This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
•Expressing gratitude
•Living life with meaning
•Finding and using your inner character strengths
•Putting mindfulness to use toward well being
•Savoring pleasure
•Achieving flow experience
•Developing self compassion
I see you all living life with meaning doing the caregiving that you do, I see gratitude here, I see finding and using your inner character strengths, I know there is not time for savoring much pleasure, but I do see people savoring a cup of coffee or a few moments without the endless questions, or a good night's sleep, Maybe a little more mindfulness towards your own wellbeing would give you pick-me-up (vic take that extra carnitine ;)) or eating better or cutting down on the ciggies. Developing self compassion is so, so important. Give yourselves the same compassion you have for your charges. As for flow experiences - not sure yet what that means - like being in the zone I think - a little while absorbed in the garden, ros swimming in the sea, a few days away - cuddling with the pets and so forth - small all-absorbing pleasurable experiences
Ladee. sorry you are sick rest and recreate - drink lots - dream of sailing down the road in your BS.
Starri so glad u r taking time away
everyone - take good care of you - as good as you can. I know it isn't easy.
You all are heroes and heroines and deserve medals.
♥♥♥ Joan
and ask him to reconsider his decision?
Hopefully others here who know the system better than me will have some suggestions.
Take care of you the best you can,
Jam, we're keepin' the light on for ya.... hugs across the miles to everyone, well, almost everyone, but everyone on this thread....
ASG: very well said!
VIC: Oh my, how hard it is to lift them, especially in the morning!
EMJO: I was moved by the mare's story. If the girl who owned her before gave her a name (she certainly did) why don't you just keep that name?
STORMY: I would feel uncomfortable if my brother of my cousin wrote on the same site. I would not say everything I like to say! I would censor myself!
HEIDI: yes we live among dirty, gross, unpleasant things. I am lucky I have been living with animals for 20 years, so there is nothing that really grosses me anymore! I have cleaned the enclosure where my ex landlord kept the geese, and there were 2 feet of sh*t there! My landlord didn't clean that enclosure and the poor geese were drowning in their stuff. "That" was a hard afternoon!!!! I can stand "that" part of the job, while I have more and more problems in accepting the person, the alien my mother has become. She is not my mother anymore, that's for sure, and it is very painful. I think I really lost my mother when she started to lose it, many years ago. It's very difficult - honestly - to go on loving a person that you don't recognize anymore!
LADEE my friend I have nothing particular to tell you tonight, just kisses from me and my big family!
the horse pics are posted!!! and you get to see Gary as well LOL
I accidentally closed my poor cat in the linen closet last evening and hubby found him hrs later after much bellering. He woke me up about 3 or 4 times caterwauling, but I didn't recognize him he sounded different. And I thought maybe it was coming from the tv.( Hubby was up late.) So I would just go back to sleep. Poor baby, I felt bad about that but you know what they say about curiosity and the cat.
Well, no major hassles here today . Just the usual bazillion questions. Which are going on now non stop. I can barely concentrate on this post. If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.
Well, welcome to Heidi. We all understand what your saying.
I hope everyone had a nice day. Good grief!!!! I can't believe this weekend is over already. I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go in the morning. Night all. P & P
we should start an ugly sister's club - mine could be president! - vic suggested Belle or Mandy
stormy and seeme u r so fortunate to have a good relationship with yours - and anyone else here who does
well Nana (me) did it again - silly putty was the hit of the birthday seconded by the science kits I gave him
what a good kid - he told me a few weeks ago he didn't want clothes for his birthday but he got quite a few from others and with only a slight prompting from dad he said thank you very nicely
Heidi - you are doing a gargantuan work like so many here - jewels in your crowns in Heaven for sure
have a good evening all ♥♥♥
Gotta get some sleep. Kathy has been here for an hour already.......zzzzzzzzzz
And when you were talking about the questions you ask yourself, one I ask myself is, "a hundred years from now, will it matter", I say this to Marie sometimes because she stays in a snit because Sonny puts folded napkins in his shirt pocket.... !!!!!! Good grief, we have war, drought, famine, floods, ect, I doubt a few napkins are going to change the course of the universe....... but I don't live in her head and see the world the way she does....
I do have nothing but compassion for you having to clean up all day long, I would just be a raving maniac, I'd just start serving it on the floor, spill the drinks and give em a straw.... at least I would have some fun with it if I was going to have to clean it anyway... just scream FOOD FIGHT and go for it..... I bet they would just set there and watch you, at least for a few minutes... bless caregivers and the stress we live in... I am glad you are here and hope to hear from you more... you certainly belong, and hugs across the miles to you.....
Stormy, I know I am very territorial about my being on this thread and on this sight... If others were really interested in how I feel or think, they would ask, and they don't... so, I get to come here, say what's on my mind and heart and go at it another day..
so I am happy to hear you are not going to "share" just yet and as Seeme said, direct her to another sight if she is interested....
Seeme so happy to hear you got some rain.... Tropical Storm Don fizzled out, so no wet stuff for us... projected to be 105 tomorrow,,, deep sigh..... love ya'll
Love ya Jam.... we're keepin' the light on for ya' hugs
Stormy, I agree with Ladee for this reason. I have talked to my sister about this site because she noticed the change in me after being on here a few weeks, and she had no interest in it at all. And I am not usually a "joiner", we just go it alone or rely only on each other. And I HAVE said things on here that would hurt her feelings and I don't want to do that at all. She took care of my parents for 3 mos and still has PTSD because of it after 5 years. I've had mom for 5 years, and I feel I am supposed to just handle it. Last time I talked to her, I said I needed a vacation. Didn't get an offer from her to come spell me for a week. But, I didn't ask, either.......and if I said any of this to her, she would be hurt beyond measure. So this is for ME!! If she felt the desire to talk to people online, I would steer her to some other site. Just saying.........you cutie.
Mom got a shower this evening unexpectedly and it put me behind with some of the work I have to do before Kathy gets here. I was up so much last night, we didn't get up for the day until 10.......makes for a short day.....at least we got RAIN.....maybe even some tomorrow. May check in later..............
Has she ever said she wishes she had someone to talk to??? or shown any desire to go to the internet and find a place to talk???? You sought this out, and my personal opinion is this is your safe place.... that is sweet that you are thinking of her, and maybe getting tired of hearing it, and of course the decision is yours, but unless she says something on her own about needing someone that understands, I would just leave it alone.... but I am telling you what I would do, maybe that is not the right thing for you..... hugs to you....
Well all week and last week things were pretty quiet with my bro and his wife. In others we have not heard a word from neither one of them then all of a sudden I get a phone call this morning from bro. we talked for awhile. But before I tell you all this I talked to my sis last night and told her I was going to put on my fb status the"serenity prayer" and I told her I said that ought to bring brother out of the woodwork. And this morning he called me and said I see you have the serenity prayer on your fb. I just played it off like I put it up there because of all of this stuff with dad(tests and results and not knowing what's going on with him for sure) I guess he bought it. But probably NOT! He has been through the 12 step program(rehab) before so he knows all about the serenity prayer!!!!!! I called sis after I got off the phone with him and told her I told you I would bring him out of the woodwork and he asked about the prayer i posted she just laughed... And I know dear old sil loved me posting that up there too!!!! NOT!!!!
Well I need ya'll advice about something: I have been thinking about telling my sis about this site so she will have somewhere to come and vent to besides me. Don't get me wrong I don't mind her venting to me. I understand what she is going through too. But I feel like maybe she would benefit from coming here to get her feelings off of her chest. Now for the part I'm not sure of I have posted on here in some of my first conversations with ya'll that i have resentment and anger towards her for not getting us some help for dad sooner. If she gets on here and reads them I don't want her to be mad at me. So what should I do. Should I tell her about this thread or keep quiet about it??????? Love and Hugs to all!!! Stormy
this is so funny
Joel will be 6 tomorrow and my daughter gives then time out according to age so his time out time is 5 minutes - BUT he is a big boy now and wanted to start his 6 minute time out today gotta luv them
Em's recent best was going on her daddy's facebook and making comments so my daughter came on and wrote "Em has been on her Daddy's facebook again" The answer came back very quickly on facebook "No I have not " LOL