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Not being appreciated by someone, especially a LO is a rotten feeling. Like a kick in the gut.
sorry Venting :(
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THANKS, Cat!!!
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Rest in peace, Tony Bennett. Loved him!
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I have something on mind. What's happened to this forum in the last month or so?

Is anyone moderating this site and what'e being allowed to be posted? The questions that are being posted have become so outlandish and so ridiculous that this site seems more like a playground for internet trolls looking to have a laugh than it does a support group. Or like manic bi-polar sufferers or maybe people 'on the spectrum' having a meltdown.

What is going on here?

I just saw a post from someone claiming to have dementia whose adult children refuse to allow her to be alone so she's getting dropped off at her 81 year old mother's house so her mother can watch her.
Yet, this person can coherently craft a post about it and effectively use a computer.
How can that be real and not a fishing expedition or someone using a support group for entertainment?
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Burnt,

Nothing surprises me nowadays. I am not shocked by anything anymore! Truth can be stranger than fiction.
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Burnt,

I do have to say that the woman who placed the cat in the oven because she thought she was radioactive was a bit mind blowing! 😮

Fortunately, the knobs were removed! I’m sure that you have seen your share of craziness during your time as a caregiver.
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@venting

I totally get where your mother is coming from about doing the bills online.
I do not pay bills online. Nor do I do any personal banking online either. I like a written, printed bill and a nice canceled check as proof of payment.

Could you or someone else write out your mother's bills once a month?

I used to sit with my care clients back when I still did client care and literally write out their checks for their bills and they would sign them. Then I'd record them in their check registers. It's really wasn't that hard.
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@Need

For sure I've seen it all and none of it has shocked me for a very long time. Do I still get grossed out, angry, and lose my patience sometimes? Yes, I sure do, but not shocked.

This forum was pretty tightly moderated up until recently. I had my account suspsended for calling out a person who was very obviously not a caregiver, but a person looking for advice on how to make trouble her state-paid for caregiver. Yet what they're allowing to post and stay up is pretty surprising to me.
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The site has been evolving for a long time now, it used to have more questions about the practical side of caregiving but now the majority of the posts are complaints about family dysfunction. Don't get me wrong that has a place too, but I can't even sympathize with some of it it's so 🙄
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cw,

Yeah, true. That’s probably how the My Whine Moment thread came about. Lots of posts on there! I post on it too.
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@cwillie

Copy that about the family dysfunction. Sure, sometimes a person needs to tell it to others who understand what they're going through. I get that and God knows the people here have given me good advice and support when I just needed to tell it.

You are right about there being an awful lot of it now though. I notice that there's also a lot of people who are just looking for people they can be contrary with and are clearly instigating.
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Burnt,

I don’t know how they decide who gets suspended. I am glad that you were reinstated because different opinions should be voiced.

We learn from each other. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we don’t. As long as we try to be respectful, that’s what counts. It’s impossible for everyone to agree on everything.

We are individuals, not clones. I would never expect everyone to agree with everything that I say. I am certainly not going to agree with every single person who posts on this forum, and that is okay!
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Sometimes it is only a vent. A person doesn’t really want advice. So be it. Just label it that way. Say that you are only venting. Many people need a release of pent up frustrations.
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“now the majority of the posts are complaints about family dysfunction.”

I learn a lot on this forum how to handle family dysfunction in caregiving. I wish it weren’t useful for me (that would mean I’ve never seen dysfunction), but it’s very useful. For example, today’s sentence from Invisible really helped me:

“Please value your life, even when others do not.”
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Anyone here remember Captain? He would not last 5 minutes on here these days! LOL
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Pam,

I loved Captain!
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I think it depends on how the questions are rotated also.

I love Barb’s recent thread in discussions. Unfortunately, I can never remember the name of it so it is difficult to search for it.

I wanted to add something to it and couldn’t because I couldn’t find the thread.

It seems like they run the same questions that they choose over and over.
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I can only speak for myself but I had a total of zero clues that I was raised in a dysfunctional dynamic. Because it’s all I knew. I’m glad that it’s become acceptable to discuss it and benefit from the experiences of others. I’d rather be happy inside and stumbling on the outside than have an outwards appearance of perfection masking misery.
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Anabanana,

Ditto,
I was clueless and miserable too.
Now , I’m happy on the inside and stumbling on the outside at the same time . But it’s better than before .
I accept that progress is slow and never complete.
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Abusers all know what they’re doing (DARVOing). An abuser can easily identify another abuser. But a sweet, honest person? That person’s in trouble. They would never dream of intentionally falsely accusing someone, intentionally denying…So it never occurs to them their abuser is doing that, over and over.

We were DARVOed. There’s nothing wrong with us. It was them.
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Ana and Way,

Clueless here too! Broken as well. 🙁
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(((HUG)))
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Now that I’m not dumb anymore .
I have less patience with manipulation , passive aggressive behaviors towards me. It angers me. AKA my FIL .
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Way,

That’s natural. You know my husband’s expression! Hahaha 🤣
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Need,

Hahaha,

Yeah but I still have empathy and am the fixer to a fault ( working on that ) . Even when I’ve reached my limit I find it hard to just walk away .
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I have nothing against the Captain but the love he still gets is confusing as heck to me - the man was (is) obviously smart as h3ll but he is also really effed up, he repeatedly posted some horrifically misogynistic, homophobic and antisemitic comments and when he was on a tear he wasn't afraid to troll a lot of people, including newbies who couldn't understand where it was coming from.
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Yeah, I know what you mean. My husband obviously has empathy too. He put up with me during my caregiver days. I do love his expression, “threshold of pain.”

Towards the end though, it became more difficult for him, which I feel badly about. I certainly understand that it is extremely hard on our spouses too.
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cw,

Oh yeah, Captain was so funny but I am sure that some people didn’t get his style of humor! Definitely an interesting and unpredictable guy.

A poster told me in a private message that AgingCare actually contacted him and asked him to come back to stir up the old ladies! LOL 😆 Who knows? I was told that he refused to come back.
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I don't think you ever encountered the worst side of him NHWM, especially if you think that was humorous.

Returning to add - the truly nasty stuff was always removed fairly quickly, but not fast enough to prevent people seeing it
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Way,

Not sure why but it seems like you have been around longer than you have. Maybe because you are very easy to speak with and very relatable.
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