This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad to see some of you checked in and are hanging in there.............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
So happy puppy got his rear end fixed.. he will be so much happier and maybe not in pain..
Sorry to hear about your son's uncle.. your son sounds like a fine young man, wanna trade? nah, didn't think so...
I thought there was a fence so the col couldn't get out... lord, you are going to have to put a leash on her and she can only get so far away .... I don't THINK that is considered abuse, but correct me if I am wrong...
sil was contrite and apologetic. neither him or BG are used to people confronting them about the rude and insensitive stuff they say.. I had asked him how much was my part of the light bill, oh don't worry about it, I've already paid it, ok, if it takes me awhile to find a place how much rent do you want??? Oh don't worry about that, save your money, and I'll just pay next months light bill too,,,,,,, ALRIGHTY THEN, guess he was feeling guilty, don't know, don't care, just can't get out of here soon enough...
I do have a chance to get a "banana boat". I talked to Marie and Sonny's daughter today about any places to rent or anyone that had a trailer for sale... She said their preacher had one for sale and they would find out about it this weekend for me... I know not to get my hopes up,,, but wouldn't that be a good deal!!!!! Then at least if I am paying for something it will be mine and I won't ever have to worry about being in this situation again... How about a great big group prayer..... I'll let ya'll know when I find out something... if I say nothing, then it is a "no go" and I will be pissed, and back at square one.... and when ladee is not happy she does not say much about it...
Seeme, I wish there was somthing I could do to hlep you... I just feel so damned bad about how things are going... I do love ya tho, that isn't helping you, but I have to say it...
And Jam we didn't know you were a wrestler!! Got that move on her before she knew what was happening... good job... she sounds like a child testing the limits... Love you too and now that you have Heather, I won't worry so much about you..
Guess ASG is getting so educated she doesn't need us anymore,, hope you are ok girl, we miss you...
I need to go to bed, it has been a long week for everyone... love and hugs..
The col is handling the dog being gone just fine. She is rather mellow about it. She has thanked me numerous times for taking him in and says it really is best that he stay the weekend.
My son and dil came by and son mowed, dil power washed the front patio and I cut some branches and dragged a bunch of limbs down to our burn pile in the lower yard. I turned around and there is the col at the strawberry pyramid, bent over pulling weeds, leaning against the top frame which is sturdy enough to hold a net, but not a human if they decide to fall face first onto the metal of the pyramid....:( She never heard me coming up behind her, I grabbed her around the waist and stood her up, scared the begeezus out of her......GOOD! Put her in time out and made her go inside. She looked at me and said "I don't think I've ever seen you that mad"......I asked her if she was trying to find a way back to the hospital....she came back outside a little bit later, but never walked off her patio...maybe I got my bluff in.
My son is having a hard time right now....his uncle, my former brother-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver and esophageal cancer a week ago. His wife didn't want him home with hospice, so they admitted him back into the hospital today. I doubt he will last the weekend.
Time to medicate the col and put her to bed. Will check back in a while.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Jam, glad to hear the dog is doing good. Does she realize he is gone???? Guess you are quite the princess now with all this time to yourself... I expect a handmade quilt for Christmas... you have time now...
Rossella , I promise to not make you worry!!! I am not going to go find a cardboard box to sleep in, and if I do, I will put it in BG's living room, how's that??? Just was feeling overwhelmed this morning about getting out of here... but had a talk with sil this evening about him telling me to get out asap... Wouldn't let him talk till I was done, told him I had never taken advantage of them yet, and I was an adult and didn't need him to tell me how to tend to business... told him he was drinking when he said it and I got so stiff I wanted to jump square up in his face... but knew i would have to talk to him sooner or later... so I feel relief that I said something and am not carrying that around with me....
Well, I hope every one has a decent weekend... It is too hot here to do anything,
I am having problems concentrating, feel like I am rambling, .later, hugs across the miles...
Jam, my mother never knows what time it is, night, day, afternoon, morning... this is why she never wants to go to bed. I guess it's part of the disease. New symptoms appear every day, for our immense joy!
Kathy try to take some rest! I have been unemployed for almost 2 weeks and I am literally regenerating myself with laziness and I sleep as much as I can. I feel much better. You need to stop, sometimes.
sounds like u ll have to take ur mom to bathroom the next time u need to go .
man i am so sorry . xoxo
chiggers ! they had a party in my underwear while i was sleeping all night ! woke up tchin my butt and ehere there i thought what is going on ! went to the bathroom oh my gosh ! clean it all up and anti cream meds smeared all over it and put on fresh undy and pant . damn it ! and i only pulled out few weeds yesterday , what the hell !
you all have a good weekend a,d stay out of trouble :-) xoxox
Give COL some time to level out with the new meds. She might calm down more, or may need a tweek. It took a long time to get my mom on the right combination.
Seeme, Have you tried Remeron for sleeping? Mom used to get a 15mg every night and it worked for a long time. Doctor said it was like having a glass of wine before bed. Now Mom gets one seroquel and that took a while for her body to get used to it.
Finally rid of the dizziness, so now I have tons to catch up on here!
Hope you all have a great day!
Jam
Net result of the dr visit is the recommendation of a colostomy. Mom is not fond of that idea. Wants to reconnect right away and if she dies from infection, so what. No definite decision was made until she has a colonoscopy. Maybe they can find the exact end of the other side of the fistula.
We have ruled out the following sleep aids: haldol, xanax, restoril, lorazepam, temazapam, ambien, and we will do a full test on Tylenol PM. I gave mom 1 instead of 2 last night and she got pissy with me. We will try on Sunday when help is here cause I can't do a crazy night and all next day. We don't tell her what she is taking, so it's not like she knows and is fighting it. She just has the wrong reaction. She is weird like that.....can't use neosporin, bandaids, benadryl, allegra even Silvadyne (sp?) that is put on burn patients.....she will blister or break out in rashes.......I got one weird momma.
Let me hit ubmit before something goes wrong...
ladee.....have a great day at work...hope Sonny is good for you today.
seeme.....I am hoping you are just tired from a long day yesterday and recuperating. When you get a chance catch us up with the news......we love you!
starri......hoping you have everything together and starting the countdown to vacation.....you will come back a new person and be ready to tackle "the job".
morning johnny.......how are you and Miss Betty? Will you be seeing your kids this weekend....and maybe give you a little "guy time"?
ASG......how's Aunt? You have been too quiet this week....reading or just too busy? I can see you now....kids swimming, iced tea in one hand, your book in the other and Aunt calling 911 because she can't find you.........
mj, 54, krn, linda09, rossella, yearight...............don't want to miss anyone.....hope you all have a good Friday........
Yesterday was a weird day....after we got home and fed the col, she sat on the couch and took a nap......I was able to get a few things done in my own home.....then the rest of the day and evening was spent repeating to her over and over what she had for lunch.....she kept taking the "soaking" oatmeal out of the refrigerator to sit on the counter "I'm eating that for breakfast". At 4 I went down to see what she might like for dinner and she wasn't hungry.....I can see that, the sandwich we brought her would feed at least 2 maybe 3 people, and she ate half and said she would have the other half for supper. But throughout the afternoon she ate a bag of potato chips, yes a large bag, finished off a gallon size Ziploc bag with cheese popcorn in it and a big piece of birthday cake. And drank a coke and 4 cups of coffee. We went down at 9 to give night meds and put her to bed, and there is the oatmeal on the counter AGAIN and "I'm eating that for breakfast".....it's bed time now and are you hungry? No, but I'm having my mush for breakfast. OMG, what is going on? She is digging and scratching all over and I take her to the bathroom for change and clean up and under her finger nails are black.....that's when hubby confesses he caught her earlier outside with a plastic fork digging in the strawberry patch. I ultimately allowed him to live BUT the col got a nasty attitude and refused to clean her hands, I finally had to wash her myself and then she stood there and squealed and hollered like she was being killed. Hubby finally had to take her by the shoulders and get right in her face and told her to knock it off......she flopped herself down on the bed like a 2 y/o. And yes she is covered in chigger bites from her little foray into the yard. Care giver will keep her out of the yard today.......but since she came home she has been so good about understanding she can't get outside anymore like she used to. Care giver told me Wednesday that the col bent over to pick up something from the floor and she caught her before she tumbled onto her head.
Taking col's dog in to the vet at 8:30 to have the tumor taken off his butt. Want them to keep him all weekend. She is not capable of doing any kind of post-op care and if I take him my dogs will be all over him and poor thing couldn't do any type of healing or rest. Going to tell them that if tumor has gotten into the muscle, he is to be put to sleep. How cruel for him and I can't and won't take care of an incontinent dog. So we shall see what happens.
Will catch up with everyone later.....Love and Hugz to all of you!
Jam
Hope everyone has a sane day, more later, got to get ready for work... hugs across the miles to everyone..
I shall return!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ladee hope you find very soon a very good house!
I know we don't like to medicate too much, but she is suffering as well as you. Who knows what sets her off, but it
s obvious she needs something to calm her down. And it would make it so much easier for you if she would sleep at night.
Ladee, So sorry you have to move right away! That is just cruel after all you did for them.
Jam, how's the COL doing?
Starri, Hope you are having a wonderful time traveling.
am sorry about that , pa slept so much yesterday that made me wonder if he s on his way out . now he s bright eyes and ready for some good ole bfast .
am going to have 3 grandkids all day today so i thought i bettter take a quick look here then will shut er down for the day .
seeme hope u get some rest today . xoxo
Tried another experiment last night with meds for mom.....told helper if she was getting up too often, give her restoril.......well, she screamed all night and was dead weight at the same time. Still had to go pee every 15 min. Last time up was 5:30, so this is the longest she has been down all night....about an hour. If she is sundowning, soes that seem about right? Guess her brain damage could be reacting the same as ALZ...........what do ya'll think.....does this sound like sundowning????
Ladee, does it look hopeful to get an apt quick?
Thank you all for thinking of us today. I will write more this evening.............
I thought about getting a tape recorder and just taping YES and NO at 30 second intervals, just turning it on and going to bed. Or get her an Ipod with the yes, no, not now, no one, this is where we live messages and watch tv until bedtime... She couldn't help it, but it didn't mean I wasn't feeling crazy.... I would come on here and vent, get up the next day and do it all over again,....... welcome to "the inmates are running the asylum"....
Rossella, that bad boy!!!! I can see him setting on his corner with a uniform, a monocle, and a tiny little whip, just daring the other cats to come near him...then getting in the house to spray on the pillows... He is begging you to get him fixed isn't he...if you can catch him, give him a kiss for me...
Seeme, prayers are with you today. I know you are exhausted and need answers. Let us know what the Dr. says..
Jam, hope the col is behaving and Target has moved to another chair.
I couldn't take Sonny out for his walk or yard "clean up" because of the rain, but he paced the floor when Marie went to get her hair done.. He does not do well when she is not there...I would remind him she had gone to get her hair done, and he would relax for a minute or two.
I have noticed at meal time that when Marie askes him what he wants to eat, he pretty much says no to everything, I suggested to her yesterday, just put the food on his plate, he ate everything !!! Suggested to her he is saying no without having a reason... I had fixed fresh strawberries and peaches yesterday.. as soon as she asked him if he wanted some, he said no, then he looked down and saw them and his face lit up, she finally got it, that sometimes when she is asking him if he wants salad, he doesn't know what salad is. He is doing very well with taking his meds after I showed him an easier way to do it. He'll look at me, I stick out my tongue, he does the same, puts his pill on his tongue and then drinks his water... pills taken!!!
I noticed this when I was working for another lady. She was hard of hearing, no matter who was trying to talk to her, family, HH aide, if she didn't understand what they were saying she would look at me, I would tell her what was said. And I noticed Marie doing the same thing when the HH RN was there the other day, I would tell her what she said and then she would answer the nurse... funny the things they trust me about...
Well, am going to get my name on a waiting list for an apartment and hope something opens up soon... may have to sleep in my car until then, as being told I needed to be out of here ASAP has put me in a bind...I should have known better than to believe either one of them... too much water under the bridge here and yet I was stupid and relaxed....But I will land on my feet, I always do eventually...
Hope everyone has a blessed day.....hugs across the miles....
The cats are calming down because probably there are no more "hot" females around. Giulio didn't beat the younger ones tonight, but it's just temporary... He made me laugh because he choose to stay exactly in the spot of the porch from where he could watch the movements of the other cats in all directions. He seems to have a military training in defending his territory. I would not be surprised if I saw him crawling in the garden and wearing a combat jacket. In the meantime he sneaked in the house and tried to piss on every pillow he found, before I caught him
I am glad I have no work, because I sleep, I read crime books, I don't do anything at all, except taking care of my mother in the evenings and the weekends. Of course if this situation lasts it will be a disaster. I am thinking of growing saffron to have another and more profitable job.
I went back to the beach today and it was pleasant, if we didn't listen to my mother who wanted to leave after half an hour and kept saying so every 2 minutes. But as it takes 1 hour and a half to get to the sea, obviously we wanted to stay at least 2 hours. So I gave her ice creams, decaf coffees, everything to keep her quiet. She is unhappy everywhere, so at least we try to be happy.
Seeme, I hope you get good news from the next doctor!
ASG, let's put your aunt and my mother in the same room. The problems of at least one of us will be solved!
Good night! I have a crime book by Patrick Quentin to finish and it's 3 in the night here. And I won't clean my room, tomorrow, either. I want to vegetate at least one more day! Some more days.
now where is that happy pill at ?
mslisadoll -knock what off ? lol
welcome !!
vent all u wanna , we dont care
love you all the same
xoxoxo