This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Mom is her usual self today. She just wants you there when she is sleeping or she will holler just to hear someone answer....problem is she doesn't hear very well anymore. There is very little she is capable of doing....or she refuses to do. I guess I will just ahve to live with it, too late now to train this old dog any new tricks.
I got SOME decent sleep last night, just not a lot of it in a row. Hubby got up with her at breakfast time and fixed her a good one, then when I got up she tried to eat again and almost made herself sick, so she napped in the bathroom with her head over the sink, sitting in her chair.
I must vaccuum today if I don't do anything ele, so I will check in later.....
Thank you now and later for birthday wishes.....I think I stopped having them years ago...:)
The col's knife must have been at the bottom of a pile. It wasn't sharp, but falling on it would have been sharp enough. It's just like the strawberry pyramid; edges not sharp, but if she fell face first onto it, well it sure would make a mess!
I'm trying to decide how energetic I want to be today....and not very.....is winning out. I should work a little more on some dining chairs, I'm recovering them, could scrapbook, could read, need to fix a fingernail.....life is tough...:)
Hope y'all have a peaceful Sunday,
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I am so happy for u ((((((((hugs))))) what a bargain - challenges are good - got lost on a backwoods road once a couple if winters ago and the sun was setting – stopped at a place for directions and heard “deliverance” playing in my mind shudders - not nice – got out of there
jam - an 8" knife - good grief!!!! -and target decided she's nuts - he gets A+ for that lol - have a good read - u do have some adventures with the col!
seeme ((((((hugs))))) my mum is a physiotherapist and drilled into me that u keep people as independent as possible - I was born with only one good hand and they let me figure things out for myself - I have been forever grateful - one of the few things she did right - mind you i am stubborn by nature too :) - the trick is knowing whether they can do it or not - I prefer to believe that she can till proven otherwise - even mother herself said that she could do more than she thought she could. I am nearly 74 and find myself at times thinking I can't do something or that I need help when - most most often I can - not to be foolish about this as I know as we age we have limitations and especially when we have illnesses of any kind and you guys are looking after people wuith severe limitations, but also know that as loving caring people we can sometimes rush in where angels fear to tread and do things for others that they actually can do for themselves - (learned that on many years of teaching) - anyway just some thoughts the subject
tweet debbie - you must have slept well after that long shift!!!
ros - laughing at you laughing - I can give lessons on online dating - u would not believe !!!!. In fact there is a nice boy in italy I was in contact with who... enough said - if I can help ypu to laugh i am happy, if i can help you to learn. I am happier, if I can help you to love I am happiest!
Found out that mother discharged herself from rehab because they were telling her to do things she shouldn't (in her view) - pretty predictable - I wonder how her senior care person - Dee - is doing -haven't heard mention of her. mother had full anaesthetic this time - and tends to go a bit wingy afterwards but she will cope with what she has to her way - and I'll stay out of the way! Getting emails that she needs help now - well she should have stayed in rehab then - the tone is pretty obvious manipulation. I am still coughing but getting better - anointed myself with oil the other day and claimed healing - woke up in the morning singing (in my head)" I want to see Jesus" and feeling much better - on the mend. Gary said be careful.what you pray for - I said I know - I want to see Him eventually lol
ladee - love the quote - so true - had that exact experience a while ago - Gary asked me why I was crying - I said because i had to be strong for so long I couldn't afford to cry "sniff" - better stop here or i will start again
luv and hugs and prayers to and for all and advance Happy Birthday to jam in case i have a senior's moment and forget ;p ♥♥♥
Ladee: congrats again for your new home. I am sure you will make something amazing with it. Try to work on it in the evening, and rest when the sun is up!
Seeme, my mother lacks coordination, too. If she is cold and I put a blanket close to her (I mean, on the same chair where she sits) she doesn't manage to put the blanket on her. I have to do it, otherwise she shivers, with the blanket at 1 inch of distance from her.
Jam: I imagine COL wandering around the garden with a knife in her hand and the face of Jack Nicholson in "Shining".
Ladee again: A Harley? We are a bunch of wild ladies! We must definitely find a way to have a big meeting!
Got the col in bed, had her jammies on when I got downstairs, but gee hadn't bothered to change her wet pants....go figure. Then wouldn't pee, said she would just get up after going to bed to do it. I guess that makes sense to the demented mind.
And yes ladee, birthday next Tuesday......don't we all turn 29 y/o on our next birthdays?
Going to hit the bed and maybe read a little bit. I've been reading all the Janet Evanovich Stephanie Plum series.....must finish #16, just downloaded #17 to Kindle.
Sleep well my friends.............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
It has a lot of potential and I can make it an awesome banana boat with time and improvements here and there.... I will be insane by the time I get it clean tho...
Then the adventure continured as I am driving home, my car lights kept going off !!!!!! I am sure at some point I wet my pants..... I am a wreck from driving home, so am going to take a shower and go to bed and read.... love you all, more tomorrow when my hands stop shaking.... these country roads are DARK ... I was sceered.....
I guess we can pass the crown when someone hits the same number post....so rossella gets it for 1111......who will it be for 2222?
Going to go back to lurking for a while. Hope everyone is having a good evening.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Had bunche of ambition when I got up this morning and ....POOF...it went away. I took mom to the bathroom all day today.....or she wanted to talk some crazy shit, or she said she was dizzy........huuumm....do ya think?
I kept my butt home today....decided to give the pharmacy a break until I talk to the doctor on Monday.....then I'll show my ass.......
Finally got laundry done and waited on mom the rest of the time. I realize more and more what all I do for her and I created this monster. She now wants me to pull her pants up and down all the time, can't put a blanket around her shoulders, can't cover herself when she gets in bed, can't change her pads............ Ten min after the kitchen floor dried, she got her lunch all over it..........just can't win....almost don't care anymore..... it's not even dark yet, but I think I am going to bed.........nite all.........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I so understand needing your freedom and your space - I do too but thankfully G does as well so we give each other a lot of space and freedom and really enjoy our time together.
- stories are good - and rhymes - refreshes the mind
love to all and hope your day is going well ♥♥♥
it just happens that way for me - I don't pursue young ones. After 15 years cloistered in my own because I realised I had married the same mistake twice and did not want to do it again my daughter took a look at me and said Mum You have a bod! I said "I know but I hide it" Bless her heart and thank God for daughters she encouraged me to dress differently, wear straight leg jeans etc and show my stuff - suitably lol. So I had to examine myself and get in touch with what I was OK with and what I wasn't ( I really am quite conservative) and figure out how to present my "new " self. WOW - did not expect the responses I got - think it had more to do with the changes in my head than my clothing, but that helped. I don't shock easily but got a few surprises. the first few blew my mind
Use the internet - dating sites - I met all the guys that way - all across the world - got engaged to a couple - all on line lol. Oh my goodness - I could write a book! Met the 23 yr old that way and he was very determined.He was also a nice young man, with a good job, a nice apartment, a new vehicle etc and treated me well. Told him "No" lots. Finally met Gary who is soooo different than the others and a very great man. We have been together 2 years now. If it can happen for me here in a town of young people it can happen for anyone - so try it ros!
Glad you are feeling more relaxed.
Starri, Ya'll name the place, I'll need to know 2 yrs. in advance so I can save money!!!!
Emjo, campfire,,, oh lady please, couldn't you have come up with something that's not HOT!!!!! Suggest this again in a few months, I may be more receptive... and as much as your love story makes me happy, I personally do not believe in "happily ever after" love.. I know it is my own life experience, but I do not think it really exists, at least not for me...Have been on my own for too long, can not imagine having someone around all the time.... too set in my ways, love my freedom..But I must remind myself that I am so in love with Gary Busey,, I could do with that wild man around , No doubt he would at least keep me entertained....Oh yes we have some stories,,, I am a recovering addict and alcoholic , been clean for 27 years and rode Harley's since I was 14, so yes, we all have stories... Our little get together will not be for the easily offended or the faint hearted....lol...And I don't know where the "brownie" comment came from this morning, but I will never eat another one.......gross....
Jam, you got a bday coming up soon?? You can tell us the date or at least the month, I won't even ask your age!!!
SOMEONE KIDNAPPED TARGET!!!!!!! no hurry about bringing him back, we like the one you left in his place.....
Vic, so happy to hear you and hubby got to go out.... hope you relaxed and had a really good time.. need to do that as often as you can...
John, you sound like you are feeling a little better day by day, and good luck with your new eating plan, let us know your progress....
Seeme, where are ya????
Sorry if I missed anyone, will check back in later.. hugs across the miles...
Seeme, I am glad that you found nice people, complete strangers, who told you kind words about taking care of your mother. Sometimes they (the strangers) are better than friends and family.
Starry: I am very excited for your trip!
Emjo: I like very much your phylosophy and if I could, I would do the same. I shall have to go back to town, in order to have a bigger hunting ground. A small village in the country doesn't offer many choices! (very few good men here)
Ladee, I have started to work again and I hope to go on until the end of july (I know already that in August every working activity stops!) So I am sleeping a little bit less but I feel more relaxed.
'nite everybody
No dietician will support you in this as far as I know. In my view they are far behind the times in their advice in some areas. We have to think outside the box - green veggies for breakfast with your eggs etc. Go John, go!
I will try a low carb diet. I have been a bit more active the last two days with some yard work and walking the dog. The challenge is consistency and staying focused.
it is nice to have a sitter to come in and take over so we could get a breather and get out of the house , whew !
you all have a good day . xoxo
emjo...........I'm impressed! And boy I bet you have some juicy details....want my email address...:) I mentioned those glasses holder thing to Target and he said good idea, he just wondered if when the col falls asleep on the couch the glasses would get caught and smashed somehow. I don't think so because once she gets used to wearing them I think she will fall asleep with them on. She tried to tell me yesterday that "see I read the paper just fine". She has no clue what those glasses are going to do to those words. And I have tried to explain the difference to her and she isn't getting it.
seeme.......you are sounding so much better. I'm glad the melatonin is working. Wish I had known you were getting rid of crocs.......I wear those to work outside in the yard. I would have bought that box!
ladee.....the air conditioner is out in my car also. So I drive Target's car. My son looked at mine the other night and the compressor never came on, so I'm thinking it's time for the SUV that Target promised me. Birthday gift maybe? The col just bought me a set of dinnerware.....I know that sounds odd but I haven't had a new set of dishes in years and Penney's was having a wonderful sale. Got a 72-piece set for $99....regular $200....how do you pass that up? And she always makes us pick out our own gifts anyway.
Guess I will get a shower now.....the guys fixing the front patio will be back this morning and will want me to come out and look at the color. The jerk that did the original job had no idea what he was doing and these guys are getting it done right.
Hello to everyone this morning!!!! Will check back later.............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
starri.......I hope your traveling plans work out real soon. Is there a chance you might get sucked into caring for your mil? I hope not, now that you have the chance to live freely and go where you want. That was my plan when I retired. Not just going up and down the stairs....lol
Did I ever have the surprise of my life this morning.....Target always gets up early and then will come back and let my chihuahua outside.....of course he always leaves the blind poodle for me. This morning I heard the door open, went back to catnapping for a bit....then decided I really need to get up. Looked around, no poodle...uh oh. Target had taken her outside and he was no where to be seen. He went down to the col's and fixed her breakfast, let her dog out, and sat down there talking to her for a while and then tells me "I thought I would do something nice for you this morning"........did hell freeze over? I'm still in shock....lol
well back to breakfast of home made choc - no sugar - left over ribs, coffee and a visit with my kittie - oh dear my imagination is going wild now lol
luv ya♥
Glad to hear that things are moving forward for you in finding a new place, and man o man can I understand the a/c not working and wanting to collapse by the tiem you get hone. Had a car one time, the a/c didn't work, could not get two of the windows to roll down... made for some hard driving..lol..
Got most of the stuff gathered up into one place, now to move it to the car, hubby out of bed, and us on the road.