Countrymouse Posted November 2018
On My Mind
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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
Not all of us get along all the time and we don’t have to reply to those we don’t like. But taking time to send PMs to accuse and attack is very troubling.
As to our getting PM messages? I was told recently that someone on our Forum received emails claiming that I claimed this or said that or some such, and trying to cause division between us, and this person assured me that she has no beef with me. I so appreciated that.
I will not discuss other people with anyone who PMs me. EVER. If anyone asked anything of me I would tell them to go to the source they are asking information about. If someone told me someone said this or that about me A) I couldn't care less and don't need to know that and B) I wouldn't trust someone who spred gossip to me.
So just saying. If someone writes you and claims "Alva said this or that about you" or "Alva told me blah and blah, "I would ask that you come to me personally so I can reassure you that I almost certainly said nothing whatsoever about you. I think we should ALL fact check when we hear what sounds like gossip and nonsense.
As to names, I honestly don't care. Good advice is good advice and I don't care about the name used to give it. I feel the same about BAD advice--no matter what the name is, it is bad advice.
I DO appreciate if a user comes back just knowing they didn't disappear altogether as that always makes me sad and there are many that I still miss. The Captain and Ahmijoy come to mind. Haven't seen WindyRidge in a month of Sundays. Many more. Not to say I don't like a lot of our new members, because I DO.
from the "contact us" form at the bottom of the page.
They just take care of it, and no need to write back.
I have seen posts attacking me and removed by the admins almost immediately at times. I am not special, I just have followed their directions.
Discussing it here feels like gossip. It does not do anyone any good, and continues to divide caregivers. Take it up with the admins is my advice.
There is an internet thing called spoofing screen names. The screen name can look like (for example): Sendhelp. But in fact can say (for example): Sendhelp82. [Not saying that a possible hacker has done this to my account],
but spoofing is a real thing. Just be aware. I don't know what can be done about it except to report it to the admins. The admins are the only ones with the ability to discover who is trying to disrupt the forum here.
Be calm, Carry on everyone. Your time is invaluable, so use it to help others.
No one has as rich a resource as a caregiver who has experienced caring for someone. Don't allow a very few malcontents distract you from your goals.
I have just bought online a kitchen pedal bin, a dispensing pack of liners for it, and an underlay for my ironing board cover. I can hardly wait for their delivery.
I think those algorithms have a very strange idea of fun.
oooh! living the dream!!!
When I first came on the forum, I asked advice about (1) which recliner to buy. And (2) ways to help my elderly uncle cook (he loves cooking and is amazing at it. Whatever you’re imagining, it’s even tastier than that). Many of you gave me great advice. I wanted to update my original post, but it’s been closed, since a lot of time passed.
So I’ll update here. Things are going well:
(1) The recliner is great. My uncle uses it all the time. He especially likes getting massages while lying almost horizontal.
(2) I changed caregivers in January, and they’re very willing to follow my uncle’s cooking instructions. So now he gets to eat his favorite dishes, scrumptious, nutritious. The caregivers eat with him too.
I can only speak for myself. I was brought up in a dysfunctional family where deceit, gaslighting, and outright lies were part of the fabric of the family. It was not a safe place. Because of those experiences I am perhaps particularly sensitive to people who deceive, who lie and I want to have nothing to do with them. That deceit and misrepresentation are tolerated here and practiced regularly makes this not as safe a place for me as it would be otherwise.
However, this forum is not unique is tolerating duplicity. It exists throughout society. I wonder about the problems. the insecurities, the experiences of people who need to lie about themselves. Why not be open and share who you are? Most of us do and know we are imperfect people and, for the most part, are Ok with ourselves and one another. I find it sad that anyone has to hide behind a fantasy rather than have honest interaction with other people, for the fantasy and the lies serve as a barrier to what everyone really needs - connection with others.
people who are barbaric, barbarous, boorish, churlish, disrespectful, impolite, rude, unconscionable, vulgar, abrupt, blunt, coarse, curt, discourteous, gross, gruff, ill-mannered, inconsiderate, insulting, and uncivilized, and who lie.
Or,
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr
Thank you for starting this discussion:
"Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that."
What exactly did you mean by whimsies?
But, when I voiced the same sort of observations that you just did boy did I get it, in spades. I think there are so many stories on here. So many dysfunctional parent/child relationships. So many caregivers who were and are being treated like sh*t by the person they are caring for. I try not to judge. Like they say don't judge another until you've walked a day in their shoes. Or but for the grace of God there go I.
hug! you wrote:
“I love my mom SO MUCH”
and
“Why don't I feel all this resentment everyone else feels or feel put-upon by needing to be there for my mom?”
answer:
because your mother is very sweet, kind, loving, wonderful to you; and she appreciates all you do for her.
Example Christmas, I was the one who bought the holiday cards, not just boxes of cards but individual cards for parents, grandparents, etc., hand wrote the envelopes, hand wrote the letters to go inside the cards [this was before computers or word processors], bought the stamps, mailed the cards....
Oh the gifts, I was the one who did all the gift shopping [this was before the Internet and before store Gift Cards] so that meant running from store to store. Making decisions upon decisions on what to purchase. Ok, time the wrap the gifts. First had to buy the wrapping paper/ribbon/bows, buy gift boxes if the stores didn't supply them [remember those nice store offered gift boxes?], buy tissue for inside the box, wrap the gifts, wrap again for shipping, stand in line at the Post Office with everyone else in Town.
Ah, decorate the house. Decorate the tree after Hubby bought a fresh cut tree from the Boy Scouts [guess I was lucky that was one chore I didn't need to do]. I made cookies and loaf cakes if we went visiting. If guest were coming had to make sure the every room was vacuumed, dusted, bathrooms cleaned, even cleaned the inside of the refrigerator. Cleaned the litter boxes, and got the cat hair off of everything. Had to buy groceries, to feed the guest [I hated to cook]. Oh, I forgot to mention, I was working full-time outside of the house.
Hubby's sister was a Martha Stewart type of person. She handmade many of her gifts, and her own husband would also hand make items out of wood. She would decorate and set a table that one would see on the cover of Better Homes & Garden. She was so cheery and happy. Her children had hand made Christmas outfits.... any way you get the picture.
Come Christmas Day I was exhausted and Hubby couldn't understand why I was so tired, and why I couldn't make Christmas like his sister did.
You were, or still are, a Superwoman.
Can I borrow your cape?
Lost mine many years ago. Now the holiday brings anxiety.
Try feeding someone who does not want to eat once the work has been done.
I am okay though. It's the holiday that is not ok. imo.
Did I say I am okay?
Happy Thanksgiving to all those in the US. 🦃🥘🥧
Have a good day and take care of yourself!
Nothing tasted better that Xmas than hot and sour soup that came from a restaurant seen in pictures next door to Club Q.
These days are much easier, the kiddos do what they can do and are much better at boundaries than I was. They are still 150 miles from here, next year I hope to be much closer. This screwy economy needs to get straightened out.
Happy Thanksgiving, all!
Too blind to realize that when I had asked then Hubby to help with something, he would mess it up so bad that I would automatically do it myself next time, that was all part of his plan. I still remember the time when I asked him to help vacuuming until the vacuum got a hold of a throw rug.... good grief, you'd think Hubby was fighting off a mountain lion. Oh well, he did fix the hole made in the wall fighting the dreaded throw rug.
Lot changed over the years. My now sig-other will help in the kitchen, I no longer need to ask him, he will ask if there is anything he can do :) We decided years ago no running from store to store for gifts and then boxing and mailing, went to using Gift Cards. Guest stay at nearby hotel, which sig-other will pay, which has a gym, pool, full breakfast, thus no need for us to clean the upstairs.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. We finished our home made spaghetti [we made the sauce from scratch], and cooked a frozen pumpkin pie. The Pillsbury "crescent rolls" were the most challenging thing we had to do, mainly figure out how to open the can and figure out the dough inside :P
Maybe there are other descriptors for it, but I thought that term summed it up pretty well. I saw the term used in a Reddit of women commenting on how their partners do this exact thing, e.g., they act like laundry is just too complicated for them to do properly.
I hope everyone's having a nice, peaceful Thanksgiving celebration.