This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Blessed weekdays!!!!!!!!!!!! Peace and quiet and only listening to the col in the evening. Isn't that terrible? She started putting herself to bed last night, so we ran down and of course she griped about having to go to the bathroom, didn't think the dog needed to go outside and was going to fight me over a glass of water that I was trying to take out of her hand....rather hard to pee and hold a glass at the same time. It was her "alky" glass. A lot of people take a glass of water to bed with them, this household takes alka-seltzer. It gives you an aspirin a day, is also an antihistimine.......and if you have a "nip or two" before bed, you will not wake up with a headache. A cup of water, with one tablet and 6 ice cubes....you're set. The point is to drink it during the night.....the col leaves the whole thing sitting there night after night. Frankly I am sick of fixing it only to have it sit there, so when the box runs out that's it. Told Target if we need to give her an aspirin, we will start including a baby ASA in daily meds.
I was hoping I could get down to the lake house this week....but no, it's going to be hotter this week than it's been. A storm moved through here last night but I don't think it did anymore than thunder. It doesn't look like we got a drop of rain. It's a good thing the other side of the pond is so deep, the side closest to the house is dry. I walked out on the deck yesterday and saw in the lower yard a HUGE owl eating something. He took whatever it was with him, so they are getting closer now, have to watch my little chihuahua again when he goes out.
I hope everyone has a peaceful day......worrying about those of you who haven't posted for a while, let us know how you are doing....
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
we had pronghorn head cooking on the stove last night - mmmmm NOT - just a little smelly - but G constructed a trellis for my front deck to train the ivy on so I gotta luv him. I had ivy all over that side of the house and it grew under the front deck overhang and "drippped" down. I loved it, Then the reno lads got too aggressive with a chain saw and cut the main stem and the whole thing died. I suppose it had to come down anyway to put up new siding. so we are growing a new one.
seeme - I don't like taking painkillers or much of anything that isn't absolutely necessary - at its worst nothing helps and if it is not at its worst I can stand it.
I am researching supplements and have increased a couple I am taking which seem to be helping. I have to believe there is an answer to this within my reach so I keep plugging. - when I am through this bout I need to build myself up some - one thing I will credit my mother with is that she does not assume something cannot improve just because you are older
YR - I don't know how u do it -though having said that I pushed through for years too - when you have to...
starri- you must have wings to help ur brother like that -sounds like time to kick some one's (_!_) !!!
jam - good for u for taking care of that mutt - truth is she probably doesn't realize what she is doing - like with most things - and that's why she is with u
- that said it still would drive u nuts
stormy - don't know how u do it either - get all the help u can - hope that cough is leaving u - I had a flu like that and it is almost over
ladee - luv hearing about the donkeys - they all have their own personalities -sounds like u have a plan with the banana split - that's good
vic - hang in there! glad dad behaved yesterday
54 - leave the boys be -almost like they are doing it to get ur attention - it would be lovely if you and hubby could get to the beach for a while
john - sounds like u r making good progress with ur man cave and ur diet
everyone out there - hope it rains and cools down all over the place
- we are going to where it will rain half the time and the temps will be between 60 and 70 - thunderstorm here last night -and the mosquitos are like dive bombers
re my online adventures - keep thinking of this one young man who wanted to cut IT off - really he did - he asked me if I would do it for him!!!!~ I researched this online and some do - of course I was concerned for him - chatted in messenger and - lo and behold without much warning - he sent me a picture of it - in full bloom! - well!!! my eyes nearly fell out! I complimented him on his fine attributes and scoured my computer to delete all copies as my grandkids use it sometimes! Still wonder about him.
my Gordie's d day coming up and I haven't tossed Gary out of the house yet or even thought about doing it - that's progress ;)
have a good day everyone and don't open pics from strange young men lol ♥
I forgot to tell ya'll I got my time with the donkeys yesterday.... They head butted each other for the oatmeal cookies.... scratched and rubbed on Cheyenne and Jack, Mama just wanted the cookies.... Cheyenne got mad because I was talking to Jack, walked away and gave a kick with those back legs... glad I was on the other side of the fence... I fussed at her , she looked at me with those soulful eyes, nickered and walked away.... she had had enough of me I guess...... and besides, I didn't have any more cookies,,,, sorta like life isn't it, run out of cookies and everybody splits.....
Love and hugs to ya'll , later.. stay cool.
Ladee, at this point and time I can deal with the fires of Hades, I am just so damned disgusted with family. Glenn and I both worked our asses off for that little prick, Glenn kept on him and on him to do this till he finally gave in, he had been told a long time ago to do this and was worried about messing up his SSD. We started the long haul after that, I can't tell you how many days I spent on the road hauling him 3 hours down, 3 hours back and countless hours spent in doctors offices..
Repeating the same thing over and over again like some frigging talking parrot, when he would ask me questions, only to have it start again the next day. Yes he's sick, yes he has memory issues, but that is no excuse for being rude, I remember to tell him Thank you when's it's appropriate.
I have a house full of furniture anyone interested? lol.. we're going to take this vacation and when we return I am going to start clearing out, I've had enough..and I don't really know that I want to stick around for his up coming appointments, I'll be here for Jerr, at least he isn't some kinda stuck up little prick.
Enough complaining for now I guess. Ain't going to do no good anyway..short of making me feel better for the moment..lol... maybe he will surprise me today, NOT
Just wanted to check in this morning because I have a busy day and Kathy is going to work me again. Mom has a dentist appt and Kathy and I start on cleaning the kitchen. That will be fun.......NOT. So, I must start my day early......going to shower and will talk to you later..........
The kids are at the beach and are having fun would you believe no fussing!!!!
why do they tell us constantly how much they hate each other and then get along so well away. sounds like it may be us. But I never say anything to them about the other one or what they should or should not do. only the one time lately when I shocked the youngest with a little mouth full and he said Mom I didnt know you talked like that! Oh well I do hope they have fun, would have taken husband but knew how it always is when we all go. Misery.
Oh well we will go (husband and I) when they get back. maybe if its not rented, and if he is able to travel. could not think of a more peaceful place to die than at the beach.
going take the trash can out to the road while everyone on the street is asleep.
I stay in except 2 days a week, for a few hours. go to the mail box at night and never sit on the front porch. Just dont want to hear from neighbors how bad he and I look. tell me something positive!! later taters
And Starri it is hot like a MF here right now, very low humidity in this part of Texas, very dry, but we are in a drought remember, so If I didn't already live here, I wouldn't come visit until the fall..... but I'll leave the light on for ya......
Ok, shower, wash clothes,, and get ready for my next great adventure... hugs to all.
Ladee, does the a/c work in the banana split? Puleeeeeeezze tell me it does !!! And how long is it????
Ladee lol I would love to see a picture of the banana split. LOL ..
Starr I agree with you about the boogers and the puke. I can handle cleaning up her behind most of the time its when she gets diarrhea which thankfully is NOT often I get a bit queasy but stuff in her nose or her throwing up yep I'd be right there hurling with her. Starr I use A & D ointment cause mom can get very sore easily down below or Boudreaux's Butt Paste both work very well and keeps her from getting sores down there....
Ladee I am so sorry for that poor doggie ... i agree you might have to take him to live with you because .... feeding table scraps to a dog sometimes can make them very sick and especially if they are over weight. Anyway closing for now .. hope everyone had a great weekend... mom and I will be in the pool tomorrow she can't wait now I just got to get her her own suit and the life jacket and we are set for water therapy.
Glenn knows that something is up with me this evening, I haven't told him about Jerry's attitude.. How I wish I could just say you know what? up yours and walk away.. Jerr isn't scheduled for surgery tuesday, he gets a cath (has had several before) then depending on what that shows, he might be heading straight from the cath into the hospital for the surgery.. so we shall see, I've had friends who's had this done before and came though just fine.. only challenge we have with him is his age 70, and the fact that he's in bad health to begin with.. So I'll be taking them to Anderson, Jerry still can't drive, Jerr can't drive, not with his nerves tore up like they are.. He would have had his brother in law take them, but the brother in law is about to crawl 6ft under himself.
So that leaves me, then next month Jerry has two appointments scheduled for the VA down in Columbia, one on the 16th (it's actually a double appointment) the way we figure that one is a last check on the left eye and the pre-bed as they call it for the right, then on the 23rd he has his next surgery scheduled on his right... so this is going to be fun, if Jerr does have to have the surgery, he's not going to be able to take Jerry, that leaves me again, for both appointments.. and then after getting the little shit head home, it's going to more than likely be me that is going to have to do his drops, keep the patches and stuff on his eye..etc.. Here is where I really want to say you know what? up yours, deal with it yourself.
A simple phucking thank you is all...
But did get some things accomplished today so feel a little better...onward thru the fog... hugs across the miles....
I spent the afternoon tying bows on Kathy's dil wedding invitations. Only had to do 75, but it was wnough. Now I must do sidhes and get mom ready for bed.......at least I get to sleep in my own tonight.
Every body in the whole county got rain except us. Never fails.
Jam, sounds like a plan. OR just leave her frig empty of anything except drinks and veggies, only oatmeal in the cupboards, a little milk......anything the dog won't eat. If you give her meals, why does she need all that?
YR, Stormy and Vic have a good rest of the evening and may cg take it easy on you tonight. Shawna, keep posting !! Emjo, hope you can take something for the pain.
Mom is in Coherent tonight. Will try to get her out...........later........
Did hubby's butt when he had sepsis, he was in the hospital, but I gave the nurses a break when I was there.. they didn't have to worry about running in every 10 minutes or less to wash his tail for him.. ended up having to get some diaper rash cream and use that on him as his poor little butt was raw along with things that should not get raw, the stuff they have to use at the hospital isn't worth the bottle it's put in.
Last couple of weeks with mom, I was washing her's as well..
Jam, take all the food out of Col's house, leave her one piece of lunch meat each day for her lunch, leave her one tv dinner, don't leave her that one unless your not cooking for her that day. Otherwise, you are going to have to start rolling the dog out the door.
Ladee sorry to hear you could not get to the banana split..that sucks... I'm tired from the long ride, even more tired from dealing with the baby brother, and that is just in the first two hours of being home, will go into detail on that later, lets just say he's a ingrate..
The col got her ultimatum today. I told her I knew she was feeding frozen dinners to her dog and I got her "s**t-eating" grin so I knew I was right. She has until Aug. 30 to get the weight off of him or he comes to live with us. Target agrees. I will not watch her kill him. They are very devoted to each other or I would take him now. She gets one last chance to save his little life. He lost the 7lbs last time while she spent the 10 days in the hospital, so it won't take but a couple of weeks to get it off again. Will keep everyone updated on the weight loss saga....:)
Will check back later.........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Jam.. Sounds like a plan..she will end up killing the puppy... Course you could just clean out her fridge and bring over the ford for her. Leave healthy snacks ,...etc.
YAY..we made it to and through church! Dad slept most of it but he didn't slip out! We even ate out today without too much problem!
Like everyone else...it is hot hot hot...
Prayers..
Geez, found dad in the bathroom digging in his [ass]. Good Lord. So had to clean crap outta fingernails. But he is fed and napping in his chair so all is better.
It is cloudy out and I've been praying for rain. I'd do a rain dance to if I wasn't so darn tired. My [ass] is draggin!
My extent of church is Don Moen music videos on youtube. Heck, it's better than church. I get it on my tv along with net flicks. So it's up there on the big screen and Dad even enjoys it.
Well, here's hoping I can get my bro. to come over so I can take my hubby out for lunch/dinner today for his bd. My mil had a bd party for him last evening but dad wasn't feeling well so I didn't get to go. Oh, well. I came into this cg life knowing I would have to sacrifice, but sometimes it gets so frustrating!
Hope you all have a blessed day.
Looks like we are going to church..dad will probably sleep but he seems a little more alert today. Wheelchair and transfers kick my butt! Especially the bathroom..
Stormy..so sorry bout your mom..I am blessed to have both right now! Been with them now about 6 years. Some I was working outside and they were still independent. It was nice.
Starri..hope all goes well with friend.
Good to read some new friends here....welcome Shawna....sometimes we just come and lurk for awhile then jump right in......I like hearing how much fun you are having with your mom. Block your brother on FB, I had to do that with my younger sister after my Mom passed away last Dec. Long story, she and my youngest brother have acted like and still are asses. Two daughters act like spoiled princesses and quit speaking to me years ago, so they all ganged up on me at Mom's passing. Do I miss them? Not a bit......I'm their loss, not the other way around.
ladee.....now please don't throw rocks at me. I'm sitting here listening to thunder and it's getting very cloudy and looks like it could just pour. Not sure if it's going to or just slide right past us. I've managed to keep the garden green but the backyard is brown and sounds like snap, crackle and pop when I walk across it.
I've noticed that the col's dog is bulking out again. Busted her last night.....okay so I have been counting the bologna on a daily basis. She fed him 10 slices from Friday night to last night. She tried to tell us it was gone because she had a sandwich for lunch yesterday. Yeah right. After he had lost those 7 lbs he was more energetic, loving, would go outside without argument, now he is sluggish and we have to chase him down to get him outside. I watched her yesterday hiding behind her blinds and the minute he went back to the door she opened it and let him back in. I just followed, grabbed him and took him right back out but it was almost like he was crazy out there! Better that than cleaning pee off the table legs, told her I'm sick of doing that, and if this continues she can do it.....:) Tomorrow and Heather can't get here quick enough. I would like to go stay in Cognito for awhile and just do nothing. Stormy are you going to stay in Sane? If it would just cool off a little bit, I am going down to the lake house and after the big stuff is loaded and back up here I might stay overnight, just for a little peace and quiet. Have to do some touch-up paint and a little cleaning, might as well make a day of it and not worry about driving back. It's only an hour and a half one way.
It's raining...........hard to see it against the trees.....but definitely see it on the pond. I don't think there will be much, but every little bit helps.
Must shower now and go to Walgreen's.......CVS called here yesterday very concerned because I hadn't picked up my scripts. Target enjoyed telling them what screw-ups they were and how we changed to the competition....:)
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.........will check back later
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam