This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Welcome Vas......good to see you here. I'm multi-tasking about 5 different things right now.....will check back later.
Love and Hugz to all of you today.......
Jam
What I wouldn't give for a new back. I got up early and did all the bare floors and now my back hurts like a %^#*!!
The diet is going OK. I'm on my 4th day and the cravings are going away, slowly.
The 1st 2 days I would have killed somebody for sweets or bread. But I have lost 5 lbs so I guess I'll keep with it.
Seeme, I have heard that sometimes when someone has dementia, the anesthesia and the proteins that our bodies produce when healing can make the mind worse. They claim thats what happened to Peter Falk.
Jam, ummmmmmm, I love rum and coke's.
Ya all were talking about cg's and food. I always remind my cg to eat and drink whatever she wants. She is here for 8 hrs so I would expect her to get hungry and thirsty. I have noticed that she is getting lazy though. I find myself telling her to trim dads nails or do his laundry. She likes to sit and text on her phone. I don't really care about that as long as dad is fine; and she is real good with him.
When mom was alive she could supervise the cg but now it is just cg and dad.
But I don't pay her wage so I don't get bossy with her either.
Well, I guess I better get up and get some laundry done. Peace
54, I am sooo glad that the kids are out of your hair, and that you have let them figure their own way to pay for things.. their adults now and have family's, you've done your duty, you raised them.. Mom had one brother so spoiled I am surprised that he's lived this long.. she would take care of everything for him, support him, buy his beer, his cigarettes, not make him get off his dead butt and look for work, bail him out of jail, when he was in prison for a while, would make sure he had money on the books to get what he wanted, he was in prison when we moved from CA and he had the nerve to tell us we were "deserting him" hello? you just had mom's house raided the door kicked in and you were arrested for drug dealing, and you think we are deserting you? Told Mom one time, if you know you are dying, you'd better take him with you cause none of the rest of us were going to support him. When he came to SC, where we are, law was laid down that he would not be living with Mom, he would have to get a job, and that if he were using drugs again, we (my other brother and I) would personally call the cops on him. He held a job for a long time, till he met my sister in law, and she's one of those stupid women that will work her tail off making money, then come home, clean, make meals, etc.. while he sits on his butt, told her many times, he better be glad he wasn't married to me, I would have killed him by now..
Ladee, I will help you paint the banana boat if you want, we do some brown down on the bottom to represent a bowl, then the banana of course, for the scoops of ice cream the brown, white and red, then for the whipped cream we take a large foam ball and carve it to look like a dollop of whipped cream, and use the rest of it left from the carving to make the cherry and nuts..and glue the whole bunch to the top of the banana boat, talk about getting some serious looks going down the road.. we would have to find out though what the lowest clearance is around, we would not want you losing your whipped cream or your nuts...
I think that I am officially crazy, I can see this whole thing rolling down the road, and ladee talking to herself at the top of her lungs..lol, oh, wait, I was declared crazy several years back and have the paperwork to prove it.. oh, well, normal isn't all its cracked up to be
I love my kids but just dont understand them...shoot they dont even understand them selves!!
Ok, it is time to go read for awhile. too hot to work outside, and besides I just had this ten minute conversation, with myself, out loud... and yes, I answer myself, because I am the only one that tells me what I want to hear.... going to rest for awhile...
Enjoy your quite time 54, because they will return...
Vic, I have talked to their daughter, she says that her mother is very stubborn, and she just gets tired of arguing with her about things, I can understand that, as Marie is always upset about something... I will talk to the daughter about how she feels about me talking to her mom about anti's and see what happens... I don't feel comfortable talking to Marie about it unless I know the daughter is in agreement... sometimes they will listen to anyone but family... I just hate to see Marie so miserable....so thanks will talk with the daughter again.....
Lace, thanks.. Dad takes a mild anti depressant To help him rest but we also give him lortab..nights are sometimes rough. He is on b1 and b6 as well all iron with folic acid daily, plus vitamins. He doesn't take much else but a heart, blood pressure and acid reflux meds
Can you talk to marie's children about her behavior and your concerns...
Prayers that you and family have a good day....hugs to you this morning..
Vic, the lady I take care of has the same thing your dad does.... Jam would know the name of it, but for her it is prelukemia, she has to have blood drawn every week and transfusions at least every two to three weeks... She will have to go this next week.. she gets very tired, and I have no idea how bad she must feel, because she complains about everything all the time... it is hard to tell sometimes, I think she is very depressed which I understand, but will not talk to her Dr. about any anti's , I just don't think I would choose to be miserable, but I am not walking , or in her case, sitting in her shoes.. She has nothing wrong with her mind except she sees everything in the negative... Must be a sad conversation going on in her head all the time to never ever be happy about anything, to never laugh, but I am not her and do not know how she is really feeling about being sick for so long.... Happy to hear you are trying to get out of your funk, hope you are up and doing cartwheels before long...
Oh do I relate about having to repeat things, Joyce another lady I took care of, was hard of hearing, refused to wear her hearing aids, and had Alz... I was exhausted by the end of the day just from hollering all day,
Ok, there is way too much work waiting on me, so guess I need to get going before it is 1000 degrees , talk to ya'll later, hugs across the miles...
I have been working real hard to get out of this funk I have been in...think I am getting there. Or at least making a point everyday to stay positive. Think the time away really did help some. Trying tongo to my house more during the day for a change in scenery and trying to talk myself into major cleaning. Cobwebs..dust...stuff!!
Need to get more active! Arghh.. Gained 12 pounds in the last few months..am not happy with myself at all! Stress and fibro have been ruling my days. Not to mention the heat. Oh well.
You all have been in my prayers, am so grateful to have to this read to vent. It makes a difference!
Dad's neurological problems get me sad. Hate to see him doing some of the off the wall stuff he does and says. Sometimes he is so clear but others he just seems out there. Course the neurologists don't have a clue.. But he does have several type of anemia that can cause a lot of these symptoms. We monitor his blood..next step is transfusion. Wish doc would just give us a go instead of saying let's keep monitoring. Last time his red blood cells were right on the line. But he wants to check again in another week. Taking him of baby aspirin and his monthly b12 shot help but I am not so sure we can't do more. At least we haven't had uti or diverticulitis flare ups lately.. Thank God. Have to repeat so dad can comprehend what I am saying, takes him a few ..have to watch my frustration level! So glad mom got her hearing aide back! Whew...
Well all. Will try to check in later. Pray everyone has the best day possible.
Ladee, just got to thinking about things, you know how people put bull horns, Christmas wreaths, etc... on the front of their vehicles? you need to get someone to make you the opposite ends of a banana.. really make it a banana boat, heck you could turn it into a banana split..
Glenn is still in bed, I finally gave up on trying to sleep..tossed and turned all night, don't know what kinda bug is out here, but bug spray is not keeping it at bay, ended up having to make a paste out of water and gold bond powder and put on the bites last night, it sure helped. well, sitting outside enjoying the morning, looks like I am going to have to mix up another batch.
54, I think if I had a friend or someone down there that had a key to the place, I would ask them to go look at it after they are gone and make sure they haven't trashed the place.. That would be all that you need. I hope you and hubby do find some peace and quiet, it's important to you and for you right now...
Jam, I agree, we must all have that "I will take care of you" look on our faces, I've always had the sign with flashing neon lights that says talk to me, I am a good listener.. it's nothing to walk into a grocery store and have a complete stranger start talking with me and before it is over, I know their lives history. When I was driving a bus for the mentally challenged and seniors, the seniors would get on my bus and before they got off, I knew things about them even their priest would not find out on their death beds.. While it would have made for good blackmail material, I would not use it on pain of death..lol...
Well, Chatty Cathy is up, she can't see me though, I am on the other side of the camper..lol... hope that her hubby came up last night or at least will be here this morning, she needs the companionship and needs to get to the store, I can't offer her a ride, and she's in far to bad of shape to get on the bike..
Need to figure out a way to go tell the owner of the campground to find a way to politely tell his dual sport riders to leave the bathroom doors open after they get done, there's only 4 bathrooms and with the doors closed (makes people think someone is in there) someone who needs to use the restroom might leave.
Also need to find a way to tell him to tell the boys to flush.. twice now, I've gone in there to use one and had to flush before I used it.. The doors being closed don't really bother me, I've learned over the years to knock, listen for a response, if none then try the handle.. so I open them up. as for the flushing? I was raised among boys, worked in several public locations, so it is nothing new, some times I have to wonder if girls are not as big of pigs that boys are.. I did work as a bartender one time, on the opening shift, the mens was so bad, I took a gallon bottle of bleach poked several holes in it and tossed it in.. let it soak in before I would even consider cleaning it.
the guys from the dual sports are starting to roam... they should have hang overs after last nights fun..lol.. serves them right. (dual sports= street legal and off road capable.) Guess I'll finish my email and then try and figure a polite way to tell the owner of the camp what pigs his group of riders are..
Big hugs to all, Ladee? find a way to get marie out on the porch and turn sonny loose with the hose, will make her mad to get soaked, but maybe she'll go pout in the bedroom and leave you two alone..
Hubby is about the same, reaches a lot for things that are not there. Just sits and stares at me. I would love to know what is really going on in his sweet head. Hope God will see fit to take him on he is just miserable, not in pain just so confused.
Well I guess I will go to bed myself, and what is a banana boat? sounds like so much fun would love to sail off in it. with no forwarding address!!
night ladies
Wow u have a big bathroom, jam - sounds great. Love daffodils and 200 with tulips around must be a wonderful show. I planted a bunch some years ago with tulips, scillas, and grape hyacinths and enjoyed them for a few years then we had a winter where all bulbs died and I never did it again, - may just try again
54 – a 2x4 sounds like what those boys need – right between the eyes - glad you mouthed off. So they are mad – what’s new! Hope u get a good sleep tonight – keep us updated on hubby and all
Starri – good to hear from u – glad you have Wi-Fi – also glad u have some peace – finally – know all about needing peace and quiet
Seeme – glad that u r ok with ur mum’s decision –and it is sounding like ur best is pretty good
Stormy – glad little red is getting better and sorry about ur back – no fun at all – the cough thing is better here but the CFS seems to have kicked in more than usual – ya - it sucks being sick
Ladee - sounds too hot to do much of anything! - u have to bring ur own food and drink – Oh my! Doesn’t seem right - hope you manage to get stuff done tomorrow despite the heat – getting soaked by the hose sounds like a good idea
Here the CFS has kicked in today so I am useless. Gary is away with the horses which is better at times like this. Hate it but not much I can do about it.
Hi all out there, YR, vic, ros, asg, cara, joyce and everyone else
Have a good night ♥♥♥ Joan
Going to get the col to bed and then get lazy....................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
seeme, I completely understand going along with your moms wishes.... And she has already had so many surgeries, and like you said... if her mind is not in the right place with it, she may not come out of it ok..... just happy to hear things have slowed down some for you... Is the house sparkly??? did Kathy kick Hubby's butt for walking on the clean floor.... he better watch out...
54 hope your boys have settled down and you get some peace.... maybe they needed to see that side of MOM to go somewhere else with their silliness...Let us know how hubby is doing...
Jam, did the col get to go to lunch??? It is way too hot outside today..
Stormy, glad to hear little man is feeling better, but sorry to hear about your back.. I think most of us have back problems... my back was hurting this evening too...
Starri, Apparently "chatty cathy" has not looked into your eyes and seeing they do not match the smile on your face..... why do we end up 'babysitting" no matter where we go... we must have that, I don't have a life look on our faces, so come on over and let me take CARE of you...lol
emjo, how are you this evening??? Vic, everyone else,,, hope you check in and let us know how you are...
I have been forgetting to tell ya'll about the suicidal birds!!! At least twice a week a bird hits the windows in the back of the house and kill themselves.... could it be the "vibes" they are getting from INSIDE the house..... I haven't told ya'll, but I am "allowed" to eat lunch with them, but I have to bring my own food...If I want anything to drink, I have to bring it also.... I am a CAREGIVER not a housekeeper, I am bored out of my mind some days....Sonny and I got out early and did our "yard work". Filled the bird bath, he is dragging the hose and I have it pinched off so he doesn't drown us both, I stop to pull some weeds out of a flower bed, un pinch the hose and he soaks us both... felt GOOD to me, and Sonny laughed like a little boy.. but martyr Marie almost had a seizure when she saw us.... most animated I have ever seen her... we must try that again someday... Sonny and I always have fun.. worked his little skinny butt this morning, so he was not pacing the house, looking out all the windows and trying to help me cook......Just glad today is Fri. Have a lot to do tomorrow so need to get settled and go at it again tomorrow... I am so looking forward to having all this behind me... hugs to everyone...
Good grief it's hot!!!!!!!!!! It's only been 104 today, supposed to be hotter tomorrow. But it's cool inside, thanks to the repair job.
The dreaded weekend is here....the col's care giver and I spoke this morning and apparently the col is still stuck in San Fransisco......that's where she was born and raised and lived in that area until she was married in 1945. She has been wanting to go to Fisherman's Wharf and she said the other night she knew it was too late to go....we asked her if she realized how far away it was and she said yes but "let's go". Today her care giver said she has fought a nap all day, she will normally snooze in the afternoon and she kept jumping off the couch like she had been hit with a cattle prod to grab imaginary things off the floor. Oh please, don't let her have another manic attack. I think I'm going to take her meds to her a little early tonight and let her get sleepy by the Depakote. I fed her dinner and then checked on her and she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth and seemed to be okay. About 30 minutes after Heather left today, the col called on the intercom and said she was going through her purse and she can't find her car keys, her front door keys or her commerce credit card. I asked her what made her think to check for things now and she said "well I might need them to do things"....of course she couldn't tell me what things, so I explained again why she doesn't have any of them and she simply said okay and dropped it. Which is unusual for her. I am so thankful these girls are here now...they have helped so much. The col is always clean and well-groomed, her house is clean and on Friday Heather changes the bed linens, washes and dries everything, puts it all away and they have just made life better for all of us.And she even checks the col to make sure she doesn't show any signs of a rash from wearing diapers.
stormy.....I don't think I could drink 100 oz of water in a week if I tried. I am usually carrying around a bottle of diet raspberry iced tea during the day, after coffee of course, then I have to have my rum and coke in the evening.
Everyone must be busy tonight......check in when you can.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Ladee, I am tickled to hear about the docking for the banana boat...will be good for you to have a permanent home for it. Jam, did the col melt? it's been hot enough up here for it, and you would think that the mountains would be cooler..
Seeme, I would save the money for smokes, bribe the guards into putting me in to solitary.. I need the vacation. Wonder how many years you could get for bribery? lol..
Stormy, don't ask about turning the a/c on, just do it, odds are he probably would not notice anyway...
temp's have dropped here some, our local "chatty cathy" has found someone else to talk too, I have to feel sorry for her, she's out here with a bad back, hubby is home in florida having to work, so she has no one to keep her company, and I can't be rude and tell her to go away, I need peace and quiet.
Hubby is being better, I think he knows he is pushing his luck...lol.. well, starting to get hungry again, so better go eat, I've lost my ability to tell when a low is coming on, I hate it when it bottoms out on me, screws me up for the whole day.. Ya'll take care, now that I have caught up, maybe I can keep up..
Emjo. I hope you are feeling better too. It sucks being sick.
Jam - girl you are so crazy you keep me laughing about the (100 oz of water). I want you to know I only drink that much water when I go on that crazy diet. I can't drink that much water all the time. If I did I'd have to carry a potty chair around with me. And you do pee alot on that diet.
Cara welcome to our crazy bunch of friends let me just say I feel your pain! I know what you mean about the AC deal. My dad would ask me on the 100 degree days is the air on? And I would be like I hope the hell it is. And he would be like turn it off. And I would be like. Oh Sh#$! I'm going to melt in this house. It didn't take many days of this before Stormy goes to the store and buys 4 fans for the kitchen. And that is where my a#$ stayed. I had them all blowing on me. He would not tell me to turn the air off on the 80 deg. days just the 100 deg. days. Go figure.
54 Get a switch after them boys and tell them to quit worrying the S$#@ out of you.
Well I hope everyone else is doing ok talk to ya'll later. Love and hugs. Stormy
I will try to answer a few questions and then I will get back to supporting ohters and not be so selfish with your time. I really don't mind if mom doesn't have the surgery. It IS sometimes better the devil you know. And since the drainage has let up some, it is not as bad. And like I said last night, if something were to happen because of surgery I wanted, I couldn't live with it. Her attitude would have a lot to do with her recovery. Like when she broke her hip, she was determined to walk again and she did. We haven't told the doctor yet, cause they will call after the next dr appt with the pulmonologist. And I told her she will always wear the pull ups and pads. She has a couple hundred pair of panties to get rid of now. And NO, I am not exaggerating. Mom is one who doesn't like to see disfigurations. My sister had to have the first finger of her right hand amputated at the joint at the base of her nail. Somehow she had a tumor that ate through the bone, and her nail would bend at the bottom. Mom can hardly look at her hand. And sister also had a mastectomy at 35 and mom never wanted to see what it looked like. Now mom has had a mastectomy and that is all she looks at when she is undressed. The thought of her having an ostomy bag probably gags her. It is her body, so ok. I will continue to do the best I can.
Cara, I sometimes put mom outside so she is warm and I stay in the cool house. My thermostat is set on 80 which is ok as I have 10 ft ceilings and fans on in every room that has one, except mom's bedroom. Mom constantly complains she is cold, but she doesn't MOVE, so I bought her an electric throw at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for $40-$50 and she is thrilled with it. Had to get a second one for her bedroom. Money well spent considering bond to get out of jail would surely have been more.......and the trial would have cost the county a lot of money........
Gotta go do grown-up things.......sucks.....and kill hubby since he tracked in mud all over the carpet and rug Kathy just cleaned yesterday...........may let her do it and save the bond money for mom.......................
budget constraints at the moment I believe are making me the most crazy, sent hubby back home yesterday as I had left my cpap home, gave him a list of stuff to pick up from the house, and a few things from the store, mind you this bike has more storage space than my house, "he could not get everything in there" BS, the idiot went riding and knew he had better get his butt back here, So I rode with him to the store, picked up enough stuff to last us the 4 days we have left here.. and then before we do hit the road, I'll have the camper stocked with at least two weeks worth of things, along with having things packed right.. I've been bouncing between there is no way I can stay in this tight of a area for months without killing him, to I can pull this off...lol
So my friends, will keep you posted as to how we are doing, where we are at, and before the law comes to get me, I'll let you know if I am going to the spa for a while..lol... hope all have been doing well.. Big hugs
The blind doggie decided it was potty time at 6:30, so here I sit with coffee cup in hand.
Hi mslisa.....good to see you back here. Yes, everyone of us has something in our lives that is out of sync. Someday, before I hope we're too old to get it all back together, we can start to enjoy everyday life again. In-laws? What can I say....some of us are stuck taking care of them.....:)
54.........whiffle bats work real well too.....they won't leave bruises because it sounds like there a couple of sons who have really hard heads. Have you locked the back door yet? Guess you could use your very serious "mommy voice" and sit them down and explain to them that this is not "their time", it's all about Dad right now, and if they want to argue with each other they need to take it elsewhere as it will not be tolerated in your home. Period.
emjo...........no, not a single butt-ring watching the fish. I have a futon-like couch that I can sit on. There is a big bay window and I sometimes will go there and open the blinds and sit and read......it's relaxing to listen to the water cycling through, we have a tank filter so there isn't the racket of a regular filter. A couple of years ago I planted 200 daffodil bulbs right outside the window, so in the Spring there is this beautiful burst of yellow....there is a ring of tulips around those, so I get to enjoy the flowers for a little while.
Today is supposed to be 101 degrees with a heat index of 111, tomorrow hotter and Target wants to take his mother to Red Lobster for lunch. Maybe he's hoping she will melt into the pavement or could it be that HE IS JUST NOT PAYING ATTENTION!!!!!!! Spends all of her time in air conditioning, I really hate to take her out in this heat for any length of time.
I was telling Target last night that I used to look forward to weekends....now I dread them since care givers won't be here. Terrible isn't it? I'm getting way too spoiled.
Time to take a shower and finish coffee and find something to do in the cool today. I need to finish the upholstery on some chairs so that may be the plan. And a nap later of course....:)
Hope a good day is in store for everyone........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
nite all