This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee- So how big is the banana boat? The size of a camper or the size of a greyhound bus. It's got to be pretty big to pick all of us up for our great escape from our caregiver's hell.
Shawna- I hope the water therapy does help your mom. Welcome to our crazy site these girls on here will keep you smiling and laughing when you feel like crying. So glad I have found this site. And a brand new bunch of friends. My sister and me have been taking care of my dad for 1yr 6m. and we have a brother but he only helps out when he wants to or we have to call him and ask if he will help us. He should offer instead of us having to call him. Dad has a trach and can't really be by his self in case he starts having breathing problems. My mom died 7 years ago and God I miss her. My sister and I were very close with her she was like our best friend. Mom liked getting in the pool too. She just didn't like going under the water. Me and sis are not that close with our dad. Well I guess I better go welcome again and come back and visit with us and vent all you want that's what we are hear for. Love and (((((((Hugs)))))) to you all and have a great day!
Well, can not get ahold of anyone with a key to the gate to get to the Banana Split, so guess I got my mind all ready to deal with the heat, and now here I set,,,, and patience is NOT one of my virtues when I have things to do that are hanging over my head...so might as well go get groceries and just blow off this day as being anything productive..... OK God, I trust You, You know what I can handle...
gonna be gone for awhile, check in later... love to all
Vas – u r a blessing! – the others have said it
54 – let them pay for their own misery! – think you have done more than enough for those ingrates
Ladee re talking to yourself - when I was in the throes of preparing for final exams I used to walk down the street talking to myself – got a few strange looks lol - hope the shingle pain is subsiding and that you get rid of that old mattress
Starri – luv ur image of the banana split lol and as for being officially crazy – what’s normal - a town in Illinois? sorry about ur brother’s friend but glad he got his extra pay – I am not surprised u r tired of death – finding ur dad like that must have been hard and them more on top and ur mum’s death - we had 20 deaths of family and friends in 5 years starting with my ex’s sisters suicide – it was a mad whirl of middle of the night phone calls, throwing things into a suitcase and taking off for the latest. One day I was grieving 3 uncles and 2 cousins –couldn’t even sort out which so I had to do it in batches - My fav cousin – was like a brother -died – went to the funeral and came back to find my best friends hubby (who was a friend too in his own right) had gone – finally got so I couldn’t handle funerals any more - my Gordie’s was the last one I went to
YR - sorry ur dad is hurting and that u r too – glad the diet is going well – cravings are the worst - 5 lbs. wowee!!!
Seeme - agreed - better to be pissed off that pissed on
Jam – maybe she is going out to get warm -??? Sorry it’s the best I got
Stormy - glad u and little red are getting better - toss the guilt – and ignore those two – sounds like they deserve one another
Shawna – sounds like u r doing a great job with ur mum – water therapy – love it – and u r talented – no doubt! – I have a sister like that brother of your – ignore him, write him off! – glad u have some decent sibs – I thought I had a big gap between my first and last but 14 looks small against 29
Vic – hope u all get to church with no probs
Laugh for the day – should hit a chord with some of u
• Passing the ass...(_!_ ) Life is all about ass. You're either working your ass off, sweating your ass off, laughing your ass off, kicking ass, kissing ass, spanking ass, hauling ass, wiping ass, busting ass or trying to get a piece of ass! Or, you are an ass. If you agree with this pass the ass (_!_)
have a good day ♥♥♥ Joan
Seeme, no wonder mama gives you such a hard time about a bath... and going into a pool is out of the question... We are going to be having pool envy now with Shawna telling us about getting to get wet and it not be sweat,,, oh, I made a poem...
Gotta get going, the Banana Split awaits a good cleaning.... is this part over yet????
Love you all... later... hugs across the miles to all my great friends...
Mom enjoys the pool you enjoy the pool, take advantage of it as long as the weather permits..
Ladies, we are packing up and getting ready to roll, my icq is wanting to be a butt this morning, will let Jerry send me text, but not me. letting Glenn sleep till the last possible moment then will get him up, we can finish loading up and be on the road for home.
Hope you keep us informed on how therapy goes. And just jump in any time and visit.
Which reminds me we haven't heard from Indyrose for a while and Emjo, where are you? ASG, Johnnycares, John, give us a shout......
Need to see if I can wake him up soon..we go to church...if I can get him to stay awake.
Lade...wondered if you kept the anti viral meds and use at first sign of residual pain? I have running script because I get the blisters every now and again..stress induced! Fun fun, right! NOT!
Shawna..keep focused on positive! Thanks for your post. Keeps me hoping!
Starring...so jealous! Wish I was in a camper somewhere...this was is what my hubby and I always hoped to do! Other things keep getting in the way! Life ya know! Go with the flow!
Well mom just came into kitchen to start breakfast..guess it is time to see if I can get dad awake. She makes their oatmeal for breakfast every morning! 91! Thankful she is in such great shape, mind body and spirit! Don't think I could handle both at the same time although I would try.
Pray everyone has the best day possible! Love and prayers
I t makes me feel so good to know you have so much help... you will see on this thread and many others, many get no help at all... and I can tell by the tenderness in your words you are very grateful for that help...
Happy to hear Mom had a good time, was relaxed and it helped her physically . I know water therapy helps and the fact she enjoys it will make it even better... and yes we all need a cool down...
I live in central Texas and animals are dying from this heat, wild animals that can't find water... I feel myself getting fearful at times, it is hard to look out at the pastures and not see any green... the ranchers are starting to haul in hay by the 18 wheeler load, it is just bad here, really bad...they are setting up troughs in the pastures for water and trucking in water.... no water in the ponds, it's apocalyptic in some ways and very frightening .... but it's not going to rain until it does....
When others get up and get moving they will welcome you also.... hugs to you...
You are following your heart,,, and in the end that is more powerful than any words that others sling at us.... you won't have any regrets, can't say the same for him.. and how wonderful that you have some help... you have a family of big hearts that take care of their loved ones.... maybe the brother was exchanged at the hospital and he is not really kin to ya'll...
We are so happy you are here and have joined us, guess you have been keeping up so I don't have to tell you how loving and supportive everyone here is,, and of course the silliness. gotta do that sometimes too....laugh or cry, sometimes we do both... hope we hear from you again.... hugs across the miles to you.....
I am wondering about the trip as well ladies... something keeps happening, Glenn and I have thought about putting the trip off till like the first of September, we have some more things we are wanting for the camper and truck.. that will kill off most of the money left after paying bills this month. A couple of those are doubled because of having to get new blue tooths for the phones for hands free driving. and one that had to be put off because of the CT trip.
Well, talking with baby brother again might be even later than the 1st of September, Jerr to go for surgery on Tuesday the 26th, will expect to be in the hospital at least 7 days, then home to heal, Jerry said his next eye surgery is on the 23rd of next month...so there will be both of them to watch over.. Jerr is good about making sure Jerry does what he is suppose to be doing..but it's not going to be possible if Jerr can't care for himself. at least with Jerry getting paid for his trips down to Columbia now, it will make it easier on everyone as far as gas and stuff, he didn't realize just how much it cost to take him down there and back till I made him pay for it one day..lol.. He got a clue that time, surprised he was complaining about paying for this last trip, he got paid for them..lol, it more than covered his gas and hotel..he came out ahead on that one.
Ladies I know most of you feel the same, but I am so frigging tired of death.. first finding dad, I knew something wasn't right when I came up to the door of the house and didn't get the usual "get your ass in this house.." Dad's favorite greeting.. found him face first in the floor in a pool of blood, he had lung cancer, had surgery and didn't have much left, guess what he did exploded or something.. this was about 6 years back or so, have lost a few friends between him and mom, this round of deaths came in it's general 3's..
My SIL lost her Aunt who basically raised her, she was at the funeral for her when she got the call about mom, and then just a week or so later we got the call about Glenn's brother. I've had enough, I hope that God will see fit to give me a break for a while.
Jam, if COL wants to be outside that bad, go to the thrift store, pick her up a old ragged pair of jeans, a plaid shirt, and a straw hat.. get some hay for extra stuffing and put her out by the tomato's as a scare crow..rofl.. will solve her desire to be outside and keep your tomato's safe from the birds.
Ladee, how big is the banana split? if life keeps up like it has been for me, I know things are not going well for the rest of you, it's time to plan our escape.. there has to be some island we can take over. Find ourselves a couple of cute little cabana boys to serve us drinks and have a good time till they find out where we are. maybe we can dig in and throw coconuts at them, make them go away.. Sweet dreams ladies... going to be heading to bed.. will be a long day tomorrow..
Well my back has still been bothering me today not as bad though as in the morning when I first get up. I was thinking about taking a muscle relaxer tonight before I go to sleep to see if that would help. So I wouldn't be in agony in the morning trying to get out of the bed. Red and I still have our cough but the cold is better. I still have not been over to dads in a few days now. And just feeling some guilt about that. I told my sister that I would stay with him tomorrow and she told me just to see how my back was feeling and we would go from there. And my foolish brother and sister in law have told my sister that I didn't want to take care of dad any more at all. And I don't know where those two are getting there info from but it ain't from me. I think the both of them are crazy and delusional. My brother has started back drinking bad from what my sister in law says. I did hear from my neice that he was drunk the other night. And she had to go and play referee between the two of them. Because they were fussing and fighting with each other. They always have some kind of drama going on. A LOVE/HATE relationship I call it. Well I guess I better go bathe the little one he's about to drive his daddy crazy I better go save one of them!!!!! Love and Hugs to all!!!!!
I have wondered if I would get them since the stress level is even higher than when I had the very stressful job as buyer at the distributong company I worked for.
starri......keep us informed about the surgery. I have to agree with ladee.......there is a reason your trip keeps getting delayed. Of course, you could leave hubby at the campground and you go home for a few days of peace and quiet. Glad baby bro's money is straightened out now. Hopefully those of us getting a pittance from the government will still continue to receive it after Aug. 1........
Today it's only 100 degrees outside with the heat index at 103....and the col goes outside in the garden AGAIN........after I watered I noticed one of the tomato plants was no longer standing up over the cage, it was all bent over. Now I know why. I asked her why she didn't let us know, and what would have happened if she fell and couldn't get up..."I would just have made a commercial"......huh? So Target told her that if she doesn't comply, we will have to put a lock on the backdoor and her dog will have to come up and live with us. I told her that if she has such a death wish, I will just bring her a bottle of pills and it wouldn't take so long to die. She gave me her famous "eat s**t and die look" and said "do you really want to get rid of me that bad?" Oh for God's sake. I left the building.
So now I'm going to give myself a pedicure.....
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
why is it that great news has to be followed by bad? Was just talking with my baby brother online (we have a program called icq, it's like yahoo messenger) he told me he finally got his VA approval letters, doesn't know how to understand them, but knows that he got a 70 on one and a 100 on the other.. I've fought for him with the VA for over 2 years now to get his disability, kept myself from killing him hundreds of times, by reminding myself he's sick, he can't help it.. when he would drive me nuts asking the same things over and over and over (some of you understand that one I know) or his OCD of playing with the electric window, two clicks down, two clicks up, his shoving his gps in my face every time it said something..lol.. I made the mistake of telling him to bring it thinking it would give him something to entertain himself with and leave my window alone before he broke it by wearing out the switch.. from the first day we filed for him, he's been haunting the mail box expecting his mega jigga check as he calls it, have had a hell of a time explaining to him that he had to wait to get the CNP's before they would give him a check..2 years and many doctors appointments later, with me pissing off a few doctors, we got it.
He will now be looking at getting another 2,673.00 per month for his VA pay to go along with his State Disability.. The back pay for it is going to be more than enough to pay off the property, have extra money for stuff etc.. hell if he doesn't get the back pay with what he has coming in now, he can pay off the property in under a year..
Bad news? our friend of the family (brothers ex-partner) is scheduled for heart surgery on Tuesday, this camping trip has now been cut short by 2 days, which personally doesn't hurt my feelings, just wish it wasn't for the reason it is.. I am scared to death that when something happens to Jerr, that Jerry isn't going to be far behind, while their relationship has not been physical in a lot of years, they've been together over 30. Jerry loves him with every breath..
well, time to get off here, get dinner fixed before the rain hits, already been hit with a couple rain drops.
everyone else will write more later. Havent heard from the kids at the beach, maybe they will stay!!!
54.........I am on the edge of checking out the jail......my dream spa..........I know I could handle anyone who tried to piss me off.......already been pissed and pooped on..........and it is better to be pissed off than pissed on........
BananaSplit........love the new name better than the banana BOAT..........let's change the name............can we, can we?? Huh, huh???
Hot here, too, but just got a sprinkle.....just enough to make my headache a little better. Was 101..
Mom is about to wear a blister on this brick today........melatonin did nothing last night, and I did read the reminder, Ladee. I was up every hour at least. Kathy doesn't come till tomorrow. She called to remind me about the melatonin, too. Tonight I am giving her a double. Her face is just starting to heal pretty good since she scratched it after the fall, so I am still leaving the "gate" up at night. Just can't be trusted on her own anymore. She wanted to sist in her chair for a while and yelled for me the whole time to dress her. Tolds her to just shut up, but she doesn't remember long enough for it to do me any good. I think I am in Coherent right now........................
Vas.......tell your sister you love her and respect what she is doing for your parents, and PLEASE give her some time off when you go there. That is the best thing you can do for both of you and your parents.
Vic, YR.....keep us posted. Gotta gat supper going. Burritos tonight........later.
Jam love your post, you know we are going to use it now,,, we are lacking in entertainment so this will work...
Seeme, where for art thou. Check in and let us know what is going on... love ya..
more later, hugs
OH, JAM, that was just too good.. I love it...probably a good thing that all the neighbors here at the campground are gone, they would have called the men in white jackets to come and get me.. I have a signature on emails "a human is only as good as their word" I think I am going to change it for a while to your dittie..