This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Then to Dad's dental clinic. I needed advice on how to bring him in (bedridden). They told me that I also need authorization from his physician. And that we need to practice getting dad off/on the bed to wheelchair. Ohhhhh myyyyy. I told this to older bro. And he showed a face. I told him that we can always hire someone to come and do it. (In my head - 'properly'.) My brother doesn't know how to transfer dad from the bed to wheelchair. At mom's viewing, it took bro, his wife, and his 2 grown sons to do it. And dad had his hands and legs wrapped tightly around them. They couldn't move. sigh.. I TRIED to tell them how to do it - since I've seen it done with bedridden mom. No One Listened to me. So, I sat there and watched bro getting mad at everyone and telling dad to let go. And dad, being terrified of being 'dropped' refused to let go. Anyway, I told this to the dental clinic staff. That's why they told me that dad and my brother have to practice the transfer thing smoothly before we can bring dad in. They also said that no need to call in for an appointment because it would take months for the next opening. Just come in as a 'walk in' and they will somehow fit him in.
I made an executive decision to skip the grocery store shopping and went to sis so that we can go shopping. Despite enjoying trying on clothes, my mind kept worrying over skipping the grocery store. It's midnight, and I'm still regretting. Why did I decide to go to Macy instead? Sis is in a spending mood. I don't have new clothes. I've been wearing the same clothes to work - every 2 weeks. I've had to get rid of some because I'm gaining a fat stomach. I needed new clothes. I was so disappointed when we got to Macys. They have drastically cut back on their clothes. I ended up with only 4 blouses. Shucks.
I met at Kmart a male acquaintance who is attracted to me. Unfortunately, I have absolutely no such feelings for him. No even a twitch. Or tiny tremor. Nada! Walla! Inai! He tried his darn best to keep the conversation flowing. I feel so sorry for him. Every time we meet by chance, he tries so hard... Oh well, better than my other male acquaintance who asked me if I was married. No? He has a cousin in the Philippines - and he thinks that I should marry his cousin. I don't think so!
I got visited by the elder and wife today. He has aged a lot. Just had a heart valve replaced. And on top of that, his mom is in the hospital for several weeks - and now has a trache. They remembered that mom used to have a trache. They came over and wanted my input. They remembered me talking about suctioning mom. They wanted to know more info. Their eyes widened when I said that it took me a year after mom was released to even clean her trache. It soooo grossed me out, I couldn't do it. At that time, it had cost $7 a trache kit. Mom's throat had to be cleaned daily. Suctioning used to be every hour. Then 30 minutes. Then every 15 minutes. 24/7. Their eyes widened at that. You mean you were still suctioning her at nights? Yeah, otherwise she chokes to death on her phlegm/saliva. Why do you think dad & I were always so exhausted? That's one of the reasons he had a stroke. When mom was needing suctioning like every 10-15 minutes, I was told that by this time, I should be cleaning her trache twice a day - no longer once a day. Due to financial constraints, we had to just make do with once a day. I even asked if I can just re-use the same kit and I was told NO.
I hope you don't get offended, but for a minute I thought your grandson was Brad Pitt.
If they could only find a cure for this illness....
Stay strong.
Loving Southern California! Not without it's faults, if you know what I mean.
I can't stand all the BS that goes on in corporate America...
On a happy note...it is SNOWING SNOWING the prettiest snowfall here...Alabama!!! how neat is that!!!
Many people will not deal with annuity-style life insurance policies. They only buy term life. From the bit I've seen I can understand why.
Also, I still maintain that a contract is a contract..period..When you buy a policy and the policy is paid in full and you havej fulfilled every stinking aspect of your obligation and then the company changes the 'RULES' to their benefit..it is fraud and they have broken the contract. I am not going to let this lie...I have nothing but time now anyway...and whether I get anywhere with it or not, I am going to raise a stink about it...Because it's just flat out wrong....period!
sadly, I am hearing from folks that in these cases, there may be nothing that can be done...Seems like fraud to me...I don't understand how a company can sell a policy...give the owner a PAID IN FULL policy and then say that folks owe additional premium now or else cash out at the surrender amount...usually a much smaller amount.. what a crying shame...the longer I live the more I feel like I'm not sure I want to live much longer...it's been a horrid day....
Last Friday we had a prearranged visit from two insurance agents supposedly to discuss our future needs.
What transpired was they attempted to scare us into giving up the death benefit and purchase an annuity( and include my own 401K) "to give us more income" which we can manage without as of now.
Let this be a warning to all Seniors in case they meet this pair who are from a Nationally known major insurance company.
"Proof read, spell checked and paragraphed" Correctness not guaranteed!!!!!!!!
My mother insisted I take her there. It's about an hour and half from where we live. Even though she dominated the visit, she was able to spark a smile in him and make him feel loved again: something she never ever did when they were married for 30 years.
At first I didn't want to bring Mom into Dad's life because I thought she'd be pushy and ruin what little was left of him. But I knew it was not my place to act on that thought. I am glad I let it go.
Yesterday, the three of us had a taste of forgiveness. And it was good. Felt really good.