The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

emjo, before I forget, the very first time I say your name, it reminded me of a character in one of my most favorite books. " The Cry of Angels". There was a character in the book called Emjojohn, and he was an Indian!... in many ways he was the hero of the book... just needed to share that before I forgot again....
And yes, stay away from mama.....You know your own feelings and mind, you seeking alternatives will relieve any questions you have....let us know what happens...
Stormy, your sister sounds like my oldest "ugly" sister... To hear her tell it she was the ONLY one that ever did anything, and I did eventually just stop doing anything.. the old man didn't care as long as he had somebody jumping loops thru their ass, and she was so intent on being the martyr,far be it from me to interfere with that...lol So do what is right for you and your family (hubby and son) sometimes no matter what ,we can not make everyone happy, and as emjo said, maybe not in these exact words, but now is my turn... take your turn before you get old like most of us here, and regret not making a stand earlier... I did, and I have no regrets, it was not done out of raw emotions , it was done with thought, prayer and sharing with others until I was clear in my own heart why I choose to back away from the whole mess..... But I wish you well regardless of what you choose... hugs to you..
I have lost all my previous posts so do not know what is going on with anyone... so hugs to you across the miles, and will get caught up later,, I have to work tomorrow so am going to bed early, like before it gets dark, that kind of early.... love to everyone....

Well I am finally home thank the Lord. I had a tension headache all day long until I left from dads then i went and got some tension headache meds. About 10 min. later I could tell it was leaving me the futher I got away from his house. I was nervous and anxious all day there. Don't really know why but I was. Felt like a couple of times I might have a panic attack but I didn't. Last night I talked to my sis and she was telling me that she just wants to know where everyone stands with helping dad meaning me and our brother. Then she says I guess it doesn't matter because R(brother) isn't going to do anything and you're not going to do anything. I couldn't believe she said that about me. I couldn't even say anything I was so shocked. Then she said that she was the only one going to do anything... I was pissed!!! So we talked for a few more minutes and she tells me I appreciate everything that you have done, you have gone beyond the call of duty and I know it's been hard having C. my little boy over at dads. I felt like saying (No S#$%). You have no idea!!! How hard it has been having a 4 yr.old over at that house. Wanting to go home and play outside with his toys and having to tell him that we can't we got to stay here at papa's and then go home when it's too dark to go outside and play. Not being able to carry him on vacation last year. And just having to stay at that house all day long while dad is awake and wanting me to do stuff to him. I use to go and sit in there with him but it got to the point where every time i sat down in there with him he would tell me to do something for him. So I just quit sitting in there. I stay in the kitchen or walk up to the bedrooms and stay there for a few minutes. So sick of everybody fussing!!! I'm just trying to keep the peace in the family and stay out of everybody's way. But i'm about fed up with all of them and about ready to tell all of them where they can GO!!! Love and Hugs to all!!!

I am composing a letter to mother's financial advisor since he has chosen to involve himself a little more than required and filling him in about a few things and discussing the POA . He is one of the people who keeps an eye on her and she is usually pleasant to him, but he has had a run in with her and does have a clue about her. He will have a few more clues after he gets my email. I need him to be aware of some things she is saying including what he supposedly has told her about my financial affairs and meetings I suposedly have had with him (her imagination). He is also my financial advisor and I waited a long time before I took that step, but he does a good job and I trust him and need his view of the state of her affairs, which he does give me. He has wanted me to take over managing her finances but she resists that and I am OK with her continuing as she is still capable which she is. I want to find out if, as POA, I can appoint some one else to take certain responsibilities. so I can stay at arm's length rather than giving it up. Today mother complains someone has stolen jewellery - the last time this happened the cleaning girl found it under the sink. She is also complaining that she has to protect her hip and that she does not have enough hours of home care and can't afford more. The gov't is paying for the home care and she should have stayed in hospital for the full length of time till she was stronger and ready to come home. No matter where she is or how much help she gets it will not be right nor enough. 3 emails today and one of them signed "your mother" so I know she is pi**ed at me.What's new. I guess it is a habit with her now.
On the good news front G will finish his work contract next week and has 2 interviews set up with 2 big companies for permanent jobs and has been asked by two headhunters to submit his resume to them and also has been asked to come back to the company he is with for their next contract that starts in August. Looks like he will have some options. prayers for the right job would be appreciated - he has had a few bad experiences
He had to take a young guy into hospital who had this flu and had developed bronchitis, sinus infection and hurt his ribs from coughing -so this old girl is not doing too badly - I am much better though not completely over it but haven't needed antibiotics. I have upped my antidepressant from 1/4 to 1/2 the basic dose as I was feeling some post flu depression and this time of year don't need anything more to drag me down.

ros i want to be in Italy and swim with you. i was there a month once and loved it!!!hugs and love to all ((((())))) ♥♥♥

so glad indy - what a relief!!!! awww - love strawberry blonde and red beards -any beard at all actually - maybe when the time comes he will goive you red headed grandbabies :)

My dog's back from the vet -- everything went fine! He's looking kind of silly all shaved and such, but he's a trooper! Not the smartest dog we've ever owned, but definitely the one with the most heart! Very stereotypical golden retriever -- loves everyone, tolerates everything...a true joy to have in the home!

-- My youngest boy had strawberry blond red hair at first, but it turned mostly blond by the time he was 3. He's almost 20 now, and his beard comes in an auburn red!

((((((hugs))))) sorry your mum did not get to see ur little buy - his hair is amazing!!!♥

Hey emjo I found you too. Confirmed the friendship. Yeah, my mom always wanted us to be born with red hair but we all had brown hair. Then she died in 2004 and I had my little boy in 2006. I ready hate that she never got to see and meet him. I think it is such a shame. They would have loved each other!!!! Glad I found you on FB.((((( Hugs)))))

couldn't miss him -sent the request -what a good looking kid!!! and that hair!!!! always wanyed a red haired baby - too late now

Hey emjo I know I looked on facebook also and there are several starrwolfs. I didn't know which one it was. I am under cliffsandysessoms. If ya'll want to look me up. I've got a pic of my little boy at the beach with RED hair. You can't miss him. Mama's little heart! Hope to hear from ya'll.

everyone - search joan benoit on fb and I am the white haired lady - not the runner lol

((((((burned))))) you have quite a burden and must get exhausted at times. I am glad there is hope for a better relationship with ur inlaws. Writing can be very therapeutic. your kids see you working hard to fulfill ur responsibilities and deal with various trials anmd still have peace in ur heart - i think those are good lessons/examples for them. It doesn't sound like u have lots of options,. What is ur pic on facebook -there are other starrwolfs
more (((((((hugs)))))) and prayers for things to get worked out as you want them ♥ Joan

Stormy, how long have you been on your meds? generally takes a couple of weeks to get into the system. I am hoping to make it through without the meds, but I am not sure..

I am still tired atm but doing ok and then found out there is no summer school on friday. I am still having trouble getting his nebulizer medication and his primary care doc doesnt understand that neuro docs follow a certain protocol before dispensing new seziure meds for hubby . I have medicare, school and my health and renewing food stamps etc. Kids crying and arguing fussing about this and that. So far still haven't experience another episode of my own but been having migraines. My doc won't give me anything for my RLS which is pretty strong. I am not bummed about anything just tired of the fighting and trying to be a good mom and wife. I really want to write some more on my novel ...I just wish i had healthier relationship with my in laws but that will come in due time. Its almost 10 am here in Ajo, Az and you can find me under starrwolf on FB and I also have messenger. I just miss having some friends my age and arranging playdates for the kids. Then ppl except me to drop everything and do this n that for my kids but then forget my situation doesn;'t allow me many options do the the things I desire for them both. I am praying that I will have succeeded in something for them. I can't do college anymore and I can't organize but trying so hard. The best part is seeing if I can get him approved for medicinal weed here in AZ since they passed the law so much stuff I have to find that got all in one place. Keeping a smile and keeping peace in my heart. Again ur all great bunch of ladies.

Ladee (((((hugs)))) - hope the headache is gone and u r having a good day with Sonny and Marie. He does sound like a sweetie – glad u had a good day with both of them recently
Stormy - the house of horrors sounds about right. I am glad u are getting some help from a lady and I hope u-take full advantage of it – it just does not seem right to me that your son has to go to daycare while u “nurse” your dad when the resources are there to get someone else to do it. It does not mean you would have no contact with your dad –but that you can choose the times. I’m with ladee- families make me tired and worse. However you have your own priorities and God bless you with them and I hope your health does not suffer too much from the stress of all the drama and horrors. Going back to smoking - oh dear. Taking off for other lands, sounds good to me even if you just do it mentally/emotionally. I have and it is wonderful!
Burned - hope the chicken soup was good and glad u will finally get paid – praying it all falls in place
Indy - u are fortunate to have a good family (except for the drama queen) – hope ur dog goes through the surgery fine – they do become part of the family. I had to put down my beautiful springer a couple of summers ago at age 16 and I still miss him
YR – so glad u had a good break and time on a beach – can’t remember the last time I did that – look after the sunburn
Ros – hope u had a good nap and keep swimming
Starri – ((((((((hugs)))))) what is happening to your mum’s stuff makes me sick to the stomach - can’t imagine what u r feeling though I have seen it before. After someone dies some people get very greedy - maple - outside - no way!!!! And u should have her jewellery. I might be inclined to march over there and take what is rightfully mine and not say a word – just take it - aaaargh!!!!! Maybe you should see ur doc about the stress. U have been so busy since ur mum died and with lots of other stresses and not much time to grieve. Often it hits a little while later and from my experience grief is very physical as well as emotional - more hugs ((((((((((((((( ♥)))))))))))))
Sweetcakes (Debbie) – how r u today???? Thinking about you, the rocking chair u r working on and, of course, lulu and those nasty flashbacks - r u doing any better?
Jam ((((((((hugs))))))))) hope the col hasn’t wrecked her glasses yet
Everyone else ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Had a great day yesterday with my granddaughter Em, took her out to a fancy restaurant for her 8th birthday lunch then back to the house and we rummaged through my jewellery and I found some clip on earrings, and other stuff for her. I will have to take my grandson Joel out for his 6th b’day lunch next week – and “plant” some toys in the house a head of time for him to have when he comes over. Little girls are easier for me. Mother continues to b*tch about the care she is getting, etc. etc. etc. and that I am not doing anything about it. She got the last part right – I love the phrase “suck it up princess” and have been tempted to use it. I am not heartless, just finally – late in life – realising that doing right by people also includes me. I need to do right by me too...♥♥♥

Hey Friends just wondering if any of ya'll are on facebook????

All she told me was that she thought I needed to talk to someone a support group in my town to be able to vent my feelings out and to take these anti depressant pills. I haven't gone and talked to anyone yet but I probably will at some point. I think you ought to talk to your dr. too it might help just to tell someone what's going on I hope these pills will work soon and I will let you know starri33. take care!!!

Hey Stormy, have you talked to your doctor about maybe something to help with the stress? I'm beginning to think that maybe I ought to call mine and ask her about it..

Morning ya'll, How am I ? not doing to good at the moment, my heart feeling like a elephant stomped on it, and then took a poo. Baby brother is in Columbia getting his eye surgery, so I am in charge of feeding and letting the dogs out to do their thing, have no problem with that, he's been taking care of mine while I am gone.

What I do have a problem with is finding out that he has lied to me. He knows that Mom's jewelry was to come to me, I found a couple of her jewelry boxes over at his house.

It just breaks my heart to think that he could be this way. I don't know if I should confront him, or say nothing. I bet if I was to look in our friends house that I would find the cookbook that is missing and Lord knows what else. I have done everything I could possibly do to be fair to all and to have one of them stab me like this hurts beyond belief.

There were only a few pieces of furniture that I had wanted, and one brother wanted them too, as he was getting other pieces, I told him he could have the coffee table and I would take the end tables. Then baby brother told me he had wanted the end tables, I figured what the heck let him have them, I didn't have to have them, well yesterday he informs me he was wanting them for his deck... well, now they are sitting in my stove room and I will find him something else from the thrift store for his deck. These things are solid maple, they do not belong outside.

Over at dads house now just feeling kinda nervous and tense. Woke up with a tension headache for days now. I wish it would go away... Been here since 9:30 and he's been asleep thank the Lord i've been hiding in the kitchen cause he doesn't know i'm here yet. I guess I will go in there when he wakes up cause i got to feed him through his feeding tube and give him his meds. Got to stay til 4 today then the new lady we have hired will be here to stay with him til 8 tonight when sis gets here I sure wish 4:00 would get here soon! I will talk to ya'll later I got some more news on all the drama that's going on with my crazy ass family. I will fill ya'll in later. Love and Hugs!!!!

Good Morning all, YR glad that you enjoyed the beach, I would love to be there myself right now.. Bummer about the sunburn, aloe vera, works wonders.

For a couple of you, (names have left me) getting the hell out of dodge sounds like a very good idea.. I don't know that I could take what you two are taking without getting myself locked up..

Managed to get a bit done yesterday at mom's, it's the stress I am sure now that is causing the feeling of wanting to lose my lunch. Wasn't at Mom's 20 minutes and had to get out of there, came home drank a 1/8th of a bottle of pepto, 3 pepto pills and a tummy pill prescribed by my doctor and was able to go at it again for a hour or so. Going to get back over there today after taking care of my brothers dogs, he's in Columbia getting surgery done on one of his eyes, I do hope this helps him to be able to see.

Ladee, I hope that your headache has gone, I get migraines sometimes and those are the worst things. Laying down is about the only way I can deal with them. I feel like going back to bed myself..lol,

Want to get this (cleaning out Mom's house) over with, so that I can start doing my own and getting ready to get out of here. Hubby is kinda dragging his feet about getting in the mobile home we use for a storage shed and getting us a tool box together, if he thinks we're buying new tools so that he doesn't have too, he's got another thought coming.

Anyway, it's 630AM, need to go let the dogs out to do their thing. hope everyone is will have a wonderful day today.

Yes, Stormy, Ladee said exactly what I wanted to say.
Yeahright I totally agree with you. Sea/Ocean is the best thing in life. I hope you can go back there soon.
I'ts 8 in the morning here and I am going to take a nap after a night of work!

Hi all, I'm back. HOLY COW you guys have been busy!! 120 posts since Sunday!!
I read them all this evening after I put dad to bed.
I had a very nice time in San Diego. It was cool and cloudy, a nice break from the hot, sunny weather here. I had lots of ocean time, but it's never enough.
We spent most of Tue. on the beach and we are all sunburned Starri. OUCH!!
I layed on the beach and just did some "soul healing". I think I need a few decades of that though. I did realize the beach is a great pain reliever! I would live there in a heartbeat but hubby wouldn't so I'm stuck in the desert!!
Well, I need to hit the hay. Night.

Sheesh... My family is pretty good about things. My sister never gets facts straight, (hears what she wants to hear) so no one really pays close attention to her rantings. We try to calm her if she's really upset about something, but she's the only one that flies off the handle much. She had things rough as a kid, though, as undiagnosed dyslexic and ADHD -- they didn't treat that back then, just told everyone what a stupid, rotten kid you are. The worst thing was, is that she is really VERY intelligent, but has almost no education because of that old system. (When my son started having the same problems my sister had -- oh, boy! the Mama Bear in me me tore into the educational system and got him on the right track! -- but that's a different story.)

Other than my sister, we all seem to get along quite well.

On thing I did want to mention is that my elderly golden retriever is going in for some routine surgery tomorrow -- repair a damaged ear (don't know how he did it) and the vet will also remove a large benign tumor on his neck as long as he's under. This dog is very special to my Mom and has been used as a therapy dog for a number of years before Mom moved in with us. (If anyone says that therapy dogs don't make a difference, they haven't seen it in action!!) Anyway, I'm kind of worried about him, and about how Mom (or for that matter, the rest of us!) would take it if he doesn't make it.

Stormy......YUK, no wonder you call it that, I boy do I understand using humor to break the stress and tension, It's what I call "going to the dark side" and yes it can get gross, but if we don't laugh we would loose our minds or what we have left..... I don't know why your sis is still pissed if she knows it was your sil that lied.... and maybe packing up and heading toward the future is what you need to do...if you can't do anything to suit them, and sis is still mad, I'd let her figure it out some more... I don't understand and feel others here don't understand why someone is not hired to help anyway, if your dad has the funds... so many here can not afford it, so they do this 24/7,365..... but I know if they had a dime extra they would hire help... just doesnt' make sense to me, but then it doesn't have to I guess..... and I wouldn't call her, I'd let her call me, she spent all day with you the other day and didn't ask until she got ready to leave.... they are making you odd man out and that just sucks, makes it look like you are not participating in all this... And where is theier care for you???? I can't stand my sisters, I call them the "Ugly Sisters" but if I did care one big happy damn and one of them was where you are, I do believe I would figure something out to give them a break.... jeeez, families, they make me so tired.... let us know if you do go, how things went....
burned, well finally. some cash in hand... about time..and enjoy that soup!!! And chicken soup is good for the soul... let us know how things are going...
hugs across the miles to you both....

Today has been the most stressful day I have had so far but my caregiver was nice to make some homemade chicken soup for my family because I been busy running my ass out the door on some fool errand or another. Tomorrow my support coorindator comes and I can finally get paid until the other things fall into place. I am tired and I have a headache but anxious to eat something hadn't had a chance to grab a bite. so please pray things fall into place and improve it much better . Please pray that I can get a breather this evening and relax and hubby can relax too.

Ladee, well the reason I call it or started calling it the"House of Horrors" is because of all the MUCUS! Dad has a trach and there is alot of mucus and it is gross thats part of the reason I have lost 25 lbs since we have started taking care of him. I don't have much of a appetite over there. I started calling it that as a joke or to try to find some humor in something to keep me, my sister and brother smiling and laughing at something or anything. I guess I shouldn't call it that. Now nothing seems too funny anymore. I guess I was trying to keep our spirits up in a bad situation. We have to suction him with this tube to get the mucus out of his chest and change his canula( the thing that sticks out of his neck) and clean around his neck, mucus there too. And clean the canister that the suction machine goes to. To collect all the mucus he coughs up. It's soo gross! And that is why I call it the house of horrors. Sometimes my sister and I get up some foreign looking things that come out of his trach. One time I call my sister and told her that I got up something and it looked like a Bats Wing!!! She just started laughing. But it really did look like that. Ok I will quit with trying to gross you all out... Now for the DRAMA PART!!! Well after I talked to my sister in law and having to listen to her rambling on. We got off the phone and I turned my cell off and said I didn't want to hear from anybody else. She was enough... So this I was suppose to go to dads for about 5 hours. Well this morning I turn my phone and I have a text message from my sister that says I didn't have to come today she had the lady thats been sitting with dad to come. I thought that was kind of strange since we had agreed that I would go for a few hours today so I called her. And said did you send me a message last night and she said yes. I said so you don't want me to sit with dad and she said I didn't have to. That she heard from our niece last night relayed from her mother that I said that I didn't want to stay with dad anymore. So needless to say my sister was pissed with me and the rest of the family. I told her I did not say that. She said we spent the day together the other day and if that is how you feel you should have told me. But I told her I didn't say that I didn't want to stay with him anymore. So anyway she told me I didn't have to come in today that she had dad covered with someone to stay with him. So I guess we were kind of mad with one another for awhile today. I've talked to her briefly a couple of times. Just trying to give her time to cool down. But boy I was mad I wanted to call that bi$%# that my brother married and cuss her out!!! She has not helped our situation at all. Just trying to cause trouble. She thinks that it is not my brother's respondsibility to have to try to help us out any at all. It's his father too. He should take part in it too. He doesn't work now because of having his stroke so he's got nothing else to do. Why not come down and help us some. So we both don't lose our sanity or what we have left of it. Them two are like water and oil they just don't go together!!!!! Now tonight I'm going to have to call my sister to find out what time she wants me to go over there tomorrow and I know she is not going to be in a good mood and I hate to have to call her. I'm about ready to divorce my whole family except for my husband and little boy and just move away with no word about where we have gone... My husband has been a god send for me this week he has been so concerned about me. I have just confided in him so much about all of these problems and feelings I have had. And I told him a secret that I have been keeping from him for months. I have wanted to tell him but I was scared of his reaction I just didn't want him to be disappointed in me and be mad with me. So I told him. It was that I had started back smoking. I know it's bad for me and I should quit but I just don't think I can right now while all of this is going on. We both use to smoke until I got pregnant with our little boy then we both quit. But he was so understanding and all he said was " Is that what you had to tell me?" He said I thought it was something bad. He said I understand that you have been under a lot of stress and I'm not mad. That was a big relief to me and I hated that I hid it from him for so long. Well I better go bathe the little one talk to ya'll later. Love, Hugs and Prayers to all my friends. Thanks for listening...

hey everyone, terrible headache, so this will be getting caught up and then laying down for awhile...
seeme, how did the Dr. visit go today??
Starri, found you on FB
debbie the link you posted on my wall was taken down,, admin does things like that for your protection,,, anyone reading my wall could get it and then you may be hearing from folks you don't know, or don't want on your chat line... are you on FB? We can hook up there or I'll send you my email address.... so don't think I didn't reply, it was gone when I read your second post today.... love ya..Oh, and your progress hasn't gone anywhere.. it is still there.. You may have some flashbacks, but you know that you are an adult now and memories can not hurt you anymore..... that's where your progress comes in... I understand about flashbacks, and yes they are scary and painful... but you have already lived thru the trauma, you have already transcended the events, you are alive, you are healthy, you are loved, you are worthy... let us love you no matter what, it will make a difference... love you some more..
Ro, Go Rexy, I am loving that dog and his great way of communicating... he didn't bite the dude, he just left him a surprise everyday... which if you think about it leaves a louder message than biting him.... Go Rexy....So happy to hear you got to play in the water most of the day.... Hot here too, day 28 of 102-105 degree heat.. I am so sick of it....And yes my best friend of 40 years is a Gemini, ya'll are really the only ones that can put up with us for any length of time.lol.
John, you can always email admin and ask them, but no telling really... they would be the only ones to be able to tell you what happened...
Jam, how was your day???
I know I missed someone, but will be back later when the headache eases up....
hugs across the miles...

thanks ros - the other grandmother sends me beautiful cards on special days and always understands about Gordie -she lost a daughter - Gordie's aunt. I will put my pic back eventually - don't want anyone like debbie thinking i am a guy lol -and i want you thinking about me too ;) sometimes i will put his pic back - when i need to and I will becareful about my writings though G would never snoop in my stuff but he is a great guy and I would not want to hurt him all of this stuff happened before him - I am a one man woman! just went through a lot in a short while catching up for lost time ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Emjo, I am glad you have the other grandmother you can talk to. I think you can talk at the same level...
I hope you keep Gordie's photo as your icon, after this week, too! This way we can think about him, too.

Late last night I asked a question about my step-dad owing my mother money from back taxes paid by her. Suddenly, after several responses, that question is gone? I wonder what took place?