On My Mind

I think the problem is with framing it as home care vs facility care, both need to be better and just throwing more money at one at the expense of the other won't fix anything.
There was a big push to add more home care with the last government, as far as I can see it worked like most government programs in that seniors were encouraged to stay in their own homes but the majority of the work and cost were downloaded to the family (and god forbid you don't have any). Home care agencies have wait lists and it's not necessarily a lack of funding, it's that nobody wants to do the job. Many say just give the PSWs a raise, but that just means any extra $$ is merely maintaining the status quo and not improving the availability or level of care.

My mother qualified for adult day care, housekeeping help, meals on wheels and free transportation in her wheelchair as part of community care. We didn't use housekeeping or meals but the adult day care and transportation to and from were a godsend! Our local 911 dispatchers coordinate daily check phone calls and fire departments help police do wellness checks. This year the legislature is considering adding funds to support materials for ramp construction by the high schoolers community service hours (required for graduation) and increasing the amount medicaid pays for AL and other LTC. Its not enough, but I believe the state is moving in the right direction. We even started some extra assistance for grandparents that are raising their grandchildren, really needed with the numbers of parents who are drug addicts.

Next door neighbor had two dogs when I moved here. One, a yellow lab that died soon after my move. Then about six months later someone moved in across the street that had a yellow lab that became a great companion for dog#2 a black lab mutt. Those two dogs were with each other constantly, even spending nights with each other.

The house across the street sold, they moved today. I had heard that they were going to move next door black lab mutt with them. But, black lab mutt died today. She just must have understood on some level the major changes that were coming and couldn't handle it.😟😟

That's so sad Glad. :(

Poor doggie! 😞

Sad for all whose loss of the doggie has affected.
I think that covers all of us.
So sorry Glad.

My son and his family ended their spring vacation. We had a birthday party for my granddaughter yesterday. It was a nice visit.

Becky, thanks for that! Was just starting to get worried about you.

Glad you had a good visit!

Yesterday was both a good day and a very bad day. I spent a lot of time with my 13 yo grand-nephew and went to one of his ballgames. I also tried to get this 5'11" 200 lb man-child to understand his mother's histrionic personality disorder and try not to be so hurt by some of her actions.

His 17 yo brother went to a party with the knowledge and permission of their father. Unfortunately he told the ex-wife their son was attempting the party. She first went off about the father giving him permission with her ex (my nephew) and how a "zero" he was as a father. Then she tried to call her 17 yo to dish him for wanting to go to the party (according to the voice mail she left). Then she called her younger son to ask where his brother was because he wasn't answering the phone. M (younger son) called his brother B who answered the phone and told him he was getting ready to leave the party and would be home in 30 monutes or less. B told M to tell their Mom he was home so she wouldn't get more worked up. M called mom and delivered the message afterwards mom demanded M give the phone to his brother so she could talk to him. M isn't good at lying and admitted to his mom B wasn't home yet but was on his way. The ex exploded on her sons, talking about how they mistreated her, she was going to pick them up and they were going to stay at her house where they have "proper" supervision, etc. When she got here B told her they weren't going anywhere with her while she was acting crazy and called me up to their house (my nephew, his wife and younger son went to their lake property and left me to watch over the boys from my next door home). She went to her "I'm calling the cops" line to have them document the boys were unsupervised and get the cops to make the boys come with her. I pointed out I have a childcare POA for her boys and was completely capable of supervising the boys from next door as my presence demostrated, but go ahead and call them if she wanted. The boys were inside the home and would not engage with her anymore that night. She finally decided to leave and add some more vms to vent her fury.

She's really been working on M this week: repeating how he "abused" her by lying to her, how he was going to stay with her from mid-week through the weekend whether he wanted to or not, how he couldn't have the shoes he left at her house back until he spent those days with her, etc. M called me to take him to get some breakfast and then take him to the game bus Sat morning, then he broke down crying because his mom won't answer the phone and has sent him these angry messages and won't even let him pick up his shoes and his toes hurt from wearing his old shoes (will I take him to buy some more shoes after the game?), etc. He feels guilty because the last time mom called he told her he didn't want to spend any time with her when she was acting this way. And they had so much fun just 2 weeks ago with mom.

I'm trying to enable him to see his mom's spells as something she doesn't have complete control over; that her HPD causes her to act out in ways that aren't all that reasonable. It's reasonable for Mom to be concerned about B attending parties because she knows her little brother started his drug and alcohol use at kids parties and his recent murder is on her mind - she just goes overboard expressing that concern. That he did lie to her and she has some "right" to be angry, but again she is going overboard on expressing that anger. That he needs to view those "overboard" reactions as part of her disease and try to view the real mom as the person they had so much fun with. That's its okay to want to stay away from mom when she overreacting; that's just taking care of himself and that's fine. It's okay to still love mom even when she acts this way. She's your one and only mother and she's very loveable when she acting normally.

I just pray for the right words to comfort this child.

TN- I feel bad for the boys. But kids are resilient, they will recover. If when they grow up and want to pursue psychology/psychiatry as a career, they will already have some real personal experiences with mental illness and the effects on children to educate them like no text books can.

You are a good great aunt. It's good that they have you to rely on.

My PT increases to two hours tomorrow. I'm a little apprehensive with two hours of PT on top of three+ hours of dialysis. But I would like to make more progress. I guess it goes back to my husband's NFL mantra "no pain, no gain". He had had numerous ortho surgeries and firm believer in the more PT, the better.

Hello all,
Just checking in. Doing ok, but miss my mother a lot. Joined the YMCA a while back and took up skiing again. Trying to keep myself busy. Go out almost every day. Went to the beach yesterday with family. It is different now that my mom has passed. I know that life will never be the same, but moving on as best I can. I will be going back to work in September. We all took the time off until September but looking forward to working. We eat out every single day since my mom died. I guess it is emotional eating for all of us but that needs to stop. We have to find other things to do besides eating. I still don't feel like cooking since mom passed, but I am hoping by the fall I will start up again because I enjoy it very much. I reconnected with some old friends from high school and my previous job. I decided to write a book and I am checking out some publishing companies now. I will see where it all leads and if God willing it will happen. I am following what the CDC recommends, but my attitude has changed and I live my life without any fear of getting Covid. I hardly ever wear a mask unless it is required of me. Before my mom passed we were taking extreme precautions and even wearing two masks and we still got Covid and my mom died of the disease. Started back to church after two years. I am happy I have wonderful memories of my dear mom and I will hold her in my heart forever. Take care and have a great summer. Hugs to all of you.
Earlybird

Two nights a week in a hotel since the airbnb fiasco, disgusting, fiasco! It isn't easy, I don't know how people travel all the time for their jobs. But, at least with my situation, I am home five nights a week. That is comforting and relaxing and a relief.

Increased PT hours are tiring. Maybe I can do or maybe not.

Now middle daughter has Covid. GD is going to get shuttled between ex, preschool and us as long as she and her dad test negative. Her preschool teacher taught her a wonderful thing--snort like a dragon when there's you! MAKES more snot!

DH last uncle is dying of pancreatic cancer.

Becky: Take it easy.💛

EB: Good to hear from you.💛

Barb: Prayers for middle daughter and uncle.

5 year old, in addition to snorting like a dragon to make more snot said to the technician "please don't stick it so far up my nose".

So he snapped the swab in half. She said "thank you, that's better".

Barb, that one could go on the jokes thread. Hope DD is feeling better soon.

Had an ah ha moment. For over a year I was wondering why I was experiencing a bit of oiliness on either side of my hair, above the ear, starting the day after I would wash my hair. I tried changing shampoos and conditioners, with no luck. Then I stopped using the conditioner, still no luck.

The more I thought about it, it dawned on me it could be my pillows. Not the pillows themselves but the pillow cases. So on the last wash I didn't use a dryer sheet in the washer. BINGO. Apparently there must be some type of oil on those dryer sheets. I always use the unscented ones. And use whatever major brand is on sale.

Last night, while in bed watching TV, I used the top sheet to clean my glasses to see what happens, as I use to get smears on the lenses. No smears at all.

Just food for thought.

I've never understood the reason so many people use dryer sheets and fabric softeners.... I've tried them to see if they help to reduce static - nope, it's not that. Fragrance? But then why have unscented ones? Softness? All that pummelling in the dryer is what softens, it's not the dryer sheets. And I don't feel any difference when I use a fabric softener for line dried clothes, it's the weather that is the main factor there 🤔

Studies have shown that fabric softeners and increase in asthma and other lung conditions are linked.

They should come with a black box warning, IMO.

BB, your 5 year old sounds very clever and comical.

I bet she made that techs day:-)

In regard to the dryer sheets, we found out our cat was allergic to them. She was licking all her fur off her stomach. I tried switching foods and other things she might be allergic to. When I stopped using the dryer sheets, the licking completely stopped and all her fur grew back. There are chemicals in those sheets.

Instead of fabric softener, I use the wool balls made for the dryer. They work great.

Freqflyer,
When I changed shampoo to non-sulfates to protect my hair, I had the same oiliness in my hair. I used to use the clear, "clean" formulas, plus washing my hair 3 times with a different shampoo. I can't even use "light" hair conditioners anymore.

Maybe the dryer sheets are a factor, if you use them. But we use dryer balls, wool dryer balls-lol-they may have minor oils too?

The hairbrushes are all cleaned more often.

A mystery, if others have also experienced the increased oiliness in hair just behind the ears, let us know. Could this be just a getting older change? The only other difference in my hair is failure to use hair color. This oiliness is new.

I agree that dryer sheets, hair conditioners, fabric softeners are toxic. I think I remember someone posting who had Lyme disease having sensitivities to these things.

Just last night, I was looking up MCS-Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, what a coincidence!

What could it be?

Llamalover,
We can always count on you to tie up loose ends and graciously acknowledge everyone's post who has been overlooked that day. 💖

Thank you!

I'm allergic to dryer sheets and have to use unscented detergent. I get really itchy otherwise.

As for my hair. It's been horrendous lately. My bangs have a mind of their own now. I've developed a cowlick. Highlites don't take in my hair as well either. I guess it's age. Possibly covid? Who knows.

Send: Thank you, but I am not really great - insomnia kicks my butt some nights, making for a catch up day when I do sleep.

Llama, insomnia kicks my butt too. I feel ya!