This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
the pronghorns are on my other computer -
nothing like as far out, ladee, as what you gals go through sometimes - truth really is stranger than fiction
On many occasions we have asked our friends on AC if they got up and strapped their pillows on like a six gun..... yes, it gets twisted, and a tad too far out there at times, but that's what happens in Caregiver Hell.....
love the wild imaginations you all have!!! antler therapy!!!
hey don't think everyone else isn't thinking these things sometimes...just some have the courage to say them -
any of you related to jonathon winters by any chance?
Really officer, I don't know why her heart stopped beating, we were just playing a game........and over she went....this is after the antlers are safely put away, you'll have time to do that before EMS gets there...
No officer I don't know why she has that look on her face, I could hear her screaming 'OH dear OH dear", ( when we all know she was screaming.... a deer, a deer) Maybe she was having a bad dream......
And yes Starri, this is how my mind works, when you suggested putting them on our elders, my mind went to putting them on us, think of the fun we could have....
And Jam, I don't think it would "exactly" be killing them, I lean more toward "over stimulation" and we had not been told of their recent heart condition complications...
They expect us to have a strong heart, strong stomach, strong back, so I think it is only fair that we get to have some fun sometimes..... they test the limits, I just feel that is what we would be doing..... testing their limits..... No??? No one ever lets me have any fun....I bet me coming in the door Monday morning with antlers on my head would get Marie up off her butt at least for a few minutes, Sonny would love it.. he'd want to put them on when we are in the yard picking up sticks.... and I would let him... just to watch Marie's eyes stick to her glasses....
Yes, I have officially entered the "dark side", it helps me to cope..... people may THINK they control us, but they can't stop what goes on in our minds.... deep sigh, I feel so much better... thanks for letting me share.... hugs.
THE COL IS IN TIME-OUT FOR 25 YEARS! Screw the friggin fence around the yard.....I'm putting it around the walls of her house........I'm open to suggestions now please....................It's hotter than the hinges of Hades and I turned the sprinkler on to water the garden, oh around 45 min. I went out to turn it off, then thought I would check on the col and make sure she wasn't hungry, thirsty, whatever. I open the door and look at her and she's wet. Yep, she just had to have 2 PIECES OF LEAF LETTUCE. And then she starts telling me she's fine and doesn't need to change. I asked her what she thought would have happened if she had fallen and couldn't get up.............oh P----- (her dog) would pick me up, not good enough, tell me again what would have happened. Oh I would have called you. How could we have heard you when you were outside on the other side of the house and I never thought for one iota of a second that she would walk right out there in the sprinkler! I told her she is grounded to the inside of her house.....a ball and chain maybe? Then when I told HER SON he just sits there and laughs. I guess after it's all said and done, it is kind of funny. But she's still in time-out. I really need those antlers..................
Well, I'm gonna try a new recipe today, so I'll be back this evening, hopefully. I hope you all have a blessed Sunday.
Jam I like that idea about hiding behind the bed but his would have to be behind his chair because that's where he stays at all the time. I might have to borrow those antlers if you get hold of some.
Starri let me know if you and Jam decide to make all of us a video.I'm sure it would be funny as sh#$ with you girls. Ya'll have had me cracking up and laughing today. Sorry if I grossed ya'll out to bad. I figured I should share some of the fun I have at dads. LOL. ((((HUGS)))))
gary is fun and a great story teller - recently he stopped by a farmhouse to get to know the people there as he had pastured some horses nearby - he knocked on the door - a voice with a thick russian accent said " Coome in! I Russian, I no spik english, I alcoholic - you wanna beer?
he says he is going to boil pronghorn heads soon so I will take a pic of them - think he is happy to have a woman who doesn't freak out about them - just heard we may be going camping to another a**end of AB - AB has many of them - better get out the WD40 and oil my joints. Climbing in and out of a tent - especially in the middle of the night when u have to pee is not easy - last time we went to inflatable mattress didn't inflate lordy i will be 74 soon!!! he is just a baby at 60
texas here I come - he would be right at home there - grew up rasing cattle, won prises for bullriding, and it isn't summer until it hits the 90's = he loves the heat
or we could just come screaming out of the other room at them, or hide by their bed and when they start complaining jump up and scream,,, oh, there's more where that came from but I seriously need to stop...
Bummer about the moose head going in the dumpster, I am sure gram would have loved it..many cultures eat everything on a animal.. I just can't picture myself sitting down to a plate of moose eyes and going yummmm.
I can just see someone walking in and seeing those antlers sticking out of your soup pot, would think you are brewing up some kinda potion...lol..
There was a good one from another teacher who was teaching Biology and in particular asexual reproduction (you know - when those little creatures split in half to make more of them) . One student raised their hand as asked "Is masturbation asexual reproduction?" As smooth as can be, she answered -"Not unless you are very good at it" ahhhh good memories
mother now thinks another piece of jewellery has been stolen - the last time the cleaning lady fournd her ring under the sink then yesterday 3 more emails that the emails she is trying to send out to a seniors org complaining about the food situation where she is have been blocked. I say more likely blocked by the guy she is sending them too lol he has been very patient with her. This has happened before and it always sorts itself out. It is always someone else's fault. When I have sent emails with music she told me I send it with the music too loud. I explained to her that she had to adjust the volume on her computer. For the past few years her paranoia is growing slowly along with short term memory loss which only makes it worse I think and the habit of a lifetime of thinking negatively is showing more and more. I am sure there are places where stuff is stolen and she has experienced that else where - one hospital said they couldn't find her wedding ring (taken off and stored before a procedure) until my cousins wife stood her ground and said we are not leaving till it is returned - and they did find it. It is so hard to know what is real and what isn't though so far she has found the "stolen" things at this place. No residents have access to her apartment though of course the cleaning and maintenance staff and nurses aides do. What concerns me about mother is that her brain/personality seems to be deteriorating faster than her body (if anything is fast at 99) and that her need for more care, like a nursng home will be dictated by mental deterioration rather than physical unless the food/stomach issues get worse, but she seems to do pretty well with them if she sticks to the foods she knows are OK. Monitoring her mental condition is difficult and the borderine and narcisissm adds ito the mix. She can appear very good if she wants to and is definitely still sharp and managing her finances well, which I think is a good indicator If that starts slipping sideways I will have to step in.
starri and ladee - you get some cow pattie too - my biggest concern over the years is if there was war in this country is what will happen to the drugstores - without them i won't make it!!!
G breezed in last nite, filled the freezer with goodies from camp that I can't eat, went to the liquor store and the pizza joint - to pick up stuff for the guys as this is their last shift - liquor store?????? i thought they would be fired for having liquor on the job - G drinks about as much as I do which is one or two a year - maybe. Paid my back taxes yesterday which feels good but my back account is hurting - bought some capris at Walmart - $5,00 each as my others were falling off me - together a productive day
YR - some cow pattie for u 2. - i read the fine print too (mother reads everything and her drug book before she takes anything) but there comes a point if you need it - try it. You know your body and if something weird happens get something else from your doc. I tried several antid's years ago - paxil gave me huge leg cramps, prozac made me zingy, some others turned me into a sugar junkie and i put on weight overnight as I did with wellbutrin - finally settled on Luvox which is the only one that hasn't caused weight gain and does the job but I don't sleep well on it - it is used most often for PCD but also for antid. - ativan - i take 1/2 once in a while helps with the sleep. I am on a very lose dose of Luvox right now which seems to be enough - don't need the black hole
ros - I will send some cow pattie with frozen gel pacs to italy so the postman doesn't throw it out
sweetcakes - some cow pattie for your gma's chair - smear it on - maybe it will improve her mood
stormy I am not sure u need cow pattie as well as the trach stuff and anyway ur son might play in it - lol
John - check in and let us know about the diet and dog walking - think u have enough sh*t to deak witrh there
ladee - a clay cow pattie! wow - that would decorate the mantlepiece well - I have had a deer head boiling on the stove with the antlers sticking out of my soup pot, i have a wolf skull in my frig, I have 2 pronghorn antelope heads and capes in the garage, I have horns decorating plants in the living room -a clay cow pattie would fit in just great :) and as for hanging in there - that i can do - oh boy can I hang in there lol
anyone else wants some - let me know!!! lol
have a great day love and hugs to all ♥♥♥ Joan aha jo aka emjo - call me anything just don't call me late for supper ;-D
is anyone old enough to remember the cheech and chong dog sh*t routine - you know smell it, taste it etc but don't step in it lol more stories coming!!!!
you are the greatest bunch of gals!