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@Burnt
I like what you wrote!
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burnt - I agree to what you wrote. I was thinking about this and can say without doubt that no person who has been abused should do hands-on caregiving for their abuser. As you said before, the abused person comes out the worst of it all. I knew and know I could never have done hands on caregiving for my mother. It was a matter of my survival.

I will add myself to the list of those who did not take as good care of myself as I would have normally, but I didn't let it go entirely. I got my cataracts done, tooth implants, regular meds etc. I went on holidays, had a separate life but the stress still impacted me. Looking back I think I would have done better to distance and detach more. Take it more as a job and avoid the interpersonal stuff more than I did. It would have been easier on me.
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@burnt,
What you said…..
Frame that. Put it up on a wall !!!

@Golden ,
So true. It takes effort to care for yourself , even while dealing with a family member that is in a facility . Even when someone is in a facility the stress can be great …..(for example ) time to have awful visit with FIL today . 😭. We have to tell him we are not driving him 5-6 hours ( summer beach traffic ) to his wife’s grave for a one year (unveiling of the tombstone ) memorial that his stepchildren are hosting . FIL can not travel , too frail and he needs his own very accessible bathroom .
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Happy Mother’s Day to All.
After all, caregiving is sort of like being a parent .
💐🌻🌷🌸🌺
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My kids always come on Mother’s Day (or a convenient day near it ). I don’t force them to come . They enjoy it . We mother them that day !! Hubby and I host the meal. It is therapeutic for me , because my own narcissistic mother often used it as a day to make us miserable . I changed the holiday ,since my mother passed, to a day where I get to enjoy being a mother to my adult children and be happy together as a family .
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Way - that's awesome!!!
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I see several sentences disappearing sometimes from people's paragraphs, after the 30-minute-edit-window. I have a feeling AC sometimes censors what people write. I don't mean swear words. I mean actual censorship.
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@venting. I noticed that too . Happened to me twice recently.
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@Way
Exactly. I noticed it for totally normal sentences.

It's been happening especially since AC started the 3-strike policy a few days ago. They now started also deleting sentences. I almost feel like our freedom of expression is being limited quite A LOT.

Again, I'm not talking about disrespectful sentences, nastiness, etc...
I mean the freedom to express our opinions.
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I made a comment that I read what the OP wrote on her profile and that sentence got deleted by ADMIN. Why admin? Are we not supposed to read what's written on the profile to learn more about the person who asks questions so we can answer better? If so, why even have a profile then?
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@venting. Imo, The world is upside down now . Banning books . Taking rights away. But dangerous rhetoric and lies from politicians is perpetuated . This will probably be totally removed by admin .
I used the word crucified in my first sentence because the OP did in her question .This sentence was removed . But OP that states she was crucified by other forum members remains in her question .
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@Polar
I noticed your totally normal sentence being deleted.
By the way, it wasn't because you read the profile.

AC/admin deleted it because you mentioned the word "envy".
There is nothing wrong with saying envy.
Admin decided to leave your other sentence where you explained why OP appeared envious. But admin decided to delete your 1st sentence with "envy", I suppose because it might hurt OP's feelings.

I completely disagree with admin's decision to delete your sentence. It's not a disrespectful sentence. It's a hypothesis that maybe OP does feel envy.

Similarly, one of my sentences was deleted by AC/admin. An OP had lied, I pointed it out because it was relevant for the advice I gave OP. Admin deleted my sentence about lying.

It's censorship.

And by the way, it's a good thing I pointed out the lie, so that other forum members don't waste their time on that one detail, which was a false detail. Sometimes my advice/replies aren't just for OP, but also to warn other forum members.

I'm glad it's still allowed to write "troll". I saw that comment of mine wasn't deleted, regarding another OP.

Our freedom of expression and opinion, is being limited, also for normal/respectful sentences.
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Ahhh....a new 4-letter word: envy. You might be right, ventingisback.
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If admin is going to edit … the least they can do is fix my punctuating and crimes of grammar . That I would not mind. 😄
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And changing questions that are clearly posted as questions should remain that way. Otherwise, all of the responses to posters are out of order and don’t make sense.
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Thanks, Burnt.

I appreciate your feedback.
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Venting,

I agree with you on changing words.

If words are changed or deleted it can change the context of the message.

As you say, these aren’t words that are derogatory or offensive, so why should they be censored?
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I am wondering if some of ADMIN functions are now run by bots.
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Polar,

It’s certainly possible. Would be interesting to know if that is the case.
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After the solar storms and CME's (Coronal Mass Ejections) from Weds. and Thurs. this week, my YouTube will not play for more than 3 minutes today, before bouncing off to the main menu.

That is not the AC Admins fault, I am sure. 🤣
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Today is Saturday, Mother's Day weekend. I am not sure if any AC Admin staff working. So, perhaps the deletions are done by bots. Just my guess.
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Need: Prayers sent for your DH.
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@polarbear

This site takes down whole paragraphs. I've had everything I've written on a thread removed bt the admins with no explanation whatsoever.
I can only speculate why. The people running the place may find plain language and being truthful "offensive". Who knows?
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@Burnt
It becomes absurd, because then the only permissible things to write on the forum, are like:
"poor, poor you"
"you're so great OP"
"you're such a victim in all of this"
"you're doing all the right things OP"
"there isn't a single thing you're doing wrong"

etc.
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Regarding editing …I wrote a letter to the editor of our local newspaper one time in response to an editorial. The editorial was reflecting one side of a local issue that was causing a divide in our local community .
I wanted to point out a false statement that was in the editorial as well as how past articles in this newspaper were very slanted towards one side of the issue and would cherry pick certain aspects of the issue , thus perpetuating the divide .
By the time they butcher edited my letter they had it completely turned around that I agreed with the writer of the editorial on the issue . which I did not. They printed this awful letter with my name on it. I then wrote another letter to the editor regarding the fact that their editing totally changed the message in my letter . That letter of course was not printed . It was ignored totally .
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I wonder if poop will be replaced with bowel movement. Got to be politically correct when speaking about bodily functions.
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I haven't seen Alvadeer lately. Is she taking a break from AC?
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@venting

You're exactly right. There's more to being supportive of people then just telling them how great they are. Or commiserating with them about how lousy and unfair their circumstances are.

While both are part of being supportive, this is not all. Being supportive also means being straight up with people for their own good.

Calling them out when they refuse to take even one tiny step forward to help themselves and improve their situation in the slightest way.

Being supportive also means telling a person when they are playing the victim or being a martyr.

In plain language I guess everything I've mentioned falls under an umbrella coverage of plainly calling people out on their BS.

If this site has a problem with honesty, then this group should make a different group.
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Polar, I've been wondering about alvadeer too, as I really miss her contributions. I suspect her account may still be suspended by AC, because if you go to her profile you can't get into it. That's what lealonie's profile was like when she was in her one week suspension by AC. However, if a person voluntarily chooses to withdraw from AC, permanently or for a while, perhaps that's what their profile looks like too.
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For those of you whose posts have been heavily edited, have you communicated with Ashley? If you need her email address, I have it somewhere in my AOL from back when I was getting locked out continually.

I believe Alva said she was "walking away". I hope she comes back.
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