This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee, yes, he is still breathing.. was thinking I'd wait till we are on the road and make it look like a accident..rofl.. I was cleaning out the freezer, cause if I waited for him to do it, it would really be rotten by the time he got around to it, ask him to do something and maybe 4 days later it gets done after you yell at him several times... I'll have to cut him a little slack, he's been falling over with apologies for having pulled a bone head stunt like this.
This morning I am off to Columbia, about a 3 hour drive from us, taking baby brother down to see his eye doctor at the VA, we might have surgery in our future, would be nice, maybe the kid can see then.
Emjo, you ought to write a book, you've got all of us waiting for the next chapter..lol, a autobiography,"The life and loves of Ms. Em.."
Well, 5:20 AM and time to go get ready for the fun, see you ladies later, be good, have fun, and I hope that your charges are nice today.
Big Hugs.
it does seem a shame about the inheritance, though there are worse uses it could be put to - at least your mother is well cared for.
my mother, being in one of the more expensive assisted living facilities, is using her capital to meet her monthly costs. she has enough for 5-8 years at present and although she is 99 she is going strong and sometimes i wonder if she will outlive her money as what she has from pensions, annuities is very small. guess we will deal with that closer to the time.
everyone - sorry about the double post - i copied the post and shut down the browser cause it was being so slow then reposted but i guess it had saved the original somewhere
Gotta hear about the Muslim terrorists.... I love cyberspace,,, millions upon millions of people we will never meet, but get to know a few, some good experiences and life long friends, and then there is the other stuff......
Hope everyone is ok this evening, have to be at work early tomorrow so am going to go lay it down....... love ya'll and hugs across the miles...
Starri - glad u r back though sorry to hear about your freezer - BTDT - some lads here working around the house afew years ago unplugged my freezer and we didn't find out till too late - do you ever get the blood out of the corners of the freezer - I eventually had them take it to the dump -it was an old one and a gift anyway -hope you have shower water by now
indy welcome back - glad u had a good break
YR - have a good break - maybe a tensor bandage on the knee?
jam -(((((hugs)))) glad u r feeling better -i'm with ladee - burn the hot rollers - of course she will forget... suggestions for bushes - well I love roses and if you get hardy shrub type they don;t take much care - I have Therese Bugnet who is pink and has a lovely smell and doesn't need care other than whacking her back once in a while - she has 2 sisters - Marie and Louise who are white and I want one of those oh and few thorns -and DON"T fold the underwear and hope your boat is sold. We have a motorhome cluttering up the drive way we are trying to sell - wish someone would it...
burned - good luck with the meds and getting reimbused - so much red tape!!!
seeme - ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
debbie - how's it goin'?
vic - hope you are doing well - hope my stories don't shock you -
anyone i have left out - BIG hugs and love and prayers ♥♥♥
Starri - glad u r back though sorry to hear about your freezer - BTDT - some lads here working around the house afew years ago unplugged my freezer and we didn't find out till too late - do you ever get the blood out of the corners of the freezer - I eventually had them take it to the dump -it was an old one and a gift anyway -hope you have shower water by now
indy welcome back - glad u had a good break
YR - have a good break - maybe a tensor bandage on the knee?
jam -(((((hugs)))) glad u r feeling better -i'm with ladee - burn the hot rollers - of course she will forget... suggestions for bushes - well I love roses and if you get hardy shrub type they don;t take much care - I have Therese Bugnet who is pink and has a lovely smell and doesn't need care other than whacking her back once in a while - she has 2 sisters - Marie and Louise who are white and I want one of those oh and few thorns -and DON"T fold the underwear and hope your boat is sold. We have a motorhome cluttering up the drive way we are trying to sell - wish someone would it...
burned - good luck with the meds and getting reimbused - so much red tape!!!
seeme - ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
debbie - how's it goin'?
vic - hope you are doing well - hope my stories don't shock you -
anyone i have left out - BIG hugs and love and prayers ♥♥♥
After 70, a woman is like Tibet, She has a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages… but only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there. (geography of men and women)
Today I am a crabby old woman - blinkety blank survey people called me three times and woke me up from a much needed nap - more nonsense fron mother who seems in fine fettle as "things are happening"- not sure what things and don't want to know, coughing up junk and needing to sleep so know I am recovering from this bug
catching young men - not at all - the thing is you don't catch them - they catch you. After I underwent my "transformation" told my daughter all that ensued was her fault - lol. I decided to online date as there was nowhere to go in town and beside which who wants to go out at 40 below. Then came the problem of how to present myself and how to respond to "takers". The first one was a guy of 27 who wanted only one thing - shocked me - he came out with it very quickly. I said - do you see my age - yeah - doesn't matter. He said would you meet me for coffee. I said Sure (I like yound people and will coffee with anyone -one reason I really enjoyed teaching at the college) - he said then we can let things happen. After I had established what kind of things I said Sure things will happen but not necessarily the things you are thinking about. He wasn't nice and that was the last I heard of him. After a while of this sort of thing i found out that there are a number of middle aged and older ladies - married and otherwise - who go along with this.!!!
reminds me of a guy years ago who was at the place I worked and after something - i was trying to put him off - he came up with the statement that life was all about sex and adversity - I said fine - you look after the sex and I will provide the adversity - that was the end of him!
next episode will be about the muslim terrorists - yes this is real and could be dangerous - but I ended up having some fun
Yep, those turkeys were wandering around the pond earlier with the babies chasing after them. Not sure where they are right now. But will get pics.
Right after the col moved here she kept whining and b*tching about driving and both of us were tempted to just let her go, but it was the thought that she would hurt someone else. She told us tonight that she was going to microwave frozen veggies for supper. Geez....and she doesn't need a keeper. She can't do a frozen dinner anymore. So I went down and made her some bacon, scrambled eggs, toast with orange marmalade and a bowl of watermelon. Cleaned up the dirty dishes and her plate was half eaten already...:) I'm going to have to buy her new clothes and undies. She's gaining weight since her hospital stay and small/med diapers are a little snug.
Didn't I tell you girls that husbands are good for one thing only.............and we usually end up taking out the trash ourselves?
Just got a text from my son.....he might have our boat sold for us...yippee!!!!! Get that damn thing out of here since we aren't using it any longer.
Time to medicate the col for the night. Will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Burned, maybe someone else here can help you with the claims, I know nothing about any of that... but I used to be on Zoloft and it had so many side effects for me, I went to something else... maybe that is contributing to him not feeling well.. did you get his pain meds??? Hope your day wasn't one hassle after the other... hugs.
Jam, you know the col can drive... give her the keys and stop being a meanie....... And I am very proud to hear you still have not folded the underwear......Target is slow, but he'll catch on sooner or later.... and as far as those damned hot rollers, I would bring her to a window and say, " See that little fire out there, that is your hot rollers", and then go back to your house, just let her look at the pretty colors burning plastic makes...
And I will loose my message if I look on the next page, but the "turkeys" ??? sound so cool. and the babies,,, take some pics if you can... and of course I will ask which one is Target........poor Target and Starri's husband, I just don't know what to say...
Seeme, I know you are tired, but check in and let us know how things are...
Debbie, check in after work and let us know how you are too.
emjo, where are you.... we are waiting for our next installment on how to pick up young men....
I know I have missed someone, so I'll check back later...
I am going to be smelling rotten meat for the next frigging year.. I'd hop in the shower, but sometime during the time we were gone, something happened to the water flow to the shower, we have water in the sink, water in the toilet, but no water at all to the shower.
Does someone want to hold the hubby while I take a club to him? we just got the call out of our mechanic who serviced the truck, 835.00 there went the rest of the nest egg, we don't get paid again till the 27th.. Told hubby that we had x-amount of money left to get us through till payday and that meant no extra activities...what does he say? oh, I want to go riding on Sunday, do this that and the other thing.
Helllllooo. Didn't I just say no extra doing things? here he has wiped out any extra meats I have for getting us through till payday and he thinks he can just go out blowing money.... someone feed me a sedative.
Ladee, congrats on the motorhome, passport america offers half off on a lot of campgrounds.. we could meet up somewhere traveling. There's a campground up in NC that for 325.00 per month, you stay there full time, they offer full hook ups, and including the electric you use. Over all it's a heck of a lot cheaper than where we live now.
I kinda love the fact that it took me a few hours to get caught up on the reading, gave me a good excuse not to have to put my head in that freezer.. but now the excuse is gone, hubby is on his way home from his doctors appointment, and then I have to leave here about 2 for mine.
If I manage to do nothing more than just get the meat out of the freezer, I need to get that done today. Big hugs to all
YR........Hope you have lots of fun on vacation. Put some ice on that knee when you can and just think, you'll have an extra walker to use when you get home. Tell you what, those things come in handy......a long time ago, in a place not so far away, a young man was looking at the weeds on the wrong side of the road and WHAM hit us damn near head on. I had to use a walker for a week and it turned out to be a blessing.
starri.........glad you are home but not for the mess. Target did that to me once with the lake house. He remembered a couple days after we got home, oops I turned the main breaker off............it's only an hour and a half drive, but still....so I went back and cleaned out the fridge and freezer. We didn't have a lot there, but still.......why the heck don't they think? And God forbid if we do something stupid like that we would never hear the end of it!
And by the way girls....I STILL HAVE NOT FOLDED ANY UNDERWEAR.........!
I'm feeling better today......was really in the "hole" yesterday and my back was killing me....no appetite, good way to lose weight I guess. Target took care of the col yesterday except for giving meds. She gave him a lecture yesterday morning on how she can take care of herself. So while I was giving her meds, I made her go to the bathroom and sure enough...soaked. So I explained again, that's why she needs help with some things. She then demanded her hot rollers, a pot of coffee and informed me she CAN drive but just doesn't want to. Okay, we'll let you get by with that one. Got her clean, in her jammies, told her no on the hot rollers and coffee and left the building....with both of us in one piece....lol.
Will have a substitute care giver on Thursday....will call her today to give her the rundown on things so I don't have to do it in front of the col or try to get her off somewhere that she can't hear us talking.
I heard a strange noise coming from the area of the pond bank yesterday right at the back of the house, wasn't sure what it was then all of a sudden, there are the turkey hens and all the babies eating. They must like it around here.
I need to go out in the front yard, which is actually the side yard, and plant some bushes or something. There was a huge evergreen tree that died and when we burned off all the dead needles it left a pretty big area and it would be perfect for landscaping something. Maybe some type of bushes, it's all in sun, so can't be hostas, which I love. Any suggestions?
Guess I'd better get up and start making some phone calls. Scripts to refill, dog's butt to have sutures out, and whatever else comes up I guess.
Hope everyone has a good day!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Fill us in on your adventure when you have time. I know not all of it was fun, but let us know what neat things you got to see and do... hugs across the miles to you....
We drove for like 10 hours straight (well, we did take rest stop breaks..lol) but it has me sore as all get out.
My DH decided before we left that he would save us a couple of pennies on electric, so he shut off the power strip that controls the computer, wonderful of him to be concerned, screwed because the power strip that controls the computer also controls the "freezer" , sooo ladies, I have about 200.00 worth of spoiled meats to throw out, along with a area rug, boxes from the stuff I brought from mom's , looking at having to go through that a lot sooner than what I had planned.
Looks like YR is heading on a vacation, have fun and don't get sunburned. Big hugs to all.
Plus cleaning today after they left. I hate to leave my house a mess. We are leaving tomorrow for San Diego, yeah!!!!
I hurt my knee at work on friday and I have been hobbling around. OUCH!! What a great way to start my vacation. But I'll be darned if I'm gonna let it stop me. It sure does make it much more difficult to run after dad though.
Well my cat is bellern' to beat the band and if she wakes dad up I'll kill her.
Night all.
It was nice to get away for the weekend, and leave the cares behind. My brother took them to see his kids/grandkids, and Mom was saying how she couldn't remember their names, "because I hardly see them anymore." (Not true.) She calls my son "that boy," or sometimes "my boy" or "our boy," and he's in the same house! The dogs in our house are Brownie and Little One. Sometimes she thinks I'm Dad's sister -- but she can't recall my brother's kids names because she doesn't see them often enough. Denial.....!
Oh, well... I haven't gotten any feedback from my brother on how things went. Of course, they were all on their best behaviors. I know it "bothers" him to see her like that -- his MIL died of Alz complications a few years ago. That was a different situation, though, and his MIL went very quickly. I know seeing Mom like this will dredge up those bad memories.
Anyway, we're all back tonight, and ready to start the week.
tweet debbie - u are game for anything!!!
jam glad u are having an easy day - everyone needs one sometimes
seeme - glad u got some sleep even if interrupted - I hear u about the old dog - gtting a mental picture of her with her head over the sink
.so many more of u out there - thinking of u and sending love ♥♥♥
One evening when Ruth was sundowning very bad, walking from door to door, trying to get out of the house, cussing me with every breath, she had been doing this for three hours and I was at the end of my rope... she was going to get a butcher knife and cut my throat ( the sharp knives had been put up for a long time) and as she was going into the kitchen she tripped and fell. Now she is on the floor cussing a blue streak, and thought ok, cool, I can at least change her pants while she is down... she is kicking and screaming and as I pull off those pants, for the shock of my life, there were three kitchen knives and a BANANA in her diaper.... as I even said then, I know the look on my face was a Kodak moment...
I put it on antoher thread, but omg, we had fun for days with that one... I was nicknamed Chaquita, all and every banana joke you can imagine, and then they all knew I wanted a little motor home for when I finally get to retire and I would go around to my AC friends and offer them respite care... so the motor home was to be called the "BANANA BOAT"... but hey, I am open for suggestions... and believe me, people will know I am coming because it is definitely going to make a statement... life is just too damned short and I have worked hard all my life, so it will be my turn.... so suggestions for names, colors, decorations, bells and whistles, what ever ya'll think of will be taken into consideration.... so that is the story of the banana boat... later, going to eat dinner... love ya'll
Target is fixing the col her supper....I guess I ought to feel blah more often....:)
Will check back with everyone later,
Love and Hugz,
Jam