This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Today I got the vaccuuming done, dusting, gave mom her bath, washed and fixed her hair, did a couple loads of laundry. The other neighbor brought over some fish stew, so I didn't have to make supper and I was thrilled. Still got a few more things to do in the kitchen, but Kathy comes tonight and again I am thrilled. Mom had me up every hour last night. Earlier in the evening, it was 3x/hr.
Tomorrow is the big day. Glad this fistula was urgent....it's taken 2 and a half months to get to this point where we will finally talk about the surgery options. And I have no idea what mom thinks about it anymore. She would cry and get scared if she thought about it too much, so I just don't bring it up. This morning she was wanting to die because I wanted her to take a shower before she got dressed, fake crying and all. I gave in THEN, but I was pissed from lack of sleep. Reallty tired this evening. If I didn't have to let Kathy in or if she had a key I would go to bed now.
Joyce, welcome !!! I will have an ice cream sandwich in honor of your first visit here !! Hang around and see how silly we can get. Unfortunately I will have to wait till I get just a little more sleep
Stormy.....head colds suck any time of year......poor Red, too.
Emjo....I too like camping as long as there is a toilet and hot running water where I can take a shower and hubby does the cooking.....how does that sound???
Starri.....gonna make it in a week??
Car 54....my prayers and sympathies go to you and your hubby. May things go smoothly for both of you. Will think of you often.........
ASG......know you are busy, just want to know if the old bat is behaving......
Jam....meant to tell you that we have had to conserve water for a few years now due to drought conditions. Now the water company isn't getting the revenue it wants, so they raised the rates. What was a $30 bill last month is $50 this month. Damned if you do, damned it you don't......
Ladee try to stay cool.......We are supposed to have the 100 degree days through the weekend. May have to but me a wading pool and fill it with gold.............
now u will be able to get out of where u r into ur own place - i'm sure town will take a bit of getting used to and no donkeys there!!!
hugs
J
i am not getting any notifications on this thread since July 18th
anyone know how to fix this ?
hey you're not going to get rid of me that easily lol
stormy - hope you don't get an infection as well - i am like you -say the word and I have it. I use Cold FX. i don't know if it is made in the states. It boosts your immune system and is you start it right away usually shortens the length of a flu - also for sore throats I use zinc lozenges -makes you mouth taste like a tin can but works for me - so glad the helper is helping!
ladee - a new haircut always does wonders. I bet it looks sharp! last year when the mattress didn't inflate I did better that him sleeping on the ground - my joints/bones are fine and he has broken lots of bones with bull riding etc so he got more aches than I did but getting up in the middle of the night to pee was hard on me - bum first crawling out of the tent backwards in pitch dark, feeling for a tree to hang onto to get me up on my legs, putting on my rubber boots (it rained a lot)and then hi-tailing it for the outhouse -1/2 the time I didn't make it and just peed in the bush - once or twice before I got my pj quite bottoms down lol - it was cold there at night -[depends are looking better all the time lol - hope u find a place for the banana boat
seeme -so hope something can be done for ur mum - prayers going out
YR - have u tried the antid's?
vic - hope u r feeling more chipper
54 - my heart goes out to you
ASG -waiting - like everyone else...
ros - make sure u swim this week
jam - time out for you today yay!!!!
starri - missing you...
john - i guess one answer to insomnia is working yourself to exhaustion - not sure how practical it is on a daily basis - if you want any low carb ideas, i have lots. the expansion of your man cave sounds good and will keep you busy once it is constructed
love and hugs to all especially anyone I forgot ♥♥♥ Joan
Dad has stopped reading the newspaper and his magazines he enjoys. Oh well. We do all we can and then some.
Take Care ya'll!
welcome newton, some of us have trouble keeping our elders from wandering off, I had key dead bolts installed, it was a hassle sometimes, but it kept Ruth safe....
Seeme, has Kathy worked your butt off??? Bet it is nice to have your house so clean and shiny ..your mom's appt. is tomorrow??? Please let us know what they are going to do... I know surgery would be hard on her, but continuing like she is is very hard on her also... and very hard on you too... prayers sent your way...
Jam, Marie was in a crappy mood and so was I so we just didn't talk to each other, which is good, more time with Sonny... I'm just grateful it's not HER with Alz....
54, I am so sorry to hear about your husband, you and him are in my prayers... keep in touch with us and let us know how things are....
ASG, sure will be glad when the kids are back in school, miss ya... and loved the pics of the kids, they look happy, even with the Aunt living there, you are a great mom.....Is hubby's new truck working out for ya'll??? I sure hope so, I applaud anyone who works for themselves....prayers for success..
I know I am forgetting someone, but will check back in later... I treated myself to a great haircut today,,, hope I can afford to keep going to her, she did a great job. Needed a surprise for myself,,,,
Hugs across the miles to everyone... later
Joyce.....welcome to our humble home! Some of us here are psychics and I think I might be seeing deadbolt locks in your near future.....:) I have them to keep my mil (henceforth known as the col - crazy old lady) in because she was wandering off after her dog or pulling weeds on the edge of our pond with a 20' drop. And we also fenced our yard.
Our regular part-time care giver is here today.....yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so comfortable knowing the col is being well taken care of. Although we did discuss this morning that the col's short-term memory is pretty much gone. I saw Heather walk her out to get her morning newspaper, and about 10 min later she was asking if someone would go get it. This makes the 4th day she hasn't read her paper, and this thing has been an obsession to her. I can't figure it out. New glasses? She won't learn to use the bifocals if she doesn't read. We thought maybe with her memory being gone, that perhaps she doesn't retain anything she is reading, so she just won't make the effort to attempt to read.
seeme.........more cleaning or was it doctor today? I'm turning somersaults waiting for the green light on the surgery..........
ladee.....hope Marie is in a good mood for you today.
emjo and stormy......no more cold symptoms I hope!
starri.......is the hubby still alive? or is he being a good boy?
ASG.......still waiting on the "rest of the story".....hope it's quiet around your house. Saw the pics of the boys on FB and they all look like ornery little buggers.....I hope the kids are enjoying their summer. I finally figured out what town you're in........my Grandfather lived there waaayyyyyy back when he retired. Was living in Flemington when he passed away.
rossella....remember to take breaks and don't work too hard.........
YR, Vic, 54............hello to everyone, let us know how you're doing.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
So now he is in the car and I am typing this comment. Hopefully, he will not decide to walk to the cemetery. We have none around here and we live in the boondocks. He has run away from home before trying to hitch a ride north.
There you go!
can't refer to all posts but starri - thank you for the camping info. Gary is a licenced guide (hence all the antlers) along with his other talents and doesn't use campgrounds. He has slept in a tent at 40 below in the North West Territories. His idea of tenting is to find a piece if outback as far away from civilization as possible, construct his own fire pit from stones, dig out a place to set up the tent then spend all day out in the bush surveying, stalking, hunting. Last time we did this I slept in the tent and in the truck a lot as I needed it. However I don't want this to become a pattern, so I said I wanted a hotel and some places to sight see this year. Last year on one of his treks he saw a grizzly bear digging roots a couple of hundred yards away and he didn't have his gun!!! A little too close for comfort for me! We found a place near where he likes to hunt, several hotels, and some hoo-doos, a beaver boardwalk and some sand dunes to see and more so I think I wil be fine.
Have a good day every one - back later! ♥♥♥ Joan
Will try to write back later... Love and Hugs to all!!!!
Love ya,
Jam
There is no need to respond to this post because I won't be here to read the responses, so no need to waste your time on that. Bye...Lulu says "Tweet Tweet".
Oh my, yes the col is riding her broom again. Just popped my head in the door to make sure things were moving along and there she is making another pot of coffee, so I turned it off and tossed the grounds burning my fingers in the process. That earned me an "eat s**t and die look". Then I had a little visit with today's care giver.....you dictate the rules, not her. Plain and simple. She must wear her glasses and she must wear dry diapers. When she starts badgering about taking her to the store, tell her WE SAID NO. Let her be mad at us. She will forget in 5 minutes.
stormy.......is it a cold or allergies? You can develop allergies at anytime to anything. And remember a cold is a virus, and there's nothing you can do about that. Do you know the old rule of thumb to determine whether it's a cold or allergy? I can see why you would lose weight drinking 100oz of water a day....all that running back and forth to the bathroom would make the pounds fall off.......:)
starri..........I have a pond............just saying......:) Years from now, the pond will dry up and there will be a pile of bones belonging to husbands and col's.....
Going to make myself useful for a while...............I hope y'all have a wonderful, peaceful day. Will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Find someone to let you use their garage or rent a storage for your stuff, and then you can always camp over night at a walmart or something..till you find where you can go full time. I'd suggest maybe asking Marie and Sonny if you could camp at their place, but if you did, you'd never get a moments rest, Marie would be out on the porch yelling for you. Hope you find something soon.
Jo and Jam how ya'll crazy gals doing? Good I hope. Jam is the col still riding her broom? Jo I hope you are feeling better today and got a restful nite.
Debbiecakes I know what its like to be in a hole so deep you feel like you can't dig out of. Just know that we care, we love you. You need a break... Try to find someone anyone, a neighbor, preacher, friend to sit with your loved one. A few hours away does a world of good. Come back and talk to us....
cmagnum don't know what kind of diet you are on but i know one that works pretty good. 6 week bodymakeover. Lost 10 lbs the first week i tried it. Basically it is fresh veggies no can veggies, baked chicken and fish. Eat 5 to 6 meals a day (small) meals. 100 oz of water a day. And NO SALT on anything. 2 or 3 apples a day. Just thought I'd tell you about it. Well I hope everyone has a terrific day. I will talk to all of you later!!! LOVE and HUGS....
Jam, if I could I would share our rain with both you and ladee, we've finally gotten back into the pattern of rain, my fish pond almost over flowed while we were in CT.. we have been in such a drought that the "lake" front property was on a mud flat, grass growing over 4 foot tall. Finally the water levels are up and people have actually been out using the lakes.. The lakes around here where I live are all man made, so there are tree's, houses and all kinds of stuff that you have to watch out for if the water levels are down.
Jo, most campgrounds now adays offer cabins, some from the basic bed only to a full fledged house, a lot with WiFi, pools and some even with cable tv.. make a deal with Gary, he gets his camping trip if you get your cabin..lol, some places even have restaurants on the grounds or at least in walking distance. There are places too that you can rent RV's that do just about everything for you except blow your nose.. Not yet on locking the place up, still trying to convince myself that I have to get over to the house and get the rest of that stuff boxed up, so we can get out of here..have at least worked on my place some. Hubby is about as useful as boobs on a boar hog..when it comes to helping with the house, will have to give him credit though, yesterday he actually did a load of laundry himself...lol.. laundry is "his" chore, so what does he do? he goes and hires the friend of the family to do it for him. Told him I wanted a maid to do mine..lol..
Stormy? honey and lemon for the cough, I generally mix half and half, then adjust to taste, for the baby, I would figure more honey than lemon.. enchina (it's like a vitamin) for the cold, not sure how to spell that, but people swear by it. I've been blessed, get my flu shot every year and haven't had a cold in 7+ years and that is even working with the public in a drug store, where you know that folks are sick.
It's almost 4 AM and I am debating on back to bed, or over to Mom's house and do somethings while the world is still asleep.. I would really, really like to escape come the end of the month... but the budget is going to give us the most trouble... Asked hubby last night if we were to change our home base (my idea of a home base is a place you have a bed, etc..that you come in off the road to stay in) where would he like to do it ? his idea of a home base? camping out in his sisters drive..lol...nah, don't think so, don't get me wrong, his sister is as sweet as she can be, I'd keep her over him if I had to chose. But I do not want to camp out in someone's drive, if I am going to camp, might as well make it a campground, where at least I will have a bit of privacy from family. Don't know how this trip is going to turn out, did inform him that it wasn't going to be a joy ride for him..lol.. no taking off on the bike, doing his thing and leaving me there to do all the work. We go grocery shopping, he knows we have a car full of stuff, and he just gets out of the car, heads for the house and doesn't bother to take anything with him. Heeellloo? I have ice cream in the trunk melting..
Let's see, I have two dogs, a cat and a husband for sale, how much would you charge me to take them..?
Jam I just found out who col is I have been wondering about who is col? So maybe the col can make me up a magic potion with her magic broom to get rid of this cold I know that I am coming down with. Let me know if you catch her with that pillow and how that goes for ya. Still grinning about the pillow procedure. Just too Funny. Gotta love ya. I will catch up with ya'll tomorrow. Better get to bed. Hoping everyone has a restful nite (((((hugs))))) to you all!!!!