This dr. we saw is dads reg. dr. and he is a JOKE! All me and sis want to know is as this mess spread or not. And it seems like we are going to be on the same roller coaster ride that we have been on since dad has been sick. In other words none of these drs. want to be the ones to deliver the bad news is what me and sis think. The hospital had to fax the report to dads reg. dr. the one we saw today. Well we had him to look at dads leg the one that has been swollen for about a week now. And he said that dad did have something going on that was vascular down there. Dads lower leg looks terrible. The part right below where the calf muscle ends. And it goes on to his foot. This area looks like a very bad sunburn almost to the point of having some purple shades to it. We are scared that they are going to have to start cutting things off. It looks really bad. Then sis says well that lymph node in his groin area can it be shrunk any with radiation. And dr says no that would make it worse. Then sis says well the ct scan says that it's showing some enlarged lymph nodes in the chest area. Dr. says Yes. Then he starts back talking about daddy wearing some compression ace bandages to help with his leg. But that was all they could do for his leg. Right now until we get the pet scan done thurs. then he wants a copy sent to 3 other drs that dad has seen before. But one thing that he said to us has me and sis baffled. He said that the lymph node in daddys groin was mechanical not vascular. What in the hell does that mean???? I mean I guess me and sis should have held him down and said give us a straight answer. But my Lord he knows what we were there for(ANSWERS). And we feel like we came home with none. And we hated to sit there in front of daddy and say,"Well has it spread?" I hope ya'll can understand that. We just couldn't do that with him sitting there. So I don't know who we are going to see next the pet is thurs. maybe we will hear something monday. We are so frustrated. But I guess part of that is our fault. I guess we should have just asked him straight out. Well I got to go lay down with little red I will try to come back a little later tonight and write to ya'll. Love and Hugs!!!!

OK, Stormy, I am here waiting.............

Hey gang I've got to bathe the baby and then I will be back in about 30 minutes.