The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Thank you johnny......and you are our Knight in Shining Armor!!!!!

Love ya,
jam

You are forever looking at how u can help someone somewhere what a great lady u are,Jam And I thank you,johnnycares

ASG....Don't know how you do it......COW PATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WooHoo!

I hope everyone has had a good day so far..........ladee did you check your backside this morning?

The col's granddaughter came and brought lunch and belated birthday cake for her. She had a very nice time. She's napping now. It's been a long time since I have been around a 2 and 4 y/o.....I had forgotten they have so much energy. The baby got up into my lap and I rocked her to sleep and I sure didn't want to give her up.......I miss that......Before they had driven out of the driveway, the col's inner beast came to life, didn't last long, but it sure did surprise me. She tried several times to say "I would be so glad to take everyone".........hubby cut her off and wouldn't let her try to play that game; she was sure we would give in with someone else here. Won't happen. I told her she needed to take a nap, she'd had a long day and that's what she is doing.

burned.....I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Your priority should be to get yourself taken care of....your family needs you. You should follow up with some additional tests. Just because you had a seizure doesn't necessarily mean you have epilepsy. There could be several different reasons why you had one. And if I had a doctor who diagnosed a "spell" caused by constipation, I would be a streak running out of the office. There are several neurological causes that need to be ruled out. Please look for a doctor who will find the cause.

starri......the col's husband passed away in 1997 which has absolutely nothing to do with how much stuff was in her house, but I swear that woman kept EVERYTHING. Every card, piece of paper, the old records from when her husband was an insurance salesman, from the 70's. All of the people are dead now. Anyway, when it came time to move her from her home to where she is now, it was a nightmare. I found her mother's naturalization papers, she was born in Scotland, a few newspaper articles from the social pages way back in the 30's, of course the thousands of pictures, hundreds of slides, that we have to convert, never found the deed to the house or the title to her car.The summer before she moved, I was still working and hubby's schedule didn't allow him to do anything.....thank goodness for grandson-in-law.....he would go to her house a couple nights a week and took out only trash.....they checked in with us to let us know what they had done and one night they took out 58 large trash bags full!!!! And they had to take them with them because we found out the col was going out and bringing stuff back in. Anyway, we got her, the furniture which was all antiques, most of her clothes, her china, silverware, years of knickknacks and that was it. The handyman that was doing a lot of work for us asked if we would like him to go clean everything else out. I went up one day and made a pile of things in the living room that needed to be gone through and they brought in a dumpster and got rid of everything else. There was nothing hubby wanted, I had no sentimental attachment to anything, and mice had literally moved in and taken over the house. It was not difficult to get it cleaned out. Sometimes it helps to get everything out that you want, then let someone else go through and get rid of the rest of it. We found a pile of Zippo lighters in hubby's father's old desk......one went for $700 on Ebay.....so you have to go through things where those treasures may be hidden. In a desk in her living room we found a 2 carat diamond ring and $800 in cash wadded up......I shudder to think what was thrown out before by grand sil by accident....we're thinking that's where the deed and title went. I know it's a daunting task. Is it possible to just let everything sit until you get back? Let yourself heal a little before you tackle that job. Maybe that might make it a little bit easier.

seeme......I sure hope you got to do something for yourself today. Shoes.......I always feel better when I buy shoes.......my motto has always been "If the shoes fits.......buy one in every color".

hi to johnny, rossella, deefer, lindaH, and everyone else.....I don't mean to leave anyone out......just holler at me if I did.....:)

Love and Hugz,
Jam

Sometimes just to vent with us is helping ourselves in some way. I myself find this site very useful for this. So please write and vent as much as you need to. God bless and keep coming back(hugs) because johnnycares

Hi,

Sorry I have been so busy and learning to work with a new caregiver but my health is having hard time keeping with things. I have had two uti's spread out in a matter of two wks apart and then on the 13th of this month I had blacked out when to my clinic which sent me to the hospital to get a CT done and was informed I had no brain bleed or swelling involved but indicative result of a seizure. It seems so odd that I would begin to deal with this and I know couples usually sometimes experience the symptoms of the ones they love just to get some idea of what is happening to them.

I informed the doc I have had other spells in the past when I was younger and they blamed it on constipation but since I been working learning to ride my first bike ever and walking when I do not want to pay for bus ride to get my errands done. I am having physically having a hard time being there for the kids and my husband. I still get overwhelmed but now with possible epilepsy I am wonder what is gonna to come next because I still haven't got a referral to see a specialist for the cysts that I have or the referral that I been dealing with his doctor to get him seen for ALS. It seems the climb gets harder and I get lost navigating the system. I do not talk to his family because his family doesn't want to acknowledge me personally in a sense and there is a greedy gus in his family that wants to know every single detail. I have finally with a help of a caregiver got some assistance to try to derail some of the slight pain in the rear issues. I just do not share much with others online or in person yet I am craving for a connection and be a normal person to spend time with the kids and be friends with other moms but what can I do....sometimes the demands are too numerous. I am so afraid of what this doing to the kids yet I know how much they love their dad. I am out of bounds here so I know you do not mind the ramblings and rantings hence burnedncaring. My other caregiver who I get along with is coming over at so ill get some respite just I do not have or feel like going anywhere today because Ill have to take the kids. I am outta of ideas just to do things with them.

Starri, The only experience I had was with my father, who was a borderline hoarder, but he only had the top floor of the house, and he was organized in his own way. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to wrap my head around it. Mom was 'aware' then. I was back at my job after Family Leave, 2 of my sisters did the work, my hubby went back for the worst - garage and basement- and moved mom's things here in a rented truck. I was busy getting rid of the stuff I had in her room here, washing up clothes and cleaning her furniture that hubby brought back, finding new doctors for her......so you can tell that this was a joint venture and still took a total of 3 months.....add another month cleaning the house to put it on the market.....One sister had the power of attorney to sell the house, and she used the other sister's MIL as the broker....got lucky there. We saved some money for mom on brokers' fees. We were all to busy to have time to grieve, much less a good cry. My sister that did most of the work had a meltdown that took almost 4 years to recover from. She also had breast cancer at 35 and a hyster a year later and could never take hormones. She had a son in the army and a daughter in college, so she had enough problems of her own. All she remembers is the raage my dad had at the end, and the disappointed looks in mom's eyes as to how she was treating my dad. Which was wonderful in everyone's opinion.

How will you react or when? No one knows, even you, at this point in time. Just take care of yourself, and do things for yourself. Don't let bros. tell you what to do or when. Handling it from long distance is a whole other ball game. That is from my own experience talking. Don't know what shape I would be in if I had been there at the time.....overwhelmed, I am sure.

My relief is about to show up, so later.............

Good Morning Everyone, hope all are doing well. Was going to try and catch up on the posts, but gave up that idea..lol, it's 9:00AM and I have a doctors appointment for me at 11:45. Need to find out why I have been throwing up for the past two weeks, can't decide if it is stress, ulcer, or appendix..(have cramping in the lower right side)

Stress can be addressed on the trip, the others have to be addressed before we pull out. We got the camper, it's cute, we know so far that the lights inside work, the a/c unit on the top works, next to test is the fridge/heater and stove.

Hubby is picking up the trailer for the bike, we're going to test out the camper for a couple of days coming up here in the next couple of weeks. I need to get busy over at Mom's, start getting that all figured out. I think if you look up pack rat in the dictionary, you'll find Mom's picture. Have had to have a few days off, I started two days after she passed, and just could not do it anymore. So tomorrow I guess it is time to start again and I am not sure where too.

I don't believe Baby Brother wants to get into it, the other brother here, we have not heard out of since the signing of the cremation papers, and then there is the "brother" in CA, called me the other night giving instructions on what I should do and what I should not do. We all know where that instruction is going to go.

how have those of you who have had to go through this handled it? I know at some point and time I am going to melt down into a basket case...

Good morning, Seeme, did you get the email about the "wind tunnel" pants????
Have a good day Seeme, and stop and get you an ice cream cone somewhere,,, love ya...

Good Morning, Everyone......

Starri, Are plans coming together or have you already taken off on your vacation? Try to stay cool !!

ASG....I am the one taking care of mom, not Ladee. She has her couple, if she doesn't kill them by making them laugh to death. I bet they are having just as much fun as they can handle, and so happy they have her.

Today is my day off, at least for a few hours. I will be doing some shopping for supplies and such, so I will check in later.

Good luck findiing a good place to stay, Ladee.

Hey guys, aunt watch the kids???? Yeah she would probably end up in the cat carrier lol. Yes I'm really gettting a lot of good information. Aunt seems kinda confused the last few days. Not all the time just in spurts. Couldn't remember having supper last night, she had woke up from a nap. She did eventually remember she said. Then when I handed her the lancet for taking her bs she pulls her shirt up and tried to use it as a insulin syringe. Then askd me if I thought she was getting alz....no.....I told her. Your just 85 that's all. Made a joke about it. Yep..I wienered out. Didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. She had been doing that thing where she breaks out into tears for about 3 days. Ladeeda and jam might find this funny in a crazy way, she was crying over the ASPCA commercials!!!! You know the ones with the poor little abused animlals in cages! I did tell her this weekend she sure does get upset at little bitty things, maybe youu could talk to dr. Bout that. Nope I'm allright she says cleared up her tears and just like that she was fine again. Well think we are gonna get some ain I hope tonight, my garden sure needs it. Talk to you all laters.

Rossella, yes, already looking for a new place to lay my head. I really got upset when the sil said I needed to get out as soon as possible.... so all of you that know me, knows he can kiss my ass, and I can't wait until I am away from here. It is so crappy the way they did this, for months I have been hearing that I would have a place to stay and rent... now, BOOM, so , I have to look at it as a blessing in disguise. I am staying to myself, go out back to smoke, I do not want to see either one of them until I get my feelings straightened out... I will say something that will only lead to further hard feelings, so, if they leave me alone, I will leave them alone... wish I had the money to come to Italy and help you so you wouldn't be a "little" stressed.... but I would have to leave my sweet little couple and just can't do that...
Hope things settle down for you some, I worry about how hard you have to work to keep things going... but guess none of us get a free ride do we.... shucks, and we wanted things to be so different at this time of our lives... I will soon be 61 and still have no place to call HOME.... just wasn't meant to be I guess....anyway, I will land on my feet, I always do, but damn I get tired of being "strong", don't ya'll???? Love ya lady and try not to work too hard.... hugs across the miles to you..

Hi everybody... Peggy, I live in Italy so I can't give you any good advice on the steps you can make (from a practical point of view) but I feel for you. Nobody of us is in an easy situation, but it seems to me you have to find a different solution! Please keep us posted. You are going to find very good friends here. People who can really help you because they know first hand what happens to you...
Ladee are you already looking for a new place?
Good luck to all of you who have problems of health. I am just tired and a little stressed. (a little!!!! that's funny)
Kisses

howellspeggy......welcome and glad you came for some ideas of what you can do now. Oh boy, you do realize that with diabetes and that kind of diet, he won't last long? Sorry to be so blunt....but there it is. I guess the first question is do you love him? Doesn't sound like it so as ladee says....it's time for a phone call to the sons. He is their responsibility, not yours. Your doctor needs to give you something besides vitamins......and your nerves need something other than a counselor. When was the last time you went for a check-up? It sounds like it's time to pay some attention to you and what you need. Is your name on any of the credit cards? If not, don't worry about them....not your responsibility. Who's money is in the bank, yours, mine or ours? Split it down the middle and use it to help you move. Call your local Social Services and inquire about senior housing. In my area, there are several and they are really nice apartments and the rent is based on income. In the meantime, you would probably qualify for a women's shelter. It would give you a place to go and they could assist you in finding a place of your own. Do you have any family that could help you? Check with some nursing facilities in your area, some have separate apartments for those that want to live in an area with other people, but they have to pay extra for any medical or nursing services. They are set up to be stand-alone apartments. I'm so sorry you are having to live like this. And the larger dogs may present a problem in some areas, but keeping them is not insurmountable. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing...........

The "Princess" has landed....lol. Those two are going to be a handful....they had so much fun together. We caught them on the couch watching CNN and laughing and having a good time. They told Target to remind me at 3 that I needed to come down and show the bath routine. The col is marching down the hallway singing something.....yes marching and I don't remember what she was singing. Bath went fine without a hitch. Unless something happens with Heather's children this should be a great match. She has a 4 y/o that has so many medical problems it's scary, my dil is watching him so I can have momma. Sounds nuts I know but it works. Oh and I did have some grapes, but Target didn't peel them and would you believe Target actually took my blind doggie out to potty all by himself while I was bathing the col! Bout passed out when I saw him sitting on the deck stairs......thought h$ll had frozen over....lol.

Hi johnny....good to see from you.....how is Miss Betty? Feeling okay?

Hi to everyone else......please post when you have a chance and let us know how you're doing.......

Love and Hugz,
Jam

howellspeggy, keep posting and letting us know how things are working out for you. It feels overwhelming now, but something will break for you soon...good luck and prayers to you. There are some really great people on this thread that may have other suggestions so keep posting and you will meet some great friends... I would be crazier than I am without them... and yes my cat the Diva, is 15 yrs. old, no way am I going to give her up... she has been the one consistent thing in my life all these years, so she goes where I go... hugs across the miles....

thank you ladeeda. iwill take your suggestions and i can tell you are a fellow animal lover.After 10 yrs. they are seniors too. Most of all thak you for caring

howellspeggy, first let me welcome you to the thread.. We'll see what we can do to help.. I understand about not having a place to stay, am in the process now of trying to find a place to live...and my cat, well, where I go, she goes... And yes you may need to find a place for yourself, but a phone call to the sons is needed and they can deal with what to do with their dad... Or social services can be called in and they will take care of it... but sounds like you need to take care of yourself first...Are there any "sliding scale" type apartments in your area? The kind where you have a safe place to stay and you pay according to your income??? Problem there might be them not accepting pets...and I will sleep in my car before I give up my cat, so as crazy as that sounds, there it is... guess after we get a certain age we can become as crazy as those we take care of, when it comes to my cat... oh well.
As Johnny said, there are many answers on this sight with alot of information. Look under the last post on this page and you will see Quick Links, Senior Living Directory.. there may be some answers there for you.. please keep us updated as to how things are going for you...hugs to you..

Did you married him? If not then look at some options for yourself. I seen some places in this site that will offer you help. Your local senior center will have more information. Keep posting and let some of us help you . Do not give up. hugs,johnnycares

I was offered a place with an elderly, 80 year old gentleman. At first he seemed o.k. He said he would pay all the bills & I could save my monthly Social Security . Well, I am 70 and my husband had died 11/2 years previously , and at the time I actually had no home. The idea of having a place to stay and saving for future sounded great. Well, he bagan going down-hill pretty fast. He had a wreck and lost his driver's license, that meant he could not continue at a parttime job at Walmarts. Now his eye sight got so bad he cannot read his cell phone. His hearing is so he may pick up about 1/2 of what's said. He is diabetic and insists on eating candy, cake, Little Debbie things are his favorite. He has gained 20 lbs. in last month about 280 lbs now.
He falls a lot and I have to have paramedics to get him up. He is uncooperative in all areas. Unkind and unthoughtful. Actually a " rude , crude man.
What really galls me is I have been putting in money for last 4 months to household. He is still in financial trouble and wants me to handle it. He has maxed out 4 credit cards and owes IRS. Our current bankbalance is - $400.00
I see a counselor for my nerves and My doctor has given me lots of vitamins. I have started getting dizzy and passing out from stress.
I don't know what to do as I do not have a home and only have Social Security.
His 3 sons don't seem to be concerned they live at great distances from here.
I know I need to find a place for me and then find a situation for him.
He is perfectly lucid some days and others very confused.
Main reason I came here is I have 2 senior border collies and want them to live out their life with me.
I am so depressed most of time I can't think straight. I am afraid I cannot afford to go out on my own even though we are in trouble here.
This may not sound so much to some of you, but at 70 and no home and small check eack month it seems unsurmountable to me.

ASG, let the aunt take care of the kids and get caught up here girl.... lol... You are going to have so much to share when you get done reading all that stuff. proud of you!!!!!!!

Jam, or should I say Princess Jam, are the bonbons all gone and did Target peel you any grapes?????? Haven't posted that Heather came screaming up the stairs saying "no way , you don't pay me enough!!", so guess things are going good. Let us know if Heather is going to have to start her own thread......."AND THEY WANT ME TO DO WHAAAAT???". Poor ol' col, like Ruth we are having too much fun at her expense....and a friendly reminder, the col is putting toilet paper in her pants NOT bananas and kitchen knives... so far so good. I think I still get the blue ribbon for strange things found in their pants...

Seeme, Glad you got some rest last night.. I have a question, if she can not take her neb mask off , how can she go shopping????? OH, I see, she can't call "someone" about the shopping... I get it now..Hope the Dr. visit gives you some answers.. and soon.
Bhenson, are you new here or have I missed you posting before? If your new, welcome, if you have been here before, welcome back....
more later, I need to do laundry....

Hey every body!!! Lol jam. I downloaded it to my android, so evrytime I have a min. I read a page or two, very hard thing for me to do. I've also been rwading on it while the kids are swimming in the eve, for about an hour after evrything is done I take em out. Ladeeda, I've only read two or threee pages of elder rage. I didn't know you cared for your mom also. Hey rosela, deef, starii, seemer how are you my dear. I really need to read back and catch up. Loove ya guys.

Yahooooooo, Jam, be sure to get a briefing when she leaves today, and hopefully she will come back !!!! I hope helper can get col to do some different things.

Burned, keep us posted on your health. This caregiving thing can really get you down, both mentally and physically. You can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself.

Bhenson, Welcome to the poop thing.....a never ending source of laughter, or you WILL cry.......

ASG.....getting to be a source of amazing information. My sister read Elder Rage...thank God I don't have that with mom, but she had it with dad.....

Got to get some housework done inbetween running mom to the bathroom........

Good Morning Posse!!

The sun is shining and the new care giver starts this morning! Oh please let this all work out......I decided with someone new that might be a good way to get the tv on another channel. Last night I was getting my 20th update on the Casey Anthony trial and I finally looked at her and said just stop......I don't care, I've heard it all, no I can't imagine how a mother could do that, I don't know why she did it, but I DON'T CARE..........."fine, I'll never say anything about it again".....alrighty then, that's a start. Watching that depressing stuff cannot be good on a demented mind.....

ASG.....better watch out......I may just have you give me book reports....:) It sounds like you are getting a lot of good information. I just may have time today to open my Kindle.

seeme.....looking for a coat reminded me of the mohair sweater and flannel tent (jacket) that the granddaughter sent the col. And he refuses to give them to her. It still makes me angry to send something like that.

ladee.....you're going to find a fabulous place to move and you will forget about BG and sil....and every time you see that For Sale sign still in the yard, you can laugh all the way home. Will they give you visitation for Nobs?

burned.....glad you checked in. Hope your episode was stress induced only. Keep us posted and let us know how you are.

rosella......you are so funny! Have mom hold a sign that says "See you soon" with a suitcase beside her and send that to brother.........that ought to wake him up!

Hi and good morning to everyone............almost time for care giver....need to go let her in and give her the new keys! Yippeeeeee!!!!!!

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

OMG I too, had the poop thing yesterday! It's really getting to me. Cleaning mom alone took 1 hour and one whole box of wipes then a shower. It was on the floor, sink, walls, toilet etc and how it drys so fast is beyond me. I was scrubbing for another hour at least. I, unlike you, don't think I can take this much longer. I have 7 people living in the house and it's caos here. Then mom says to me later, "well it wasn't that bad was it!" OMG

Good Morning, everyone. I hope the day gets started off with good humor after plenty of sleep. I am almost giddy with it, sleep that is. We had a thunderstorm last night and some rain which we sorely needed. Help was here last night and took the brunt of a bad night for mom......up 4-5 times and hour. She wrote times down for a while and then gave up after she took mom in the kitchen for toast and a breathing treatment. I am so glad I was spared all of that. And I wouldn't trade Kathy for the world. Just hope she doesn't get burned out.

Mom wanted to go out yesterday to find another (3rd) electric throw at Bed,Bath, and Beyond, so I took her. When we got in the store, she told me she also wanted to look at leather coats. Rriiiiiiiiiiiighttt. It is June, mom, let's look for the throw first. Nope, don't have any more, but we can look for the coat. Gee, mom, I don't see any clothes here. Let's go to the mall. Before I got out on the highway good, she wanted to go home, so that was the extent of our trip out.

Now she will sleep all day no mattter what I do, and I have housework that needs to be done in other parts of the house, so she will sleep if it is just in her chair.

Will check back later...............

Hey everybody. I've been so busy. Briefly checking in. I saw a newbie who seems to be in a similar situation exept ouch with 2. It is so hard dealing with the kids and elderly under the same roof. Not sure how old your kiddoes are. I hav a twelve year old daugter that I let rea d a portion of the book the 36 hour day. It has a chapter for children and teens. my aunt who I care for has not officially been diagnosed but it there. And so much more evident after reading this book, to my. Daughter to. Its hard to find that thin line. You are right you want to be protective of your children. Mother bear feelings come in and say wait a minute my child, my house, my fridge they can get in there if they want! The cargiver part of us is annoyed but says, she can't help it, its not her fault. The best way I have learned to respond is I don't , iif it is somthing little that I can explain to my child later and say she dosnt understand, I know its hard for you, this isn't her anymore, its the disease. I have also learned the term litle white lie. Oh yes auntie I told her to get into the fridge. Nope I don't mind if they stand on the couch, its old. No she wasn't playing in the dish soap, I told her she could wash her hands. Somtimes it dosnt even have to make sense. My kids have learned to a point to get around stuff to. For instance my daughter has rearranged her room so its less accesible for auntie to just walk right in. Hang in there. Its hard. Will post more tommarrow.

burnedn, happy to hear you have some help,and I think riding your bike is so cool. Let them poke fun, while you are HAVING fun...Hope your health issues turn out to be minor. Keep us informed.. we care, hugs across the miles..

good way to look at it Rossella, I'm trying not to worry. I will end up where I am supposed to be... thanks for the love and support... hugs to you

sorry been busy and i have caregiver help coming 2x a wk besides me still taking care of my husband. I had incident myself that may indicate a seizure won't find out until this wk. apparently with the stress and dealing with things in general i had some sort of blackout but I am also getting along with my bike tho ppl here in town are poking fun at me riding a 24 inch with training wheels. Laugh I do not care at least i am at doing it in my 30's not in my 50's lol.

Rossella, I just love you, plain and simple.... hugs across the miles to you..

Ladee, so you are on the move again!!!! You'll find a better place. It's like being in town and find all traffic lights green, one after another... Don't worry!