This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I took it away, played with it and I finally know how to program it It paid for it's self the day I got lost, and could not figure out where I was, I stopped, dug it out and hit home, and off I went..... told hubby I would not have a heart attack anymore trying to follow him somewhere, Now if he takes off and leaves me, I just hit the home button and head back to the house.lol, leave him standing there wondering where I am..
Getting close to time to go pick up the SIL frorm the airport, she's touched down in DC and will be showing up here about 630... the trip up here was wonderful with the exception of hubby and his trail blazing... he did admit to there being no use in having a gps if you were not going to follow it.
See you later.
My did not sleep that well even with 6 mg melatonin. She still screamed, but I let her and then checked to see if she had to potty. She always did, and then she'd settle down again for an hr or 2. Got her BP down to 149/72, so I am OK with that. Mine is a little higher, but OK, AFTER I came back. Kathy gave mom a shower and fed and medicated, so everything is good, except she is still hollering and repeating everything anyone says. Right now she is repeating everything the people are saying about the Kasey Anthony trial and judgment.......sshhhhew
Kathy is coming back over to help clean out mom's room from ceiling down. Can't dp it by myself.....too much crap going on.....constant interruptions.
Debbie......as a long-time smoker, I wish you would stop. Period. It is too expensive, too unhealthy, and it would seem you may not really be addicted just yet. And if you think smoke can't be smelled on your hair, clothes, and hands, think again..........I know you don't want to be told what to do....but take it from an old lady......you need to stop NOW. Enough lecturing........
YR....let me know about your sundowning experiences, please. And who actually diagnoses dementia. Everyone I mention it to, says at my mom's age (83), most elders would have a little dementia, but they won't diagnose sundowning. She doesn't have ALZ, but has brain damage from a brain aneurysm and stroke. She doesn't get violent, but she will cuss more and has NO concern for anyone else.
I will check in later..have a good day....................
Hope everyone will have a great day today! My Tuesday/Thursday care giver started this morning and I am taking full advantage of it. Wow someone here every day of the week except for weekends. I think I can handle that.
deef........step away from the hole.....it's gonna hurt when you hit the bottom. Just think about all the fun you will have and all the money you are going to win. Good luck!
seeme.....I sure hope you got some sleep last night. How's mom this morning? Any info from the surgeon yet? I've got to make the col's eye appt today and she is already griping about it.
ladee, maybe Marie will be in a much better mood today....is it still too hot to go out and pick up sticks with Sonny?
ASG......has Aunt settled down a little?
starri is busy, YR, Debbie, emjo, burned, rossella, linda09, mj, John, johnny.....hope the day is great for all of you and I'm sorry if I missed anyone....you are all very important to us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Anyway, sounds like we are all down. Maybe it's the weather, or time of year. I don't know for sure, but we are all in this together and it's nice to have all of you to talk to.
At least I finally got my pool uncovered and running! This is probably the latest I have ever gotten it going. Now I just have to wait for the sun to heat up the water a bit more. I have Raynauds, so I can't get in if the water is too cold.Hope everyone has a peaceful day!
Time for me to go to bed. Our other care giver starts tomorrow and I will have to get up early.....:(
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I got this junk from a statistics website! And I DO know what country we gained our independence from, but if you're a dingbat, I love you anyway.
Lulu says "tweet tweet"!
Vic, thank you for the prayers....I am very grateful.
Rosella, sorry your heart hurts today...me ,too. Just want to cry. I may have to ask a sister to come spell me for a while....maybe a week. Even my helper Kathy has given up trying to figure out what is wrong. Guess it is time to just deal.....pull up the big girl panties and suck it up....if I tried to swim now, I just might give in and drown....the black hole is getting closer. I'd better quit for the night....guess I am just having a pity party. The rain will make me feel better...
Vic, you are just a delight to have on this thread... I so totally appreciate how positive you are and it does make a difference...
Finally got the house clean and am bored now, so will be glad to get back to work.. the more I work, the more money I can save and get out of here... looking forward to this part being overwith... hugs to all.
Seeme, I am so glad to hear that she doesnt have a uti, but what a terrible BP scares the crap outta me when that happens to mom.. Lately though all has been good for her. Dad is the one I stress over right now. Today he has had a good day. Breathing hasnt been too bad...this neurological stuff is crazy when you cant really get any diagnosis. UTI's are pretty common for him.. Just finished a round of antibiotics.he also has blood in urine and the diverticulitis as well as easy bruising and the pernicious anemea the b12 shots dont seem like they are really helpng as much lately. Doc says if his red blood cells are still down next week he may put him in for a transfusion. I hope they dont wait too long as he is having a hard enough time as it is and maybe he would get a little better.
Debbie, I would make a fresh smoothie almost calorie free for you! Tweet tweet to Lulu.. Hope you both had a good day!
No pen or paper to take notes.. But prayers go to each of you as I read your posts. You all give me strength and I am grateful for that. Have to go, pray that each of you has the best night possible in whatever circumstance you are in. Please know someone is praying for you and that you can find comfort here as I have. Night all.
Indyrose, you are very lucky your mother has become nicer with the disease. It's really an exception! I agree on the fact that sport helps. I went to the swimming pool today, for the first time after 3 years, and I swam for half an hour. I thought it was better not to exaggerate the first time. But I felt much better after. I think it helped my heart, too!
'night everybody. I have to go to sleep. My mother has made another step down in Alzheimer, I have to get used to it and it's hard to digest. She makes a step down, she stabilizes on that stage for several months, and then another step down. Every time it is a trauma...
asg Hi - u r doing sooooo well - don't know how u do it - must have a huge long rope 'cause u don't seem to get to the end of it - mine has shortened over the years
keep up the good work and give those boys - and urself a BIGGGG hug - and tell them not all white haired ladies are like that
I am so proud of the way you handle her, and yes they are just kids, doing what kids do, I bet the boys wish they were with the girls and out of there for about the next ten years......Maybe the fil will blow on her and that will be the end of that , at least for a little while...
His brooming degree, OMG, girl, you still have your sense of humor, thank God or she would be in the cage and the kitty would have a smile on it's face...I am surprised you do not just stay in the pool with the kids, oh, that's right, they live there,, ooh ooh , I understand.......How old is she again? Family history? They live to be how old????, oh no.....
And girl you know you are welcome to the "dark side" with me anytime.... loved your FB comment, that's why I called you my little evil one.....without the dark side what do we have left?????? Reality????? Nope, just way too much stress for me...
I'm sorry she sent you to the moon, but it was enough to hear from you and we are happy about that... When does school start so we will know your estimated time of arrival???? Love ya girl, hugs across the miles to you...
But I'm still glad you checked in.....have missed hearing from you! Now we know why....lol
Love ya,
Jam
I am back from ER........the trip was all for nothing. They took urine by cath and it was ok, culture may show something different. No fever. BP 217/114, best it ever got was 196/92. Got sent home with nothing, nada, zilch, go see her doc in 2-3 days. If she was just pulling a temper tantrum on me I swear I will be in jail tomorrow. Got some melatonin today with another refill and just gave her one. She is soooo tired she can't make sense anymore. I haven't even taken by BP for fear of it, at this point. I am taking a nap and the hell with everything else. I need to get rid of this headache...it is supposed to rain later and I am feeling it.
Starri, we live closer to I95 and have done the trip to CT in just 12 hrs. so yea, 17 sounds right for you. Try not to kill him on the way....it gets messy when the FBI gets involved and all those other states have to figure out jurisdiction and such .......eeeewwwww. Better to just let it be a 'good ole boy' thing. heeheehee
Debbie, could really use a milkshake about now......tweet, tweet....
Ladee, Jam,, love you both
Emjo, vic, YR, Happy 4th to you all.....wouldn't it be nice to take us a nice long walk to YR's and eat all her food..............
C.....have son take you and have a good 4th. Be careful on the roads........say HI to mom for me when you get there.........Thought my mom had a UTI today, but ER said no......if this melatonin works I will sit at Starri's feet with a palm frond and keep all the chiggers, fleas, and skeeters off her during her trip......