This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
John - i am glad you are getting out - even to visit the old ones
YR - Happy day - I'm all for group hugs
Indy - I have a 2 story house with basement so I HAVE to do stairs - this is intentional - don't find videos work for me but u r an inspiration - s/o and I went together on a exercycle for Christmas - just need to get back on it and so does he - he has a bum knee and needs to build up those muscles - I'm tempted to say here that I just have a bun but that is not my problem area lol
ladee - Toonie heard you and is all over me now with his head on the mouse pad so I can hardly navigate - how do they know??? When Gordie died Toonie grieved actively for about 4 years - he would get a wild look in his eyes and roll over the envelope from the funeral home and yowl - how did he know - I left it on the stairs for years as he seemed to need it . Just recently he climbed into a cardboard box - had lots of those around with moving mothers stuff - it surprised me as he does not play - he hunts, then i saw "Gordie" written in the side if the box - after all these years...
I really like her because she reminds you that you are doing it for yourself! We all need some of that reminding!
I wish you could all come over for dinner! Wouldn't that be swell!!!
I'm so sorry for you guys with the health difficulties. I know it can make life so challenging. I think we all need one of those group hugs.
Well, I will be busy today, so I hope you all have a blessed day.
I did not end up going bad to bed like I said I might earlier, but I did chill out in the lazzy boy recliner. The nursing home called to inform me that my mother has a UTI which they are treating her for. My step-dad's helper called me from the nursing home to see if I could come up there today for that might cheer her up. I tried talking with my mother on the phone but she kept going in and out on me. She's on antibiotics and her body needs sleep. There are some other good reasons for me to go up there today which I was planning on doing anyway, but have my son drive me up and back.
Hope everyone will have a good day.....sounds like some didn't have a very good night. I slept okay, but as usual the blind dog woke me up around 6 scratching at her bed. Finally fell back out again until 8.
Going to take the col tonight to a town just west of us to watch their big fireworks show. We had our own here last night. She greeted me this morning singing more cowboy songs....must get her off of the Western Channel before I go nuts, but don't want her going back to CNN. I have to go show her how to use a hairbrush on her hair. With this new do she has, there is only the need for a brush, but that never enters her mind. She will either go at me for the hot rollers, the lipstick, or both. I need to make her eye appt tomorrow and find a new dentist. Hubby doesn't want to use the one we normally use because it's a forty minute drive one way....he wants to find one in either town we live by. We are almost dead center between 2 towns, so will find someone in one of them.
emjo......I don't think I ever welcomed you....SHAME ON ME......so welcome and am so glad you are with us!
ASG must really be busy, haven't even seen her on FB.
I don't have my list of friends with me, so don't want to miss anyone, but I am thinking of you today as I do everyday.........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Looked out this morning at the pond bank and there are 3 turkey hens and around 15 babies, all eating and wandering. Night before last a deer walked out of the woods and went for a drink. A bunny was wandering on the outside of the fence...waiting to see if it can figure out how to get inside and get to the garden. And let's not forget the 4' long snake skin laying out there, also on the outside of the fence, but who the heck knows where the former tenant went! Probably under the deck, with my luck. Love living in the country!
Lulu is hanging upside down on her swing like a little acrobat. Hehe.
*kisses*
Emjo, those are not flights of fantasy, this is the world I live in...I know I get on some peoples nerves with the constant bullshit that comes to my mind, but I am having fun and those that it bothers do not have to read it.... life is too short to be serious or to take myself too seriously...I take the situations seriously, just not myself ... I can find humor in anything... and as you said, keeps me sane....And kiss Hunter Toonie for me... hugs
The cat wants food and affection/attention and to hunt - must hunt. Sorry guys I know he catches those cute little creatures, but it is how he is made. He has lasted longer as an outdoor cat than most. He is 12 - outdoor cats last on the average to 8. - still very fast.
Need a vacation - know that feeling - any other 4 walls - but oooops u are looking for 4 walls too - on my prayer list - yeah always sumthing
i'm looking forward to getting out when s/o gets a break from work - maybe a trip to see the new foals and to do a little fishing on the way would be heaven.
Need to kick this flu - still coughing like a smoker and gave that up many lifetimes ago
BTW luv ur flights of fantasy - keeps a person sane
luv and hugs to everyone and have a good day ♥
I am going to work in 2 hours, woohoo. I love work. Seriously. I like talking to all the old people that come to get their meds hehe. I have them convinced that I am sweeter than chocolate cake and they just love me. I wish my Gram was as cute as them, lol.
Tomatoes are growing at least one inch in diameter per day. Freaking nuts. Just thought I would share that tid bit. And oh, yeah. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!! Not that anyone is celebrating, haha.
Well, everything is taken care of for the morning. Gramps is in his chair listening to audio books and Gram is in her computer chair playing mojong, lol. It's almost peaceful. :) Have a good day people. *kisses*
No, I do not have good genes... not on my mom's side anyway... The old man lived until he was 98, so maybe I got some of this from him, makes me feel weird that I may have to be grateful to him for something...ewwwwww.
Going to be a quite day for me and then back to work tomorrow... I think I need a REAL vacation... not just days off. like actually getting to go somewhere new... Oh well, maybe soon... after I find an affordable place to live... I just want to be settled somewhere... Ya'll have health problems, and I have trouble finding a place to call home... as Rossanna Dana Dana used to say, it's always something....hugs and prayers for everyone today....hugs across the miles...
I am still building your stories in my head so I can answer sensibly - I know there are more who have contributed to this thread - please forgive me if i leave someone out - it is not intentional - I think you all are wonderful people dealing with impossible odds and making it work somehow and my hat is off to all of u
Just settling up a new laptop as well - knocked my old one off the nightstand a few too many times and it has some other problems too - always a strain for the brain
Think taking notes is a good idea if i can just find pen and paper – I usually keep notes on my computer
In no particular order
ladee (((((hugs)))) - boy u r healthy - must have great genes! Hats off to those who manage the big cocktails. I am on synthroid and tiny dose of antidepressant which holds the fibromyalgia at bay. Omega 3 (blood fats) and niacin (blood fats) - other than that just self-administered supplements - manage to keep blood sugar and blood pressure levels with those and diet and exercise, not that I get enough exercise these days but I will - somehow
seeme - hope you and mum do well in the ER
vic - hi - glad u had a good sleep -worth gold! Happy Independence Day to you and all
John - i have had many years of trouble sleeping for a variety of reasons and ended up deciding, because sleep is so important, that I would take it whenever I can get it, Often i have slept 4-5 hours and woken up groggy - so when it hits me in the daytime - fine - I sleep and don't worry about the time of day - getting the sleep is more important – that was more difficult when I was still working ;-p
starri - top grades to you for managing all you have - I'm with you in being very proactive about my health - and have a doc who listens to me - they don't know everything - I had to research the candiasis, find the treatment protocol and tell him what to give me - THEN I started getting better - have a good trip!
To all who have cats – mine is now laying on my typing arm – he just really wants to be involved!
Seeme, I know you are at the ER right now, but am sorry to hear this trip was necessary... I hope her Dr's get their head out of their asses and get something done before you loose your mind..or end up in the hospital yourself because of exhaustion. You and mama are in my prayers today as all of you are...
hugs across the miles to you all...
Last night, I laid down around 11:30 for an entire hour and did not go to sleep. So, I got up and came back here after which I was able to go to bed and sleep about 1:30 until 5:30 after which I went back to bed until 8:15 and feel like going back to bed now.
Seeme, I'm not flying, I'm looking at a 17 hour drive..Sis is flying, she's in CA..as for the sense of humor? it boils down to either laugh or cry and I cry enough as it is.. With the HS, I ended up in ER with blood poisoning and the doctors there just told me there was something "wrong" with my blood and to just leave the lesions alone and let them do their thing. Basically "just live with it" My heart goes crazy sometimes and beats out of control, skips beats, and feels like it is trying to jump out of my chest, my cardio doctor told me the last time it pulled this is some people have to just live with it, oh, frigging wonderful, how do I decide if it is a heart attack or just my heart being stupid again? So now I just wait, figure if I quit breathing, it's a heart attack. My reg doctor asked about it the last time I saw him, told him what the cardio said and he about fainted. If these damned doctors would talk with each other, maybe we all would get better treatment for us and for our loved ones.. My doctors do not like me, I will not let them play God, I do not take their word for gospel. I read those patient information sheets that come with your meds, I go online and research what I have going on with me, research the drugs and their side effects, etc.. I am extremely proactive in my health care and like it or not, my doctors have to be as well. My regular Doctor gets copies of my med records from the others, I call him my lead mechanic..he has to know everything. He learns new things whether he wants to or not.
C? thought about it later last night, is your trouble getting to sleep the fact that your brain will not shut up? like there's thousands of people in there talking and screaming? if it is, it might be mania..I take 2 mg of Lorazepam for when mine does that, it works as a sleep aid. I hate that the news people give bipolar a bad name, all of us do not run around with butcher knives killing babies. It's not something you can will yourself out of, it's not your being lazy, when you sleep for hours at a time because of the depression, I've been called that by family. Let's see? I suffer from depression, want to dig a hole and pull the dirt in, in behind me, I have sleep apnea, so even if I do sleep for 14 hours a day, I am not rested..hmmm, so that makes me lazy? yeah right... NOT. We're good people struggling to do the very best that we can with what we were dealt. Be proactive, tell your brain doctor, your endo doctor (diabetes adds to depression) and your regular doctor, here is where I am at, you guys who make so much money, figure out what it is we have to do to get me better. As I am sure you know, getting the med cocktail right for bipolar takes some time.
Big hugs to all, alarm is now set to go off at 9, so I had better get off here and start getting things together, hubbies about as useful as a rock when it comes to this kinda thing.
John dont have BP but have had depression since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 20 years ago. For me, I have to keep on top of it cause some drugs work better than others. Have been on various cocktails some work pthers don't right now I take buspar and cymbalta and lortab for pain. Had to change docs to beg to start over. Sometimes they don't listen real well! As someone said what works for one may not work for another...hope you were able to sleep some. That in itself is the worst complicating factor. If you can't sleep your mind and body can't rest and it blossoms from there... Ughhh
I pray everyone has a good day. Happy Independence day!
What an active site this has turned out to be !! And all for us, the caregivers !! Again I thank Jam for starting this off. We have somuch advice and concern for each other that will hopefully make our days a little lighter...
Starri, there is no one like you girl, you are an inspiration.......you are probably on the flight now, it is 7:30.......like I read somewhere before.....kill him and tell God he just died...LOL...what a sense of humor you have with everything else. But seriously, make the best of this time away even under these circumstances. I could just squeeze the breath right out of you........
YR.....would you notice if one more showed up to eat??? I promise to get lost in the crowd....what's one more??
Cmag..sounds like you are in the black hole, all right. Starri has some suggestions that I hope will help. See, you are never alone here on this thread. And this is about YOU and the daily struggle you live under. We all have things to vent about the charges we care for, but we need to come here to recharge. Welcome and we hope you stay.
Indy..love your perspective on things. It's great to see the other side. Love to your and your mother....dad will just have to stick up for himself. HAHAHA
emjo, so glad you are still here. Again, this is a place for YOU. I understand about the medicine. Since taking care of mom, I have more prescriptions than she does. I would love to get out and walk, and a couple of years ago, I could, but now it is impossible to leave the house for that long. My walking is done as I take her to the bathroom !! or dr appts. yipee
Debbie.....Vanilla shakes here !!!!
Must get to mom again.....later........
Bipolar II: Diagnosis just about 3 years back, had been classified as severely depressed. Had to insist on a reconsideration of my DX, after my vacation in the local mental hospital for taking far to many xanax. Glenn said that after they fed me the charcoal I poo'd black all over the place, tried to walk out of the hospital naked, threw ice all over the security guard for trying to stop me, informed my brother if I could find crack in prison I damned sure could find a cig on the hospital grounds. When I worked for Walgreens down the road from the hospital, think I sold more cigs to nurses and doctors than what I sold to regular customers.
Diabetic T-2: Been dx'd with that for over 7 years now, do pretty good on keeping the sugar levels down.. last HA1C was a 6.0, almost perfect according to the diabetes folks.
Sleep apnea: DX about 6 years ago, knew that I snored loud enough to wake the dead, didn't know I quit breathing till hubby told me, mind you this is hubby #4, and we will not discuss the number of boyfriends.. lol.. 66.4 times per hour for up to 20 seconds at a time, makes for a lousy nights sleep.
Aortic regurgitation: A heart valve that leaks, some day soon facing open heart surgery to replace it.
P.A.D and neuropathy: makes being on your legs and walking special..
O.A in the knee's and hands. (thank God for pain pills, oxycodone 10mg.)
And last but not least: Hidradenitis Suppurativa, it's considered a rare disease that causes boil like lesions where there is skin to skin contact primarily, it can show up in other places. Mine thankfully are only about the size of a large walnut, there are folks out there that have them as big as soft balls. I have large numbers of scar's between the legs, on the private parts, the butt and under the arms and breasts. It's misdiagnosed 90% of the time, there isn't a cure or treatment out there that will help, and what does help for one might not help for another, if any of you have ever seen the seed pod from a sweet gum tree, (round pod with spikes all over it.) it feels like that thing has been placed up under your skin and is trying to get out.. Gave my reg. Doctor one of those, told him to tape it somewhere very tender and he would know what I go through when in flare, he handed it back and said he didn't want to know that bad...lol.. if anyone wants to check out the info out there on it, there is a site called hs-usa.org, but be warned the pictures are not for those with weak some stomachs..
They say its from being over weight, I was 105 and 11 y.o when I got my first one. So BS on that one..lol..
Anywho, we have not escaped yet, going to let the hubby sleep for a while longer, I don't think he slept much last night, I know that I didn't.
John, hope you finally got some rest... I am so glad Starri is here for you... grateful you posted here on this thread and found a kindred spirit that truly understands and may be able to help and support you..keep coming back. we care how you are..
Everyone else, it it time for snoozing for me, will check in on everyone tomorrow... hugs across the miles to all my friends...
I need to have another done, but at 2400.00 for one night there, I can't afford it at the moment.. no insurance to help with the cost. Do you watch your carb intake? I'm a T-2 diabetic,I don't have to take insulin, I have to keep a very close eye on my carbs and my weight (of which there is far too much of) Have you been to the nutrition classes that most hospitals have for free? if not, look into it, they have lots of information. I was told by the nurse there I could have 45 to 60 carbs per meal and they recommended I have 45 and save the extra 15 for a snack... Stay away from the subway cookies, those will cost you 39 carbs each.
I am going to try to sleep again. Night.
C ? just thought of something, what kinda shape is your mask in? or do you use the pillows? I have to replace my mask every few months, as it tends to lose it's shape and will leak air, hubby says it sounds like I am "farting" lol...
Joan, as far as your question, "Once your mum and the others are gone, what do you want for yourself? or even now - before they are gone?" I don't know what I want once my mother and the others are gone. I do know that now before they are gone, I would like a more stable energy level so that I can keep up the walking that I started and loose more weight.
Carmen, I don't think I could be your twin since I'm 54. LOL. My sugar level is pre-diabetic which is why my doctor wants me to loose weight. My sleep study test was done in 2005. I was not aware that they can adjust the airflow.
I'm on 200mg of lamictal twice a day and 300mg of wellbutrin. My psych put me on nuvigil because that is what he thought I needed to get me out of the same kind of slump back in January.
What is the dosage of the lamictal that you are taking? we've adjusted mine from 200 to 400 and now after a meltdown at work I am taking 600, with 150mg of Welbutrion. You will need to talk with your psych doctor about it, but you might have to start taking things out and putting new ones in their place, we took me off of 4 antidepressants when I started the lamictal. Which one of the Dr's put you on the Nuvigil? Were you in this depression prior to adding it?