The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Seeme, the image of you talking to your mother when you are asleep is very funny.
Starri, I agree with Ladee. Why don't you take the things you are more interested in, and then leave the house to your brothers?
Ladee, yes probably you have shocked that lady but it doesn't matter. One young boy today yelled at me because my mother was not very well placed in the car and he was afraid she would get hurt when I would close the door. I smiled at him because after all he was kind to worry about my mother, even if he thought I was a torturer/abuser.
Emjo, it seems your mother is in better health than you. For what is worth my opinion, you have made the right decision about her. If one person gets to the age of 99, she is not easily scared by life (and by nurses, and doctors, and all the staff of the clinic where she lives)...
Good afternoon to everyone and happy 4th of july.

thx starri - from what i have read moving away from family could well be good for you - I agree with ladee - if you can do it, get what you want first, traveling the usa sounds great. yes I need my health back - that has to come first. I have beat back the CFS quite a bit and the candiasis is improving but oh so slowly - I can eat meat and non starchy veg and not much more -caveman diet lol -already am allergic to gluten and dairy. Mother is very capable and has very good people nearby. The role I can take is more at arm's length to make sure things are in place for her, Up till I hit 70 i could push through these things and keep going but I can't anymore and hope you gals (and any guys) out there take heed - it catches up with you eventually and did with me in a big way. Thankfully i have a supportive sig other who understands - other than comparing me to a mare occasionally (he has horses) lol -

emjo, wonder if your mom and my dad were related... she sounds just like him.... I couldn't stand being in the same room with him most of the time and I was also the family scapegoat... My dad lived until he was 98, we all thought he was doing it to punish us!!!! Sorry there are just some of us that do not have that "connection" with our parents.. I forgave him many many years ago, so it is not like I was bitter, or had resentments, I simply did not like him... I would look at him sometimes and think if I had met this man on the street would I like him,,, the answer is no... I do not feel just because there is mutual "blood" that it makes us slaves to that abuse.. as a child I had no choice, as an adult I did and still do... This past Father's Day I was in the store and someone said something about it, I know I looked confused, and she said, where is your father, without thinking, I said, dead, thank God... well, the fluttering of eyes and pursing of lips that followed were a Kodak moment......why in the world would I say the PC thing to a complete stranger???? So I am sure if she sees me in the store she is hiding behind the toilette paper isle.... cool, one less fool to deal with...How dare us say how we really feel, shame on us.... NOT.
You have had a tough row there emjo, and what a fine lady you are... and good for you for standing up and saying no more moves....if she can do things on her own, as my dad could, then no sense in us killing ourselves over some one who doesn't care any way... so you go girl, there is something to be said for being scapegoats, if others expect the worst from us, not much we do surprises them.... hugs to you this morning.....

I understand what your counselor was saying about the detaching, mine asked me the last time I saw her, if I had ever considered moving somewhere, where I didn't have family. That thought is seriously at the front of my mind right now, traveling the usa I believe is going to work out as a good compromise..

Take care of yourself, you have to have time and health. It sounds like you have quite a lot on your hands with your own health, if mom is as you say "able" to take care of things herself, let her.

Starri, go in that house, get what is yours, and THEN give them the keys... if they are being like this now, what makes you think they will save your stuff???? You do not have to carry this whole load, and it doesn't have to be "all or nothing", get what means something to you and let the vultures go clean up the rest... I know they are going to leave a big mess, maybe you can hire someone to come in and get it cleaned up enough to sell... Wish I was there, I need a place to live and could buy the house and between the two of us we would be a power to be reckoned with.... "ugly brothers" indeed.....
Vic, the sundowning is the worst isn't it... I would just be so numb after days of it, I couldn't think, couldn't carry on a conversation, and dreaded the evenings...so I really do understand where that deep sigh came from.....
I'll let Jam explain the cow pattie thing, but it is a special prize,,,and don't worry, you'll get one eventually!!!! And these don't smell, they are cyber cow patties... of course I could walk 100 yards out and get you a real one if you want, just let me know...
Love ya both and am so glad ya'll are here helping us thru our days of tiredness, being irritable, and laughing with us.... and yes, this thread has really grown in a short time,, when God has His hands on something it will thrive....hugs across the miles....

boy, this thread moves fast ;) I really understand the need for an outlet where you can say it as it is
ladee - my Toonie is a large - as in long - tabbie - he was a stray that appeared at the door aged about 4 months and wouldn't leave - slept under the porch till the kids convinced me to let him in - we already had the springer and 2 other cats. He is the most laid back affectionate creature who NEEDS cuddles and is a great hunter (bird and mice guts on the driveway) - will head upstairs for the bedroom and look at me as if saying - well aren't you coming? My daughter named him - I am Canadian and we have a coin worth $2 called a toonie We had lost a large cat who was also a hunter and she came up with Toonie - meaning the second - # 2 and it stuck
starri - as far as putting the springer down - he could hardly stand and was in distress all summer - I slept on the sofa at night beside him till he fell asleep as he would whine when I left him alone - just not feeling good I think - finally when i took him outside to pee and he collapsed in it I knew it was time. I carried him in, bathed him in the sink, dried him off so he looked lovely before we went to the vet. I was with him to the end and cradled him in my arms and he reached up and "kissed me" just before the injection - miss him
as far my mum and distance care giving - she has borderline personality disorder (BPD) - had it all her life, I was the family scapegoat yet I am the one she moved near to 15 yrs ago - fortunately to a city 250 m away. My sister is a taker not a giver and prone to tell me what I am doing wrong but will not help. Mother is now 99 and just had a hip repair and is doing well. She is A1 according to all tests and loves walking - now that the hip is repaired her only health problem is a sensitive stomach. Over the past 15 year I have visited regularly, taken her out to meals, shopping, for a holiday in the mountains, In the past year or two I moved her from her apartment into a seniors residence at her request even though we had arranged for a senior nanny for her (who she couldn't get along with - that lasted 9 months) and after 6 months in the residence - she didn't get along and I moved her again to another residence where she has a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment and is in a good location for getting to the malls. I told her I would not move her again except to a nursing home. She is well enough off financially though using capital now to pay for this place and also for hiring help - mainly an ex nurse who shops for food for her as she claims she cannot eat institutional food even though I see items on the menu I know she could eat. She is narcissistic and always has been - age has brought some memory loss and total focus on negatives/complaints and wanting me to "fix" these things which are, in my view just "life". My health suffered from the two moves. I am 73 and have only one full hand from birth and my good arm/shoulder was damaged from the packing/moving, I developed systemic candiasis (yeast infection which spread into many places -particularly my gut) and am still battling that along with flare ups of CFS and thyroid imbalances. I am sure stress has been a major factor in these. I retired in the middle of this as I couldn't manage work and mother. I have been going to counselling and advised to back off and detach. She does not really accept that I have any limitations and still expects me to be very involved in her life even though she is well cared for by others and gets pretty nasty when I don’t do what she wants. I have a few more good memories of my mother from the past 15 years than I had for the rest of my life but even then they are not many and the price of staying close is too great. I have POA though it is not active as she is still capable of looking after her own financial affairs and has an excellent financial advisor. I will be giving up POA and recommending that she find someone out of the family to have it. There has been too much game playing for me... and so it goes.

Vic, the time away should help some, if the time frame allows, Hubby and I are going up a couple of days early, more likely though, it will be staying a couple of days longer, maybe doing what we need to do up there and then on the way back, finding a place to hide for a couple of days..lol.. Hiding somewhere else is probably a better idea, hubby would want to visit each day and I am sure that the stress of the funeral is going to be more than the family can handle, never mind having company show up. I'm kinda weird I guess, I consider each member of the family, when they have gotten married or something as a separate family unit, almost like you would friends or strangers.. and that they are treated like that, you would not just drop in on friends most of the time, if you knew they were going through a hard time, you would not press yourself on them, unless they asked.

Hubby decided yesterday that this computer needs about 200.00 worth of programs, told him to forget about that idea, we have too much coming out of a already depleted bank account. Told him he was just going to have to use one of the two laptops we have, when we get back, we'll look at where we are at.

When he first got his disability, he insisted he had to have satellite internet, then he insisted that we had to have wireless in, so that he could sit out on the porch and play with the laptop, so he can just suffer using one to the laptops.

Hey Vic, I pray you have a easy day and get some much needed rest, my OA causes a lot of pain, but nothing compared to what Fibro patients go through. The doctor has me on Oxycondone's to try and kill the pain some.

What the heck is this "cow pattie" ya'll keep talking about? dried out, they make good fire starters.. don't know that I would personally use one as that, they stink bad enough as it is, burning it I believe would be even worse.

Good morning. Starri hope that the time away, even though the reason is terrible, that you and hubby can relax a bit at least you will be away from the craziness at home.
I was trying to catch up on all the early posts that I miss will have to do in spare time. Hahaha This disussion has been so helpful. Thank you thank you...
So far so good this morning. Dad seemed to have a restful night. Only called three times I think. Hope he has a good day today.
Lets see yesterday I had me time. I actually went and had my hair cut. Then treated myself to a nice lunch. Went home, we moved in with parents, with the intention of getting my clothes all put away didn't happen! I did get them washed and dried and laid out on my bed. Maybe today I can get over there....Other than that I was so very tired. Dosed for awhile but that was restless. I have fibromyalgia and it has been acting up more lately. I did get a decent rest last night. Think I am ready for the day. I pray all of you can laugh today. Pray for me too. Will try to check in later.

Good Morning Everyone, for me? so far it is a very good morning, no one has bugged me yet, yesterday afternoon was the last frigging straw for me. I have:

A: Steve (the eldest) calling me, telling me I need to do this, why isn't this done? and we (Kirby, Jerry, & I) need to do that.

B: Jerry (baby brother) getting a attitude about everything, telling Steve that Kirby, Nan (his wife) and I are going through rummaging everything, he doesn't frigging see that he and "his friend" are doing the very thing he accuses us of.

C: Kirby (second to the eldest) calling me up drunker than a skunk yesterday yelling at me for Jerry being a little prick.

Well today ends that shit, Jerry gets a key to the house, Kirby gets a key to the house,( I currently have the only two) and both are going to be told to have the same respect for me, that I have done my best to show them, Mom left me the house, the pictures and the jewelry, if they come across any of those things, I would like them put aside for me.

Other than that I am out of that mess, I will clean up whatever disaster is left when I get back from CT. I am exhausted and stressed beyond belief, I've barely been able to get the stress levels down from caring for mom, and now this shit. I don't need it.

This thread has grown from 89 to 910 in just barely over a month's time. I believe we all truly needed this thread, thanks by the way for listening to me vent, poor hubby came home after riding and getting the bad news about his brother to me yelling and screaming like some kinda banshee. Had to apologize for that, he didn't deserve it.

holy cow 120? And yes that's my baby Lulu. Yay San Diego. Boo cheese.

Just got dad to bed, ahhhhhhhhh!{ Nice long sigh.} I love him but oh the sundowners!!
Debbie, I'm allergic to sulfates to. I love the wine but no can do. Bud lite is just fine with me. And a mixed drink every now and then. Tonight it's iced coffee.
Also have to be careful with cheese they use sulfates in that to. And MSM is sulfur. It is used in some of those arthritis joint meds. And of course some antibiotics. Woe is us!!!
I love your birdy picture. Is that your baby? It is the sweetest face.
One more week till San Diego time! Hip Hip hooray!!!
Well, I need to shower and put my feet up, nighty night sisters!!
Oh by the way, my back porch thermometer said 120 today!!!!

Hey Seeme. You're not mean. *huggies for you seeme*

Seeme, am sending prayers your way, for strength to do this for a little while longer... I love you.... hugs across the miles.

Oh, geez, mom is up hollering at dad not to break his arm....I told her to shut her eyes and she said no she wants to see if he breaks his arm....what a night this will be..........someone pray I don't use the pillow....please.....I was so mean this afternoon, mom had to tell me some people here were mean.....told her it was me.....I am gettiing close to the edge,,,, will try to read for awhile......guess I will cath her Mon and take it to doc. Surgery can't come fast enough.....nite nite......

Seeme, yeah I can't use a lot of antibiotics. Lucky for me I haven't needed them in a long time. When I was a kid I was always on them and always deathly ill, oh gee, haha. I never really used neosporan or burn stuff though. If I get burned I just run it under cold water and if I get a cut or something I just pour some peroxide on that sucker. I like to see the bubbles...rofl.

Oh, as usual I wasn't paying attention, I thought it was every "50",, you know you have to talk to me reeeeaaaalllll slllllloooooowwww sometimes... but yeha for Seeme..Or, Suzy Floozy, I like that, I think that fits her perfect...

Drum roll.......................Suzy Floozy/Floozy Suzy won the COW PATTIE!!!!!!!!! woohoo.....you go girl!

and no, I didn't realize it was 900.....just thinking about Starri saying how this thread has come along since she came in at #89.........

Still waiting to hear about Jerry ???

Toenails painted....now you can call me Suzy Floozy..........or Floozy Suzy....a nice dark burgundy.....

I take after my dad more than my mom, I think, although with age I have gotten more sensitive to topical things, like bandaids and aloe vera, especially aloe in sunscreen is a no-no. I have dad's vericose veins, OCD......not fertile myrtle like mom was.....

Heard mom holler something and she was awake saying she had to go grocery shopping......not looking good for the rest of the night. Got her to take some meds that may make her sleep for a while.....just her regular ones....no sleepy pills. I would love to take a xanax one time to get some sleep, but I am so susceptible to sleep for a week, I'm afraid to do it.

Oh, hubby get notifications about FB, so if you send something there, I will see it. I am too busy with this thread and the Kindle page and emails, that I don't go on FB much.....also too long-winded........

I've got the munchies, so I'll be back in a bit...hubby has come in for a breather.... may go say hi to him................

ladee.....have you been smoking the Pattie you won? That was 800......haven't gotten to 900 yet.....:) I'm trying to get caught up.....you guys are having too much fun without me!

Seeme, no ya'll weren't a bad influence on me, I laughed too, ,ya'll were having so much fun with your imaginary drugs....hey, can't get
busted for pretending... sorry mama just won't stop with the hollering.. that would drive me nuts.... and sending her home with the Dr. is a great idea.... that reminds me of years ago, going to a Dr. for PMS, of course it was a man and he said there is no such thing, that let's ya'll know how long ago that was... So I told him I would go
home with him for a month or two and I'm sure he would change his mind.... he gave me Xanax, what a good Dr. he was.....!!!!! Do you have allergies like you mom???
Jam who got the last cow pattie??? You are falling down on the job girl, you need to get those damned hot roller out of YOUR hair and tend to bidnes !!!


Happy to hear everyone has a semi good day... if we didn't come on here and get silly we would loose our minds... love you all, hugs across the miles...

Debbie, my mom is allergic to sulphates, too. She never was a drinker, her father was the town drunk.. but she can't take certain antibiotics, use neosporin, or the medicine that is put on burn patients. I blistered her good before she told me about neosporin. Do you have those same issues?

I thought maybe you were with us, Ladee. I needed the relief so bad then...I remember just laughing and laughing....did we get too stupid for you? Guess we were a bad influence that night...............

Vic....let us know what you did with all the time off......I'm afraid I would just sleep mine away in a nice hotel room.........

Rosella, you are so right about the easy days being just what you have to do. I had such plans for the day when I got up and almost half of it got done. Talked to Kathy, my helper earlier and told her I am so glad tomorrow is Sunday and she will spend the night. If the lung doctor doesn't clear mom for surgery, I will just send her home with him and let her scream for him all night and I bet he changes his mind. HAHAHA I can see it now..........

Jamboree.....ooo I like that.......hide the rollers before you let col in the bathroom !!! When does she go to the dentist? Does Target write long distance prescriptions? I'd ask for a pain killer, but the pain I'm thinking of killing would put me in jail, so I'll settle for lortab to get rid of my tension headaches........

ah, well, I'm getting stupid, so I'll check in later.....

Hubby is cleaning his old new truck...won't see him till tomorrow sometime...

Seeme, I remember the night ya'll got cyber high, I went to a 12 step meeting and shared about my "new friends"......NOT REALLY, but I did sign off early that night...

I didn't do any cleaning......too busy listening to this crazy woman who at one time I believed was my mother.......must be another UTI already.........she screamed all day.........even when I was napping, I heard her and answered her............I'm REALLY multi-tasking. She screamed so loud and constant about needing to talk to the dentist about the pain in one upper and one lower teeth. Told her it was Sat. We had to cancel her appt on Monday cause we put her in the hospital........ and ......SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY UPPER TEETH.....and didn't believe me when I told her !! I said I would take her to the ER, and she was ready to go !!! That is not my mother. So I told her I would get her something for the pain if she would stay in bed.....go get Hubby to come in the house....run to Walmart....everyone who lives in town who is not at the beach is in Walmart.......I grab $30 worth of Oragel, pads, wet wipes.....and when I get home, there is no tooth pain.......

We both lay down to take a nap and of course that doesn't work, but I slept and answered her at the same time.........Just put her to bed and before she starts hollering, I am going to paint my toenails. The End

Emjo, Don't know why you would say you don't belong........course you do.......and did I read your mother is 99 ??? What a long life she has had. Imagine all the things she has lived through in the last century...............

JOHNNYCARES......where are you ?????

YR, are we gone yet? Can't remember....I just know I am not all here !! heeheehee

Starri, you are a real doll, just love you......wish I was there to listen to you and help you clean up.........I wouldn't throw anything away un less you told me to......and Jerry is being a poophead? I wouldn't have thought he had it in him...but what do I know......

Time to paint the nails..........later

Starri, sorry for the loss in your family. You were very kind to buy a ticket for your SIL.
Vic... what a busy day you had! I realized that when one day is peaceful, it's busy enough. I mean, the days where you don't have anything to do, you have enough to do.
Seeme, any more news from the doctors?
'nite everybody

Hi all,glad to see everyone has had a decent day. For me time off was great! Didn't get anything done at my house...seemed like I was in a fog. Oh is should takethat back. The clothers are done and neatly shhok out on the bed!, haha. My kitty was very happy that I got to stay awhile. She is a tabby from the pound that we have had since she was about four months.. Think we have had her about10 years now.
Debbie, love your bird but I do like watching birds. We had a mockingbird nest with four babies... The hawks ended up getting them even thoug my husband and I tried to keep a watch but the hawks got them all. We have a bluebird nesr that just hatched three babies the other day.. So much fun to watch.
Believe me I dont have a good attitude all the time. This morning the words just came. I pray everyone has a good nigt. Have to get dad ready for bed, then I will be right behind him.. Maybe get a few hours of good sleep before he starts calling. Thanks and thanks for this thread. Night all.

LOL you guys are funny! I don't drink often, and at first I thought that I was just a lightweight and couldn't hold my alcohol, but then I realized, I can drink...a lot...and be just fine...if I drink anything else, but no wine. It about kills me. I'm feeling a lot better now though. Whew. And then the dr enlightened me about sulfates, oh fun.