This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
-wasn't so beautiful - hot, sweaty, ornery horses, stepping in horse patties, grasshoppers everywhere - even down my undies - lol but i did enjoy it - beats reading endless bitchy emails from mother, facing undone laundry and the boxes from her apt I still haven't unpacked
email me vic - emjo at live dot ca
like the names thx! - Morgan (buddy horse) and Mandy works well - Belle suits her to a T - she is beautiful in always
wish I had a pool at home - i looked 10 yrs younger there
just to let you know the extra carnitine and Co Q10 is really helping me - don't have the fatigue as bad - I chased horses yesterday through the clover and clouds of grasshoppers - got home in the evening and felt something scratching my side - looked under my jeans and my underwear and a grasshopper hopped out EEEEWWWWWW! - well at least they do not bite!
Thanks for all the well wishes! Glad I had taken muscle relaxers this morning!! Know we all have our crosses that we bare out of love or just because...you are all in my prayers.
I will post pics on f b - got one of Gary riding her and leading her buddy morgan - not sure it is the best of her but at least something
54 - ((((hugs))) - this must be so hard for you
stormy - you are on my mind - waiting for what many be bad news is one of the hardest things - usually better once you know whatever it is - deep breaths - let go and let God if you can - sounds like your bro and sil are worse than useless - your hubby sounds like a gem. hire people to help while your sis is away if need be and possible. Hugs to you and little red - one hour at a time and try to have fun with your beautiful son
54, sorry things are not good for hubby... proud of you for hanging in there regardless of how it is.. did the kids come home and dump on you or did you lock the door????
emjo will be thinking of names,, can you post a pic of her on FB??? The first little calf born here was named by the group.. Nobs Busey.... the name Busey because I have a crush on Gary Busey, shows you my taste in men..lol
asg SO well said
ros - so u lost it for a moment - join the crowd
ladee - praying for the BS to be moved ( in more ways than one lol)
YR -hope dad does well today
seeme - wow clean house - hope mum has a good day and more long sleeps
jh - glad u banished your neophew - hope yr allergies settle
54 how r u? and yours
cara (((((hugs)))) tough situation for you - know about the "voice" thing - most of my life
starri - meltdowns are good - knew u needed one - hope you feel better now - getting helps
whoever i have forgotten not intentional
need my morning coffee - still groggy from long day yesterday and chasing horses on the way home -i am told it all went smoothly - would hate to see when it doesn;t
Gary picked a beautiful black mare yesterday - she and I connected and she flows like liquid - he says it was the best ride he has had in a long time and she needs a name - any ideas??? he wanted to call her Wyatt - after Wyatt earp and I said no way -she deserves better so all ideas welcome -she is a good sized horse and the feeling I got from her is that she is sad - she was ridden and loved by a 16 yr old girl - and I think she misses her - he will take her to the mountains next week with her buddy Morgan as the packhorse
mother is after me again - same old same old -and if anyone wants to make sonething of that - go for it! I have been dealing with mentally ill people all my life -so what;s new!
I am trying to hang in dont know how much longer. God does though. Just got the little hint with the mess going on with you jam and I sure hope everything is ok now. . well I really dont care who likes what I say ! It is MY LIFE and I will vent what I want to!! Some people are not happy unless they are meddling in someone elses business. We all need someone we can TELL OUR FELLINGS TO .Everyone have a good day and I think about all of you and what we all go through to try to help someone. be it family or friend. Later taters!!
Emjo- how are u doing? I've been thinking about you girl. I hope you have a better day today too!!! Love and Hugs to all!!
Seeme, you have created a monster with the cat!!!!! You will be so sick of seeing it you will wish you had never posted it... how was mom last night??? and how are YOU today???
Vic, hate to hear you had to do "power lifting" before church today, I know you would rather have a different form of getting in shape, and yes, the "voice" sometimes it makes me forget where I am...
emjo, how are you today?? Everyone was thinking of you yesterday, we think of you everyday, but angels and prayers were sent your way... and I really appreciate your post about the "situation"....
hugs to everyone today,, my son has talked me into cooking for him today, so need to get moving and get some things done...
Still no "banana split", but I still refuse to talk to them about it until they get it moved..... too much noise in my head as it is....
hugs across the miles..
Ladee- u doing ok? I hope so. Have a good day.
Seemeride- I love the kitty drawing!! Cool! I have two cats myself they are my other babies. They are so sweet!!!
Jam- It's so good to hear from you on here. We have missed you. I'm sorry these people are worrying the Sh#$ out of you. Tell them all to go jump off a cliff!!!! To go aggravate someone else and leave you the hell alone!!! Love you girl. Stay Strong!!! Stormy
Know you are loved and mssed, jam, and lifted up in prayer. God knows the truth.
Love you♥♥♥
Joan
I know you are all confused and wondering just what happened......well, this was an "inside job"......frightening to think that huh? I hope that person is pleased with themselves on the harm they have caused, especially to an elderly woman. I now know what you are really made of, even though I had an idea before, and it makes me ill. You really should have thought about false accusations, harassment and cyber stalking before you decided to play your game.
Thank you all for your loving support..............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
(\____/)
(= '.' =)
No nursing home allows, dementia or not a person to go unbathed, to do whatever they want, to drive to walk near ponds,they do"reality orintate" them. If any of what Jam has said on here is any reason for her to be in trouble from APS every nursing home, hospital I have ever worked in should be investigated to! Jam, col is very lucky to have a wonderful daughter in law like you, who makes sure her needs are met, she is clean, she dosnt give all her food away to her dog, for turning your own life upside down, stepping up to the plate to do what you must, to make sure col dosnt wind up where you know she dosnt want to be, where she has her own space, a sense of freedom in her own little home, fenced in yard for her safty, you have gone above and beyond what many would, and for anyone to take what you have done, and try to make it into abuse....all truths come to light! We love you, thanks for taking the time to share your life with us, to listen to us, to give us advice, thanks to everyone here who has made this a great place. And evryone please hang tight to these threads...somtimes it feels like these are the only threads we are hanging by. We may not be perfect, we are a good group of caring people or we wouldn't have been looking to find this sight.
Yr- I'm sorry you are having a bad night with your dad. Get some ear plugs (some good ones) and see if that helps!!! And just smile and nod your head at him!!! Hugs and Love to Ya'll!
I hope that everyone has a peaceful night and a blessed Sunday. P & P
I read a little bit of your stories - Ladee I am sorry Marie is not behaving - Cara I understand your frustration with your grandpa - Roxanne, when my mother lived alone she had many caregivers; some of them behaved well, some of them behaved very badly (one of them stole all our good stuff, for example) You have to keep trying, until you find a good one - and don't be too sweet. Tell them that they will have to pay for their telephone calls abroad, that if they want to eat caviar and champagne they can forget it... there is a limit. There are many reasonable middle ways between "caviar" and "bread and onions"...I have a very good relationship with my helps, but they know that they mustn't exaggerate! After receiving a 400 dollars telephone bill, 2 years ago, I got very angry and from that moment on they stay away from the phone.... The problem is that I don't have a lot of money, so we have to be very careful, all of us! Of course when you are in the same house it's much easier; if your mother is in another town, it's hard... - Crazy lady, it's not a bad thing if you cry. At least, you vent! When I am "over the top" I scream! I am lucky I live in the country so nobody can hear me. - Stormy good luck with your brother... I think you can't count on him. Pretend he doesn't exist!
Sorry I couldn't read all the posts so I am forgetting many people.
Emjo I wrote you on Facebook.
'night everybody
Ladee- Talking about money Good Lord that will probably be a mess when dad passes away. Dad has money. Has worked all his life to provide for us kids. Everything is suppose to be divided equally between the 3 of us. But I'm sure their will be some kind of drama when that time comes. They are not showing up now but I bet when dad passes they will be over there faster than a fly on sh#$!!!! To get his part of the inheritance.
Well be go for now love and hugs to all. Have a good night all!!!! Stormy
love ya Jam.....
Roxanne, If you have to put up with this situation much longer, I would try to see a doctor about your health. Yes, this is very stressful dealing with all the normal stuff and siblings. Throw in a court and people who don't know or realize the situation, and there is REAL stress. Can't even imagine what that all entails. Let us know how things are going..........
Got to get mom ready for bed and I may hit the sack myself.......Good night from the East Coast............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Emjo- My prayers are being sent your way. I know you are having a difficult time right now. I can't even imagine the hell that you have been through losing Gordie. I think you are a remarkable woman! I hope you have a safe trip home from your vacation.
Seemeride- Wonder if anybody else on this thread is living close to us? And yes dear old brother does wobble, slurs, cusses, picks fight with the wife and kids. A terrible drunk when he is drinking. A complete different person when he is sober. A really nice guy then. I guess it's just not in the cards for him to quit drinking. He did it for almost a year after his stroke then he started back. But anyway he needs someone to knock some sense into him so if you feel froggy by all means seemeride you can come down here and kick some butt!!! lol
Jhynd- Kick that little brat of a nephew out now if he can't help you more than what he is! Let some steam off!!!
Cara- Let me just say I feel your pain girl. My dad sounds like your gramps. Dad tells me sometimes to turn the air off especially on the 100 degree days not the 80 degree days just the hot as hell days! Go figure I can't understand it. And that TV has about busted my poor ears. It's bad enough I already have a ear I can't hear out of(hereditary) and now he is trying to work on my one good ear I have left. Blows me out of the room. I have to go to another room and sit until he turns it down. And what makes it so bad is he has a hearing aid and WEARS IT!!!!
Starri- Hope you are doing good. And before all is said and done me and my sister just might go A-WALL on that family of ours. But it will have to happen after the wedding is over and she is back!!!!
Ladee- Yes that sil of mine does keep things in a tizzy more than you know. She is a control freak with her whole family over feel sorry for some of them for having to put up with her. But we will try to keep things calm for now!!! Love ya girl...
Jam - my buddy, my friend, my pal I miss you on here!!!! Hope you are doing ok. We love you girl!!! Try to stay sane through all of this mess you are having to deal with right now. Love to all of you crazy gals Stormy
Then I put her in a (5) star AL place and PROBATE ruled (after a month) that she be returned back to the madness of live in care.....I cannot do this anymore...
Conservator of PERSON is much harder than "of Estate"....Paying bills I will continue to do since they all come to my home and it is stress free.
Keeping workers that actually WORK and do not rip us off or make stupid demands has proved to be too wearing for me....I will finish out this year, and then send in my letter to PROBATE resigning as Conservator of Person only....I need to save myself now...The AL place met all of her needs and it was actually cheaper because food was included! Their food was off a menu, not cafeteria trays. She had a private room and bath and a call button around her neck. The place was immaculate and they had nursing staff and a concierge doctor on site. My sister is the one (in Florida, far away, undermining all my judgement calls) that talked MOM, into bitching to "go home"...she met (2) woman she knew and had more social times in AL, then being isolated in her own home with these idiots.
Right now, the woman there is really hard to understand...her accent is very thick, plus she REFUSES to have anything to do with oxygen! "It is too much responsibility"....is she kidding, it is her JOB???
She wanted to come home so this is what she gets...
We are leaving Monday for Lake Sunapee in New Hampshire and her attorney told me to not call or think about her...he is there and he wants me to take a break while he figures out how we can get her back into AL again....she is in an UNSAFE environment and we are stuck with the worst Probate Judge ever! Thanks Starri33......your a Godsend..stay blessed.....