This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Each Angel that you sent our way held us up for another minute. It was just enough.
Love to you all.
HB
I'll tell her she can walk with the Angels...maybe that will help.
Love n stuff
HB
Jam
My grandmother has a desperate fear of flying. I wonder if it keeps her spirit grounded instead of allowing her to soar into the cosmos and into the arms of her creator.
We will never know what it is that keeps her here as she is past communication with us at this point.
Thanks again for allowing me to share.
What an awesome day to go home to God. If she goes today.
How is the caregiver? We are weary. Sleep deprivation is the order of the day. Like an energizer bunny grandma's chest continues to rise and fall as she struggles to breathe. We are administering drops to dry her excess secretions, but her breath sounds now are reminescent of the efforts of a youth sucking the last bits of a milkshake from the bottom of the glass with a straw.
We cannot move her. When we attempt to change her position she begins to struggle and slip beneath the waves of fluid that has accumulated in her lungs. We straightened her head last night to a more natural angle and as quickly as the position changed, she turned blue. We watched in wonder as after 30 seconds there was a sharp intake of breath...she isn't going anywhere.
Encouragement and gentle reassurance that her spirit will be happy to welcome the soaring release that only the discarding of her tired and broken body can bring about, has not been taken into her account. Grandma does nothing on another person's time table. Her patience is well documented and is legendary in her circle of friends and relatives.
So we sit and wait. How is the caregiver today? We are exhausted and astounded at the strength of the human resolve to cling to the familiarity of the body. For 90 years this body has been the home and temple of her spirit. Even as the tendrils of death advance on her fortress, she remains steadfast in the resolve to fight off the ultimate ending. In doing so, she stubbornly refuses to embrace the new beginning that is the communion of her spirit with those who have gone before her.
Bon Voyage Grandma....this trip will be healing for you. Please go, it is time.
Johnny, we need an update on Miss Betty......please........
Starri Honey, are you sleeping?
ASG, know you are busy and all, but just check in. I don't even need a long story if you don't have time, just let us know you are there.
Ludwig, feeling better?
Rosella, I am hoping you have only a $200 bill from the plumber..........
Ladee......Monday........Sonny....twigs......my yard !!!
Jam....with your luck col's memery will all come back as soon as she gets out of the car, and the first thing she'll want is her other coffee table.......
Gonna have me a little danish and come back later. Early here on the East Coast.........
Johnny, what your granddaughter said on the seashore is very cute. I guess she had heard someone say "son of a bitch" and she asked: "What have you said" and the person answered her "I said sand of beach". That's what my father always did with my nephews when they were children and caught him saying bad words!
thanks for this memory. It made me smile.
Starri you are really having a difficult period. You are facing it in the best possible way and I admire your courage.
Jam, I see you are ready for COL's return. There will be things that she doesn't like, it doesn't matter. If the helper will stay with her while she eats, she won't be able to feed the dog with her food. I guess that at this stage you shouldn't allow her to have food in her room. When she wants to eat, she asks... and food will be given to her from your kitchen! I had to do so with my mother as soon as she arrived here. If I let her do her own way she would just eat chocolate and candies.
Kisses Ladee - Kisses ASG.
And kisses to everyone else.
Had a talk with mom today about going so often to the bathroom. She's afraid of making a mess. Told her not to worry about it, we can always clean it up, but I was about to vomit I was so tired, she had to be there too. At least she let me sleep. Now her feet and legs are so swollen cause she just won't stay in her bed. The velcro on her tennis shoes will barely close. The bad leg had the fem pop due to blocked artery....
Well, I hope everyone had a pleasant Sunday. We are now under a severe thunderstorm warning, so I will shut er down. Goodnight, sweet dreams.......zzzz
Dad wakes up. Have a blessed day.
Sounds like some are having very good mornings.....some getting better.....and some are running away to the beach. Don't forget sunscreen!
I woke up this morning thinking they will probably spring the col either tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday morning. What else can they do? So I guess I will make sure her house is completely ready for her. It's been raining all morning and only 69 degrees, so the pee smell should still be at a minimum. I hate that, but nothing to do as long as she still lives there.....will NOT replace the carpet only to have it destroyed again. I'm hoping she won't remember that some of the furniture has been moved out totally. She doesn't need 2 coffee tables, one to use and one to trip over. So I will do what I can today....having back spasms and that is just not acceptable. I'll stop whining now or ladee will tell me there's a package of cheese on it's way......:) love ya!
seeme.....hope you got some sleep last night. Did you give the broom to you know who?
starri........I know you are facing a tougher time right now.....we're here to listen.
ASG.......morning and how is Auntie doing? BP down I hope.
Hey to karmic and ludwig!
johnny hope you and Miss Betty are having a wonderful day together....
cliff.....I'm jealous, the closest thing to a beach here is our pond....unless I can find the time to go to our lake house....but I'm avoiding that because there is too much work to be done.
rossella.....must keep that camera close for those "Kodak moments"......:)
Time for me to get up and get moving.........will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
My mother has slept all but 5 hours of the last 48 hours. She still eats when she wakes but I think she is just being compliant; she takes everything I put in her mouth. I don't understand why some days she is fairly alert and interacts but other days she just sleeps all the time. I wish I could spread around some of her sleeping time to your loved ones so you other caregivers could get some sleep.
Anyway, I am very blessed to have a sitter I can trust and that Mother has enough Social Security income to cover some sitting; Joyce is coming this morning to stay til Thursday while I go with most of our family to the beach. Going to thoroughly enjoy my grandkids for a few days. I'll be praying for and thinking of you all though while I'm gone. Taking my laptop and probably won't be able to stay away from y'all!
ludwig... your story about the roses reminded me when my mom passed away and the magnolia tree that had never bloomed. She had planted the tree 16 years before she passed away and it had never bloomed. The day after she died it was full of beautiful ,wonderful smelling flowers ... we decided God had put her in charge of things that didn't bloom, she would get the job done..It has been 27 years and I still miss her. Prayers sent your way this morning..
Karmic, silly but serious when needed... that is our motto. as you can see it is not all silliness, but the laughter gets us thru..hope you keep posting
Starri, happy to hear they finally did the cath.. that will make things so much easier.. I know you have a difficult decision ahead of you, but trust in yourself , you will know when the time is right..prayers sent your way
seeme, happy to hear mom apologized, that Dr.s appt. cant get here soon enough..
ASG, how is it going with Aunt Acid, you know I am making a joke here, it is a play on words, no offense intended...and yes you still vent about her and I will keep my mouth shut. You are doing what works for you and that is good enough for me.. OK?
Jam, love ya, don't want to get your day started thinking I left you out again... by the way the brace on my leg is really helping. As smart as I am(???), I do lack in common sense at times...
Rossella, yes please take pics of all the "kissing"... hope your last house disaster does not cost you a fortune...
If I missed anyone, I'll catch you later, hugs across the miles to everyone..love you too seeme.
Had Hospice out today, she came in and checked her out, I was afraid of pneumonia, the way she was breathing and coughing, Nurse said that she didn't sound like there was fluid in the lungs.. We ended up putting in a cath, that way I don't have to worry about trying to get her out of bed, and neither does the brother, I worried about him trying to move her cause he is so unsteady on his own.
She's not really able to eat and drink anymore, she spits up everything she tries to take in. It's not going to be much longer and we have to consider hospice house, I hate to do that, but we will not have much of a choice about it. Cleaning her after a poo is going to be a two person job..
Thank you for all your advice, it's been a God Send... Time to try and get some rest before I get the first call for help.
yearight...........sorry you don't have more time for us, but post when you can. Maybe we can give you a chuckle know and then.
Time for breakfast....hubby promised omelets this morning. Then I want to tear up some plants in the garden and start some diferent ones. Got too many snow peas and no garden peas. Heat should go back down to normal soon. Everyone have a blessed Sunday. Prayers for all.............
Johnny, Hello and please say hi to Miss Betty for me. Glad you are newlyweds again. I remember back then.......barely !!!
Car 54, I am really sorry about your situation, and it sounds like you have some decisions only you can make. You don't DESERVE to be beaten for all that you do. As long as you realize that. And there are no medals to be won.
Rosella, I keep telling my husband to have aur septic tank pumped out. I have let all the flushable wipes go down the toilet, but lately there have been so many. Our yard is flat and it only costs $200 for 3-4 years worry free, but it is a matter of pride with him, so he says no. He works in that dept. with the city, so he knows better than I do. HUH !!! We will see ..........
Karmic...........we like being silly here, it saves our sanity. And don't be surprised if we don't stay on topic. We say what is on our minds.....what is left of our minds.... it may be difficult to tell if we are the patients or the caregivers at times.
Starri, what shift are you on today? Only one more day till you give the insurance company "what for", huh? Get some answers or you will be next. That candle must be pretty short by now, burning it at both ends. I know. Hope bro stayed home at night. Isn't it kinda mountainous there? I just see him on twisty curvy mountain roads in the middle of the night.......but bless his heart that he knows you need the help.
Jam, I don't think rain would make any difference in stringing up the fence now, so enjoy the sleep-in if you got one. And if it rains tomorrow they only have to worry about the electric part. HAHAHA I just saw them in my mind standing there, sudden downpour, and they all have their hair sticking out, they are perpendicular to the fence and their eyes are bugged out. Welcome home, col !! heeheehee OK.......ok........lack of sleep, I know.
Ladee....love you girl......I'm hanging in there....got an apology from mom last night for her meltdowns yesterday......she didn't know she was talking to me, but kept saying she had to aplolgize to me. Guess she thought I was Kathy. I knew she would, just not like her to jump on me like she did. So we are OK now. Just put her heater on in her room....she will probably sleep now. Still up numerous times at night.
Let me catch up some more. Ya'll were busy on here last night !!!