
Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.
I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.
There have been many others recently with that constant pressure he had - with a LO just at them day after day after day. No let up. Just & won't pay for other people or services or change their ways. Just constant badgering family to do for them. Exhausting & relationship wrecking.
"I forget".
When there is someone to ask in the home: "How do you spell...?", or "What is that called?"....or "What was that word again?"....or "What day is it?"....or
"What time is it?"....
it becomes a bad habit asking others to do our thinking for us. It can lead to laziness in our own thinking, and more forgetting.
Use it or lose it.
Disease as we age can take away enough of our memory all too soon.
Making an effort to exercise our memory and our mind can help us to remain
independent in our thinking and less an irritation to those we live with.
So, open a new tab, look up what you need to complete that word or sentence, and be independent.
Who needs this advice more than me?
I made my doctor laugh when last I went in and she said "So how are you doing" and I said "I am practicing spelling five letter words backwards". Ha. And sometimes I DO in bed at night. Because I was NEVER good at this stuff. My memory has always been a bit faulty for things, as well. I don't hold onto the past well, which is the opposite of what most people have. They remember the past but not what they watched on TV last night. Alas, I think it great to expand the mind by doing things we don't ordinarily do, like puzzles if you play solitaire and solitaire if you do puzzles. But we can't change a whole lot. I guess we can be nicer to be around, but think we can't change a lot. Didn't the Nun Studies show that? I can't recall the outcome of that one (whoops!).
Bandy,
As you know, you must take those tests verbally, can't be writing it down, haha.
Have you seen the movie, ‘Her’ starring Joaquin Phoenix? It’s a Sci-fi futuristic drama. I love it!
Joaquin’s character is recently divorced and finds companionship from an artificially intelligent virtual assistant.
Or…
How about trying a ‘long distance kissing device’ to send your sweetheart a simulated kiss through the phone? This sells for around $38 and invented by Chinese tech students.
What about the 31 year old Chinese man several years back that created and built his robot wife after not being able to find a human wife.
Creative, huh? He had a wedding ceremony with her and invited family and friends. He will continue to upgrade her software to suit his needs.
I am married to an engineer. I hope that he never decides to build a new wife! LOL 😆
just sending courage, hugs & wisdom to all!
I just don't know.
Glad - I am always sad hearing about your dad's suicide. That must have been very hard for you. Re your neighbour, people are different in personality culture etc. That could affect her grieving. I guess it would not be good for you to be sucked into that. We all have different ways of coping. I think I became very cynical at a young age due to family dysfunction.
I totally agree with what you’re saying. Grief is such a personal thing. Everyone experiences it in their own ways.
I’m so sorry that you lost your dad at such a young age.
Pam,
Said a prayer for you.
I know what you are saying about your neighbor. I know someone who has a similar personality type and I have had to distance myself from her.
Like your neighbor, she also has a ‘victim’ personality and narcissistic traits.
The other thing that she does is, ‘one up’ everything that anyone else says to her. There is no comforting anyone like this. They are stuck in one position and don’t seem to want to get help.
The person that I know is still grieving horribly for her husband that died in 2009! She behaves like he just died yesterday.
I know that we will always miss people that we loved dearly, no matter how long it has been, BUT, her grief isn’t normal.
She wants to speak about her husband, morning, noon and night, day after day, week after week and year after year. She isn’t ever able to talk about anything else.
I gently told her to see a therapist and she responded by saying that they can’t help her. At that point, I was at a loss how to handle her situation.
I think when people have had trauma and/or abuse at a young age it makes how they see things different from other people. It can make a person hard too. Hard times made me hard. I too see many people as having a "poor me" or "victim" mentality. Which is not to say that I don't care or that I lack empathy for others. People like us usually had to be adults and put away childish things a lot sooner than we should have had to. So we're not as indulgent of other people's nonsense.
@Need
You know there are people out there like your neighbor who actually enjoy grief. They really do. These people go to every funeral even when it's someone they barely knew because they enjoy it.
Your neighbor keeps her grief alive because she likes and craves the attention from others that someone who is grieving will get. If she let herself put down the constant grief she risks losing that attention. My grandmother was like that. She hated her husband to her very core. A pre-arranged marriage made back in the old country. He was an abusive drunk old enough to be her father who regularly to beat her and the kids. My father especially. When he died she wore head-to-toe black for the rest of her life. Some people enjoy grief. I think your neighbor is such a person.
Oh gosh, can you ever imagine going through with an arranged marriage? It’s hit or miss!
I feel the same, living through trauma indeed changes a person’s perspective on things.
Some people do thrive on sadness or misery. It’s terribly depressing to be around people like that.
I care about others but if I find that all of my energy is being drained. I will back off in order to protect myself.
When my brother died at a fairly young age I suddenly recognized the feeling and realized that was a feeling I'd been having all my life. I never understood this kind of pervasive sadness that always crept up all my life, but when he died it was like this lightbulb moment where I thought "oh, now I get it"
So not to say I have grieved all my life but maybe losing someone so young gives you this idea of the inevitability of death and sadness somehow.
That is a very young age to become responsible for another person.
Did anyone tell you to take care of Mom?
Sorry you went thru so much loss of those closest to you.
Sometimes all we can do is get through the toughest days.
Hope you feel supported and encouraged that you made it!
Obviously I knew later on she wouldn't die if I didn't but it just became my way of life and I never thought to stop.
I don't regret all the love I gave her though. It wasn't really a burden, just a labor of love.
With a many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where
… But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
… So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
… For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
… If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
… It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
… And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
… He's my brother
She's your mother!