Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Hey all I hope everyone is ok today. Ladee sorry you are sick and I hope it's not the stomach virus. I hate those things, they are horrible to get over. I hope you feel better soon. Well I am over here at dads and his breathing just seems like it is getting worse to me. I don't know maybe its just because of these test results. And what me and sis have read on the net about the impressions that the dr. saw. We are still trying to find someone to read us the test results. She said she was going to see if she could get up with the oncologist at the hospital that dad has been admitted to in the past. He has treated dad some when he was at the hospital. We are about to drive ourselves crazy about finding out these results. We have been on the internet looking up all the big words and I guess it has helped some to understand what's possibly going on with him. We just want some answers. Not knowing is hard. And dad goes for his pet scan aug the 4th. So it will probably be Monday before we find out anything on that. We will be crazy and foolish!!!!!! By then. And every time I turn around today I've been having to suction him or clean his canula. Yuk!!! Its hard to believe that his breathing could get worse. And what that is going to be like for him and for me and sis. My Lord if this stuff has spread I just hope he doesn't suffer. The not knowing of what changes in him could occur is scary. I told my sis that if this cancer has spread I said you know at some point we are going to have to call hospice and she said I know. But I guess for now we will just have to wait it out............ Love and (((Hugs)))) to all of you!! Later Gators
(1)
Report

some thoughts for when you have time to read them - about paths to happiness - which may seem irrelevant to you in your too busy and stressed lives, but I do see some if it peeking through the clouds of caregiving. Making even one change may help to reduce your stress.

•Expressing gratitude
•Living life with meaning
•Finding and using your inner character strengths
•Putting mindfulness to use toward well being
•Savoring pleasure
•Achieving flow experience
•Developing self compassion

I see you all living life with meaning doing the caregiving that you do, I see gratitude here, I see finding and using your inner character strengths, I know there is not time for savoring much pleasure, but I do see people savoring a cup of coffee or a few moments without the endless questions, or a good night's sleep, Maybe a little more mindfulness towards your own wellbeing would give you pick-me-up (vic take that extra carnitine ;)) or eating better or cutting down on the ciggies. Developing self compassion is so, so important. Give yourselves the same compassion you have for your charges. As for flow experiences - not sure yet what that means - like being in the zone I think - a little while absorbed in the garden, ros swimming in the sea, a few days away - cuddling with the pets and so forth - small all-absorbing pleasurable experiences

Ladee. sorry you are sick rest and recreate - drink lots - dream of sailing down the road in your BS.
Starri so glad u r taking time away
everyone - take good care of you - as good as you can. I know it isn't easy.

You all are heroes and heroines and deserve medals.
♥♥♥ Joan
(2)
Report

Sandraann, I have dealt with the uti/dehydration issue for a long time and it was so bad last year that my mom was hospitalized 5 times in 3 months. It can be a vicious circle. Your mom has to drink more, probably more than she can. Try giving her ANYTHING that is liquid. I gave mom cantelope, watermelon, pedialyte, gatorade, Kool-aid, and I quit giving her tea which has a diruretic in it. Good luck.
(0)
Report

hi sandraann - ((((((((hugs)))))) vic suggested that you ask your doctor about home health care for your mother. You sound very stressed which is understandable. Did you emphasize to the doc that the social worker recommended hospice and why
and ask him to reconsider his decision?

Hopefully others here who know the system better than me will have some suggestions.

Take care of you the best you can,
(0)
Report

did anyone answer my ?
(0)
Report

Ask doc about home health ..it is a step up from hospice
(0)
Report

What do I do mom has been in hospital in and out uti dehydratd and so on in the beginning I was told to go with Hospice by social worker not because She was gonna die but cuz if she became to where she needed Ivs then i would not have to call 911 i have called them 4 to 5times in week in a half also and other services they have to offer now suppose to be discharged this morning and dr told me last night he doesnt think she needs hospice well i got aggravated cuz all weeek trying to set things up which thought they were now I do not no what to do and husband on vacation and if I did nt have to of talked to dr here soc worker there and so on I could of already had my respite care spent time with him and maybe recharged now here imgonna pick her up all pissed off and frustrated can anyone give me advice thank you
(0)
Report

Lade..like seeme said...drink drink drink! Take care
(0)
Report

Ladee, sorry to hear you are full of sh$t, but I kinda thought that anyway...heehee but I hope you are not in pain. Just try to stay cool and rest today.....it could be the heat getting to you and you know that is accumulative.......and having their house so hot is just miserable working conditions, so take it easy and drink, drink, drink.... love you
(0)
Report

Morning ya'll, have been up since 1:30 with a stomach virus, or it could be nerves, or it could be that I am just full of sh*t, but am not going to work today..... Can't take anything contagious around Marie because her immune system is so low... Will check in with ya'll later....
Jam, we're keepin' the light on for ya.... hugs across the miles to everyone, well, almost everyone, but everyone on this thread....
(1)
Report

Delicate cycle........oh, my sides hurt........too funny.........love it.........I can see it now............oh, I am in PAIN here...........
(2)
Report

Rosella, what you said was dead on too! Thanks. Oh and I hope if you did put your mother in the washer you would use the delicate cycle, Lol. Just kidding.
(1)
Report

"if my brother OR my cousin". Wrong typing
(0)
Report

Shoot! I hate this keyboard! Sometimes I push the wrong button, and the page changes and I lose everything I have written. It happened now. I had almost finished my post! Let's start again (synthetically)
ASG: very well said!
VIC: Oh my, how hard it is to lift them, especially in the morning!
EMJO: I was moved by the mare's story. If the girl who owned her before gave her a name (she certainly did) why don't you just keep that name?
STORMY: I would feel uncomfortable if my brother of my cousin wrote on the same site. I would not say everything I like to say! I would censor myself!
HEIDI: yes we live among dirty, gross, unpleasant things. I am lucky I have been living with animals for 20 years, so there is nothing that really grosses me anymore! I have cleaned the enclosure where my ex landlord kept the geese, and there were 2 feet of sh*t there! My landlord didn't clean that enclosure and the poor geese were drowning in their stuff. "That" was a hard afternoon!!!! I can stand "that" part of the job, while I have more and more problems in accepting the person, the alien my mother has become. She is not my mother anymore, that's for sure, and it is very painful. I think I really lost my mother when she started to lose it, many years ago. It's very difficult - honestly - to go on loving a person that you don't recognize anymore!
LADEE my friend I have nothing particular to tell you tonight, just kisses from me and my big family!
(0)
Report

great YR

the horse pics are posted!!! and you get to see Gary as well LOL
(1)
Report

Hi all. WOO HOO, it rained last night. OK it only lasted a few minutes but it did pour. And the thunder was crazy. I loved it while it lasted. Tomorrow will be another hot one.
I accidentally closed my poor cat in the linen closet last evening and hubby found him hrs later after much bellering. He woke me up about 3 or 4 times caterwauling, but I didn't recognize him he sounded different. And I thought maybe it was coming from the tv.( Hubby was up late.) So I would just go back to sleep. Poor baby, I felt bad about that but you know what they say about curiosity and the cat.
Well, no major hassles here today . Just the usual bazillion questions. Which are going on now non stop. I can barely concentrate on this post. If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.
Well, welcome to Heidi. We all understand what your saying.
I hope everyone had a nice day. Good grief!!!! I can't believe this weekend is over already. I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go in the morning. Night all. P & P
(0)
Report

like all the suggestions so far - thought of Beauty (black) - I think he has a Molly - I know he has a Dolly so Molly would work if he doesn't have another one - I thought of Morgana too - she is a regal horse - putting a pic on fb soon - like all of them -
we should start an ugly sister's club - mine could be president! - vic suggested Belle or Mandy
stormy and seeme u r so fortunate to have a good relationship with yours - and anyone else here who does

well Nana (me) did it again - silly putty was the hit of the birthday seconded by the science kits I gave him
what a good kid - he told me a few weeks ago he didn't want clothes for his birthday but he got quite a few from others and with only a slight prompting from dad he said thank you very nicely

Heidi - you are doing a gargantuan work like so many here - jewels in your crowns in Heaven for sure

have a good evening all ♥♥♥
(1)
Report

Heidi, As I was reading your post, I was saying uh huh, uh huh, yes, that's right, yep, been there, oh yea........couldn't tell you how many times. Very well put, and it got you some stars !!! Looks like you have found a home !! This life-saving home therapy will get you through the days and nights and doesn't cost a thing. Right now we are trying to think of a good name for a good-natured black mare that hangs around with her friend Morgan. Think of that while you clean up poop or pick stuff up off the floor. I just had spring cleaning done to my house and when I did the kitchen table, my hubby had to use a tool to pry the table apart to get to the koolaid that spilled down the crack. No way could the 2 of us get it apart. And I found red koolaid up the walls, underneath other furniture, and the day the kitchen was finished, mom dropped another glass of it. At least it fell mostly on her. lol So stick around and we will help you even more.

Gotta get some sleep. Kathy has been here for an hour already.......zzzzzzzzzz
(1)
Report

I bet my two "ugly sisters" would love to have you two instead of me for a sister....
(0)
Report

Seemeride- I know the last thing I would want to do would be to hurt my sister we are very close! As close as two sisters could be!! Sometimes I think we almost have the connection of twins. I will try to refraim from telling her about this site. Maybe she won't ask me questions about my new found friends on fb. I think u are a cutie too! Gotta try to lay this child of mine down!!! Love and ((((Hugs)))) to you! Stormy
(1)
Report

Heidi- I know what u mean. Some people can be so cruel. They have no idea what we caregivers have to endure everyday. And it seems like there is no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel for us. It is a hard road to travel. This site has helped me so much just being able to come here and vent to all of you. Not counting the real friends I feel I have made here. My mood has definelity changed since coming to this site.( But it could also be that I recently got on some antidepressants). No I firmly believe that it has more to do with the site and my new friends!!!! So heidi come back and talk, bitch, cuss, vent your head off because that is what we do and what we are here for!!!! Love and (((hugs))) to you! Stormy
(2)
Report

Heidi, didn't sound like a soap box to me, sounded like you belong here, you've done it, are still doing it, and will continue to do it, as long as you can...but I do want to remind you we are safe here to post and say whatever we need to, say how we feel, what we think about and what we didn't do.... this is an isolated incident that will get resolved. I just keep telling Jam we're keepin' the light on for her, she'll be back....
And when you were talking about the questions you ask yourself, one I ask myself is, "a hundred years from now, will it matter", I say this to Marie sometimes because she stays in a snit because Sonny puts folded napkins in his shirt pocket.... !!!!!! Good grief, we have war, drought, famine, floods, ect, I doubt a few napkins are going to change the course of the universe....... but I don't live in her head and see the world the way she does....
I do have nothing but compassion for you having to clean up all day long, I would just be a raving maniac, I'd just start serving it on the floor, spill the drinks and give em a straw.... at least I would have some fun with it if I was going to have to clean it anyway... just scream FOOD FIGHT and go for it..... I bet they would just set there and watch you, at least for a few minutes... bless caregivers and the stress we live in... I am glad you are here and hope to hear from you more... you certainly belong, and hugs across the miles to you.....
(2)
Report

I am newer to this site and do not share alot yet it is such a comfort to me to know I am not alone in this very trying journey (really it's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life). I do not know of all of Jam's circumstances and it seems the situation seems to be resolving itself yet I am still a bit disturbed by it. I beleive that anyone who cares to comment from the outside, incuding any type of social service employee should spend 6 months in our shoes. The every day challenges of scrubbing poo from every surface in the bathroom, not daring to eat from a package of cookies for your FIL never seems to be able to wash his hands, eating a meal with individuals who's table manners have ceased to exist i.e. sticking a tongue coated with food out as far as it goes to find the fork, then missing most of the food meant for the mouth onto one's lap and table in spite of the tongue radar, followed by picking all the food from the table and one's lap and eating it to hoarding anything and everything, spilling every drink or food onto the floors obiliviously, endless doctor appointments made in the middle of the day because they do not like to get up earlier than 11:30 so nothing else of sustinance can get done.....I could go on forever. These are the every day easy things we over look with a smile on our face. These would drive the average bear up a wall. Forget the character defects that have always been there magnified to the 100th degree with age, and dementia, or Alz, Parkinsens. The distrust, fear, inability to be grateful for even having another day on earth when they seem to feel so very entitled to that day. The notion that it's suddenly okay to walk arond with your penis hanging out, thinking it's cute...so NOT. Add volitlility and narcissism to the formula....yes let's see the social worker or outsider looking in do this without a trusting place to vent. I was one who thought it terrible to send a loved on to a nursing home etc. I think I was guilty of contempt prior to investigation. It is vital to be able to have any outlet to vent so we are able to keep doing the next right thing, to pray and overlook these behaviors and not take them personally. To love when you do not even like. I am grateful for the wisdom and support from others who are walking this walk and doing the right things. I daily ask myself "can I do this for today?" For today yes. I daily ask myself before opening my mouth "Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?" I usually cannot answer yes to all three when wanting to respond to my MIL & FIL so I smile and keep doing the next right thing. I wonder if all those who judge on the outside would do the same? Enough of my soap box. Clearly just finished eating dinner with them all and well......gross. Thank you all for being here!
(5)
Report

You better get on that work Seeme or Kathy will ground you or give you consequences, like she won't come on her scheduled nights... get busy...
Stormy, I know I am very territorial about my being on this thread and on this sight... If others were really interested in how I feel or think, they would ask, and they don't... so, I get to come here, say what's on my mind and heart and go at it another day..
so I am happy to hear you are not going to "share" just yet and as Seeme said, direct her to another sight if she is interested....
Seeme so happy to hear you got some rain.... Tropical Storm Don fizzled out, so no wet stuff for us... projected to be 105 tomorrow,,, deep sigh..... love ya'll
Love ya Jam.... we're keepin' the light on for ya' hugs
(2)
Report

Emjo, I have been thinking about the name all day. I have 2 faves: Morgana and if that is too close, how about in honor of the sweetest OES female I ever had - Holly - and call her Molly.......

Stormy, I agree with Ladee for this reason. I have talked to my sister about this site because she noticed the change in me after being on here a few weeks, and she had no interest in it at all. And I am not usually a "joiner", we just go it alone or rely only on each other. And I HAVE said things on here that would hurt her feelings and I don't want to do that at all. She took care of my parents for 3 mos and still has PTSD because of it after 5 years. I've had mom for 5 years, and I feel I am supposed to just handle it. Last time I talked to her, I said I needed a vacation. Didn't get an offer from her to come spell me for a week. But, I didn't ask, either.......and if I said any of this to her, she would be hurt beyond measure. So this is for ME!! If she felt the desire to talk to people online, I would steer her to some other site. Just saying.........you cutie.

Mom got a shower this evening unexpectedly and it put me behind with some of the work I have to do before Kathy gets here. I was up so much last night, we didn't get up for the day until 10.......makes for a short day.....at least we got RAIN.....maybe even some tomorrow. May check in later..............
(0)
Report

Yes Ladee you are probably right. I just know how happy all of you have made me in the last month or so that I have been posting on this thread. I just feel like I have made some real friends(YOU) for one. And I guess I just was wanting her maybe to have something good to look forward to. Like I look forward to hearing from all of you and how ya'll are doing from day to day. But I know she is probably wondering who are all of these ladies Sandy is commenting to on fb. We have alot of the same friends. And all of a sudden I have all these friends from all over the world. And Sandy does not get out of nc at all hardly. So I guess until she starts asking questions about my NEW FRIENDS I will try to keep it under wraps. Thanks for your opinion. I appreciate it Ladee!!! Love you girl!!!
(1)
Report

stormy, the first thing that came to my mind was you have a right to have something that is just yours..... Your safe place to let it all out... and she may not be comfortable with you knowing how she really feels either.... and if the both of you "edited" what you were feeling, then you are back to square one... no outlet....
Has she ever said she wishes she had someone to talk to??? or shown any desire to go to the internet and find a place to talk???? You sought this out, and my personal opinion is this is your safe place.... that is sweet that you are thinking of her, and maybe getting tired of hearing it, and of course the decision is yours, but unless she says something on her own about needing someone that understands, I would just leave it alone.... but I am telling you what I would do, maybe that is not the right thing for you..... hugs to you....
(1)
Report

Hey gang what's up? Emjo still looking for a name for the mare. BB for black beauty, You did say it was a black horse right? Midnight maybe, I don't know I will keep thinking on it.
Well all week and last week things were pretty quiet with my bro and his wife. In others we have not heard a word from neither one of them then all of a sudden I get a phone call this morning from bro. we talked for awhile. But before I tell you all this I talked to my sis last night and told her I was going to put on my fb status the"serenity prayer" and I told her I said that ought to bring brother out of the woodwork. And this morning he called me and said I see you have the serenity prayer on your fb. I just played it off like I put it up there because of all of this stuff with dad(tests and results and not knowing what's going on with him for sure) I guess he bought it. But probably NOT! He has been through the 12 step program(rehab) before so he knows all about the serenity prayer!!!!!! I called sis after I got off the phone with him and told her I told you I would bring him out of the woodwork and he asked about the prayer i posted she just laughed... And I know dear old sil loved me posting that up there too!!!! NOT!!!!
Well I need ya'll advice about something: I have been thinking about telling my sis about this site so she will have somewhere to come and vent to besides me. Don't get me wrong I don't mind her venting to me. I understand what she is going through too. But I feel like maybe she would benefit from coming here to get her feelings off of her chest. Now for the part I'm not sure of I have posted on here in some of my first conversations with ya'll that i have resentment and anger towards her for not getting us some help for dad sooner. If she gets on here and reads them I don't want her to be mad at me. So what should I do. Should I tell her about this thread or keep quiet about it??????? Love and Hugs to all!!! Stormy
(1)
Report

emjo, you got the prize again, maybe it should be a horse pattie for you.... or why don't you tell us what you would like your prize to be..... we may not be able to get it or do it, but it will be fun to hear what you would like as a prize... hugs
(0)
Report

that is all ways - time for a nap then off to grandsons b'day party

this is so funny

Joel will be 6 tomorrow and my daughter gives then time out according to age so his time out time is 5 minutes - BUT he is a big boy now and wanted to start his 6 minute time out today gotta luv them

Em's recent best was going on her daddy's facebook and making comments so my daughter came on and wrote "Em has been on her Daddy's facebook again" The answer came back very quickly on facebook "No I have not " LOL
(0)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter