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Linda.......so sorry I jumped on you this morning...it has been so stressful trying to deal with this mess at home. I was listening to my cry in the bathroom because she stinks and has to wear pads and diapers and we go to the bathroom 4-5 times an hour and I am constantly changing pads out and I just couldn't take any advice from anyone.

Now we have another dr app next week with a colo-rectal surgeon. The dr will need to decide if mom is even a candidate for surgery. She has so much bad bowel, that between us I don't know if she won't have to have ostomy surgery. Wouldn't surprise me. I could handle that better than what we are going through now, but I don't know what mom thinks. She knows she has to go to another dr, but not when. Does no good to tell her. she is sleeping now....feels like she was on a long trip today and her back hurts. Gave her half a lortab and a breathing treatment and she is out.

Again, I'm sorry Linda, please accept my apology.
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ASG....so glad to see you reading and becoming more enlightened to what you are seeing with Auntie. After they diagnosed the col with the manic attacks, you should have seen the little light bulb come on over my head...lol. Her diagnosis is still dementia, with symptoms of depression, manic attacks and a defiance disorder. So I'm stuck with an argumentative, depressed, crazy old lady!!! She is sounding better and is just the most chatty little thing. Must be the Namenda making her that way. I may find her care giver hanging from the rafters...lol.
Almost visiting hours. Will check back in later.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Jam I also got one called, elder rage. I think its more of a story. I will let you know. I do need to slow down. Lol. I have just read a few pages. I love reading. I don't anymore much thoug because when I start I normally can't stop. I take a book, can't put it down. Spend all my time on it till its finished. Thiw is the kinda book thoug I can find a good stopping point without wondering what's gonna happen next. There iss lots of good information so far. After all this reasearching I've been doing I see how now the manic deppression is PART of dementia. I think she was misdiagnosed maybe. I think she had this back then. I think my mil was onto somthing and the dr. Wasn't.
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Good afternoon Posse!

See if I can get something written and sent. Had a whole story written and it went POOF!!! So I will try again only with a short version this time!

Carmen......we will take brother.....we'll just pass him around with all of us. This must be so hard for him and he still feels the need to help momma. Give him a big ole hug. How are you doing? Getting some sleep I hope.

johnny.....how are you doing and Miss Betty? Haven't heard from you, hope all is okay.

ASG.....better slow down a little......how is Auntie? Glad you found the book. I still haven't started it yet, better get to it I guess.

Thinking about you seeme.....hope mom's appt is going okay.

ladee.....you will be tired today especially if Sonny gets out to clean up yards. I wish that's all the col did, was go after the sticks. Now you make sure you cook extra today.....:) you know I love ya!!!!!!

Col is still scheduled to come home tomorrow. I'm ready for it myself. Everything is done, the only thing I need to do is go grocery shopping. And I will do that tomorrow. Today it's storming and pouring down rain, so staying in and enjoying this last day of freedom.

Hello to everyone.....check in please and let us know how you're doing.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Thanks ASG, anyone want a younger brother cheap? I'll pay for his plane ticket, he woke me up at 630 this morning, just had to get into Mom's...I had and have it locked so he can't, he wants to move in with trash bags and just start throwing stuff away, with no concern about anyone else maybe wanting some memories.. I went over and he did absolutely nothing but wander around the house..

Just brought him back from town, and he decided he would not be over there again today, told him I was going to make sure the house was locked and come home and take a nap myself.. Might go over again later this evening, don't know..

Take care

Carmen
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Seemer good luck honey, hope you find some awnsers, linda hay lady! Glad pas getting some sleep you too! Ditto on the road trip. Jam, tommarrow? Hope everything works out well, all that in place should really help bunches. Lol said she could handle the nuumbered kind.I'm so glad she sounds better, I was able to get a copy of that book off amazon. Ladeeda, sending you a great big hugg just because, how things with sonny and his lady? How baby busey by the way?johnny, hey guy. Hope the wifes well, you are such a caring person. I don't know if I had alz. If my hubby could do it. He can never ever find anything on his own. Starii, proud of you. I know this is a hard time. To all those who I don't know your name hello. We love hearing from you.
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oh my gosh ! i didnt know that , oh lord !!! is there anyway they could get in there to correct it . oh gosh i can just smell it now . blahhhhh , im so sorry hun . so very sorry , i sure hope in lords name that can be corected . thanks for fillin that in for me , crap i never know such thing ! hugs to u and ur mom . xoxo
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Actually, Linda, it is a fistula. Look it up. Then imagine a 83 yo woman who can't do for herself. Have shit coming out of your vagina and tell me how to keep it clean so she doesn't get an infection. Dr. thinks her small intestines have attached themselves to the top of her vagina and produced a tunnel so the shit gets out. Or she's had a rupture in there some where and that is how it is getting in the vagina. And the barium enema didn't find anything. So for six weeks we have been putting up with this. I have done my best, which is why we have resorted to Duke per OBGYN's advice. Thank God Mr. Jam turned me in that direction. When ya'll face the same thing, give me some advice.
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seemeride- damn i hate the heavin gaggin . blahh . sounds like some bad infections going on . pa once had a bacterial in his stool and that almost killed him , damn it doesnt get any better .
guess gotta change her every hour or so to keep her dry so it wont stick to her bottoms . when pa is bed rest i use diapers and close it lose so it can be air dry .
alot oftimes he s layin on his side i prop the pillow on his back so he wontroll over to his back , he s stay sideways , i hate it when he has bedsores .
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Seeme, I pray you get answers today.. You are right , this can not continue, for all involved. Stand on that Dr.s neck until you get some answers, your mom deserves a better quality of life than this,, and you deserve a break... let us know... love ya and be safe...
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Help had a rough night last night. She said the smell was so bad it made her heave........a certified cna.......she had to go outside to breathe. I knew this was not "all in my head". I just pray we get a game plan going by the time we leave Durham. I don't see how we can keep going on like this. It's not just the drainage, but her pads and diaper are getting to her bottom, wearing it out. Some of the tape stuck to her butt and looks like it tore some skin off when she removed it......allergic to adhesive. Just pray we get some plan of action. Everyone have as good a day as possible...........
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Thanks Linda.....yes the col is ready to come home. She does sound so much better. I'm hoping the argumentative attitude is a little more under control. But she won't be able to get herself in trouble anymore so that is one less thing to worry about. I saw some weeds today that I need to get pulled before she sees them, but it's supposed to rain tomorrow, nice Friday for her homecoming, then rain again over the weekend. At least that will keep her in and out of trouble.
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starie- u should take the cat too . 2 dogs and a buddy cat be heartbroken to be split up . u will too . i know i will :-( . couple mos vacation wow ! u go girl , u deserve it . my plan is to take a road trip and go where i wanted to go . when my caregivin days are over then zoom i go . i wish u and hubby the best time ever ....
jam - am glad to hear col is doing well , she sounds so cute , glad to see the fence is comin along good , didnt take long for em put em up ?
seemeride- are u getting any sleep ? geeze woman i remmy those days , pa used to do that to me for 8 mos straight , gosh was i a zombie .. there is some night s its hollarin but now here laley he sleeps and sleeps . ole pa hes so tired and worn out .
asg - glad to hearthings are same ole same ole , thats over here too . i ll be takin off friday afternoon and go camping with bunch of friends all women no men no kids ... friends of friends and list goes on and on . 25 th annivesary . so it ll be fun , go tubin or caneoing and play cards all night long .
i am sooo ready to go !
thinking of HB , xoxo
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Well, jut stopping by toi say good night and you won't be hearing from me till late tomorrow. Big day in Durham, NC.....hope we have a good lunch somewhere. Got my diaper bag packed....got directions memorized......taking the tomtom....... now just have to get everyone ready in the morning......night all.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz
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Wow.....where is everyone? Talked with the col tonight and she will be coming home on Friday. She actually sounds pretty good. And didn't argue with me one single time. She asked me if the fence was up yet and I told her yes, it has been finished since last Monday, we just need to get locks put on the gates. And she asked if the locks would be the numbered kind and said she could handle that. I told her she wouldn't know the numbers because the locks were being put on to keep her from getting out. Didn't argue one bit. So maybe these new meds are working. I sure have enjoyed these days of freedom, but couldn't let myself get too used to them. At least with the part timer care giver we will get a break from each other....

Hope everyone is having a good evening,

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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hey just dropping a line to let everyone know I'm thinking bout them. Will try to catch up when I can. Everything here is same lov ya all,
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Starri, I am so proud of you for not taking that drink. I have 27 years sobriety and there is no reason on earth for us go give that up... there have been times when we think about it, just as long as we don't... You have my respect and admiration for all you have gone thru this short time we have known you, like seeme says, we do hope after some rest, we will hear from you again.. and that vacation sounds like a great idea....hugs and prayers sent your way,,, hugs across the miles...
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starri.......you have my deepest respect for being the pillar that is holding the family together at this sad time. You are a very wise woman with the way you are dealing with your brothers when I'm sure all you want to do is lie down and grieve. Don't let yourself not take the time for grieving......it will help you so much once the healing starts. You and your family have my sympathy and prayers. I will be thinking of you.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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You have done your best and now you are able to hit anything and thank goodness not the beer! Congratulation on 18 years of sobriety,johnnycares
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Thank you Sue, I appreciate your prayers, I'm back now from signing the papers to start the cremation process. It's hard to know what is fixing to happen, Jerry is dealing with this like he does most things, taking the hard stance and not understanding that people deal with grief differently. He's more of a it is what it is, I am sure he's like me in a lot of ways, I do my falling apart in private.

Brought the other Brother home after taking care of things, asked him if he needed anything from the store, told me he "needed" a 24 pk of beer, but didn't have the money for it, he didn't need it, but then again, this is going to be his way of dealing with the grief, so I stopped and picked it up for him.

It was all I could do last night to not have a beer or a drink with dinner, I have over 18 years of sobriety, I knew it would not serve any purpose for me to throw that away, it would not bring her back. So I could understand exactly where he was coming from.

My Sister in Law, has three days off for bereavement and her two regular days off, which will be good for both her and my brother, she'll be able to be there for him, when he needs someone. Hubby is going to take a one day motorcycle trip as I don't need him here right now, he'll be back tomorrow evening, and I will need his help this weekend, for moving stuff.

We're waiting on my disability back pay to come through, then when it does, our two dog's and us are packing it up and taking a couple of months vacation. We haven't figured out yet if we are going to take the cat or find her a new home..traveling with the dogs is going to be fun enough. Squeek travels well though, no car sickness and doesn't go crazy. amazing for a cat, she and both dogs are best buds..they all curl up together. My therapist gave her to me, I might ask if she would like to have her back.

Anyway, I've taken the next couple of days to just veg, so I believe I hear my pillow calling my name... Love and Hugs to everyone

Carmen
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Rosella, that is funny.......I have the picture in my head of the guys doing the same thing here, and you are right..........not with THAT smell !!!!!
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Starri, your attitude is amazing... You are so brave.
I'm very tired this afternoon. This life is taking its toll...
Jam, the men that were in my garden were not doing pleasant things, let's say that the situation killed the romance.
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seeme......the vet is sure it's cancer and either way, malignant or not will cause him problems. I am going to try and get him cleaned up a little bit before he goes to the groomer Friday. If he doesn't tolerate the cleaning, well I'm not sure right now what to do. Won't have him put down without col being able to see him first. Would break her heart.

My brain is really tired this morning....I guess if I do laundry I can't get into much trouble that way.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
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I am losing it...........again. Put mom on the neb machine last night and remembered to take it off and get it to the kitchen to clean. She soon hollered again........Oh No, mom can't you fall asleep sitting up as high as you can? Gotta lay down? Am I fired?

Yesterday all day she only went to the bathroom 4 times. Last night it was every hour. When I asked her why she said maybe it was because it was dark. Hey, are we sundowning in her own way? She did not get a nap at all, so she should have been out like a light. Wish I could find a sleeping pill that wouldn't make her worse. And I am too chicken to try anything I already have. Maybe I will experimint over the weekend, when hubby doesn't have to work. Tomorrow is the big appt. day, so I mut make some calls and still fill out paperwork. I was too relaxed after my pampering last night to do it. Everyone have as goos a day as possible.

Johnny, here's a hug for you and hope Miss Betty is well also.

Jam, something may have to be done about the puppy's butt. He's probably growling because it hurts and he's crabby. Gonna try the vet again? Let me know what the vet says. Hard to believe it isn't a cancer, with all the mess, it should be.

The dust is now thick enough to write on. Guess some housecleaning is in order, so I will get moving.................Later.........
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Starri, I am just amazed that you have the strength and maturity that you do. I am just glad I have gotten to talk with you these past weeks......only weeks......and I hope you will continue to be such a solid, calming voice here. Like AGS's stories, I have come to depend on your posts for your experience and guidance. Do your grieving and hopefully some healing and let us know about Jerry. Hugs to you and your family, and I am sending angels to help. And may God give YOU strength to endure. Love, Sue
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Good Morning all, how am I doing this morning? kinda in shock I guess, knowing that she isn't there for me to go see. I am grateful that she is no longer in pain, I know that she is now with my grandparents and her siblings, she talked with them a lot in the last few days.

The heart hurts, and now starts the process of tying up the loose ends of death, cancelling services, arranging pick up of medical equipment that was supplied, cleaning of the house and putting together things that were left to others. Why does death have to hurt so much? Hospice has been the greatest blessing that one could ask for. Their care and devotion to the comfort of everyone, not only the patient but the family as well.

There at the end, she was in labored breathing with something coming out of her lungs, I was able to clean that up and her final breathes were calm and easy.. I am so grateful that I was able to make it there in time to be with her.

I joked with her about it being a good thing there wasn't a cop behind me, cause I would probably be getting a speeding ticket and jail time for failure to stop for a police officer.. I was there for maybe twenty minutes before her last breath.

I go in a little while to pick up two of the brothers and take them to the funeral home to sign paperwork for the cremation. After that the paperwork will be faxed to the brother in California. and then we will be able to cremate..

Talk with all of you later, may God give you strength to endure.
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Good morning posse!!!

deefer got the cow patty for #500......woohoo!!!!

rossella.....you would have to have the patience of a saint to go shoppy-shoppy with the col! She told us yesterday she loves to just pick up things that are so pretty, and showed us how to do it, and put them in her cart. Oh my.....:) And that's the problem....the last time we took her shopping she spent almost $200 and every piece of the fresh fruit and veggies I had to throw out because she wouldn't let me do anything with them. Sometimes it was easier not to argue with her. I did manage to take the green peppers when she wasn't looking and make her stuffed peppers. But now all meals will be catered for her, so we don't have that to worry about.
So with all those men in your garden, there wasn't a keeper at all? That's too bad...:)

With the col still being held hostage it's pretty boring around here. Not much to report. I do need to see if I can find some of the bibs they are using on her at meal time.....she raved about the one she had on last night, so I will see if I can find some. If not, I will just make her some. Taking the dogs in to be groomed on Friday and I'm sure there will be an extra charge for the col's doggie's butt. He growled at both of us this morning while we were putting them all outside. He has decided that he won't go easily and that's unusual for him. He doesn't act like he is in pain, but if his temperament starts to change.....I wonder if they make doggie Valium?

I hope everyone had a good night and a better day to look forward to......ladee and sonny will be playing pick-up-sticks, and seeme will be redoing her little tootsies, 54...where are you? Please let us know how you are doing if you are just reading.
ASG.......how ya doing? Been thinking about you. Planning a vacation? We were talking about taking the rv down to the park beside the Branson Landing, don't know if that will even be possible this year. caretaker, krn, deefer, linda, angels to starri, don't want to leave anyone out....still soaking my brain with coffee!!!

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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Starri, I'm very sorry for your loss. But I continue to think that when a person suffers too much, it is better like this.
Caretaker... Does your husband have a brother? Otherwise, is there a shop where they sell men like this? I don't know any of them.
My garden was full of men yesterday, but they were just cleaning my sewer. It was funny and I will post some photos on Facebook. It was not too expensive (I have not paid, yet, anyway...) but I shall have to make more substantial works in the future. One day at a time, one day at a time... I am just glad yesterday I could take a shower and start a washing machine.
I'd like to go shoppy shoppy (I could take COL with me) but I can't right now.... I owe the dogs a long walk, as yesterday I couldn't take them for more than half an hour! Have a nice day everyone, as much as you can.
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Well guess who got the cow pattie? What an honor....:)
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Starri, so sorry to hear of your loss.
Jam, Hope they straighten out COL for you.
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