This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Morning Ladee, did you sleep well? I hope so,
ASG, so happy so see you here this morning, sure have been missing you... yep sweetie, let it go if you can.... you are a great mom and Auntie is just Auntie, so she just needs something to fuss about and let her fuss, the kids will learn to ignore her constant fussing, and it will be ok sooner or later.. missing you..
Stormy, it could be cellulitis to. That's an infection and that could cause the swollen lymph node. Just a thought.
Dad is doing OK today, the hole in his head from the tooth extraction is healing.[yeah] He didn't crap himself today. [yeah]
My big baby bro called to belly ache about his dr and dentist appts. I say who the @#$* cares. He didn't even ask how dad was, it was all about him as usual.
I read so many posts with us cgs wondering why our siblings don't help and don't they understand. NO, the don't understand, how could they and the bad part is that they don't want to understand. Take my bro for instance, [please do]. He is so self centered he doesn't even know to ask me how I am or if I need help. It doesn't even cross his mind.
Oh here I go, when I'm tired I ramble. Sometimes I don't even give a fly'n flip anymore. But it's ok, we are the strong one's and we are better for it. I would hate to have to stand in his shoes when all is said and done. Night all
Sundowners was soooooooooo bad last night, not so bad tonight[yeah]
Jam we are not really sure why dad gets so short of breath. I know the drs have said that he does have alot of scar tissue in his throat. I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not. He does have copd though. And he is on a humidifier mask that he wears off and on during the day and at night to keep his secretions loose. Where they do not get dried and hard. But sometimes he doesn't want to wear it. Maybe I will have more info tomorrow on some test results I hope and I will let ya'll know what they find out!!! Love and HUGS Stormy
My chiro told me again to start walking just an hour a day, or maybe 30 min. On a routine day, if I had 30 min to myself......first, I would take a healthy shit, second, I would soak in my garden tub, third, I would scrub the callises off my feet and put some lotion on them......does that sound too ambitious ???
Tried to cath mom today to get a sample out of her and did not succeed. I suspected a UTI. We made her drink and she finally gave me some on her own. Hubby ran it to the dr office and I had to call them back with symptoms. When they asked if she could be dehydrated, then it hit me.....of course. She is always on the edge of dehydration, and that explains the urge to go and nothing comes out. There's no pain. It makes it damned difficult to tell what is wrong, and I hate to let anything go too long or I would just feel guilty about it. Getting her in the van now requires that I lift her . She doesn't have the strength to get her left leg (bad one) up far enough to clear the door jamb. Taking her to the dr in the condition that woman expects to be in , with hair, clothes, make-up, is too much to bother with on 100+ degree days. Shit, I am just whining now, so I will shut up and go to bed. Kathy will be here any time......tomorrow.....everyone ahve a wonderful peaceful sleep.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I really need a very long vacation somewhere. All of this has just added more stress that I don't need.
I've talked her about going to adult day care but she won't have nothing to do with that either.
Hope your headache goes away...........hate migraines.
The col lives in her own home, but it is connected to our home by way of a door in our family room in the basement area of the house. We must keep that door locked or she would be roaming the house. We have had to deadbolt her front door, opened by key only, because she was wandering down the driveway after her dog or going to the mailbox, which is on a very busy two-lane highway. We fenced in a portion of the backyard so she is still able to get outside. We have a huge pond with about a 20' drop and she was going over to it to throw weeds over the edge, and that edge was covered and soft....we are so lucky she never slipped off. Every time we would tell her to stop doing that, it was unsafe, we were given "I don't think so". Last summer she kept telling us what a good driver she was, yadda yadda yadda.....she kept it up until I said okay, you're such a good driver, here's my keys, go take my car and if you can get to Pleasant Hill, the town about 6 miles up the road from us, and back then we will fix your car and you can drive. She got all the way outside, hubby put on a motorcycle helmet, and she threw my keys down and said "you're treating me very disrespectful" and stomped off to her house. She knew she couldn't do it, but was too proud to admit it. This is a very vain 87 y/o. When she had to be hospitalized in June for manic attacks, I finally got the opportunity to throw her make-up away. Oh yes, she wore foundation, brown (I refused to buy black) mascara globbed on her eyes, pink lipstick on her cheeks and mouth. She used to wear individual false lashes and I managed to get those all thrown away and would not allow her to buy more. Before we cut her hair, I called her the electrified Q-tip....now she is a short-haired Q-tip. This lady has been and is still a handful. Oh the stories I can tell........ladee and seeme have heard some of those.....I've complained on this site since last November.
Depression is a diagnosis and is listed in the ICD codes.....you might be able to get financial assistance depending on the type of care mom would need. Would be worth looking into. I'm glad you have POA, that's one less thing to worry about.
It's 5 o'clock and we all know what that means............Target has ribs cooking for dinner, the smell has been driving me nuts all day.......will check back later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Jam you were talking about vials of life? I came across the website last night digging around for information on camping.. here's the link, they have the forms you can print out, and if you have or can get sticker paper from a office supply, they have the medical emblems you can print as well.. Heck, scotch tape and a regular sheet of computer paper works just as well.
Going to go lay down for a while, just spent the last 5 hours with the baby brother within slapping distance and didn't, so now I have a migraine that is about to blow the top of my head off...
Big Hugs and peaceful nights to all, I'll check back in later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Maya......screw the siblings and good for you for telling them the handouts are over............they usually aren't what they are cracked up to be anyway. Don't get me wrong.....there are some out there who all pitch in and help and they will get their rewards in heaven, as will we. Does Mom have a POA and a Will.........those are 2 things that need to be done. I'm sure she has some type of income so would it be possible to hire someone to come in once or twice a week to give you some time to yourself? Just a few hours a week where you can think about yourself only, get outside, go shopping for those shoes, go visit friends, anything so you don't have to think about care giving. I have said over and over, that the care givers life should not be in the trash can just so they can take care of a loved one. There has got to be limits....your whole being cannot be buried under the burden of care giving. When that happens, we cease to live, we only exist......and we end up keeping the pharmaceutical companies in business with anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and pain medications.
Love and Hugz to all of our family,
Jam
Add to that the oldest one who threw a fit and left when our mother nearly died in 2009, the one that we've had no contact with at her request and maybe you'll understand why I'm planning to have a nice nervous breakdown when this is all over.
Don't get me wrong. I love my mother and as long as I am physically able to be her caregiver, I will. It would just be nice to have a respite from the worries for a while.
I've told them all that the well has run dry in more ways than one. When I find myself worrying over whether I should even buy the ten dollar pair of shoes at a discount store so that I can have something to wear to church, it's time that things changed.
Yes, sosad, it's hard to find common ground with other care givers because if you aren't "there" then you really don't understand what we go through daily. And others don't want to hear about food messes, poopy hands, wet diapers, dementia-related conversations. Does your mom live with you or alone? Are you financially responsible or is she? I have 2 care givers here 6 hours a day, 5 days a week and they are paid by my mil. She just realized that last week and then she asked for several days to make sure I was taking the money out of her bank account. Don't worry, I sure am....:)
Maya....I hope things turn out okay for your mom. With Home Health coming why are you fetching and carrying for 2 people? Do you mean you are waiting on the Home Health worker? Screw that! Go sit and put your feet up while they are there. And yes, insurance is a joke. When my husband and I were both working we had insurance through our employers; then I was injured and went on disability. So over to hubby's insurance I went. Just a note here, since 2002 we paid his ex-wife $1500/mo maintenance, and impatiently waited for her to either die or remarry....thank God she finally remarried last summer so maintenance stopped. Then this last Feb hubby also went on disability which meant no insurance unless we went COBRA....which we did to the tune of $1565/mo. Ouch and Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And apparently some time after Nov. 2009 the law changed to where you have to be disabled from your job for a year before you can apply for SS disability. Well, if the good old government keeps it up, that will be a fond memory. Frustrating I know.
Ladies, keep coming back to vent and let it all out. That's why we are here.....there may be times when you will wonder if we don't need to be sent away....like to be in Sane, or in Coherent, or my favorite in Cognito....we are one big happy family and there is always room for more around this table!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Know what I mean when I say my frustration level has grown? She's able-bodied and being rewarded for being a slacker. And no, she doesn't have any children, thank you.
Surgeon decided that he didn't have the experience required to handle this, so he's sending her to another surgeon. This one is in Charlotte. It took a week and a half to get an appointment with him for two weeks from now.
Home health comes out once a week to assess the wound, but all that means is that I have two people to fetch and carry for.
And because I've moved things that were probably too heavy for me to move alone, I've got hip and back pain. Of course, I'm not the one with medical insurance so I put heat on it and do the best I can. I'm hurting right now.
Someday, maybe someone will understand that what we do as caregivers is priceless and actually saves the government more than it would cost them to help us with health care. I figure that if I can't get it now, if Medicare is still there in thirteen years, Medicare will be paying a whole lot more then. That is, if I make it that long. Sometimes I wonder.
So sorry to hear that you have had to deal with an idiot counselor John. She may be protected by the principal, but that principal has to answer to the School Board. Have you thought about taking your complaint to them? Your son did get accepted so that is a relief.....some times it's not what you know, but who you know. Maybe all the parents that have had their children's academics damaged by this counselor should get together and go to the Board, so she won't have the opportunity to do further damage.
Target has breakfast ready......I knew he was good for something.....:) Will check back later, I hope everyone has a great day!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam