This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It's hot and it's Friday and Heather will be leaving soon and it's going to be a long weekend. The col has been pestering her today for alcohol, and yes the kind to drink. She also has had her coffee this morning, but has not finished one of the tiny cans of coke, and has only peed once. Heather is going to try to get her to finish the coke and then start on flavored water before she leaves today. She likes my raspberry tea so I'll take her a bottle and see if she will drink that. I just don't want her dehydrated.
Will check back later to see how everyone is doing......going to enjoy my last few minutes of peace and quiet.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I have been real busy dealing with life in general and everything else that comes with the package. I am hoping hubby gets his SSDI because the home care agency only wants me to 4hrs a wk not 4hrs everyday and that means cutting the caregiver that comes in to help me so that i and the kids get a break from how hubby is doing and what the heck is carotid scan and that can be done at a neurologist office. Medicare still wants me to file a complaint against the clinic and turns out my report is going to be a long one. My alllergies are acting up full blast and i have tech support coming out today to fix the other dexktop its been having some hardware issues. School starts soon but i am worried about how this pres. is going to do anything effective but they have no right to cut those that are due those funds and if doesn't go thru i hope i do not see maritial law in effect and downsize is we are no longer a super power anymore . CHina and russia are now so where does that leave us without a strong military base no solid jobs or anything. I can't find a job in this town to support things except take care of my husband on a limit income and pray that I can get the landlord to lower my rent because its too much for old electicial wiring ...this whole is place is near fire hazard and he wont make modifications to the wiring or pay for proper work to be done...just my luck another slumlord. I hope all is well and god bless.
And I know what it's like to wonder if she'll outlive me because she has medical care and I don't. Scary to think when there isn't anyone else who is stepping up to the plate to even learn the pitches we have thrown at us.
I well understand Federal pensions and SS and no cost of living raises. The col has a Federal retirement pension, SS and a military pension from her deceased husband; her Blue Cross policy is paid for out of her Fed retirement and yes there was an increase in premiums. I also get SS disability, I hope, and my retirement is a retirement for City government employees. Hubby paid for years on a private disability policy and is now collecting that. Thank goodness it is tax free. We basically use the equivalent of one of the col's checks to pay her care givers. It's more than worth it to us to have six hours a day less stress.
My mother finished the antibiotic for the most recent abscess and within a day, the drainage started looking bad and there was more of it, so I called home health care. The on-call told me three times how long it would take her to get here and then, she couldn't find the house. It's not like we're out in the boonies, but if you're busily flying down the road, you can miss it. When she got here, she told me that it was normal and that she saw nothing wrong and that what she was looking at wasn't anything that I shouldn't expect. I told her that I've done over six hundred cleanings and packings on my mother's open incisions over the years and that we both know that it isn't normal. Sometimes, I want to tell the nurses that I'm not THEIR assistant, that they're being paid to come when she needs it, that they aren't even sending the right amount of supplies that we need for me to do the wound care the other six days a week that she needs it. I want to tell them to not get in my mother's face and scream at her, that her hearing is fine, thank you very much and that she's not a child, nor am I. I want to tell them that it's her body, not her mind, that she has trouble with. I want to, but I don't. My mother's care is too important for me to risk alienating the local nursing population.
But, if I told you that I wanted to go kick a hole in the wall last night while the on-call's half hour commute stretched into over an hour after we'd already waited an hour for someone to find out who the on-call nurse was so that they could have her call me, would you understand?
I hope Sonny recognizes you today and Marie is in a better mood.
Mis, I have to put the col in time-out occasionally....doesn't mean s**t to her but it makes me feel better....lol.
Welcome to crazy lady........you're right at home with the rest of us crazies...........I take Valium so I don't have crying jags anymore.....I just sit around and have these pleasant dreams of placing "the pillow" just so lovingly and perfectly and pushing until the kicking and screaming stop. What's that? I can't hear you...when you stop moving I'll take the pillow off.......................
crazy I must say I admire your stamina...a new baby and an old baby. Wish hubby would help you a little more. Mine has finally stepped up and taken a more active role in taking care of his mother.
ladee.....thought maybe you might benefit from some rain out of Hurricane Don, but it looks like maybe only the coastal areas are going to get swamped. Darn. The rainstorm we had move through here last night went mostly to the north of us, dropped enough rain to perk up the garden but that's about it. Only supposed to be around 92 degrees today.
The col is in a mood today. I knew it was a mistake to let one of the girls take her out. I've already given Heather her head's up for the day that she will be badgered all day about let's go shoppy-shoppy or out to eat. She wanted some donuts, so Target took her a couple and we watched her sitting on the couch feeding them to the dog. Target got on the intercom and told her to stop and she comes back with "I'm not feeding him"........alrighty then. He will be dead within a year then the problem will be solved, except cleaning up exploded dog will fall to me. It breaks my heart to know that poor little guy is going to suffer, but there is nothing we can do about her overfeeding him. When he gets so miserable he can't move, Target said we will take him and have him put to sleep. End of story. And if the col is still alive and kicking she will never be allowed to have another pet.
My hubby is making breakfast so I guess that is what I'm doing now and I will check back with everyone later. Hope you all can have a good day or at least a day with a fewer frustrations.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I have to thank you for your support - got me through a tough day - you are definitely a crazy bunch but also very loving and supportive - can't thank you enough
sig other an I talked last hight and sorted things out - he was frustrated that we couldn't do more together - I said I am OK with that - so he relaxed a bit and then he said he may not be able to do even as much as me when he reaches my age (13 yrs difference) and i think that is really what is bothering him - turned 60 this year and his dad had to slow down big time in his 60's. ah well, storm over for now -
on the plus side - I forgot my bathing suit and was darned if I was going to buy another one as I have 2 new ones at home but I was going to swim so I found a bikini bottom on half price -black and bought it and wore a long ruched (don't you love how they hide everything) tank top which looked black when wet with had enough support which i need and lo and behold - a bathing suit!!! The best part is that 40 ish good looking guy came at sat by me in the hot tub and started eyeing me - wanted to tell him i have sons his age but just quietly enjoyed it -met a really nice couple in the pool - she works in a nursing home - we exchanged our life stories -funny what water does - so the day ended well -many thanks for your prayers
the car is acting up so G will work on it today - he can fix almost anything and I am grateful for that
need to write to my Gordie today and tell him how much i miss him, maybe my father too - how Gordie would have loved to hike with G
we will do the beaver boardwalk today and swim more and maybe a little more sight seeing in the area - my pulled muscle is getting better
love the laser story - gotta get some laughs somehow in life
on the sobering lide - caregivers have a 63% higher chance dying so take care of yourselves - reading a book about stress and your body and alz caregivers have immune function at about 20% of normal, and on top of that woman who have lost a child has a 40% higher mortality rate 10 yrs later - so at 9 yrs this year my chances of survivng don't look good - on the other hand I have no intention of being one of those statistics - - this was being ducsussed on another thread - and hank suggested buck to odds and cop an attitude and I am with him
Sorry to hear some of you had such a hard day yesterday, made my whining seem so insignificant..I was there with Ruth, knowing what ya'll are talking about... that was the hardest job I ever had... now I am just a glorified house keeper, no challenges, and don't get me wrong, grateful to have a job, but spend a lot of time being bored... But there is no middle ground in caregiving, it is either like what I am doing now, or up to your elbows and eyebrows with craziness and poop..... God bless caregivers..
So, I will go and do what needs to be done in my life, thinking of ya'll during the day, and checking in later today... hugs across the miles..
That's cute Mis, that you told her you would ban him from using his truck, lol, I am glad that you do get a break now and then, it's important..
Another thing Gma says is that she's ready to kick the bucket at anytime. How do you deal with that? I just say ok when it happens we'll be ready for it so let us know. One time we did bring her a bucket to kick, lol.
Everyday is like a brand new day to her. She ask us if we go outside and come back in if it's cold outside. We tell her no it's the middle of July.
I got another one. My husband asked her if he could cut a tree down in the front yard prior to him doing it and she said it was fine and said this house is going to be yours someday so do what you want. So 2 days later he cuts the tree down and while doing it, it ticked her off and she said he didn't ask for permision. I tried to calm her down and told her that she said it was alright to do so. She said that she was going to kick him out. My reply was well if you do that then I'll have to go to and there will be no one to take care of you and you don't want that. She threatens us all the time that she's going to kick us out. I proceed to tell her well Gma this is what we'll do ground him from his truck, 4-wheeler, and video games for a while. She seemed to be alright with that.
I need to get off of here and get some packing down. We're headed north for the weekend just 2 days never long enough, but at least we're getting a break from it all and some much needed r&r. I'm thankful for my aunt who comes in and is willing to help us with gma.
Sleep tight everyone.....I'm heading to bed.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Well, this has been one super busy day and I am much to tired to even piss and moan about my situation right now. But I will say that I am one of the sandwich generation to. More power to us. Night all. peace and prayers
Had a whole story written earlier and POOF!!!! Gone again..........I really wish I knew why that happens so often.
Got back from Wal-Mart and the col was loaded for beyatch attitude........she was mad that the care giver let us know that she (col) has been feeding potato chips to her dog before we even left. Then after we got back I'm hot, tired and trying to get her groceries put away and her mouth is running, telling us how capable she is and she just humors us with allowing the girls to come here. She needs to have her car serviced so she can go buy groceries herself, she's perfectly able to drive. There's nothing wrong with feeding her dog her food, "he's so cute".........this kept up until Target looked at her and said "open your mouth one more time and you're going to the NH".........we both got another "f*** you" look.......I just left the building. I thought about using the pillow on myself, but decided I would get too much enjoyment from sticking around and reminding her everyday that she is stuck here.....:)
starri has been waiting on the laser story....................if you are on FB with me and look at the pics taken of the construction of the col's home, you will see a small window we had installed on the back of the house, up towards the peak of the roof. It was done to allow us to see in and check on her if need be. Should have gone with my initial skylight request as this window is only good for making her think crazy things happen. Now, y'all have to understand that medical people, especially ems and er docs, have a warped sense of humor. We have to in order to do our jobs day after day......anyway, the Spring after we moved the col in, Target had gotten a new firearm with a laser sight and of course you can't see it unless it's dark. So he comes in the house and has tears rolling down his face and is laughing so hard he can't talk. It seems he went out on the deck and shined the laser down through the little window. The dog just looked at it but pretty quick he sees the col and she is armed with a frozen dinner box and she is after the red bug. He ran the light all over the floor and she's chasing the bug, swatting at it.....then that bug runs up the wall and she's still on it....wop, wop, wop.....then back down on the floor.....wop, wop, wop.........she talked about that bug for days and wondered where it went. It was several months before we confessed what we had done.............so that's the laser story.
Must get this finished and sent before it's lost again. We have a severe thunderstorm that has just blown up over us and it's stationary, high winds, destructive hail, downpours. Grass and yards need it......hope the hail doesn't hurt the garden. And my damn car is still outside because a bunch of the col's crap is still stored in the garage...grrrrrrrr......
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Kisses everyone
Vic, finally someone understands about the feelings and experience about the Hurricanes... thank you so much for sharing about your family.... please tell them Hi for me and that they are in my prayers....
Dar, what I meant was there was comfort in numbers, as it is comforting to know we are not alone... I think most of us have been where you are... please keep coming back here and talking things out... we will help if we can...
Stormy, sweetie I have nothing to offer in what this may mean for your dad.... I am not qualified to have an opinion on this, but do want you to know you all are in my prayers, and please let us know as soon as you find out something...
emjo, you are always in my prayers, and will be praying for your stupid old man to get his head out his butt and communicate with you... I stopped doing husbands 15 years ago... just getting too old and set in my ways for the roller coaster ride called marriage... I think it's awesome for those that stay together thru thick and thin, nothing but respect for them.. myself, I am too jaded to give you support.. kick his ass out is what I would suggest... but see, that is not how it is done... that, again, is why I am very happily single... And you are genius, The BS!!!!!!! I think it is very appropriate,and tho it did not start out that way, that is what it has turned into.... So have worked on myself today and told the "workers" to not say another word to me about this, that, or the other... let me know what needs to be done without a big long stupid technical explanation,,, and bring me back a receipt.....other than that I am tired of hearing about it..... filling my head with crap I am not interested in, nor will I remember because I don't care... Just get the MF moved..... damn it........
JK, read your post and thought about how many times I was right there with Ruth, I could not get her to turn around in time, and I spent most of my time cleaning the bathroom, sticking her in the shower, washing clothes, and scrubbing her hands... boy do I understand....
sosad, glad to see you back and posting.... won't take long to make new friends and have a safe place to talk and even get to laugh once in a while.....
Worked extra today as today was Marie's transfusion,,,, and she came home not all weak, or sick.... I was amazed, kept telling her how great she looked and how proud of her I was.... it does seem to be helping her attitude a little... May not last long, because she really is very sick, but will continue to give her atta girls, and hope she is little happier... she really has no quality of life, some of it is her choice... so who knows, just doing what my heart is telling me to do with her... Sonny woke up from his nap and had no clue who I was, and it took me a while to calm him down.... just woke up in a brand new world... too hot for us to do "yard work" today, so it was a long boring day for both of us while Marie was gone.... but am happy she was not sick this time....
Ok, everything on my body hurts, going to take something and try to read for awhile... a little tv later and then bedtime...
Hope those of you who are having a bad and stressful day, that you get some rest tonight... I'll try to check back later... hugs across the miles to all of you...
BREAKING NEWS: The US government today announced that it's changing the flag to a CONDOM. Because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance; A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of s***, gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed and is made in China.
have a good day!