This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Rossella, yes a sense of humor has saved many lives!!! I can find humor in anything, I get on others nerves sometimes, but I'm still laughing... guess I feel we are going to be dead a lot longer than we are going to be alive, so why not laugh at all the stupid stuff that happens, especially laughing at myself.... I just can't afford to take myself too seriously. And we can let your mom go with Sonny and the col and she can keep all the dead leaves and flowers off of the plants and we will have the best looking neighborhood in town... I can just see the little old folks converging on a neighborhood with sun hats, dragging a plastic garbage can to put their stuff in, and just not getting on our nerves for a little while.. I volunteer to watch them, not let them go into strangers houses and such, but I am not getting out of the car unless one of them falls... and if I can see from the car, they are not too hurt, then I will be loving and patient and let them get up on their own.... love ya and glad you enjoyed the "guard cat" story...
Come and visit and let us get to know you. We're actually a great bunch of care givers!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Starry, you need that trip! You have to change environment. I am sure that you will enjoy it, eventually!
Seeme, how many good wishes for all of us. You are very sweet. Tell your sister to stop talking rubbish.
Ladee, I am amazed by your sense of humour and positive attitude in any situation! I smiled at the idea of you, in an air conditioned car, while Sonny (his name is Sonny, right?) and COL keep the town clean, together!
Jam, my mother is no more the clean person she was before, but she has always to clean plants from withered leaves and flowers... I mean, she would like to put on the same dress and diaper for one week, but the garden must be perfect!
I had an e-mail from my accountant. More taxes to be paid! I want to kill the italian government
ladee.....before you move you had better pick up a big box from Nobs so we won't run out of those things...:) Target was watching a tv show last night and I saw your future ex-husband and thought of you. Don't know what show it was, some movie.
Told Target this morning that I was going to get the col to watch something different on tv if it killed me....well, well Mr. I don't do much told me I couldn't "torture" the col like that......hide and watch me. So I said fine....she's your mother, you take care of her....I'm done. Went about my business while he went to the store. Came back, took some things down to col, came back up so sweet and nice and let me know he changed the channel......."she doesn't need to watch that Anthony crap all the time"......I'm still not speaking to him and seriously contemplating making him go live with the col. And I refuse to fold his clean underwear. I don't hold grudges either....:)
Heather comes tomorrow... leaves me time to go get the dog, make the col an eye, dental and PCP appt, call and refill my HRT before I commit homicide, get the front patio work finished, make a list of items from the lake house to be brought back here.....and I'm still not folding underwear.
Time to go put the col to bed.....I would make Target but he wouldn't change her wet pants. He's trying so hard to be nice, but I don't think I like him yet.
Hope everyone has had a super Sunday.....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Wonder why her Dr. is being passive? If she is getting Alz./dementia, there are meds to slow down that process...
Your grandfather sounds like a sweetie, and to be so good natured with everything he has going on, I know you are grateful for him...
The hardest thing to learn is to not take her behavior personal... it's much easier said than done especially when you are the only caregiver....
You won't have to just survive any longer... you will meet many nice folks on this thread that are going thru many of the same things you are.. please keep in touch and let us know how you are and what is going on in your life... we are here for you.. hugs across the miles...
Why did we have kids???? Well, I think part of it is too see how much guilt we can carry until we catch on, to count gray hairs and give them credit, to have grandchildren that we wonder if they picked up the wrong kid at the hospital, because the kid is cute and smart...you know the drill, how is your dad this evening...
let us know if he is doing ok... hugs to you...
Well my 2yr old grandson is coming over for a few hrs, he and dad are about on the same wave length so they keep each other company.
I wanted to sit in my recliner and nap a bit but.........why is it that dad will sleep all day in his chair until I sit in mine and then he wakes up and his yap goes like a ducks rear end. hugs
I am feeling destructive, so as soon as the sun goes down a little farther, I am ripping out the green bean plants.....sounds like fun to me today. The rabbits will have nothing but the tomatoes to hide in. We are going to plant squash, garden peas, and green beans again in August. It can be so warm up through the middle of October, so we'll try foranother crop. Don't know if it will work, but as gardners we can't tell zuchini from pumpkins, so what the hay.........
Tomorrow is a visit to the dr doing the colonoscopy, her PCP to get the form for renewal of handicap signs, and her dentist. O boy, o boy.....While hubby goes looking at an old truck he's thinking of buying. We have a van, a sebring, a Harley and a scooter.......ah, well............later.........
seemeride - yep walmart i just got back from there . hopin that i wouldnt see anyone i knew and whew i didnt . i had a coupon from puter and printed it out , five bucks off for 24 cans of coke , cashier said oh we dont take copy prints , well ok fine . wasted my paper ,
of course when we see a adult it does makes u feel so grown up . without anyone to talk to and are in mom or dad s butt all day long it does makes u feel like a kid still hangin on to em . oh good grief ! begin away from pa oh hell yes ! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee im all grown up lalala . xxoxooxox
Target went to the store today and after he got back the col asked him to go outside and pick her some lettuce from the garden. She has forgotten she has some in her fridge already. He actually went out in 93 degree heat and did it! Going to the store gave me heart failure....but to actually go outside? I'm the one in the imaginary world....:)
Hope everyone is having a good day.......will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
And Guys, wonder what seeme meant about finally getting to have a "grown up" conversation??? I exclude myself from that comment because I REFUSE to be a grown up, but what about the rest of you..... You know I'm only playing Seeme, not about the part about me not being a grown up, we know that part is true...If I didn't let my imagination run wild and laugh, I would be in an asylum,,, maybe I'm already in one, and everything is just IMAGINARY........hmmm something for me to think about... in my spare time from weaving baskets... love ya..
I talked to the sister that comes out here most often, the one that brings her grandchildren and is no real relief for me, and told her about mom pooping in the kitchen chair.......wanna know what her response was?????............. sounds just like her old beagle that wants to go out all night and keeps waking her up, and then doesn't do anything, and why should she keep getting up, just let him shit where he wants and she'll clean it up in the morning...................................WTF???
I decided to hang up and not contribute to her stress level. This poor sister will be a great-grandmother at the age of 57 later this year...........guess she is burned out, especially since they all live on the same land waaaaay too close to each other. At least the tree is forking.....if you know what I mean.
Hope everyone has gotten a little sleep after the screaming matches and falling in ditches and going to the hospital.
Not a lot to report on so far, but then it's early. The col started putting herself to bed last night earlier than normal, so I'm running downstairs to catch her while she's still in the bathroom......don't try and hide your dirty undies. She was going to pull those poopy things right back on.....she might run out if she changes. For heaven's sake I have 160 in a box right now....do ya think that might last a week or two sunshine? Gave her night meds and she sat on the side of her bed and was being "cute", took her ears out and then starts to shout at me because everything got quiet.....and I mean shout! And laughs like she has lost her mind....oh wait a minute....she has!
I planted pumpkins one year and really didn't know how to take care of them.....they went wild through the yard, produced tons of small pumpkins and they just withered and died....something about "pinching back" so only a few will grow. Never did it again. Three of my tomato plants just withered and died....I swear I don't have luck with tomatoes unless I get the plants from Wal-Mart....strange I know. My peas aren't doing much of anything so I will probably just pull them up...have some peppers I need to pick today. It's so humid out that I don't want to venture out there.
I need to make a list for things I need to get done this week and start checking it off. That seems to be the only way I can get anything done. Is that a sign?
Time for more coffee......will be doing a drive-by for a while yet.....hope others check in and let us know how you are.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Seeme, you haven't found an OTC sleep aide for mom yet???? And I guess we need to start calling you CHARLIE BROWN, now that you have your own pumpkin patch!!!!!!! Glad I am not depending on ya'll for my fresh veggys, no telling what I would find in my basket... love it...
Jam, I have suggested a leash for the col.. but it needs to have a halter with a bungee cord so when she gets to a certain point leaning over it will spring back up to standing position... then let her pick the damned weeds until she just can't pick another one.. If we put her and Sonny together they would have neighborhoods looking good, between picking weeds and picking up sticks, they would make a pair...and me following them in the air conditioned car!!!!! No way am getting in this heat more than I have to...
Yeah, yep putting them to bed is a chore sometimes.. Ruth would have stayed up 24/7 if I had let her... and by all means let us know about the lingerie party.. we could all use a good laugh right now...
Starri, where are ya'll going to go camping, and starting in Aug!!!!! ???? No way, and having to set up and take down camp... again double no way... Just do it in ya'll's back yard and that way when you get tired of all that crap, you can go in the house...Set up a scenery movie for the hubby that runs on the windshield, he'll think he is traveling, and you can sleep in your own bed.. sorry, I am too fat and old, that does not sound like fun to me...
Jam, no I don't do Missouri winters or springs... I would rather bitch about the heat in the summer and it not getting very cold in the winter... And snow,, no way, that's stuff we put strawberry syrup on here and call them snowcones.... no way...
Seeme, tell mama she is grounded, no more shopping unless she lets you take a nap and leaving her with hubby for a little while is a good idea...
Rossella, he is fine today, will be sore, grand mal seizures take a lot out of him...He is awake now and talking ninety miles an hour...HE'S FINE!!!!!
Love ya'll, and hugs across the miles to regular posters and now and then posters...
I thought we had some zuchini volunteers from last year and I have been joking that we were growing bowling balls in the garden....Joke's on us.......they turned orange.....PUMPKINS.....forgot hubby let a pumpkin rot there last year !!! Some gardners we are !! LOL
We had a screaming match here this morning. Mom started hollering at 5:30 she wanted to get dressed.....she was cold......wanted her bear blanket...yada, yada, yada. Told her to get in bed under the covers....too early to get dressed....I am tired.....blah, blah, blah. She just wanted her way with no consideration for anyone else. I finally got up at 8:30 after hubby started hollering....didn't know he was home from fishing.......and now I am being reported on....yea, right. I told her how I knew nothing was wrong and she was just mad because she wasn't getting her way and knock it off. She started crying, but she did apologize.......it won't last long.
Now I must get a shower and go to Walmart and get supplies. Hubby and mom alone together.......oh, well.................later............
Hubby and I took the camper for a test run, went to a local camping spot and spent the night, it helped to find out what it is we're needing, how to go about setting up and taking down camp, etc.. Figuring two or three more trips like that and we'll have most of the bugs worked out, would really love to hit the road come the 1st of August, but don't know, lots to get done still.
We need better stairs, that is for sure, one of us is going to break a leg, and it will probably be me, we're presently using one of those little kitchen stepladders and it isn't safe trying to come out of the camper backwards, and hope your foot hits that top step..especially at night.
A port a pottie is next after the steps, came out of the camper to use the restrooms, went head over heels over a rail road tie they had as a barrier for a ditch, thankfully nothing but the pride was injured.
Wondering if I made a big mistake in wanting to take on this new adventure, told hubby I believed I had, he's not of much help here at the house, lol, he told me this is no different than being at home, had to laugh at him, well, let's see, at home I don't have to set things up like the table to work off of, dig out the coolers, make a full meal on two burners on a stove that I have to light and hope I don't blow myself up. At home the dogs can be just let out the door, not have to walk them to do their thing.. Ahhh, just like home huh? Told him the idea of this was so that I get to rest, not have to work even harder.
If I find that he isn't helping more, we'll be returning to home, selling the camper and living out our days on the deck..lol.. He's still capable of taking care of himself, so I would be able to rest most of the time, told him we are getting a normal camping spot, not doing what they call boondocking, at least that way I'll have electric and water.
Guess that I ought to try and get some more sleep, didn't sleep all that well out camping.
Big, Big hugs to all, hope that you do get some sleep and some peace and quiet..
So, that was my big adventure for the day,, he is ok, I am ok, and hope everyone else is ok. will catch up with everyone tomorrow... I'm going to bed... hugs across the miles...
No jam, I don't think I'll get a gals wknd. But I did get an invitation to one of those lingerie parties. That should be good for some major laughs. I'm hoping for a few days at the shore with the family next month. I wanted to bring Dad but now I'm chickening out. I'm feeling guilty about that but he's a lot of work and I need a break.
Well seemeride, I cleaning the kitchen floor and hitting the hay to. It's time like this that I wish I had a really small kitchen. Night all.
I didn't get a nap today. She says we are and then she hollers....I just give up. When she hollers she needs to go her bowels are loose, I don't take chances any more.....didn't want her shitting on the bed.
Well, I must sweep food off the kitchen floor and then I am going to bed. Everyone please have a quiet peaceful night........zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Love and Hugz,
Jam
rossella.....I would love to let the col just go outside and pick weeds until she decides she hates doing it. Problem is, she is too unsteady on her feet and she bends over and normal people will stop.....she just keeps going.....and where she wants to pick is in rocks. It's a solid layer of river rock with the occasional 1 ton boulder sitting there also. I keep a small rolling stool that I use when I need to pull weeds.....but she refuses to use it. It's low to the ground so there would be not much bending. And with the Depakote, we have to limit the amount of sunlight she gets, so I would rather she just be a good girl and not do anything. She is so confused these days that I'm surprised she even knows her name.
Everyone must be busy today.....seeme I sure hope you have been able to get some sleep. ladee....apt hunting? Too bad you wouldn't do Missouri winters, I would steal you away from Sonny and Marie..:) ASG.....close your book now and get us caught up with Aunt. Are you doing family things tonight? Sure hope so.
linda09 how's pa? I hope he's feeling good and still able to get up and around. How was the camping trip besides full of chiggers?
how's deefer, starri, mj, 54, krn, burned, yeahright, johnny and Miss Betty? Let us know how things are.
Guess I will think about dinner now....fed the col so she will veg on the couch until time to go to bed. Still discussing extra help through the week....Target not against it, I think it will benefit her, so we will see. Next week will be hair cut, eye appt and dental appt. Busy, busy................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Dad has been getting argumentative with me lately. He was never like that before.
Oh well. I just try harder to be patient.
I had to feed him his dinner because he was "so full I'm gonna bust." Amazing how he wasn't to full for the ice cream cone and he ate it so fast I was in there looking for it 'cause I thought he must have hide it somewhere!
Hubby took off for a guy weekend. I'm down with that. It's good for him to get away. But he may find me with my head through the wall when he comes home.
Oh lord, Dads rinsing his mouth with his coffee again. Thank God he swallows it.
Sometimes I just put my fingers in my ears.
Seeme, I'm so sorry about mom. Hope it all works out.
Ladeeda, I don't even know how late I was up last night. I put Dad to bed and then do all my stuff and fall into bed when I can't hang no more.
Well, I gotta cut Dads hair and do some more housework, yuck!!!
Later gators.
Seeme, I'm sorry for your mother, It must be very hard for her. (and for you of course) I'm sorry for my mother, too, when she sees that her strength disappears bit by bit and she can't be standing anymore without the help of someone.
Ladee, are you thinking of a motor home? a trailer? don't they get terribly hot in summer? Why don't you rent a room in a nice family's home? It must be cheaper than an apartment and if the room is independent, it's not so bad. At least, you are going to stay in a real home!
I am going to put my mother in bed because my brother is coming tomorrow (at last)
'night
Okay....I've done my griping for the day.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
And I will add prayer for your mom's situation... You know her better than anyone, know what she will do and not do, so hope she agrees to the surgery and maybe the Dr. can it explain it in a way she would see the benefits. If not, then we will know who you are at the airport when we come to pick you up, not the one with the sign with your name on it, you will be the one with the HazMat suit on ...poor seeme. I can not imagine, but great big hugs to you today, and much respect...
Jam, how did things go last night?? Did she finally settle down, sounds like her meds might need a tweek... don't let it go too long or you will end up with a broken leg,,,
ASG good to hear from you, can't imagine that you are so busy, all the kids, the aunt, housework, hubby, ect... we miss you.....
Rossella, I would love to come to Italy and visit you, but need to get me a home first.. then one day, boom, I may be there.. I might want to stay tho, are you ready for that??? lol...
LindaH, saw your pics on FB, looked like you had a great time... give Pa a kiss for me...
Yeah, good to hear from you even if we were all in bed, why were you up so late, maybe none of my business but will ask anyway...
If I missed anyone , i will try to answer later... The prodigal son is coming over, deep sigh, so I will be a nut case when i post again......love ya'll and hugs across the miles...
Group prayer sounds like just the thing for everyone today!
It's raining....supposed to move on out of here, then possibly severe storms this afternoon. Good day for doing absolutely nothing. The col will be sleepy all day, she doesn't have to take the dog out, will watch tv and read her paper, in fact she has gone back to bed right now. Works for me.
My son just called....his uncle passed away this morning around 8:30. I'm glad he did not linger and suffer for months through chemo treatments.
seeme.....you're right about hiring someone else for the col. Actually after giving it a little more thought, evenings aren't that difficult. So why not hire someone for Tuesday and Thursday.....that leaves the weekends and evenings to us. She seems to do so well with Heather....and I think she feels freer to argue and demand with us. So I am going to run that by Target. It still leaves us to be able to take her out occasionally and while we're gone the care giver can get caught up on things like make the bed, etc. without having her under foot.
I hope everyone is having a good morning.......like seeme.....I'm going to take a shower while I have a chance. Will check back when the rest of you sleepy heads wake up...:)
Love and Hugz,
Jam
ASG....glad to hear you are not too big for us now..lol..we need your stories......
Yearight...You just don't know how many times in a day I say that....I think of you every time....
Jam...get more help....why wouldn't you....I like the idea of having more than one person myself. I have already mentioned that to mom, but she is stubborn enough....embarrassed too much....too private...can't think of the word....to have sopmeone else see her in the condition she is in. She woke me up this morning because the smell was about to make her sick....almost crying....she just wanted to get clean. Doesn't bode well for the duration if she doesn't want or won't be approved for surgery. Everything is still up in the air. Enough whining.
Ladee....Banana Boat time.....I will pray quietly for that since I don't want to jinx it...and I just had a feeling that Sonny and Marie would help if they knew your situation. They know a good thing when they have it, and I am sure they would hate to lose you, so take any help they offer. Sometimes it works both ways....
Rosella, thanks for all your suggestions. I wonder if you have seen the barking cat video on utube. It is the funniest thing ever. Try under animals. It is worth the effort.
Linda....hope pa is doing good today and has had one of his favorite b/fasts. That is my favorite meal of the day, too. Yesterday we had biscuits, gravy, fried jowls, and over easy eggs........ah yes....a good old fashioned artery clogging midwest breakfast......gotta love it....
My time to take a shower and I am NOT passing that up. Later..............