This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee, what can I say! if the plumber solves the problem I am even too happy- Otherwise I shall have to remake the plant and I am shivering at the idea! These are the disadvantages of living in your own house. If something gets broken you can't share the cost with other families!
This morning one of my cats and one of my dogs kissed each other for a quarter of an hour. These are beautiful things to see!
BTW, I am not "visiting" here... I write here and on the other thread as well because I have friends here and there, and I don't want to give up any of you!
Hope everyone has a good night and try to get a little bit of sleep....supposed to storm here by early morning....I hope I see a sleep-in coming....enjoy it while I can.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Rossella.......even though the col was using such a big pot....I started putting decaf in the canister a long time ago. That's just like Nexium "it's the staff of life" according to her and that nasty Prilosec doesn't work. I changed her to Prilosec about 8 mo ago and told her it was generic Nexium. She doesn't know better and it works. She called tonight to visit and sat there on the phone arguing about the rules she will have to acknowledge before she comes home. I'm slowly coming to realize she will never stop arguing.....that is something she is just going to do. But I can guarantee her new care giver will not allow her to do anything she is not supposed to do. I will have to remind hubby that when she is here, we cannot interfere with her handling of the col unless she calls and says she needs help.
Still trying to catch up on posts.....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
yearight, hope to see you again. You are welcome here, as is said often ,pull up a chair, a cup of coffee and let us get to know you... hugs to you
JAM, i wanted to tell you about the coffee a long time ago. COL does not need stimulants. Coffee without caffeine is much better!
ASG, I am sorry. Sometimes I am blunt. My cats eat whenever they want; it is summer now and they mostly eat dry food: I leave a bowl in a place that the dogs can't reach and they go self service. I buy good dry food in specialized shops, (if you buy it in large bags you save a lot of money), because the dry food of the supermarkets sometimes is bad for the kidneys. (I buy IAMS) And I give them wet food just early in the morning, and in the evening. But most of the time they decide when and how much they want to eat. Of course I have 15 cats so I never know how much each one of them eats! In summer they eat much less than in winter, so don't worry if she seems to lose appetite.
Karmicelephant, I wrote you on the other thread.
Gosh I have to go to work (Ladee, my sewage system got broken and I dread the bill of the plumber! 10 translations maybe will be enough to pay for it!!!!)
Karmic.... all my friends call me Ladee, pronounced like Lottie, but with a d instead of tt.It confuses a lot of people, they think it is like Lady, nope, I am not a lady, but I am a Ladee... tell us about yourself...
To the other lady that posted, I am sorry I forgot to write down your name,, the one that made the choice to keep dad on antibiotics... good for you. If that is what your heart and head are telling you to do, then no wonder you are peace with it... let us know how you are doing, and an update about your dad... I will get your name next time, sorry, hugs to everyone..
He might be talking to my dead body soon. Thanks for letting me vent. Oh I cant have the tv on because he thinks the people are real and he gets mad at them also. H E L P !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Johnny, so happy to hear you are getting a "second honeymoon". You and her are able to make new memories and that is priceless. She must be very grateful to have you, and for you to have her. It is nice to see some married folks actually are happy to be together..
Starri, any sleep today??? Let us know what hospice said and did.
Seeme, I just love you, plain and simple,,, hope you get some rest soon..
Jam, so happy to hear you got the caregiver you wanted... sounds like things are going to work out fine for a change...
ASG, I love you too, but I meant what I said about the cat... but I still love you......
Hope to hear from the rest of the new folks to let us know how you are and what is going on in your world... we think about you even if you don't post... hugs to everyone...
hell now it sounds like me begin one .
karmice - im thinking youre a mice ! lol welcome and you fit right on in too .
goodnight u all xoxo
So today I'm feeling more confident in my plan to care for dad. I have a night home alone without dad to care for and without caregivers in my home and am thoroughly enjoying it. Tomorrow may be different, but for now I'm good.
Love and Hugz,
Jam