This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Now we have another dr app next week with a colo-rectal surgeon. The dr will need to decide if mom is even a candidate for surgery. She has so much bad bowel, that between us I don't know if she won't have to have ostomy surgery. Wouldn't surprise me. I could handle that better than what we are going through now, but I don't know what mom thinks. She knows she has to go to another dr, but not when. Does no good to tell her. she is sleeping now....feels like she was on a long trip today and her back hurts. Gave her half a lortab and a breathing treatment and she is out.
Again, I'm sorry Linda, please accept my apology.
Almost visiting hours. Will check back in later.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
See if I can get something written and sent. Had a whole story written and it went POOF!!! So I will try again only with a short version this time!
Carmen......we will take brother.....we'll just pass him around with all of us. This must be so hard for him and he still feels the need to help momma. Give him a big ole hug. How are you doing? Getting some sleep I hope.
johnny.....how are you doing and Miss Betty? Haven't heard from you, hope all is okay.
ASG.....better slow down a little......how is Auntie? Glad you found the book. I still haven't started it yet, better get to it I guess.
Thinking about you seeme.....hope mom's appt is going okay.
ladee.....you will be tired today especially if Sonny gets out to clean up yards. I wish that's all the col did, was go after the sticks. Now you make sure you cook extra today.....:) you know I love ya!!!!!!
Col is still scheduled to come home tomorrow. I'm ready for it myself. Everything is done, the only thing I need to do is go grocery shopping. And I will do that tomorrow. Today it's storming and pouring down rain, so staying in and enjoying this last day of freedom.
Hello to everyone.....check in please and let us know how you're doing.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Just brought him back from town, and he decided he would not be over there again today, told him I was going to make sure the house was locked and come home and take a nap myself.. Might go over again later this evening, don't know..
Take care
Carmen
guess gotta change her every hour or so to keep her dry so it wont stick to her bottoms . when pa is bed rest i use diapers and close it lose so it can be air dry .
alot oftimes he s layin on his side i prop the pillow on his back so he wontroll over to his back , he s stay sideways , i hate it when he has bedsores .
jam - am glad to hear col is doing well , she sounds so cute , glad to see the fence is comin along good , didnt take long for em put em up ?
seemeride- are u getting any sleep ? geeze woman i remmy those days , pa used to do that to me for 8 mos straight , gosh was i a zombie .. there is some night s its hollarin but now here laley he sleeps and sleeps . ole pa hes so tired and worn out .
asg - glad to hearthings are same ole same ole , thats over here too . i ll be takin off friday afternoon and go camping with bunch of friends all women no men no kids ... friends of friends and list goes on and on . 25 th annivesary . so it ll be fun , go tubin or caneoing and play cards all night long .
i am sooo ready to go !
thinking of HB , xoxo
Hope everyone is having a good evening,
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Brought the other Brother home after taking care of things, asked him if he needed anything from the store, told me he "needed" a 24 pk of beer, but didn't have the money for it, he didn't need it, but then again, this is going to be his way of dealing with the grief, so I stopped and picked it up for him.
It was all I could do last night to not have a beer or a drink with dinner, I have over 18 years of sobriety, I knew it would not serve any purpose for me to throw that away, it would not bring her back. So I could understand exactly where he was coming from.
My Sister in Law, has three days off for bereavement and her two regular days off, which will be good for both her and my brother, she'll be able to be there for him, when he needs someone. Hubby is going to take a one day motorcycle trip as I don't need him here right now, he'll be back tomorrow evening, and I will need his help this weekend, for moving stuff.
We're waiting on my disability back pay to come through, then when it does, our two dog's and us are packing it up and taking a couple of months vacation. We haven't figured out yet if we are going to take the cat or find her a new home..traveling with the dogs is going to be fun enough. Squeek travels well though, no car sickness and doesn't go crazy. amazing for a cat, she and both dogs are best buds..they all curl up together. My therapist gave her to me, I might ask if she would like to have her back.
Anyway, I've taken the next couple of days to just veg, so I believe I hear my pillow calling my name... Love and Hugs to everyone
Carmen
I'm very tired this afternoon. This life is taking its toll...
Jam, the men that were in my garden were not doing pleasant things, let's say that the situation killed the romance.
My brain is really tired this morning....I guess if I do laundry I can't get into much trouble that way.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Yesterday all day she only went to the bathroom 4 times. Last night it was every hour. When I asked her why she said maybe it was because it was dark. Hey, are we sundowning in her own way? She did not get a nap at all, so she should have been out like a light. Wish I could find a sleeping pill that wouldn't make her worse. And I am too chicken to try anything I already have. Maybe I will experimint over the weekend, when hubby doesn't have to work. Tomorrow is the big appt. day, so I mut make some calls and still fill out paperwork. I was too relaxed after my pampering last night to do it. Everyone have as goos a day as possible.
Johnny, here's a hug for you and hope Miss Betty is well also.
Jam, something may have to be done about the puppy's butt. He's probably growling because it hurts and he's crabby. Gonna try the vet again? Let me know what the vet says. Hard to believe it isn't a cancer, with all the mess, it should be.
The dust is now thick enough to write on. Guess some housecleaning is in order, so I will get moving.................Later.........
The heart hurts, and now starts the process of tying up the loose ends of death, cancelling services, arranging pick up of medical equipment that was supplied, cleaning of the house and putting together things that were left to others. Why does death have to hurt so much? Hospice has been the greatest blessing that one could ask for. Their care and devotion to the comfort of everyone, not only the patient but the family as well.
There at the end, she was in labored breathing with something coming out of her lungs, I was able to clean that up and her final breathes were calm and easy.. I am so grateful that I was able to make it there in time to be with her.
I joked with her about it being a good thing there wasn't a cop behind me, cause I would probably be getting a speeding ticket and jail time for failure to stop for a police officer.. I was there for maybe twenty minutes before her last breath.
I go in a little while to pick up two of the brothers and take them to the funeral home to sign paperwork for the cremation. After that the paperwork will be faxed to the brother in California. and then we will be able to cremate..
Talk with all of you later, may God give you strength to endure.
deefer got the cow patty for #500......woohoo!!!!
rossella.....you would have to have the patience of a saint to go shoppy-shoppy with the col! She told us yesterday she loves to just pick up things that are so pretty, and showed us how to do it, and put them in her cart. Oh my.....:) And that's the problem....the last time we took her shopping she spent almost $200 and every piece of the fresh fruit and veggies I had to throw out because she wouldn't let me do anything with them. Sometimes it was easier not to argue with her. I did manage to take the green peppers when she wasn't looking and make her stuffed peppers. But now all meals will be catered for her, so we don't have that to worry about.
So with all those men in your garden, there wasn't a keeper at all? That's too bad...:)
With the col still being held hostage it's pretty boring around here. Not much to report. I do need to see if I can find some of the bibs they are using on her at meal time.....she raved about the one she had on last night, so I will see if I can find some. If not, I will just make her some. Taking the dogs in to be groomed on Friday and I'm sure there will be an extra charge for the col's doggie's butt. He growled at both of us this morning while we were putting them all outside. He has decided that he won't go easily and that's unusual for him. He doesn't act like he is in pain, but if his temperament starts to change.....I wonder if they make doggie Valium?
I hope everyone had a good night and a better day to look forward to......ladee and sonny will be playing pick-up-sticks, and seeme will be redoing her little tootsies, 54...where are you? Please let us know how you are doing if you are just reading.
ASG.......how ya doing? Been thinking about you. Planning a vacation? We were talking about taking the rv down to the park beside the Branson Landing, don't know if that will even be possible this year. caretaker, krn, deefer, linda, angels to starri, don't want to leave anyone out....still soaking my brain with coffee!!!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Caretaker... Does your husband have a brother? Otherwise, is there a shop where they sell men like this? I don't know any of them.
My garden was full of men yesterday, but they were just cleaning my sewer. It was funny and I will post some photos on Facebook. It was not too expensive (I have not paid, yet, anyway...) but I shall have to make more substantial works in the future. One day at a time, one day at a time... I am just glad yesterday I could take a shower and start a washing machine.
I'd like to go shoppy shoppy (I could take COL with me) but I can't right now.... I owe the dogs a long walk, as yesterday I couldn't take them for more than half an hour! Have a nice day everyone, as much as you can.
Jam, Hope they straighten out COL for you.