This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
We save the medicare and medicaid over 80 billion dollars a year. I am not paid nor is over 30 million other hard working caregivers. Yes the suicide rate is at 50 percent and climbs more each day. Some families have money to place their loved one in a dementia facility or NH. I don't and either does the majority either. Networking and standing up (when u want to fall over) , I'll be there fighting. Just support is all i ask.
MCWatz, if you think dementia is becoming an issue you need to check on the status of Mom. Does she have all of the necessary documents in place? Powers of Attorney, Do Not Resusicate, Living Will etc? These are very important to have should something happen to mom to become incompetent or some sudden medical event.
Yes, you should go see her. Get her to the doc for complete evaluation and an elder law attorney to help get things in order. If dementia, there are some causes that are treatable, and many that are not and the disease is progressive it will only continue to worsen not get better.
Maybe visit continnum of care communities to find something that she likes. She may be ready to move now, though most are not; they think they can continue to care for themselves when in fact that is not reality. They do not understand that they need help and many remain in denial until the disease progresses to the point that they think they are just fine and there is not a problem. Best wishes as you proceed, this is a very difficult time for all involved.
Windy, hopefully it's just because she woke up.
Lately, my dad's been slurring his words. Forgetting what he wants to say. I have a feeling we may not be able to get the POA in time. I've stopped panicking about that. If we miss the opening door, then we missed it. I'll just continue to wing it as I usually do.
On my last visit to withdraw funds from dad's account, the teller asked me if we can update the account. If my dad and I can come into together.. I told her that he's bedridden and we cannot even get him to the dentist. She would like dad to put a beneficiary on his bank account. She said that if something were to happen to him, the bank would freeze the account and see who's the heirs. Whereas, if he has a beneficiary.... So, I came home and asked dad if he wanted to put beneficiaries. He said yes. He wants it to go to me and oldest sis since we're the ones taking care of him. {{rolling eyes}} The bank will be calling me on Monday with all the updated information. Then we will set up a time where i can be home and have a phone conference with them so that dad can confirm that he does want to have a beneficiary for his account.
While you're researching, you will learn what to see when you visit mom, how to respond, etc... BUT, if you don't have time to do research, please Google: Teepa Snow's YouTube videos. They are short videos but very very educational.
Have you seen this topic on the Home page when you first found this site? Signs Your Parent Needs Help:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/signs-your-parent-needs-help-143228.htm
That's just goofy to me but it's her life. Do what you feel you have to do. She makes sure I feel guilty for sleeping until 6 in my life.
But you know what? I don't feel guilty. That guilt went away. I don't know when it happened over the past 5 plus years, but it did.
I never was responsible for my mom's bad choices in life and I finally GOT that.
I will be there for her and am. I see her on Wednesdays and my husband and I take her out to lunch on Sunday. I provide everything for her including evening meals for the naysayers. I also call EVERY day.
I'm 20 minutes away. Just can't see her. it's too toxic.
Stacey, I especially enjoyed your corrections all over the site for limiting fowl language, while swearing! That was truly awesome! No, I am serious! Maybe you are channeling captain? lol. I was doing that once after he offended everyone, then, not my job cause many liked it. (The fowl, I mean) Thinking this is a phenomenon I don't quite understand yet. Forgive me.
This transition has been rough to say the least yogagirl. I feel like I lost a part of myself when I left NY. Whatever the h*ll that means. I'm gonna stay low key from now on. I highjacked enough threads and annoyed enough people. Is there a way to delete posts on here? I tend to rant and complain a lot when I have a lot on my mind. I should just write more in my journal instead.
I'm real tired from taking care of both parents and my sister just had an operation. That is why I haven't been posting much. Sis and I had an interesting conversation today.
She told me years ago, homesickness was considered a real sickness. That is how painful and challenging it is to move.