This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
dd had to have elvira put down a year ago at age 15. my toonie - a tabby - has taken to nibbling on my hand in affection and sometimes he gets a bit carried away with those sharp teeth of his and i have to yell at him
elvira could play for 1/2 an hour with a piece of dust - never saw a cat that could entertain herself so well -and when she wanted to cuddle she could be quite disgusting - come up on your lap lie on your chest and suck your buttons - blech! and turn nasty very quickly - apparently torties are like that
starri we will never figure them out - a trip to his buddies on a motorcyle - Oh yeah - just what u need lmao another time when i said I needed to get out because all i did was shop, cook and clean - his voice went soft and he said Maybe we could take a night when I know I will be off work early and... grocery shop together - FAIL - no dear - out for supper would be better and bless his heart we did a few times
Once when I was being a bit ornery G looked at me and thought a bit and said "Mares have hormones and mares are hard to handle". I looked straight at him and said 'Geldings don't have hormones and they are easy to handle. Stallions have hormones and they have attitides - and you are no gelding!'" lol - made my point
He was a bullrider in his youth - won prizes and broke bones - according to him this is how you get a bull rider.
You know how a bull rider becomes a bull rider?” he asks me. “He puts a handful of marbles in his mouth and each time he rides, he spits one out. When he’s lost all his marbles, he’s a bull rider.”
works for me - losing my marbles too - don't need to ride a bull to do that
(((((((((((((((starri and ladee))))))))))))))))))) and all - there is a deep need in us to have some fun, relax, hang loose whatever u want to call it - and you gals on the front lines need it more than most and yet you carry on through the poop (pomp) and the circumstance - and do what has to be done and my hat goes off to you -
all of you deserve medals and a break of somekind.
starri you may find that once things settle down a bit you will do some grieving for your mum
ladee - my daughter had a cat like that - pure evil - she would come up to be petted then hiss at you when you did - is your tortoiseshell by any chance - they are called naughty torties
debbie - good for you - what a labour of love refinishing Grandpas chair - good luck with the visit - you are an awesome young woman - scars and all -we all have scars somewhere
ros - my boy was well loved by his friends and his family- I bet they talk about him too I can talk to his indian grandma about him but not with my mother - though he was equally good to both of them - the only one of my kids that went out of his way to see his grandmas and do special things for them
Linda - one of the best sayings I have read is "what others say about you is none of your business: maybe doesn't quite apply but like you say - every one has an opinion - and they are entitled to it but not to tell you how to live your life - don't u feel like saying "Shut the **** up! ooops -white haired old ladies are not supposed to say those things
jam have u got the glasses and are they staying on?, how are the turkeys -will they be ready by thanksgiving?
seeme - praying about your mum and for some solutions
indy - lol - i too can picture your mum and dad
asg hugs to you and your boys
vic hugs too
stormy - how's it going? look after and enjoy that child of yours
everyone else hugs and love and prayers ♥
a campfire would be great!!!! -
Pot luck every night so no "one" person is having to cook, the fine china (paper plates, plastic cups and plastic forks and knives) beyond having to do the pots and pans, no clean up.. Paper plates make good fire starters for the bon fire we would have for after dinner.
I can picture all of us, sitting around the campfires, sipping the drink of our choice and just talking till the early morning hours. Relaxing and for once in our lives having no demands on our time and energy.
Heck, now I am wanting to cry..
get that work done so you can go for your swim... relax, and let yourself think you are somewhere else...
Oh, and have to tell you what the Diva did..... she has a little scratching pad, to keep her from clawing the furniture... I would not open a new can of food for her today, as she is doing that, sniff, turn her nose up and walk away thing again...so when I came into the living room this evening, she very deliberately walked over to the pad, sniffed at it and walked away. Layed down with her ears straight up, tail swithching and just looked at me, I went to see and she had WET ON IT.. I just looked at her, she was so smug, I told her I KNOW how to deal with senile behavior and she didn't win anything and threw it in the trash..... now who is the crazy one, could be me for talking to the cat, but she KNOWS she did wrong..... hugs to you...
emjo, spread the cow pattie around with love.. that's what we do...most of us are used to the poo smell, so we think it is a wonderful prize to win... and hope we hear more stories about your son... looking forward to them...
Starri, you will be so tired and worn out by the time you get everything done, you will have to take a nap before you get to leave...will hook up with you on FB this evening...
Jam, can't wait to hear about the glasses....hope you had a good day anyway...
Seeme, how are you doing, I am loving you and missing you, hope we hear from you soon...
Debbie, if you have all that creative energy sure wish you lived closer so you could come help me clean the banana boat..... hope the visit with your mom goes good. Let us know how that turns out....
Vic, and who else am I missing? you have to excuse an old lady with too much on her mind, but will check back in later.....hugs across the miles to everyone..
I've been dreaming about this wonderful experience traveling, I was telling him about some reading I had done on rte. 66, there's not much of it left, but there is still some, he's been on it and has no interested in going back, if this trip is going to be nothing more than hi-tailing it to places he wants to go, I want no part of it...
Ros, I have the can opener in the camper already, have to have that for the dog food, and canned goods... the bottle opener I had not thought about as we don't drink, but hell I might start again, if this trip turns shitty..
There are groups of people that travel together like that, they go where the warm weather takes them, snow birds we call them.. their up north during the summer and down south during the winter. I saw a picture today on the computer that someone had taken during the winter there in AZ, it had so many RV's there it looked like a city.. probably had enough people to make a mid-sized city.
I don't think that I want to hang with that kinda crowd, too many people for one.. While some of them might be down to earth people, I have a feeling there will be a lot of those who are not, and it's those types I can do without.. Snobs. those who think that they are better than others... have absolutely no use for them, and have no problem in telling them so..lol, would get us kicked out the first day.
I think that I need to talk ladee into firing up the banana boat, picking up some of you who live around where she does, I'll grab some from this end and we'll start our own caravan.
I am going to the swimming pool tomorrow. Yupppeee!!! It's so hot here that we just feel like diving in water, being showered by water, drinking water. The dogs and I go to the river every day. They swim and I walk in the river trying to keep my feet cool, so the rest of the body doesn't collapse for the heat.
Starri: I see in my imagination a whole set of cars, trailers, bikes, full of every kind of things, moving through the country like a small train! Don' forget the can opener and the bottle opener!
Emjo, what you say about your boy moves me a lot. He must have been a great boy. One of these people you would like to know! And I am sure his friends still talk a lot about him, and miss him.
Kisses everybody I have to work if I want to swim tomorrow. And I have to put my mother in bed!
Gary gets away a lot - his horses are a couple of hours drive away and on days off he is always down there and bopping around the countryside
I stay home shop cook and clean and try to recoved from the latest bug
I explained nicely to him a few times that I need to get away - have a change - even for a short while. - so one weekend I got a ohone call from him which went like this -
I will be castrating calves with John (farmer friend) and will be here all day, so this is an opportunity for you to get out - just drive yourself down and would you pick pou a BBQ chicken on the way.
I was speechless then said i hadn't counted on a 4 hr round trip just to get out for a few hours. First i though he just wanted me to bring chicken and then I reakized he really thought he was offereing me an outing and i saw the funny side and giggled about it for a while.
I managed to explain later - with a straight face, that this was not quite the kind of outing I had in mind
gotta go ♥
Time for me to try and go back out and see what I can do as far as rearranging that camper, need to have it in line for the great escape.
frame it?
give it back to the cow - that could be difficult
I'm just doing a drive-by......will be back later to report on the col and everything else that has gone on.
Welcome Linda22......glad you are here....hang out with us and we'll have you sitting in the corner, talking to yourself before you know it!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Guess that I am going to need to put together a tool list for the hubby, mind you he's been a mechanic all his life.. He's put his drill/driver in there what we need with that I have no clue, He did put the impact wrench, so that part is good, Now we need all the other auto stuff, wrenches, sockets, etc.. Then of course you have to have the southern tool staples, WD-40 and Duct Tape.. Think that we have figured out where to keep those, and where that is there will be extra room for some other things, nothing that will ruin if they get greasy though, I've never in my life seen a mechanic that took such lousy care of their tools..lol.
Jam? did col survive the trip into town? did you survive it without hurting someone? Joan, your son is a absolute hottie, and from what you say was a sweetheart as well. I thought at first that it might have been a picture of your current boytoy..
How has everyone else fared today?
Hi everyone. I hope you're all doing well. :)
Today, I had a day off. I slept in till about 8:30, then I had to go to the bank, then I had to go book a hotel for my mother and her husband because they are coming to visit on saturday. Well the 2 hotels that DON'T charge an arm and a leg were all booked up because of this little hick towns county fair. So I had to go get the only room left in the hotel that DOES charge an arm and a leg, which was a suit so now I have no arms or legs, haha. No, it wasn't really as bad as I thought it was going to be. So thennnnn, after I got that all taken care of, I came home and cleaned for a few hours upon Grandmother's request. I have just finished off a big bowl of sardines, hot sauce and crackers (yum hehe) for lunch, and soon I will be taking a trip downtown to get some sand paper and wood stain to make Gram's rocking chair look beautiful. I might get a paint pen and write Grandma on the top too, haha. It will be a fun project. :) Well, off to the hardware store I go! Oh, and I cleaned Lulu's house all up too and she says "Tweet tweet". :)
Thanks for the comments about my Gordie - he was a hunk (the one who looked like me lol) and he didn't know it, which added to his charm. We would walk into restaurants and the other kids would elbow him and say Gord - that girl is looking at you. Nah was his answer. His smile was awesome. I miss him coming down in the mornings in his pj bottoms and singing in the hall. (He had my fathers voice - the only one of us who got it). He would get a coffee, cuddle the cat and sit and read over his coffee. Missing him big time and will be for the next few weeks especially, He was a good person and loved reaching out to street people. He had his street side too mind you - he was no saint. At his memorial service here (we had the funeral in the city he died, where the two grandmas could attend) the church was packed with young people we had never seen. The pastor said it was the largest group of young people he has ever preached to. I will never forget the hospital where he lay for a couple of days - two grandmas - one on each side holding his hands. My mother small, norwegian, upright, uptight on one side and his other grandma - large, north american indian, good sense of humour (we are still friends) on the other side. The nurses said he must be special to have so many people here. His friends came from north, south east and west. He was a well loved person and we all miss his special role in the family. Gord was the one who got us all together for birthdays etc. "Mum! it's ---- birthday next week." "Ok Gord - organize it." and he did. He would go out in the spring and mow the lawn without being asked because it needed to be done. He took me on holiday one summer -which I badly needed. What 21 yr old boy would do that! I miss him so much and sharing my stories of him helps so the next while that may be my topic, The poem I wrote after he died ( he was wrestling with some of the demons many wrestle with) "No more sorrow, no more pain, Safe in heaven till i see you again," I know where he is and that I will see him again - it is just hard in the meanwhile.
((((((hugs))))) everyone and have a good day♥ joan
Thank you starri for birthday wishes! It was just another day.....I've been 29 so long that if this is what it feels like I'm really ready to age...lol
I stock up on things at home also.....have for years, guess that came from first husband being unemployed a lot. When we remodeled last year I had the guys build cabinets in my laundry room for all the overflow and it's worked out great.
Don't forget to put together a first aid kit for the camper! And extra batteries of all sizes. And any prescription refills you might need while you are gone. I bet we could all come up with a list of things for you!
Must get myself moving.....today is grocery day and take the col to get her glasses, oh I love driving back and forth to town.....NOT! 15 miles one way and do that a couple of times the scenery gets boring real fast.
Had a thunderstorm move through here last night, it's only 73 degrees right now, with humidity of 89 percent...and a high of only 88....cold wave!
I hope each one of you can have something good happen today in your life...thinking of you all!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Happy belated Birthday Jam.. I started counting backwards several years ago on my birthday, so I think I am about 12 now..lol.. guess I ought to start heading back the other way,
today is a day off for me, nothing going on but what I want to go on, generally doctors appointments run in cycles, mess of them for a couple of weeks, then things will settle down for a month or so and it starts up again. With Mom gone now, there isn't quite as many, even with all I have going on, I don't see my doctor more than once every 3 months or so..
Thinking that today, I'll drag all of the stuff out of the camper, and start trying to figure out what I can stock in there for food stuff's, clothing, etc.. Told Glenn that we need to get all the laundry done up, and the jeans and stuff we are planning on taking with us, put in the camper, as here in SC temp's are high and we live in shorts and tank tops.. he has to clean out the bags on the bike, see what the heck he has in there, so that all of his riding gear can be stored in there. The spyder I believe has more storage on it than what our house has. after figuring out the camper and the bike, then I believe we need to put the bike on the trailer hooked up to the truck/camper and then see what room we have for additional storage. need places to put a tool box, a place to put a spare tire for the trailer ( I refuse to be one of those people who have to leave their trailer and whatever it's hauling on the side of the road because of a flat.), we're talking about getting a generator for the trailer, as that will allow us to park in more places, and me still be able to use my cpap and we'll have lights and a/c if we need.
I'll keep you ladies posted as to what we are up too, I do have a face book page, but haven't figured out how to post pictures, hubby knows how, so I will get him to do it for me, carmen johnson is the full name, guess that is how you might be able to find it..lol, I don't use it that much so really don't know how to use it. if you find me, add me as a friend so I will know how to find you..
Anyway, time to finish the email and the second cup of coffee.. consider getting hubbys butt out of bed, so that we can do something prior to it getting too hot to be outside, the DH wonders why he almost passes out after being out there in the middle of the day. like "duh" 105 degree's, heat index of 115 and he wonders..
Have a wonderful day everyone..big hugs.
Damn it Ro, I know there was important stuff in that first post you lost, I hate to do that, get it all out there then just poof it's gone... happy to hear you are not working too hard, did your pay come thru so you can go swimming??? To hell with the bills, just make sure you get to go for a swim so you don't kill someone...
Only in Texas... I had gone out to smoke and I see one of Lee Co.'s finest walking thru the yard.. his car was parked outside the gate, you have to know the combination to get in that way.. The front yard is a half acre long, so I get my phone and call Mike and let him know the "SHURRIF" is here.. I go back out and wave to him... there is lattice work where I was , so he couldn't see me real well.. in a flat instant he was shining his light on me and had his hand on his gun... now ya'll know me, the first thing I wanted to do was laugh!!!! I unlatch the little door and he's standing there all suspicious and asking me if ----------- is here.. no, but Mike is on his way, who are you, who is mike, blah blah, dude was firing questions at me, and again I wanted to laugh...and I'm thinking, duh, if I was a fugitive think I would flag you down and then open the gate for you.... UH, maybe you need to think about that one.. any way, he was looking for BG's niece....He finally started to relax a little after talking to Mike, but I am setting there thinking other than not having on a bra, which COULD have caused him to taze me, I really am not that dangerous looking am I ?? So at least I was not hauled off to jail for laughing...
Learned yesterday that Marie needs more attention than she is letting on... She started PT yesterday, and after the girl left she was saying that was just too much... I just stood there and looked at her... finally she asked what is it, and I went on to tell her how much better she was going to feel, that yes it's hard, but giving up is even harder, fighting for something keeps us moving forward.... and all the other things I say in a situation like that... she finally perked up a little... Sonny has been very restless with the full moon... I have been trying to keep him busy, he was helping me dry dishes and out of the blue he says "I'm not much use am I?" Ya'll know how i feel about Sonny so I started telling him all sorts of things he is good at... then I said well let's go tell Marie what you said... and she gets the most amazing look of love on her face and starts telling him all the things he does to help her.. and that she trusted him to help her.. you should have seen the transformation in Sonny.... and in her.. He needed to feel some worth and she needed to get out of herself.... so we ended up laughing the rest of the day... about all sorts of silly things... made my day go a lot faster too, so it was win-win for all of us...
Now for my little banana house.... I finally told my nephew to drop everything and we would resume next week on getting things done...I have been accepted on the little piece of property that I picked out... but will have to run a sewer line, ect... It was turning into a clusterf**k so I said forget it for a few days, I am getting over whelmed by all the details and all it is is talk, my biggest problem, as I see it, is getting it moved..... but NOOOOOOOO, and of course my son is nowhere to be seen if there is something to be done for me... God I will be glad when a MOM he likes shows up...
Also talked to BG and sil last night about how stressed I am about getting out of here.. they both told me they know I am working as fast as I can under the circumstances and have given me until Aug to get out... that has taken a huge load off my shoulders.... I am sure I will "pay" somehow for that extended kindness but will worry about that later.. like Scarlet, I'll worry about that tomorrow...
So, I finally got off the merry go round I put myself on, and now maybe I can get more accomplished....
Love to everyone.... hugs across the miles...
Yeahright: I'm very happy for your vacation. Please post photos on Facebook
Ladee: please post photos of new home on facebook, too.
Starry: I coulnd't afford, economically, a husband who wastes 200 dollars worth of meat! I would just cry!
Emjo: so the boy of the picture is your boy. He is beautiful and seems very nice. One of my mother's brothers died under the bombs during the war. He was 21 and his survived siblings always told us he was the kindest, happiest, liveliest, wisest of them all. I really think that when a person dies so young, it is because he has learned from life everything he had to learn, so "they" just call him in Heaven. In other words the best ones go away soon! It's very good for them but not for us who stay on Earth and miss them. (((((((tons of hugs))))))
Seeme: I know it is a banal question, but have you seen another doctor for your mom's operation?
Jam; happy birthday and please take some photos of the turkeys and the wildlife.
Flava, yes I admire your forgiveness. I don't know if I would have done the same. I am in the same prison where you are!
Indy, my mother is like your parents, she never asks for help so she puts herself in a lot of trouble. We have to watch her all the time; sometimes she makes a mess when I am in the bathroom! I have to stop to go to the bathroom.
Storm, forgive me, your sister seems to me as selfish as my brother. They leave on our shoulders all the heavy work, and they do something just when we launch a serious SOS. I am glad you sent that SOS. I think that she can take care of your dad for a period, when you have a rest. And then, if your father is rich, he can hire a help. Please don't arrive to this level of stress anymore. No one of our parents likes the idea of a caregiver, but they have to accept it! You have to think of your life and your child.
Speaking about children, I am not a mother but I love children and I took care of my younger cousins before, and of my nephews next. ASG, I think, this is just my opinion, that your boys are far too young to understand "really" that your aunt is ill; they just now that their life is more difficult now, and of course they have a resentment toward her. THEY ARE RIGHT. Can't you find a way to keep your aunt far from them most of the day, so they can live a normal life? Sorry if I am so blunt, but really, probably because I don't have children of my own, I worry about children of other people!
Debbie I am sorry for what you said ,and I still think this situation is too heavy for you to handle by yourself! You have the right to live your life.
That's all, I post before I lose it again!
I was in the livingroom getting my coffee and reading the paper, when I hear him call that MOM was down and couldn't get up. When I opened their bedroom door, it looked like a murder scene -- blood EVERYWHERE! Mom was down on the floor trying to "clean up" where he didn't make it to the bathroom, and she couldn't get back up. I turned around and called 911 immediately, then got Mom up. Mom was too befuddled to have known what to do, but Dad should have known better!! (The clean up was monumental; Mom could have never done it -- thank goodness for a protective sheets, or it would have meant a new mattress.)
"Why didn't you call me??? I was right in the livingroom!!! We were both in bed all night!! That's what we're here for!!!" "--We didn't want to bother you..."
I was afraid the paramedics would think I was neglecting him on purpose. He spent 3 days in the hospital and took 3 units of blood. ARRRRGGG....
There have been other incidences like that -- where Dad has tried for a while unsuccessfully to get Mom up after a fall before coming out to ask for help.
So, while some of you have demanding people to watch, I have the other end of the spectrum!! They don't call when they need something.
I did a lot of errands today for me and Kathy while she sat here with mom. The chiro couldn't do as much as we both would have liked.....I was too tense......ya think?....anyway I will go back Friday. Kathy cleaned down the hall and mom's bathroom.....she left the dirt in the sink from cleaning the vent/fan and it was disgusting.....so were the fan blades in mom's living room.....oh, well, she saw how it was with mom calling me every 10 min yesterday.
We haven't heard from the surgeon yet.....the lung dr is on vacation this week, and I don't know when that will get faxed to the surgeon. MIL called tonight to tell me about her case of anxiety that gave her a rash and when she explained what did it, I couldn't help thinking what a waste of energy for that piddling crap. Let me tell you what I am dealing with.....if you've ever seen a chicken with its head cut off, that would be my MIL in action.....you may think I'm kidding, but I'm not.....I helped clean 22 chickens when I was young.
Indy.....I could see that happening in this house, cept I don't have a TV that big......and if mom lost her balance, the walker was never enough to keep her up.
emjo....I will send you prayers, hugs, and angels on the anniversary.....Is that Gordy's picture?? What a hunk, whoever .......
Stormy and flava......please hang around and visit more often. We will tweet to Lulu and chase rabbits with sticks, but for the most part we are harmless.
Jam...let's hear some details so we can see how far Target is down that hole we are burying him in.....
Starri.....Glenn apologizing gives him only one atta boy......
Ladeeda Chaquita and the BananaBoat.....off to see the caregivers.........I saw the whole state of Texas is declared a disaster area because of the drought. Even if you get a tropical storm, it would probably flash flood everywhere cause it can't soak in fast enough. What a mess.....is Nobs losing weight?
John.....glad to see you got good news....something worked out for a change !!!!yyyyaaaaaahhhhhhh
Got to get this hair off me from my haircut.....at least the gray roots are covered now..........then to bed.....later....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz