Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
The work you do in a therapeutic setting is not like being provoked in real life. No worries.
Still not sure what you did wrong-take her parking place?
Avoid crazy people who come at you and scream. Ignore, go inside and shut the door in the future.
Recall, your addict room mate was probably tolerated by nearby neighbors, and she, (room mate) could have lied about you to neighbors while she was 'hanging out' not able to use her keys to get back inside, many times. Do I have that correct? It was not your fault back then, but neighbors might still be offended.
Say as little as possible, but a simple "sorry" for the other day is enough. imo.
Then, keep avoiding her. You cannot get along with crazy neighbors. There are some times when the situation can improve however. That is when they have a dementia or alzheimers and forget it was you they were mad at. Then they greet you friendly again, years later.
Just one other thing...thinking it may not be a good idea to seek counseling from someone who is a landlord and a therapist? I am not trying to control your life-maybe the landlord who has been good to you in the past, and you have a connection. Others will know better about the professional requirements of a therapist and client. Just be aware. imo.
It is one of the most unsettling and uncomfortable things to have a hostile neighbor.
I told my grand daughter this:
As far as it concerns you, be at peace with all men. (or women).
But do not cower at abuse-screaming back was ok!
Another idea...in my neighborhood, disagreements were quickly stopped when someone took out their cell phone and started recording. Yes, that actually happened.
Send, I didn't do anything wrong except let her drag me into her misplaced nastiness. You know what's funny to me? Neighbor lady was very friendly with the addict. The roommate talked to neighbor and blamed me for issues and the neighbor lady was sympathetic... even though I'm the one who's lived here for years and you would think she would know me better than that. Go figure.
In that case, even saying 'hello' can instigate neighbor's wrath.
Actually, no matter what you do or don't do can be a problem for this neighbor.
Barb was right when she said: "stop trying to kill her with kindness and just ignore her".
Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent People Ignore. - Albert Einstein
I like to think of myself as the latter two. I would forgive in my heart but not verbally, as I think any exchange with her opens you up to more abuse. Then I would ignore - grey rock!
I used to think like you are, but understanding "don't cast your pearls before swine" led me to a different response.
"If you say that someone is casting pearls before swine, you mean that they are wasting their time by offering something that is helpful or valuable to someone who does not appreciate or understand it".
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/to-cast-pearls-before-swine#:~:text=If%20you%20say%20that%20someone,not%20appreciate%20or%20understand%20it.
I think that applies to your situation. ((((((hugs)))))) You are a good tenant and neighbour.
—you want to keep peace
—you don’t want her to be mad at you
—prior to this incident, you wanted her to like you
—you are taking this very personal as if her anger was purposely directed at you. It could have been your neighbor whom she screamed at, but it happened that you were there at that very time.
—now you want to ‘kiss and make up’
Why?
If she doesn’t like you, so what?
Why do you need to have her not mad at you?
I’m going to be rude here and ask
Are you a people pleaser?
Yes, guilty as charged, I definitely tend to be on the pleaser side. Liking me would have been nice but after the first 6 months or so, I wasn't expecting it.
I didn't really care if she liked me, only wished she acted more pleasant so every time I run into her wouldn't be drama. Am I supposed to pretend I don't see her? Our lobby's only slightly bigger than an elevator. I guess I just stand to the front and don't talk, just like in an elevator. lol It's a rhetorical question and I'm just describing the situation better.
The attack rant was definitely directed at me. I thought I would pretend to be naive if I brought it up... which is fake on my part. We're the only two households that share that front door. It's a 6 flat style building, common in Chicago. The "people pleaser" part is spot on, though.
I guess what I'm saying is you just can't win with some people. So Ali, my advice would be follow your gut instinct at each moment. Don't plan to be one way when you encounter this person. Just let the moment guide you.
To me, it was a good thing that you lost your temper and screamed back at her. She now learns she can't bully you. Perhaps, you even gain some respect. So, do not lose your ground.
She does not deserve your niceness, she deserves your indifference and disregard.
My reach-for desideratum in these circumstances is "anger begets anger, but a soft answer turneth away wrath." I have used the strategy successfully in situations both when (I admit it) I was manifestly in the wrong and with not a leg to stand on (except there are no parking rights during school run hours in North London, bite me) and when I was genuinely at a loss to know what on earth the person was screeching about. Treat this lady as though she is a normal person and not a complete nut job and with any luck it at least won't escalate.
He also reports that a coworker showed up for work and hung around for about an hour only to to tell everyone he has covid and shouldn't be there. What the heck is wrong with people.
Glad you got your glasses!
If it drops below 90, time to get help.
Lots of people catch cold this time of year. Normally we wouldn’t bat an eye when we heard such news. But covid makes everyone paranoid.
Hope you’re feeling better soon.
More and more people now known to us have reported sick, both vaccinated and unvaccinated. People who have tried hard to be safe, and people who were out and about, ignoring the pandemic have been infected. Some have died.
Less and less people follow any guidelines or protocols, instead seek to declare themselves above any rules, and say that they are smarter than any medical professionals.
I am sad for everyone, especially those who have worked so hard, like the caregivers here.
But we all need to persevere, stay the course a bit longer.
Yes, there is a pandemic.
After two years, you may need to learn more about it.
Putting forth opinions and facts just to be deconstructed by naysayers for discussions and disagreements will not save your life, imo.
Stay strong.