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Fall is here with a vengeance. It is raining and blowing and 4C (39F) and a dark cloudy day. I think I want to stay in bed with a ☕ and 📚 but I'll just wait till the house warms up then start my morning routine. I'm not ready for this!
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Rain rain go away....
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Lost another good one - one of my male cousins, from Parkinson's aged 71 . I didn't know he had it. He was a nice man, a good father, husband. and grandfather. One of his granddaughters wrote of him "you taught me to sit still and gently with the simple things and, above all, to love comfortably." He will be greatly missed by his family.
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So sorry Golden. ((((HUGS))))
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Golden: So sorry for the death of your cousin. Deepest condolences sent.
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Golden, so sorry about your cousin. Hugs
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My most sincere condolences Golden
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Golden, please my condolences as well.    I hope your fond memories of your cousin can sustain you as well as his immediate family.
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Thanks everyone. It sure brought back some memories. - good ones of childhood and more recently. Despite mother's BPD difficulties she organized several family reunions and her 100th birthday party. At these, I caught up with cousins. Good times, nice people. lots of nostalgia.
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Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor are back in Canada!!!😌
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Appreciate that bit of news, Cwillie, and your discreet way of sharing it.
Of course, I looked it up.
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So, just thought I'd post on here and vomit my thoughts out. Anyone mind? LOL

I've just been thinking about things a lot lately. Is there anyone else out there who thinks too much like me. Who lays in bed at night ruminating about things that happened a long time ago? I hope I'm not the only one.

I relive my care giving days with my mom and second guess stuff. Why I continue to torture myself God only knows. Maybe I need a new hobby?

I have been struggling a lot lately with depression. Partly cause I'm weaning myself off of hormone replacement I suspect. My gyno suggested that sixty should be the cut off point for that and as I'm turning sixty in a little over a month that's what I've been doing. I'm really worried that I'll go into a full blown funk when I'm off of them completely and I really don't want to go down the antidepressant road again. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. I understand they are very helpful for some people so I'm not suggesting they are bad. Just not good for me.

I've really been missing my cat Daniel who we had to get put down in August too. I took his passing really hard. We still have his brother but he's sad too. I won't get another one now though. I think it would be unfair to him. Maybe one day but not now.

So, that's what's on my mind today. Thx for reading. :)
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Gershun: Big hugs ((( ))). Overthinking can be tough. I could say to stop, but easier said than done. As I have 14 and 3/4 years on you, I don't have time to rethink what I could have done better as far as living out of state to care for my late mother. Was I perfect? Of course not. But I haven't the time to think on it. Also, losing a fur kid IS hard. I hope that weaning off HRT is successful for you. Better days ahead for you, Gershun.❤
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Thank-you Llama!
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Gershun: You're welcome.💛
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A big barf up can be good for you! 🤮😆😊

I too am a night-time-ruminator.. sigh. I read somewhere that the memory & thought brain cells are still active but the problem-solving cells have switched into downtime. A-ha! So round & round the thoughts go.
I
Iacknowledge them (oh you again) then say see you later (sod off) & try some menial mental task to distract ie saying the alphabet backwards. Picturing a 10 move yoga practice is my current fav.

I chucked the HRT recently too & slipped into a grey place (v similar to going off the pill when younger). But not a black place. It's manageable.

I keep reminding myself if it cannot be cured (feeling grey) then contain. To add extra kindness for myself.

RIP furry Daniel.

Gershun, sending some kind thoughts your way 🤗
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Thank you Beatty! For the giggle @ big barf up comment too.😊
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Gershun, you are definitely not alone in re-running thoughts impeding your sleep. When I can't sleep, I have started putting on a movie I like and listening to it. The dialog gives my mind something to occupy it, but not too much since I have heard the movie before.
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Scurried down and got my booster
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Coyotes having a grand old time out there this morning! Sounds like there is at least 5-7 of them.I

Guess I won't go for a walk.
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I try to remember to take my fox 40 whistle and coyote spray if I walk the trails during off peak hours, I figure that covers me for both two and four legged predators.
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Here it is bears I worry about. 🐻 They were scarce in town after the fire but they are back now. 18 have been euthanized this summer and I saw bear scat on the trail I walk in the woods. I have never had them go for my garbage cans but advice was posted by the wildlife guys to keep your garbage cans inside or wash them out. I guess should get some bear spray and/or stay on the edge of the woods.
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Oof, I'm hurting lately. Trying to keep up with a pressing school schedule and keep other "life balls" in the air -- work, roommate searches -- It has been enough for awhile. Who has time for friends and family, much less fun...?

I'm thinking about moving to part time school for my last year in the BS program. That would give me more time to sort out how to do entry level/internship requirements for some of the positions I'm eyeing for the future... and covid is still a factor for consideration, limiting some things.

Everything is good enough. I can't complain. But I'm tired, and achy, and it's just wearing on me. Thanks for giving me a place to put this down. "Ain't no use in complaining when you got a job to do." Canadian Bryan Adams... I thought he was cute when I was in high school, all over MTV with his rugged good looks.

I have about 3 more pressing days of school to finish out work for this term. I'm beat. Somehow, it will get done.
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Re rumination - I have had a lot of that at times and knowing that we can choose our thoughts I choose to recite a hymn, or a piece of scripture over and over until I fall asleep. It takes some discipline to stay on the track I choose, as the other thoughts keep intruding, but with practice it helps to redirect your thoughts to something more pleasant. Going over and over the negative stuff drags you down. Other than that I go on my laptop and engage in something there.

((((((ali)))))) I know you will get your school work done. I think it is a great idea to go part time. You are carrying a very heavy load. Middle son D worked full time though with very flexible hours and did full time school, but he still lived at home with me and though I did not do laundry etc for him ( I was working too) he had a secure peaceful place household that was supportive of him. And he is a very laid back person who doesn't get upset about much - just who he is - and not that he had much to get upset about. You are in a very different situation. I'm sorry about the aches. Robax helps me at those times. The more I have destressed my life the less I have aches and pains. I recently found out that while acetyl L-carnitine helps with brain function, L-carnitine helps with muscle strength. I had only been using the former and have added the latter to my supplement regime. I think it is helping. You are making great progress!!!
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Had my third carotid arteries ultrasound as I have a heredity factor of stroke - my mother's cardiologist missed the fact that one of her carotid's was 100% blocked; thus she suffered an ischemic stroke, ending her life. Maternal grandmother also passed from a stroke, though only 73. Results already given to me today = right carotid clear, left carotid very minimal narrowing.
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Llama, that’s great news. Always good to be proactive.
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Golden23 - re: rumination - always mentally go thru the hymn "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God". It was my grandma's favorite hymn and the first hymn I learned to play on the piano.
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Llama - good for you!!!

Bridger - it helps doesn't it?
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Polar: Thank you. Yes, I asked for the carotid check.
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Golden: Thank you.
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