The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Damn seeme, no jail time??? You could have used the break, try harder next time!!!!
Happy to hear your pampering was good. Now you just have to talk hubby into learning how to do that, but without the "other" stuff men like to do...
love ya

starri......so sorry to hear that mom has passed. No more pain and suffering, only peace for her now. I hope you can find some quiet time for you.....how is your brother? Let us know how you're doing when you can.....

Yep, the deadbolt is in and Target did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he even installed a new smoke alarm in the upstairs hallway....the old one quit working. I about fainted when I saw him getting things out to do it! And he didn't immediately take a nap.....so proud of him......my little buckeroo!!!!!!

Nothing to report on the col......still crazy and still locked up. She called a little while ago and just doesn't understand why hubby can't write the orders to release her. So explained it again. When we were visiting with her earlier, she wanted us to take her shoppy-shoppy at the gift shop. Some things will always be there I reckon, but I sure wish the driving and shopping brain cells would die.

Anyone heard from seeme......I bet she's feeling like a little pampered princess. Hope you've had a good day.

Love and Hugz,
Jam

My caregiving retreat.............Most of the participants were actual employees of the AL center, but I got a wonderful massage, time with a Mary Kay rep, shortened pedicure and nails piloshed. The foot massage was worth the whole thing. Never knew I had such knots in my foot. The back massage was first and I was the first one to do it, so her fingers were still strong. Boy, she really touched some trigger spots that almost made me jump. Ya know, that good kind of hurt. I gave her 3 weeks to stop......

I don't think the others were real professionals, but they did their best.........and no charge for anything. Their little parting gift was a pair of glamour gloves. It easily took one and a half hours. Now I am so sleepy, I hope mom can carry on by herself tonight.

Last night I put mom's neb machine on her and forgot about it. I folded clothes, went next door to see what time she was coming over today, talked for a while, and when I came back in the house Hubby told me mom's was reporting us !!! For leaving the neb machine on....she didn't even take the mask off.......Hubby says who are you reporting us to.....she didn't know, but she would find someone. By the time I went back there, she was s;eeping peacefully and the next time she got up, she had forgotten all about it...........so, no, the police never came to take me to jail today.................

Starri, you continued to be the angel that you are. Get back with us in a couple of days and tell us how you and Jerry are doing. I have twin brothers Jerry and Terry. Wish they were as loving as your brother. I hope your mother was comfortable and without pain. Love and hugs to you. Take care of your hubby, too. Chill out and come back to us when you can.......

Jam, are you feeling better after the "dog poop" morning?? At least it wasn't the col that pooped on the floor and left it for you.... sounds like the dog is as stubborn as the col...
Did the lock get put in today??
love ya, and love ya seeme and Starri special thoughts and prayers, and Caretaker, welcome, and ASG am so happy to hear of all the info you have gathered...
Will check back later...

Welcome Caretaker, we hope you have found a place to come and let your feelings be known, as you can see from Starri's post, we share it all. We are supportive, loving, we get cranky, we get silly, but most of all you will feel the acceptance here..We are all doing the same thing, feeling the same way, and it sure does help to know we are not alone..
You will make some great friends here, and a load carried by many is not as heavy.. and yes, seeme is stingy, she will not share her helper.. but we love her anyway... but she shares her heart and humor and we'd rather have that anyway....
many here share their heart and humor. the combination is a life saver. Hugs across the miles to you...

Starri, I am so sorry, but she is out of pain and with the angels. She was with an angel on eart also, having you for a daughter, and a son that helped as much as he could... Thank you for letting us know, you and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts... take care and let us hear from you when you are ready, we are still here for you... hugs across the miles....

Hi, All, My mom passed away today at 12:30 Thankfully I was able to be with her for her final moments..she knows she is loved and will be missed. I'll check back in a couple of days, just needing some chill time right now.

You are funny! I like your sense of humor. They should have these retreats in all areas. Is it free or is there a cost? I wonder if I could call AL in my area and see if they know of any retreats. Or I wonder how I could get one started. I would love that!

I hired my neighbor to come sit with mm when I was working. Now she comes over 2 nights a week and we just started 6 hr on Tuesdays. I've alreaady been told I am the "stingy" one here cause I won't share her, either.

When I went to a AL place here in town for day care for mom, the girls there mentioned the retreat, so they took my name. They sent me a card a couple of weeks ago and I rsvp'd for tonight. I was surprised. I've heard of caregiver retreats that may last a couple of days, but I will settle for 2 hours. If I had 2 days, I would get too wild and just embarrass myself in front of strangers. LOL And I haven't had to use their services. I have been on the go since 8 am today with no real break, so I will enjoy seeing if they can break up the knots on my shoulders. It comes from carrying my a$$ up there most of the time. heehee

Still have paperwork to fill out for the big appt at Duke University on Thurs, so will do that when I get home. There will go my massage !! And now it will rain all day Thurs, with possible thunderstorms, and a total of 5 hr driving in it and rush hour traffic......sounds like wwaaaaayyy to much fun to me...............

Where did you find a caregivers retreat? That sounds great and how do you get a 6 hour day off?

Caretaker, I'd bet any of us who have done this for any length of time are taking some kind of antidepressant. If it works, why not.

ASG, my sister is bi-polar, must be #1 according to Starri's definition. She can change on a dime, face changes and tone of voice changes. Sometmes I would think she's possessed. And she has a skewed sense of logic when that happens. Make sure she is taking the right meds. My sister didn't for most of her life and I don't know if she is now. Haven't seen her since 1987. I called her once when her son died, one of my favorite nephews, and she called here about 3 times last summer wanting to talk to mom. Mom said no, so it ain't happening. She didn't even go to dadf's funeral, and frankly, it was a lot more peaceful for us than if she had gone. Never know what will set her off. She is extremely artistic when she's up and downright scary on the down side, and she doesn't think anything is wrong with her, the rest of the world is screwed up.

Starri, I am so sorry about your mom. I hope she is comfortable and her pain is being managed adequately. Your brother just needs a "come to Jesus " meeting.
And sssooooooo glad you got some sleep

Today is my 6 hr. day off. Hubby and I did a lot of errands after I gave mom her shower. And help washed her hair while we were gone. She is coming back later so I can go to a caregivers "retreat" at a local AL. We will get facials, massages, manicures, heavy snacks, gift bags. It only lasts 2 hrs, but I am looking forward to it. I want to see if I break apart during a massage.

Later I will tell you all about my mom's meltdown.....at least I'm not in jail SO FAR today.................

That's exactly what it has done for me. I was crying all the time and now I'm just like whatever! It's great! Oh honey I don't mean to brag but my husband gets my mom up every morning and makes her breakfast before he goes to work. I work too but he always does breakfast. She just adores him. He even clipped her nails the other night and yes he cleans too and he's gorgeous! I hit the jackpot with him. When my dad was alive he bathed and shaved him for me. I bath my mom. When I wonder what bad thing I did to have to go through all I go through taking care of my mom and loosing my wonderful father, then I think about my husband and wonder what great thing I did to deserve him! Sorry, he's not for rent! My mom always says we need to pray every day that we don't lose him. Ha! He lost his mother when he was 17 so I guess he had to grow up pretty quick and he treats my mother like she's his own. I thank God for him!

caretaker......so glad to hear you are feeling better. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to resort to a little help to get us over the hurdles and through our days. One thing to remember about antidepressants is that they won't make you walk around with a silly smile on your face all day.....but they sure help you to not melt into a puddle of tears so easily. Where before you would have sat down and just cried over something, now you say ehhhh, I can handle that, no problem.......and to have a caring, helping husband on top of all that.....you go girl! If he also cooks and cleans, better watch out we might want you to rent him out and pass him around.....:)

I started an antidepressent and it has helped me alot! I didn't want to do it but I finally gave in and I can tell a difference. I lost my dad in January so this is my first father's day without him, I'm dreading that. I miss him so much. I took care of him before he died and now I'm taking care of my mom. She's very difficult. But does seem like since I started the meds that i'm in a better mood, which makes her in a better mood. I have the best husband, he helps so much with my mom. I don't know what I would do without him. He's wonderful!

tarri, prayers for you and your family. So glad you got some sleep. What a hard thing to deal with. Glad your hubby is supportive, makes all the difference. I hope elder brother can grasp this. Hubby had an older broother that gave us trouble the whole time. Even went so far as showing up as they brought her home, acting like a hero, like this was some horrible thing we had done to her and he was gonna fix it. Its a shame he hadn't played hero before then. Somone might have taken him more seriously if he would have treated her with the same kinda respect all those years before her death. Hangbin there, don't let brother get ya down, this is a time of high emothins and tempers flair, if he gets tough, let him know for moms sake things need to be calm.

Good morning Posse!!!!!

starri.....so glad to hear you finally got some good sleep. And sorry to have to move mom, but the reality is that this is the best for her. They will take such good care of her, make her comfortable and help her with this next transition in her life. And oldest brother can just keep his complaining to himself, now is not the time for him to be acting like you are doing something terrible. This is mom's time now. Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

Hope everyone is having a good day. I woke up to dog poop on my bathroom floor, so that started my day off real well. Not in a very good mood so hoping a hot shower will do the trick.

Will check back in later, hopefully will know something today about bringing the col home.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

Hi, All so many posts to try and remember, ASG? your local library can ask the main library to send the book to them, or if you dig around you might be able to find one on line to read, I ended up buying a book "why am I still depressed" off of ebay, but was able to read it on line as well.

If she is a rapid cycling bipolar, getting her stable will be hard, but does she have a mood stabilizer in place? it should help the bouncing. I am a bipolar 2 with suicidal idealization and my bipolar expresses primarily in depression. My stabilizer has worked wonders in my life. We've had to throw in a anti depressant, but it's helped as well. Thank God for that.

I haven't been on in the past day due to the phone being out, (mom's on dial up), our friend that lives here on the property is a bipolar one, and when he is manic watch out..lol, he's been manic for the past three days and got clipper happy near mom's place and clipped the phone line while he was at it..

We had to put her in hospice yesterday, It about killed me, the nurse talked with her about going, I talked with her about going, and she agreed to go, by the time the EMS showed up to get her, she didn't remember a thing, said she didn't want to go to the doctors, I lied to her, told she had to go to the doctors today, because he was going to be out of town tomorrow (today).

Expecting a major fight with the eldest brother, he was all twisted because we placed her, reminded him that he isn't here day to day to see what is happening, I got a full 10 hours +/- sleep last night, and how did I need it. Had been awake for over 30.

Hospice is a beautiful house, I think mom's room is bigger than my whole mobile home, everything there that a patient or family could need.. Little nooks, where you as a family member can go hide for a few moments and rest or read. a couch that makes out to a bed in the room so that you can stay over night. I had considered staying last night, but knew if I did I would not sleep, and I was pushing my luck on the depression as it was.

Hubby has been a angel, he's never been this close to death in his 63 years, so he stays close to me and is there for me when I need him. Guess I ought to jump in the shower, go to mom's and collect her a few things, and then head for the hospice house, see what kinda trouble she's been.. I always joke with her about running up and down the halls and giving the nurses hell. When she was feeling better she would give the nurses hell, always warn them not to take her bitching to heart, the more she complained the better she was doing.

To be honest, I hope she is giving them hell.. If they can get her stabilized and her pain under control, then in 10 days we will be bringing her home, if they can't then I don't believe she will be coming home. As much as I hate to say it, she's started the transition and I don't expect to be bringing her home.

The Doctor yesterday was giving his standard speech, about the length of time, etc..with small cell cancer, I told him we already knew what the reality is, all I expected out of him was to make her comfortable. I have personal issues with this Doctor from when I met him in private practice, so God help him if he doesn't do the right thing by her.

For those getting or taking vacations, no matter how small they might be, enjoy and make the most of it...you deserved it. HD, I am truly sorry to hear about your loss, but know she's happy..with friends and family who have passed and is in not pain now.

Much love to everyone

Oh hey thanks for the amazon thing. Didn't know you could do that.

Jam, auntie wanted to heal my burn with butter, ouch!!! I know that's what they used to do. I wasn't bout to try it. The poa, is durable, so I can't use it until she has a diagnosis. I thought the next time she has a mealt down, I would bring it up that the dr. Tried to give you somthing for getting so upset, and its nott good for your blood pressure. If it makes you sleepy its ok. You are not taking care of uncle anymore(that was her excuse for not taking the meds). See if I can't convince her to go talk to him. If I can put it to her that's its good for hr bp she might go for it. I'm gonna try. I thought if we went somwhere close like branson, maybe only stayed one night. I just don't know. The mealtdown part wories me. They used to love going. How is col?

ouch ASG......get some burn gel.....it's water based, but put that on a burn and it pulls the burning sensation right out of there. Look at the Amazon site for that book, I was on the kindle page, but you will see where you can download and read the book on your computer.

I don't have a clue about taking Aunt on vacation. She would probably do okay, because you don't have to deal with having to take everything with you, like diapers, etc. But I would make sure she has the proper medications for her diagnosis. Since you now have POA paperwork you should be able to contact her physician and find out what if anything she is on. It wouldn't be a fun thing for any of you if she had a major meltdown while you were far away from home. I'm sure someone out here can give you some first-hand info.

Love and Hugz,
Jam

Thanks!

Well, allshesgot, hubby and I are thinking of taking Dad with us for a mini vac. next month. He wants to see the ocean so how can I say no. I'm thinking I could get some R&R if I just take some chairs and sit on the beach with him. I don't know if he will be content or anxious, but I'll never know if I don't try. Good night all.

Ladeeda, its her manic deppression, I didn't understand. I thought it was an exaggerated form of deppression, with mood swings. What it is is the old name for bi polar.this didn't click with me for some reason. I've dealt with bi polar in the SBIU of a hoospital I worked at. Somthing jam explained to me that I had wrong made me think you know I don't know a lot about manic deppresion, the one thing I DO know she has, maybe I should look it up. That's what I found. So I've been doing some reaserch on that and it has helped tremendously. I can think back, and figure out where her moods cycle! She is a rapid cycler. I ve watched her today change. Her elated mood started yesterday and she just hit a rock ,bam!! This afternoon for no good reason. She had even got some good news this morning.
And still hit bottom this afternoon. I think that explains some of the changes in her facial expressions. When she steps outta her room and I can tell its bad cause of the way her face has changed. This will help me a lot. Jam, I read about that book a while back. I looked it up at the local, library and they don't have a copy but the main branch does. I just never go there. I also looked it up on amazon and barnes and noble but was unsure about buying them cause they were not from the store but from third party individuals. Wasn't sure how safe the transaction would be. Walmart dosnt carry it in store. I guess I should try walmart.com. Let me know if its helpful. My daughter wants one of those kindles or nooks for her birthday in nov. I told her that's probably a christmas thing. I burnt my hand, grease burn. Frying potatoes. I never fry them but thought what the heck. Got my two middle fingers, from knuckles to hand, and in between the fingers. I'm not usually a whiner but that hurt like hell!!! It didn't hurt for the first 5 to 10 min. I ran it under cool water as soon as I did it. The longer I stood there the more it felt like I had my whole hand in a flame. Held a cool rag on it for a while, got tired of it burning everytime the wash rag warmed up so I sat with my hand in front of a fan for an hour and a half. Aunt was nice about it. Kept coming ojt every 20 to 45 min to see if it felt better yet. Lol I think she was worried about bed time. Her and the kitty prayed fo me though. I will say it feels a whole lot better. Today I was tired. Busy, and her usual popping out and asking me if she woke me got on my nearves real bad. I know its not hher fault. And I reconize it only went through me like it did, cause I was tired and busy. She wants to go to this reasturant, so I think we will try to take her this weekend. Hubby keeps asking me about taking her with us on a little minnie vacation this summer. I'm not sure. That could go two ways. It could be an amazing thing with wonderful memories or it could go the other way and be a nightmare. We've not been anywhere with the kids in so long. It cost us a small forturne just to get them all in anywhere. So we shall see. What do you guys think? Anyone take them with you out for a weekend anywhere? Any tips or ideas?

Evening everyone...We had to take a plastic bag with us today, and along the way, sonny stuck it in someones trash can,, it was full of sticks.. He didn't feel well today. His daughter had added an allergy pill to his meds... I think he is making that noise because he has a little piece of pill stuck in his throat... got him to drink a lot of water after noon meds and he did not make that noise.. I think the allergy meds had him a little off kilter. Interacted a lot with him and he seemed to come out of it some...
Got the ultimate compliment from Ms. M today, she said I was "spoiling" her.. I think it has taken her this long to trust that I will do my best for both of them.. She will have to have a transfusion this week, so she is very very tired... I put lotion on her legs after her shower and she just smiled... other than the triple digit heat, no complaints...
Got a wonderful call from my step son this evening... he is changing companies and getting an enormous raise!!!!! I am so proud of him... He has a wonderful little family and is so hardworking, so happy he is "movin' on up" . Hope everyone is well this evening..
Seeme, so sorry to hear your mom is still having so many problems,,, guess her being whiney is from being nervous about her Dr. visit.. I know you both will be glad when that is over...
Am going to go to bed and read.... it is too hot to go smoke, never thought I would say that,,,, love and hugs to everyone ..

Doing a "drive-by"......

ASG.....glad to hear the paperwork is in order. One less thing to worry about. I downloaded "The 36-hour Day" book to my Kindle today. Going to start reading that. Would rather have the most current version but it doesn't print until November, so that doesn't do me a whole lot of good.

Fence is in and is so shiny! Hasn't seemed to make a difference to the dogs at all. Three of them went to the far corners to do their business, thank you very much. The blind one just stops where the whim strikes....lol

seeme.....countdown to Thursday....bet mom is getting anxious to get something done so she will feel better. Glad to hear there were no bruises.

Iadee.....what's the last stick count or is Sonny on to something else?

Hope everyone else has had a good day or as good as it can get......

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

Woud you believe that after the fall last night that mom only got up twice for the help........then it was on............all day long.........she cried.......I bitched.......about the having to go .....the urge....not at her. Now we are the path to no sleep all night. Had a nap today to make up for last night.....not enough saved up for tonight. But she is very whiney.............

Got another blistering headache.....stress.....frustration......crabbiness..........." I vant to be alone" ness........think I'll get dressed for bed and read my kindle till my head explodes.....night all...........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HB,Granmother is blessed with being happy and whole now. Maybe her and Ruth have met and are laughing about the hard time they gave us... I feel both of them were preparing us for something in our lives....gentle hugs to you today..

ASG, so very proud of you!!!!! The more education we have on our elders issues and illness, the better care they will get from us.... Let us know what all you have learned, it might help us... hugs to you busy girl...

Johnny, how are you doing to day?? We always ask about your wife too, but as the caregiver, how are YOU????Tell your wife we are sending her hugs...

Jam, is it a fence yet??? When is the col coming home???
Seeme, I am happy to hear your mom understands that you need more rest... I know she will be glad to get the Dr. visit behind her...
Love to all, more later, hugs across the miles..

Hey everyone huggs and kisses you you too. I have been busy today on the phone, with some child support issues. I've been eading up to on different issues with aunt, the medicla poa or dpoa is good, I read through the papers its all legal. That is a relief. I dosnt do me any good right now though. We are in kinda an in between stage, she isn't complety capable, but isn't completly incapacitated either. I've been reading some good information on how its hard for them to let go of independance and how as she gets worse I can help her as its needed. I have also been reading about what I do know about her, and understand he behavior more. And how her diagnosis from years ago likely plays into the dementia she is showing now. Will check back in later. Hb love ya!! And prayers for the family.

Beautiful thought rossella.....and I have always believed that is the way it will be.