This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Anyway, Glad, I just want the car painted because the corroding paint bugs me like crazy. If you look down, you will see that the metal parts of my car (right through the tires) that's holding the tires - are quite rusty. My car's front windshield looks like it's bubbling on the frame. I asked nephew about it. He said that it looks like the windshield will be coming off the frame. Pretty soon, it will begin to leak when it rains. More auto repairs. I'm waiting for my tax refund to help pay for the windshield. Maybe they just need to re-glue it????
Anyway, nephew needed $$ immediately for his wife's car (she carpools the kids.) He insisted that I charge him interest and insisted for more stuff he can do. So, I brought up my car needing to be painted. He said if I buy all the paint and supplies needed to paint it, he will do it - free labor. I gave him $900 to buy the supplies. He wants to prime it, then paint it twice, then sealant. At the moment, I don't care if he does a not-so-perfect job - as long as my car doesn't have all that peeling, corroding paint all over it! Too bad the small birds love our mango trees. They're also pooping on my car daily. No matter where I move my car, their poop finds its way on my car. (They fly from all directions to/from the tree and poop while flying.) We don't have a garage....
So, I went back to Amazon to order a new set of screen protectors (with at least 3 in it because I'm lousy at installing and tend to mess up the first time). I found one for $7.86. Went to cart, then to purchase ... and was shocked that they wanted to charge me $13.00 for shipping! I Don't Think so.... I went to Ebay, and found a good set of 3 for the price of $4.99 for 4 screens with Free shipping. I've ordered ALL my kindles and iPads screen protectors online. And I never had to pay $13.00 for shipping. And yes, the last screen protector - matte - was from Amazon.
Okay, I've asked fave sis and niece-going-to-be-a-nurse to please help me find a caregiver who is NOT independent but from an organization. After that last incident with the caregiver whom dad thought she deserved anything and everything, and she ignored me and oldest sis ... I was just sooo glad that she worked at an organization because i made a formal complaint. HR immediately pulled her away from home visits and she was instructed to stay away from my dad, this house and any of the family. I realized that if we hire an independent caregiver and she was up to no good, I would have no other recourse to get rid of her. As long as dad is competent, he can do whatever he wants and she doesn't have to listen to me or sis or anyone but dad. Scary situation in which I am just sooo grateful she was not an independent caregiver. I may not be lucky the next time.
I can't stop looking at the clock.. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve!
He, He, He.. Woo Hoo..
And ((hugs)). Your life has been so hard, there has to be payback somewhere in your future.
Momcare, I know what you mean about the dental being a highlight. Here on island, people were dying that one year from the hospital. I was soooo looking forward to my surgery because: 1. It would give me complete 100% vacation from caregiving bedridden stomach tube, throat trache, oxygen machine, completely vegetative state mom. And 2. I was sooo hoping that the surgery would kill me (and end my miserable caregiving life.) I will admit that when I woke up from the surgery, I was so disappointed that I didn’t join the others who died from our hospital. I know it’s not much.. but here’s a great big cyber {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
It's just cabbage, onions, carrots and celery with a little vegetable oil and vinegar. Mom swears it keeps her regular. Pinch of salt and sugar too.
Yes my dear, nothing is like homemade. I never get a break. It sucks!
I know the answer to my own question. It just never ends.
Last August, I put my foot down and told my mom I would not be visiting her every other day. She is constantly negative and refuses to make any friends in her AL. I visit Wednesdays and my husband and I take her out to lunch and shopping EVERY Sunday without fail.
I call her everyday and it just is a barrage of complaints.
She refuses to eat dinner there so I stock her up with homemade meal 365 days a year plus a lunch on weekends when she won't leave her room. She thinks she needs homemade coleslaw to keep her 'regular'. I have made that d@mn coleslaw every four days for over five years. Plus I'm running for her cereal, prunes, yogurt, Kleenex, paper towels, wipes, wine, liquid tobacco plastic spoons and forks, citracal, advil, sennekot, soap, hairspray etc. I do all her laundry.
Mom now tells me she is calling one of her caregivers, 'her daughter', because she sees her more than me. She rubs my face in it.
That disturbs me. Am I wrong in feeling upset?
I fell on Teusday night in the metro station, running for a bus that only comes every 25 minutes. Both my knees are now a gorgeous shade of Tulip Red with a dash of Aubergine. (I was on my way to my cake decorating group meeting.) Somehow I managed not to tear my pants, but I lost a shoe and broke my grandmother's Kiss Me Cuz I'm Irish mug (approx 40 years old) as well as cookies I made for a friend. I did make the bus but was ridiculed by the station supervisor for being heavily out of breath, and had to stand for about 15 minutes before there was a seat. (In Feb I fell twice on icy streets and broke my ice creepers)
I had a hearing test today and had the same diagnosis as 6 years ago: Mechanically there is nothing wrong with my hearing. But the problems I (still) have understanding what I hear, especially in noisy settings like restaurants, that's a brain issue. Oh but if I desire to fork over a bunch of dough I can "go private" and have some fancy testing done. I would liek to try that free whole-head X-ray thing I see advertised on American TV next time I go Vermonting.
I also went back to the hospital to inquire why Mom was sent somewhere with flu quarantines in effect. The hospital was unaware of any quarantine (two floors with two different quarantines in effect) and refuse to consider a transfer, saying they are no longer responsible. I got a name of someone to talk to at the home, but Mom is pressuring me not to file a complaint.
Oh and when it rains I get depressed. Yesterday it poured, today there were two showers. I was too depressed to go to the convalescent home. But Mom wants me to go tomorrow and bring her stuff and help shampoo.
You were a great daughter. I know the words sound hollow. I've read your posts and you did a fantastic job! I mean them.
It's going to be weird for quite awhile. I found it helpful to just talk to my dad, folding sheets, which he always helped me with. I still do 5 years later. I broke down in tears in a Target due to a song they played that reminded me of him before his funeral. I was a sniveling sad person for almost a year. And I still get emotional at times. Mostly it's good now. I can think of him and talk about him and be grateful for what and amazing father he was in my life.
Eight years is a loooong time. I'm on year six with my mom, though she's in AL now. I can't imagine life without all the to do's. It would be very weird.
((Hugs))