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🤬🤬🤬🤬

I started my rant here with a nice paragraph, but in the way my life has gone lately, I hit something on the tablet, and I can’t get that paragraph back.

I don’t want to be on this forum (you’re all very nice and can come to my imaginary pool party though (See? My nice paragraph was about being at a pool I don’t have)). I don’t want to be worried about what a <self-censored> facility owner is going to do because I dared to disagree with them (last time they filed a malicious APS case, although the state agrees with my calculations). I don’t want to worry about a job because of caregiving (I lost it). I don’t want to clean out someone else’s house (so lonely and sad). I don’t want to spent my life sorting, scanning and filing paperwork in order to withstand category 5 audits (I rate audits like hurricanes, but unless I work for the IRS or Medicaid recovery (I don’t), couldn’t I skip the audit scale and have a nice cappuccino instead?) I don’t want to know the processes for disconnections, delinquencies, pre-foreclosures, loss mitigation or Medicaid unwinding (I do now!). I don’t want to know how to get public assistance for the elderly. I don’t want to write endless emails and make pointless calls. This was just part of my last 24 hours (none of it by a lovely pool).

At least the loved one finally received some small, but welcome, help late yesterday. I nearly burst into tears that I didn’t have to talk to one more person and could finish the week on a positive.

That’s all. I hope this wasn’t the wrong place to put what’s on my mind, and more importantly, I hope your weekend is lovely (but if it involves a pool, please break it to me gently.)
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Thanks MD. Lol, I wasn’t that patient. The main rant wasn’t deleted, just the nice paragraph at the top that I replaced with the meta-rant. It seemed apropos of my life lately.

You’re right, I’m solo. Well, and the helpful cats of course. Can’t have official paperwork without cat hair scanned in. Objectively I think I’m doing a good job within big constraints, but just not fast enough or well enough for some others so mostly I feel like I am failing all day every day, except like today when I grump at the world that time, money, math and me have limits and we’re all well past them.

Thanks for the support.
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Thanks MD. I think my user name is purely aspirational most days. It’s good to meet you too!

The cats are lecturing me about the importance of sleep, and I shall listen to them. For once. Sleep well!
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When I’m stressed, I eat a lot of junk food. Every time I type, Ventingisback, I almost type:

VentingisSNACK
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venting,

It’s funny how everyone is different, not better or worse, just different.

I am the exact opposite of you. I can’t eat when I am stressed. I completely lose my appetite.

Some people reach for food for comfort when they are stressed and others push it away because food will make them nauseous if they try to eat when they are stressed.
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Oh! I’ve never met anyone like you, who loses appetite when stressed. ((Hug))

I need less stress. Less problems. We all do.

((Hug))
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Our sweet 88yr old widowed neighbor's moving in a couple weeks. I'm so upset, she's my second 'mother' :( Her 3 sons found a nice IL community in KS. They worry about her living alone although she's healthy/mentally fit. I'll really miss her
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“Her 3 sons found a nice IL community in KS.”

I hope they’re doing the right thing for her. Some people lose the will to live, when they’re taken away from their home.
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Need, I'm the same way. I lose my appetite when stressed.
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Gershun,

Yeah, it’s hard for me to eat anything if I am upset.
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I'm a bit behind here but these words jumped out at me from HappyRobin;

"today when I grump at the world"

Hope today is better Robin!
If not, let's grump together 😖😖
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Venting she doesn't have dementia and is very active. Kansas is close to her sons&grandchildren. She's Columbian and has a close knit family. I think it will be good for her. I doubt she'll jump off the roof.
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Cat, good! Let’s hope it all works out for her. I understand you’ll miss your neighbor!!

I have the best neighbors in the world! Truly good people.
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Haha, thanks Beatty. Ironically I’ve seen a cardinal in my own yard today so the day is looking bright at the moment.

Venting, depending on where in KS Cat’s friend is going, there are some nice IL places. Also Cat, my mom’s neighbors have stayed in touch with me, and maybe if you and your neighbor wanted, you could either write to each other or chat by Zoom sometimes? Might make her transition easier.

Hope everyone has a splendid day.
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“Hope everyone has a splendid day.”

Thanks! I wish! I don’t know when was my last splendid day.
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haha Venting, I’ve definitely lowered my standards. Some days splendid might just be not having poop in my hair. Day here is still early too. 🙂
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Robin, (((Hug)))
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I’ve realized as I’ve been writing ridiculously long posts recently (many thankfully deleted) that I’ve been struggling with some new parts of caregiving that aren’t tangible “how do I do x” things. I’ve learned an awful lot from folks on here. Some of it intended, some not, and some definitely do not do, but all helpful.

I appreciate the grace and patience I’ve been afforded to noodle through this stuff. Thank you.

The wind is changing here.
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You’re a kind person, Robin. Don’t be like me: I’m busy filing my 32 teeth, in case I need to bite bad people in the future. In case, karma takes too long.

I also wish us all a splendid day! :)
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So angry today; my neighbor, who has a 40 year history of smoking before she quit 4 years ago, was diagnosed with lung cancer that has already spread to her brain after she had a seizure IN SPITE of going to the doctor multiple times over the past year with a cough! Never had a lung x-ray. Never had a scope! Nothing! What in the hell did the doctor think he was doing? Even I know you get a chest x-ray for persistent coughs - I had several over the years just to check my asthma wasn't pneumonia.

There's absolutely no hope for her now - the cancer has spread too far. Maybe a year and a half ago when she first went to the doctor but not now. Why didn't she insist on an x-ray?
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Did I hear someone call my name?

Venting, don’t worry. You continue making the greatest life for yourself. Their time will come.

Hello Karma
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So sorry about the neighbor with cancer and lack of professional care. It occurs to me that perhaps she might not have wanted to know the cause of the cough especially knowing the many years she had smoked. I am sorry for the understandable pain you feel.
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TN, that is SO frustrating! I'm so sorry for this.
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TN,

So sorry about your neighbor. My doctor is like your doctor and does X-rays. I have asthma too.

It’s a shame that your neighbor’s doctor didn’t take precautions.

Our doctor immediately sent my husband for further testing when his labs were off. That’s how his prostate cancer was diagnosed early. He had radiation treatments and is doing well now.

We are fortunate to have a doctor who stays on top of things.
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TNtechie, I'm going to tell you something that will really raise your eyebrows but not in a good way.

My hub's niece is in her second year of medical school. She said that most students just go there to take their exams. They could fail over and over again and still get put through. She also said most students seek out third party resources to get their full education. The students basically pay to take their tests and that's it. No wonder there are so many incompetent doctors out there. Sad.
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Gershun,

Nothing shocks me anymore, but that is terribly sad.
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The situation, in addition to the anger, stirs all kinds of bad memories of my sister's 2 year battle with lung cancer. Sister had good care but an aggressive cancer and suffered from the treatments. My neighbor talked with me about the treatments the doctors are proposing now; I don't know what would be a good path from only one experience seeing this battle. Told her my sister did pretty well with radiation for the brain tumors; medication kept the swelling down and it seemed to help quality of life. The radiation on her lung tumors had so many side effects, burning her side and esophagus and giving her serious problems just eating and drinking. Chemo was difficult for a week or so and made her weaker, but didn't seem to impact life quality as much as the radiation. Neighbor's family just celebrated her daughter's second marriage (after widow hood) and her granddaughter's high school graduation. I just empathize with what the family has ahead of them.

But life happens... as wonderful and sad as it can be.
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My grand-nephew turned 15 yesterday and had to get his learner's permit without delay... so we had a tightly scheduled day starting with taking the knowledge test online @6:30, then on to school, then a trip to DMV with all the paperwork including real id requirements, and finally back in time for football practice! Hectic, but a happy day for him. He gets to tease his brother he passed the knowledge test the first time - unlike his A student older brother. With 2 learner's permits (foster son and grand-nephew) I won't be driving much anymore - just along for the ride.
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You are brave Techie, I don't think I would want to got through teaching someone to drive again,
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